Cold Open: Sex! Let’s really talk about it. The Patreon selected Space Lizard voted-in subject that received more votes by far - than any other chosen topic. Specifically- the female ejaculation and squirting was voted in. And we we’ll talk about that. But we also will talk about so much more. So much sex. Who’s having sex? What kinds of sex are people having? Are you having more or less sex than the average meat sack? Are you having freakier sex? Or is it pretty vanilla? Heads up on this one Sex parents - talking GRAPHICALLY about sex today. If you’re cool with giving the kids some sex ed, good for you. If you don’t want to have to answer a LOT of new questions, you may want them to sit this one out. Gonna talk about kink today. What kinds of kink are out there? Are you kinky? Why do we like kink? Why do so many get turned on by getting tied up or spanked or playing dress up? It feels like the right time, with so much of the world stuck inside, to talk about sex. And porn. And sex robots. And yes - female ejaculation. Gonna talk about all that today. Gotta lotta numbers and interesting information and fun coming your way. Lucifina is interested in what we have to say today. Very interested. It’s the sexiest suck yet today, on Timesuck. PAUSE TIMESUCK INTRO I. Welcome! A. Happy Monday: Happy Monday Meat sacks! I’n Dan Cummins, aka the Suck Master. The Shelter-in-Place Court Jester. Mama Ridgeway’s Cleanest Ween - and you, dearest meat sack, are listening to Timesuck. Welcome to the Cult of the Curious. Hail Nimrod. Praise Bojangles. Glory be to Triple M. And Lucifina? Lucifina put on that latex body suit and get out the hand cuffs and the whip. This Dom wants a Sub and shit’s getting interesting today, lady. Real quick apology - Amy Jean, who helped clear up a lot of info for me in the Pandemic Suck last week, is NOT a Nurse. She is a PA, a Physician’s Assistant. That is a totally different medical job. Damn it Lucifina! Why did you make me say nurse! Sorry, Amy! B. Thank You For Reviews: Thanks for the continued ratings and reviews - thanks to all the new listeners who have hopped on board during the change in schedule many have undergone of late. And thanks for checking out my new special - Get Outta Here Devil! Won’t be available for a few weeks yet on video. Won’t be able to buy the audio for a few weeks, BUT, you can listen to the whole think for free on Pandora RIGHT NOW. Thank you, Pandora - Drew Miller there always so good to me. Link in the episode description. Link also the album on my Instagram - @dancumminscomedy Also - check out the awesome and really inspiring podcast documentary A Mediocre Documentary with Tom and Dan on Amazon Prime. It’s so good. It’s free on Prime to stream if you’re a Prime Member. Their story, that they lay out in this doc, inspired me to launch into the podcast world. Tom and Dan from a Mediocre Time - Florida’s best podcast - one of the best podcasts in the game - they still inspire. The podfathers! ALSO - speaking of great podcasts, I will be appearing on Andrew Santino’s Whiskey Ginger podcast. Andrew and I have had mutual friends for a long time. I have thought he was very funny for a long time. He’s a great actor currently starring with incredibly successful underground rapper lil Dicky on FXX’s Dave. And I will Skype in, drink some whiskey - Bullet Rye and ginger ale one of my favorite drinks actually - and I’ll be on Whiskey Ginger if all goes to plan on the 10th. C. Merch Announcements: Been weird in the BadMagicMerch.com store for awhile now - and I love weird - back to some classics this week though. I get not everyone wants to wear a tee shirt with my head on a lady’s body and you can see her pubic hair which is a shirt we’ve actually done. I get it! Gosh Dang. Oh my HECK! So this week, a blue with gold letters just say Timesuck nice and simple shirt made out of 200% imported Pangolin Scales because I got ‘em at a GREAT price. Also, a new classic black tee with my face from the logo, if you like a graphic tee, but also like to keep it simple. Also made out of 200% imported Pangolin Scales because AGAIN - that is shit is cheap right now for some reason. D. And last announcement - it’s charity time: Thanks to all the Timesuckers who joined Patreon, started listening to the weekly Secret Suck, and became Space Lizards, we were able to give a cool $5,000 this month to a COVID-19 inspired charity - Meals on Wheels. Meals on Wheels has set up a special COVID-19 response fund. Here is there official statement regarding that fund: “Vulnerable seniors are at the greatest risk amid COVID-19. Local Meals on Wheels programs are on the front lines every day, focused on doing all they can to keep older Americans safe and nourished in communities across the country. The costs and efforts needed to protect seniors from COVID-19 require additional emergency funds, and that is why we are asking federal lawmakers, corporations, foundations and the general public to remember these vulnerable seniors in our national response.” What is Meals on Wheels? Meals on Wheels delivers meals to individuals at home who are unable to purchase or prepare their own meals. They deliver to those 60 or older who are disabled, homebound, and who have no one available to aid with meal preparation, and are unable to leave home without the assistance of another person.” We all have know some seniors, or are a senior, and seniors are some of the people most at-risk of dying of COVID-19. People who need to avoid contact. Who need to stay inside. But still need food and little bit of socialization. Hail Nimrod! We’re helping put food in people’s bellies. E. Segue to Topic: Now let’s get to fucking. PAUSE TIMESUCK INTERLUDE II. Intro/Establish Premiss: So much to talk about today. Gonna go over a lot of sexual statistics up top. How to our sex lives in America now compare to the sex lives of Americans in the 40s and 50s, when America’s sex lives first really began to be studied. How does the sex lives of America stack up to the sex lives of other people around the world? Gonna talk about kink! What types of fetishes do people have. What’s out there? Gonna talk about porn. Is it bad for us? Can it be good for us? What do the studies say? What do I think? Gonna talk about sex robots. What is the future going to bring to our sex lives and will it be the best thing ever? Or the end of our species? Or both? Gonna talk way too much about pony play. MAN I fell into a pony play hole this week and I want to drag you in with me. And finally, gonna talk about my own sex life by interviewing my wife, Lynze. And I know that is two weeks in a row now that I’ve done interviews. Is that the new normal? No. Don’t worry long time suckers - not changing the show format! It’s just the way the topics worked out. It felt weird to do an episode about disease and not talk to a disease expert when the opportunity arose. And it felt weird not to bring in a female perspective on sex when I can do that. And yes Space Lizards, I will also talk about female ejacutlate, and, yes - squirting. III. What is “normal” sexually? A. Numbers regarding who is having sex, by what age, etc.: Let us begin!!! (Mario like voice) “I lik-uh duh numbers! Here we gooooooo!” Big thanks to the Kinsey institute dot org for compiling so many sexual statistics in one place. The Kinsey Institute at Indiana University was founded by Alfred Kinsey, an American biologist, professor of entomology, zoology, and sexologist who in 1947 founded the Institute for Sex Research at Indiana University. His studies, most famously published as his Kinsey Reports, controversial at the time, heavily influenced social and cultural sexual values in the US, as well as internationally. "Sexual Behavior in the Human Male" was published in 1948 followed by "Sexual Behavior in the Human Female" in 1953. Kinsey, widely regarded as the first major figure in American sexology - “the study of human sexual life or relationships,” blew peoples’ minds in the 40’s and 50’s with the sexual findings he discovered. In an age when premarital sex was much more taboo than it is now, he reported, for example, that between 67-98% of men had had premarital sex, depending on socioeconomic status, and around 50% of women had engaged in premarital sex. Hail Lucifina! People heading out to those sock hop parking lots. Poodle skirts getting getting pushed up over knit cardigans in the back seats of Chevy Bel Airs all across the land. For those of you born in the 70s and 80s, that means your grandparents weren’t waiting for the wedding bells to get hot and heavy, hard and wet.