Except The Lord Build The House God’s Keys For Abundant Marriage & Family Life Robert & Angeline Tucker “Except the Lord build the House: God’s Keys for Abundant Marriage & Family Life” © 2000 by Robert A. Tucker amd Angeline Tucker Front cover image: © 2008 by adl21, Image used with permission through licensing agreement with istockphoto, Inc. All Rights Reserved All Scripture quotations in this book are taken from the King James Version Bible unless otherwise stated. Revised in May 2014 and reprinted in the United States of America Version 1.2 ISBN 1-890381-26-8 For more information, please contact: Zion Christian Publishers A Zion Fellowship ® Ministry P.O. Box 70 Waverly, New York 14892 Phone: 607-565-2801 Toll free: 1-877-768-7466 Fax: 607-565-3329 www.zcpublishers.com Acknowledgements Editorial team: Mary Humphreys, Anne McDougall, and Leslie Sigsby. We wish to extend our thanks to these dear ones for without their many hours of invaluable assistance, this book would not have been possible. We are truly grateful for their diligence, creativity, and excellence in the compilation of this book for the glory of God. Preface When Angeline and I were married in 1965 we were aware of very little teaching and written material concerning marriage and family life. Since that time, volumes have been written on many different aspects of this vast and vital subject and seminars abound. I have, at times, asked the Lord if another writing was necessary. The information in this book is presented from a different perspective than other books on this topic. We have approached this subject from God-established scriptural order, giving each member of the family practical application for daily living in their God appointed responsibilities. We have personally worked through and lived the principles that are presented. We know God’s ways are right and will work in every generation. Having shared these concepts in leadership training seminars in many countries, we also know that God’s Word transcends every culture and answers basic problems in marriage and family life for all people groups. May you find what we have shared from our experience with God’s Word a blessing in your own marriage and family life. “Except the Lord build the house, they labor in vain that build it” (Psalm 127:1). May your family be constructed according to the pattern God has given that they can be strong, endure to the end, and be effective witnesses to the world that God’s ways are perfect and right. Robert A. Tucker Contents Introduction ........................................................................15 Built according to the pattern .............................................19 Chapter 1 Reasons for God’s order ..................................................19 Homes filled with His glory .........................................19 The Last Day Revival ..................................................21 Preparation for end time warfare .................................25 Possibility of sparing others .........................................27 Promises concerning children in Old Testament Covenants ...............................................................28 Marriage - an example .................................................31 Family leadership and church leadership .....................32 Chapter 2 The Make-Up of Marriage ..............................................37 A completing union established by God ......................37 A melting pot of differences .........................................38 Threefold relationship ..................................................40 Looking to the Lord and not to each other ...................41 A covenant between man and woman before God .......42 Giving yourselves totally to each other .......................43 A new authority structure .............................................45 Chapter 3 God’s Design and Purpose for Wives .............................47 Understanding a God-given role ..................................47 God-arranged leadership ..............................................49 Becoming a target for Satan .........................................51 Don’t try to change him ...............................................53 Chapter 4 The Act of Submission .....................................................57 Choosing to submit ......................................................57 The sharing part of submission ....................................59 Passing under the rod ...................................................66 Chapter 5 Faciliating Change in Your Husband .............................69 Is there hope for change? .............................................69 Peter’s word to the women...........................................69 Chaste behavior ............................................................75 Meekness ......................................................................76 Quiet spirit ...................................................................79 Sarah ............................................................................80 Positive instruction from negative examples ...............85 Making an appeal in wrong decision ...........................87 Chapter 6 The Older Instruct the Younger......................................91 To love their husbands .................................................92 Keeping the home fires glowing ............................94 Keeping it pure .......................................................96 Measuring his motive .............................................98 To love their children .................................................100 To be discreet .............................................................104 Chaste .........................................................................105 Homemakers ..............................................................107 Atmospheic pressure ............................................108 Order within your borders ....................................110 Guarding the gates ...............................................112 Good ...........................................................................114 Obedient to their own husbands .................................115 Chapter 7 God’s Design and Order for Husbands ........................119 Assuming God-given leadership ................................119 Attitudes of godly leadership .....................................122 Progressive leadership ...............................................123 Proper priorities .........................................................124 God .......................................................................124 Wife ......................................................................125 Children ................................................................126 The church and ministry to the Body of Christ ....126 Ministry to the unsaved ........................................127 Employment .........................................................129 Other interests ......................................................130 Put on your priestly robes ..........................................130 Rooting out iniquities .................................................134 Nurturing a queen ......................................................135 The gentle general ......................................................137 Deciding to decide .....................................................138 Chapter 8 Designed to Carry Manly Responsibility .....................143 Provision ....................................................................143 Director of finance .....................................................145 Be a parent too ...........................................................146 Secure spiritual covering ............................................147 Chapter 9 Love in the Home ...........................................................153 What is true love? ......................................................153 No bitterness ..............................................................154 Love her as you love yourself ....................................157 Chapter 10 Nourishing and Cherishing ...........................................161 Leading toward perfection .........................................161 Cherish your lady .......................................................162 Give them affection ....................................................163 Praise and approval ....................................................168 Chapter 11 Commitment to Communication ..................................173 Necessity of sharing hearts ........................................173 Submitting to one another ..........................................176 Chapter 12 The Value of Children ....................................................179 An eternal inheritance ................................................179 Arrows shot forth .......................................................182 Flourishing olive plants..............................................183 Chapter 13 Show and Tell - Teaching in the Home ........................187 Jesus’ example............................................................187 Using every opportunity ............................................189 Pray for them ..............................................................190 In the world, not of the world ....................................191 Sanctified for their sake .............................................192 Earning