THE WEDDING RINGER FKA BEST MAN, Inc. / THE GOLDEN TUX by Jeremy Garelick & Jay Lavender GREEN REVISED - 10.22.13 YELLOW REVISED - 10.11.13 PINK REVISED - 10.1.13 BLUE REVISED - 9.17.13 WHITE SHOOTING SCRIPT - 8.27.13 Screen Gems Productions, Inc. 10202 W. Washington Blvd. Stage 6 Suite 4100 Culver City, CA 90232 GREEN REVISED 10.22.13 1 OVER BLACK A DIAL TONE...numbers DIALED...phone RINGING. SETH (V.O.) Hello? DOUG (V.O.) Oh hi, uh, Seth? SETH (V.O.) Yeah? DOUG (V.O.) It’s Doug. SETH (V.O.) Doug? Doug who? OPEN TIGHT ON DOUG Doug Harris... 30ish, on the slightly dweebier side of average. 1 REVEAL: INT. DOUG’S OFFICE - DAY 1 Organized clutter, stacks of paper cover the desk. Vintage posters/jerseys of Los Angeles sports legends adorn the walls- -ERIC DICKERSON, JIM PLUNKETT, KURT RAMBIS, STEVE GARVEY- DOUG You know, Doug Harris...Persian Rug Doug? SETH (OVER PHONE) Doug Harris! Of course. What’s up? DOUG (relieved) I know it’s been awhile, but I was calling because, I uh, have some good news...I’m getting married. SETH (OVER PHONE) That’s great. Congratulations. DOUG And, well, I was wondering if you might be interested in perhaps being my best man. GREEN REVISED 10.22.13 2 Dead silence. SETH (OVER PHONE) I have to be honest, Doug. This is kind of awkward. I mean, we don’t really know each other that well. DOUG Well...what about that weekend in Carlsbad Caverns? SETH (OVER PHONE) That was a ninth grade field trip, the whole class went. No offense, Doug, but I really can’t help you on this one. 2 INT. DOUG’S OFFICE - LATER 2 Doug paces nervously, still on the phone... DOUG ...and truth be told, you’re the first person I thought of, so if it’s not too much trouble...I’d be honored if you’d be my best man. Dead silence. MATTHEW (OVER PHONE) I don’t know what to say, Doug. I really consider you more of an acquaintance. I mean, I didn’t even invite you to my wedding. DOUG That’s okay, you can’t invite everyone you want to. MATTHEW (OVER PHONE) Actually, we invited pretty much everybody we’ve ever known. We had like four hundred guests. DOUG Huh. 3 INT. DOUG’S OFFICE - LATER 3 Doug stares out the window, still on the phone... GREEN REVISED 10.22.13 3 DOUG ...freshman year? Your roommate? THOMAS (OVER PHONE) Yeah, yeah. Of course. You sound great, man, you finally go to a speech therapist? DOUG No, that was Len Brophy, I was the other one... 4 INT. DOUG’S OFFICE - LATER 4 Doug sits on his desk, scrolls through his address book on his phone. Finds the number, takes a deep breath and dials on speakerphone... RECORDED VOICE We’re sorry. The number you have reached has been disconnected... Doug lowers his head, dejected--could it get any worse? And the desk COLLAPSES, sending Doug CRASHING to the ground! FADE TO BLACK. MUSIC CUE AND ROLL OPENING CREDITS OVER: 5 CLOSE ON A PLATE BEING LOADED WITH ARTISTIC SALAD, WE FOLLOW5 THE PLATE TO THE WAITER’S TRAY, AND THE TRAY MOVING INTO... THE RECEPTION HALL OF A BLOWOUT WEDDING (WEDDING #1) 300 guests, on the dance floor, dancing exuberantly, mouthing the words (NOTE: Something like--I Gotta Feeling), and following all the moves of- THE BEST MAN, JIMMY CALLAHAN 30ish, handsome, with MOUSTACHE and SMALL FRO (disguise #1) he leads them all- *Jimmy gives a point and grin to ANDREW, THE GROOM, as Andrew spins his BRIDE, GINA... *Jimmy jumps and dances with a group of elated OLD LADIES. *Jimmy gets the nod from a CUTE BRIDESMAID, as she starts dancing backwards towards him, ass bouncing. GREEN REVISED 10.22.13 4 Around the dancing, $2500 floral centerpieces, lights strung everywhere. The dancing and music FADES INTO DINNER... WAITERS on autopilot removing half-eaten salads... JIMMY (O.S.) ...remember, a woman has the last word in any argument. Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new argument. LAUGHTER rolls through the room as we settle on Jimmy, winks at Gina the bride, nods at Andrew the groom- JIMMY (cont’d) Seriously, though. Let me tell you about a conversation Andrew and I had one morning as we watched the sunrise over the Grand Canyon. We were talking about true love and “The One.” I was saying that our true match exists somewhere and the goal of life is finding her. (shrugs) I’ve always been a bit of a hopeless romantic... Jimmy pauses, takes a deep breath. Not a sound in the house, not even forks clinking. Jimmy glances at a CUTE BRIDESMAID, hanging on every word. Turns back to Andrew- JIMMY (cont’d) But like always, Andrew was the rational one. He said "The One" was a farce created by musicians and Hollywood. So after about ten minutes of debating true love we went back to discussing Frank Lloyd Wright & our other favorite architects and neither of us ever brought up "The One" again... Jimmy glances back at the Cute Bridesmaid who sighs and smiles. Locks eyes with her- JIMMY (cont’d) Until last December. My cell rings one night, it's Andrew. He says, “Remember when I said there's no such thing as The One? I was so wrong, man. Her name's Gina Baker. She doesn't know it yet, but I'm gonna marry her.” GREEN REVISED 10.22.13 5 The room breaks into AWWWS & APPLAUSE. Gina & Andrew kiss. JIMMY (cont’d) (smiling) And I knew at that moment that this Gina Baker was the luckiest girl in the world. But after getting to know you over the past few days and as I look at you tonight, Gina. I know at this moment, Andrew’s the luckiest guy in the world. Because I know you both have found The One. The women melt. Gina wipes away a tear. Jimmy turns and locks eyes with Andrew--shrugs--what else can I say? JIMMY (cont’d) (raising his glass) A toast. To the Groom, my best friend, and your lovely new wife. Here's to happily ever after... The ROOM ERUPTS IN APPLAUSE. The best friends embrace. Cameras flashing. The VIDEOGRAPHER moves in for the victory shot as the DJ strikes up a SONG- 6 INT. RECEPTION HALL - BACK TABLE - LATER (WEDDING #1) 6 Jimmy sits with the Cute Bridesmaid, doe-eyed & tipsy. CUTE BRIDESMAID That was the sweetest thing...I have ever heard in my entire life. Jimmy takes her hand, holds it to his heart. JIMMY When it comes from here, it just flows. The Cute Bridesmaid fiddles with his bow-tie. CUTE BRIDESMAID So are you still the hopeless romantic? JIMMY Maybe not...hopeless. Jimmy leans in to kiss her. ANDREW (O.S.) Can I speak to you for a moment? GREEN REVISED 10.22.13 6 Andrew walks up smiling as Jimmy pulls back. 7 INT. BANQUET HALL KITCHEN - MOMENTS LATER (WEDDING #1) 7 Jimmy snags a couple of chocolate tuxedo-strawberries. Faces Andrew. Their last moment together as boys. ANDREW I don’t even know what to say. Did you see their faces? It was incredible, everyone was smiling- JIMMY Look, I wanna try and tag that ass before she passes out so if you could- Andrew pulls out an envelope and hands it to Jimmy who immediately tears it open with his teeth. ANDREW So, um, I guess that’s it, huh? JIMMY You know the rules. ANDREW I know, but I thought...I thought we might have...hit it off, maybe? Jimmy shakes his head as he licks chocolate off his fingers. JIMMY Look. You’re a good kid. But a deal’s a deal. No contact after final payment- (off Andrew’s stare) Unless... it’s for your second wedding- Pulls out a CASHIER’S CHECK- TWENTY THOUSAND DOLLARS payable to THE BEST MAN, INC. Jimmy pockets the check. Grins at Andrew. GREEN REVISED 10.22.13 7 JIMMY (cont’d) Shoulda charged you more, kid. You got the real deal tonight. In the zone, bro. In the zone. Jimmy socks Andrew on the arm, adjusts his tie. 8 EXT. BANQUET HALL - NIGHT (WEDDING #1) 8 Guests HOLD SPARKLERS overhead as Andrew and Gina run through them, climb into the limo. Cameras FLASH, people CHEER... 9 THE FAR CORNER OF THE PARKING LOT (WEDDING #1) 9 Jimmy eats wedding cake from his hand, the Cute Bridesmaid on his arm, as he leads her to A VINTAGE STRETCH LIMO. Flashes strobe the night behind them. He’s carrying her heels, might as well be carrying her too... CUTE BRIDESMAID When I get married, I want an outdoor wedding. Do you like outdoor weddings? JIMMY Outdoor, indoor. I love 'em all. Jimmy helps her into the back of the limo. The driver, OTIS, 30’s, 6’ and black, holding open the door... 10 INT. LIMO - MOMENTS LATER 10 Otis hops in up front, looks back from the wheel- OTIS (getting in) Where to boss? JIMMY (smiles) Just drive, Otis. Just drive. Otis grins, raises his divider window and turns on our opening credits song. As Jimmy takes her in his arms, he rolls out... OPENING CREDITS END AND WE DISSOLVE TO: GREEN REVISED 10.22.13 8 11 TIGHT ON DOUG 11 Staring forward, catatonic. Thinner and paler than before. Only sound we hear is the POUNDING BEAT of his heart, then- GRETCHEN (O.S.) Well, Mom and I narrowed it down to the silver tulle Tussy Mussy..