0) Extending Our Reach: Cultural Diversity in the CD Interfaith Community hose of us in interfaith and the word "spirits," we may CD marriages often come up discover the same themes in our own against the challenge of heritages. In the past. Christians have Taealmg with our religious differ• often loosely used the word "pagan" ences, but a more subtle conflict can to mean "without God" or "worship often have almost as much an effect of many gods." Yet, after studying the on our relationships: different vocabulary and culture of Paganism cultural backgrounds. This is (according to the definitions of it something my husband and I have adherents), we can see a true history marveled at many times across the and culture (with the environment as past 22 years: the cultural and a major theme) that can be honored 0 religious aspects of Judaism can be in a marriage or family. We can all almost two distinct sets of issues for relate to the positive ideas of praying us, not one. To confuse matters aloud for manifestations of goodness more, we assumed there was really to descend upon us here today, even no cultural background for me, if we don't call them "spirits." The except perhaps that of deep Ameri• Hebrew word ruach can be translated CD can-Yankee roots. It would be at least as wind, breath, or spirit. Every ten years into our marriage before it religion and culture seeks to describe dawned on us that I, too, had a set of the spiritual, and if we try, we have cultural traditions and a heritage, an opportunity to see ourselves in CD separate from Christian beliefs, that the mirror of the other cultures of also needed to be figured into the the world. "Karma" is another word balance of our lives and family. we can relate to positively—the idea of sending out one good deed or Culture can be such a strong influ• action, and the wish for it to return ence on us that sometimes we don't to the giver a thousand times over. even notice it's there. Religious snags are interesting, but we can often refer This issue was originally intended to to our local clergy to interpret and be about all the "other" cultures that solve differences. However, our are with us on our interfaith journey cultural differences can require more struggle and intuition, and they are a lot less obvious to fix. In a partner's religious service, for instance, aside In This Issue from any alien content to the liturgy, East Meets... and Marries! West 3 knowing when to clap, when to remain quiet, and when to sit or Grandparenting Across the stand can mean the difference Cultural Gap 5 between complete relaxation and Diversity of the DiGenovas.. 7 total embarrassment. EgontoRest 9 Culturally speaking, vocabulary can Mudhouse Sabbath be the key to the door, or the hole in (Review) 10 the dike. A phrase like "calling the Celebrating Diversity 11 spirits into the house" can set off Dovetail Conference 13 images of ghosts, superstitions, and Index to Vol. 6 14 paganism to some. But if we look Bulletin Board 15 deeper at the meaning of the phrase Volume 12, Number 6 July/August 2004 ^Dovetail and how we manage them. I tried to cultural and religious aspects of Please remember us in find information and stories about Judaism and gives a common intermarriage in Islam, but it was vocabulary for Christians to under• your will and trusts. difficult to find people willing to stand it. share their stories and writings. On the other hand, I was overwhelmed Last weekend, I had the good fortune of seeing a movie for young people with the response to the simple that I want to recommend to question: How have the cultural interfaith families. It seemed to touch aspects of Judaism, Christianity, or on this issue of different cultures and some other religion affected your religions and how a family struggles interfaith marriage? The answers are to learn and grow. The movie, Shrek thoughtful, interesting, and challenge 2, in its loony-cartoony sort of way, us to dig deeper into our own has a wonderful line early on, when heritages. Fiona cautiously reminds Shrek that Mary Rosenbaum shares a vivid and even though he is an ogre, her heartwarming story of her Jewish parents aren't ogres, and since he daughter's marriage to a Shinto- married a princess, Shrek had better Buddhist man. Susanna Macomb get used to the idea that her family is shares her thoughts about the many important to her. Fiona also gives her walks across cultural bridges she has parents the same lecture later in the taken as she counsels couples who movie. Apparently, ogres and are contemplating interfaith and princesses who marry can be in for intercultural marriages. Irene Davis quite a culture shock! Kids of all ages shares her wisdom on grandparent• will see the deep meaning, and yet DovetaO's website: still laugh a lot, too. As always, ing across the cultural gap. Francine www.dovetailinstitute.org. growing and keeping a sense of Trevens explores the struggles of a Online discussion group: http:// humor can be the most important multiracial, interfaith lesbian couple groups.yahoo.com/group/inter- lesson of all. as they have adopted children and faith. raised them. The book review of Rejoice in your choice! Debi Tenner ^ Mudhouse Sabbath speaks about Dovetail's Staff Dovetail's mission is to provide a channel Dovetail (ISSN 1062-7359) is published of communication for interfaith couples, their bimonthly (6 times per year) by: The Dovetail parents, and their children. No matter what Institute for Interfaith Family Resources, 775 Simon Greenwell Ln., Boston, KY 40107; Debi Tenner their specific choices regarding faith for their home and children, the more interfaith tel 800-530-1596; fax 502-549-3543; Editor families can share their ideas, experiences, Email [email protected]. resources, and support, the more they can make peace in their homes and communities. A one-year subscription is available for Jennifer Ashman Huey Jewish and Christian perspectives can dovetail. $29.95 from the above address. International subscriptions are $35.00. Single issues are Associate Editor Believing that there are no definitive answers to available for $5.50 each. the questions facing interfaith families, Dovetail Dovetail welcomes article submissions, letters strives to be open to all ideas and opinions. to the editor, and comments or suggestions. Kelly Kozlowsky Editorial content attempts to balance and respect Send to Debi Tenner, Editor, 45 Lilac Ln., the perspectives of both Jewish and Christian Managing Editor Hamden, Ct. 06517, [email protected]; partners in interfaith marriages, as well Review Editor Carol Weiss Rubel, 310 Tulip as the diverse perspectives of parents and Circle, Clarks Summit, PA 18411-0213, children of interfaith couples. Inclusion [email protected]. Carol Weiss Rubel in Dovetail does not imply endorsement. Book Review Editor Dovetail accepts a thoughtful and constructive Copyright © 2004 by discussion of all related issues in the Letters to The Dovetail Institute for the Editor section, and reserves the right to reply. Interfaith Family Resources. All rights reserved. July/August 2004 page 2 When East Meets... and Marries! West by Mary Helene Rosenbaum ^^^^^^hen our daughter Sarah driving away negative ones. From his Mary Helene Rosenbaum is told us she was going to perspective, mentioning the misfor• executive director of the Dovetail marry Yukio, we were tune of others directly contravened Institute, a former editor of the thrilled and happy for her, and this effort. Sarah explained that it is delighted that this fine man was very much in the Jewish tradition to Dovetail Journal, and co-author with going to become part of our family. remember those less fortunate at husband Stanley Ned Rosenbaum of We were also curious as to how his times of joy. Solution: they asked the Celebrating Our Differences: Living Shinto tradition would mesh with rabbi to cast her remarks in positive her interfaith background and terms—"We look forward to the day Two Faiths in One Marriage (Ragged chosen Judaism. We knew that when...." Edge Press, 1994), available at Shinto has experience of religious www. dovetailinstitute. org. The other misunderstanding came pluralism with Buddhisim, and also after both famihes had gathered in has no prophet, which may may an the days preceding the wedding. intermarriage easier. Still, expecting Though our Japanese is worse than the usual intermarriage complica• rudimentary, and most of Yukio's tions regarding the ceremony, I was family speaks very little English, we prepared to bring the Dovetail found we could communicate very officiant referral arsenal to bear to well with dictionaries, gestures, and find officiants who were willing to general good will. The first two work with each other and with the evenings, a Wednesday and a couple. As it turned out, this was Thursday, dinners were marked with unnecessary. The Shinto ceremony laughter and cheer. Friday night we doesn't require a single officiant Suggested further reading: did our usual Sabbath ritual of Shinto: Japan's Spiritual Roots, by Stuart D. B. ordained by some religious author• candles and blessings and settled Picken (Tokyo: Kodansha International, 1979) ity; Yukio's family would fdl the bill. The Essentials of Shinto, by Stuart D. B. down for another fun meal. But the As for the rabbi, once it became clear Picken (Westport, CT: Greenwood Japanese relatives were silent, looking that our own beloved Rabbi Secher Press,1994) down at their plates, unsmiling. would not be available, Sarah and I finally asked whether anything Yukio were able to find one in was wrong.