The Simpsons - 3x02 - Mr. Lisa Goes to Washington 1 a magazine in my life, <i>##Ahh, The Simpsons ##</i> and I'm not gonna start now. 2 19 D'oh! Hey, a cartoon! 3 20 Stupid junk mail. Ain't it the truth? 4 21 Yeah. Win this. No, it's not the truth, Homer. 5 22 I'll see that he gets it. It's well-documented that women are safer drivers than men. 6 How dumb do they think I am? 23 Huh? A check? Oh, Marge, cartoons don't have any deep meaning. 7 One million dollars. 24 They're just stupid drawings 8 that give you a cheap laugh. I'm rich! 25 9 <i>Hey, Einstein, Mr. Simpson, I can assure you, put down your reading.</i> this check of yours is nonnegotiable. 26 10 - It's lunchtime. Oh, yeah? - You go ahead. Well, what makes you so damn sure? 27 11 Hey, you don't wanna eat? See where it says ''Void, void, What you do, get one of them void'' stomach staples? and ''This is not a check''? 28 12 <i>As Tolstoy said ''Cash value in Quotable Notables...</i> 1 /20th of a cent.'' 29 13 ''Give me learning, sir, - '' Mr. Banker, do not honor.'' and you may keep your black bread.'' - Shut up. 30 14 - Who is that bookworm, Smithers? I had a feeling it was - Homer Simpson, sir. too good to be true. 31 15 Simpson, eh? Every time you get a million dollars, How very strange. something queers the deal. 32 16 His job description I don't think real checks clearly specifies an illiterate. have exclamation points. 33 17 <i>We now return to Troy McClure <i>Well, at least we got and Delores Montenegro a free sample of Reading Digest.</i> in Preacher With a Shovel.</i> 18 34 Marge, I never read But Irrigation can save 1 The Simpsons - 3x02 - Mr. Lisa Goes to Washington your people, Chief Smiling Bear. 51 35 Homey, put down your magazine Marge, look at them for a minute. staring at that idiot box. 52 36 - Huh? God forbid they would - I thought you might wanna snuggle. ever read something and improve their minds. 53 That reminds me. 37 ''Seven ways to spice up You've certainly taken your marriage.'' a shine to that magazine. 54 38 Marge, ''You have a nice body... It's not just one magazine, Marge. 55 and if you'd like to 39 see me in a costume, They take hundreds of magazines, you have only to ask.'' filter out the crap... 56 40 Thank you, Homey. and leave you with something that fits right in your front pocket. 57 - Wow! Little meat loaf men! 41 God! Those kids don't know 58 what they're missing. Where did you get the idea for this, Mom? 42 - Dad! 59 - Hey, what gives, man? Where do you think? This baby never steers 43 you wrong, and it was free! We're all going to sit down as a family... 60 - Free. 44 - It certainly has enriched our and listen to an inspiring story lives. of wilderness survival. 61 45 Wow. ''Win a trip ''Then I heard the sound... to Washington, D.C. 46 62 ''that all All expenses paid. arctic explorers dread-- V.I.P. tour.'' 47 63 the pitiless bark - Oh, it's for kids. of the sea lion.'' - Wait, Dad! 48 64 He'll be killed! An essay contest. ''Children under 1 2. 49 Homer, he obviously got out alive 65 if he wrote the article. Three-hundred words, fiercely pro-American.'' 50 Sounds interesting. Don't be so-- Oh, you're right. 66 2 The Simpsons - 3x02 - Mr. Lisa Goes to Washington Bart, maybe this is something ''you better burn you'd like to do too. a few other things. 67 83 Mom, it's a nice thought, ''You better burn your shirt but we both know that and your pants. this is the pony to bet on. 84 68 '' Be sure to burn What would Ben Franklin say your TV and car. if he were alive today? 85 69 ''Oh, yes, and don't forget He'd say, uh... to burn your house... 70 86 ''Think of a better opening.'' ''because none of those things could exist without six white 71 stripes... - How's it going, honey? - Not very well. 87 seven red stripes 72 and a hell of a lot of stars.'' Well, when I used to get stuck like this, 88 I'd go for a bike ride. - Thank you very much. 73 89 - Do kids go Yeah! Damn right! on bike rides anymore? - Yes! 90 '' Recipe for a free country: 74 Mix one cup liberty with I don't know. three teaspoons of justice. I thought maybe bikes weren't cool anymore. 91 Add one informed electorate. 75 Baste well with veto power.'' - Do kids still use that word ''cool''? 92 - Yes, Mom! '' My back is spineless. My belly is yellow. 76 Okay, America, inspire me. 93 I am the American nonvoter.'' 77 <i>Wow, a bald eagle.</i> 94 ''Stir in two cups of checks. 78 Sprinkle liberally with balances.'' Hmm. 95 79 '' Ding, dong. The sounds <i>Thanks for driving me of the Liberty Bell. to the contest, Dad.</i> 96 80 Ding-- freedom. Sweetheart, there's nothing Dong-- opportunity. I wouldn't do for that magazine. 97 81 Ding-- excellent schools. ''So burn the flag if you must, Dong-- quality hospitals.'' but before you do... 98 82 ''When America was born 3 The Simpsons - 3x02 - Mr. Lisa Goes to Washington on that hotJuly day in 1 77 6... 114 I don't know. 99 ''the trees in Springfield Forest 115 were tiny saplings, - Are you interested in anything? trembling towards the sun. - I don't know. 100 116 ''And as they were nourished - Could you touch your nose for me? by Mother Earth... Hmm. - Mm. Hmm. 101 ''so too did our fledgling nation 117 find strength... Lisa, after meeting your father... 102 ''in the simple ideals 118 of equality and justice. I've decided to award you an additional five points. 103 <i>''Who would have thought 119 such mighty oaks Congratulations. or such a powerful nation...</i> You and your family are going to Washington. 104 could grow out of something 120 so fragile, so pure?'' Wa-hoo! Who would have guessed... 105 <i>- Thank you.</i> 121 reading and writing 106 would pay off? - What do you think? - It's good. 122 - Yes, sir, can I get you something? 107 - Playing cards, notepad... A little too good for an eight-year-old. 123 aspirin, sewing kit, 108 pilot's wing pin... Me thinks I detect the sickly scent of the daddy. 124 propeller-shaped swizzle stick, 109 sleeping mask... Mr. Simpson, I'd like to ask you a few questions 125 about your daughter's essay. - and anything else I've got coming to me. 110 - I'll see what I can do. - Lisa, will you excuse us? - Okay. 126 - Hmm. 111 ''We the purple''? 127 What the hell was that? - Steward! 112 - Are you a professional writer? 128 - Mm-mmm. Little boy, I bet you'd like to visit the cockpit. 113 Are you interested in 129 politics or government? Ooh-ooh, baby! 4 The Simpsons - 3x02 - Mr. Lisa Goes to Washington 130 146 And this control stick is like <i>Hey, I call first bedsies.</i> the handlebars on your tricycle. 147 131 Bart, there's no such thing Now, would you as first bedsies. like to see where You just made that up. we hang our coats? 148 132 Well, okay, No, thank you. which one do you want? I'd rather push this button. Oops! 149 I... want... that one. 133 - No! 150 Really? 134 You want that one? - We're all gonna die! 151 135 It's all yours. <i>Look, Marge, that guy has Whatever you say. the same last name we do. Taxi.!</i> 152 136 - Why? What's wrong with it? Oh, look, Homer, - Nothing. the I.R.S. 153 137 - Have a good night's sleep, Lisa. - Boo! - No, really, what? - Oh, boo yourself. 154 138 - Nothing. <i>[ Marge ] - What did you do to it? Here we are, kids. The Watergate.</i> 155 - Nothing. 139 - Mom! - Hey! 156 140 What the-- D'oh! <i>Homer, look.! Stupid welcoming mint! They give you a shower cap...</i> 157 141 - Hello? and body gel - Good morning. and bathrobes. This is your wake-up call. 142 158 <i>And a welcoming mint Wake-up call? on your pillow.</i> It's 2:00 a.m. 143 159 Wow, a shoehorn. Sorry, fatso. Just like in the movies. 160 144 <i>Free food?</i> Shoe goes on, shoe goes off, shoe goes on, shoe goes off. 161 <i>Lisa, I'm Faith Crowley-- 145 patriotism editor of Reading Shoe goes on, Digest.</i> shoe goes off. 162 5 The Simpsons - 3x02 - Mr. Lisa Goes to Washington <i>Oh, I love your magazine.</i> 177 Ah! 163 My favorite section is 178 '' How to Increase Your Word Power.'' - What does the ''I'' stand for again? 164 - Oh! That thing is really, really, really... good. 179 - ''On this spot, Richard Nixon 165 bowled back-to-back 300 games.'' Well, good. - Yeah, right. Lisa, I'd like you to meet some other finalists. 180 Wow, the president's bathroom. 166 - This is Trong Van Dinh 181 and Maria Dominguez. - Do you mind? - Hello.