The April 27—May 1, 1970 Women's Weakly Being the calculated indiscretion of the University of Queensland Union for Commem Week 1970. •• WHACKO 32 PAGES 30 CENTS LIFTOUT INSIDE TO THE CENTURIONS, GUARDIANS OF QUEENSLAND'S MORALS Gentlemen of the Vice Squad, GOESUNDER I hope you enjoy a few snickers generated by the contents of this publication. The law grants you alone the benefit of possessing in­ GOES corruptible morals. The law is an ass. DOWN SI00 COMMEM SEMPER CONTEST Seven entries were received. UNDER Winner of the Tirst prize of $75 was: BILL EGAN (Eng.lV). Both entries, which were clearly superior to all other entries, arc published here. Second prize of $ IS was awarded to; RON GRENIER (Union staff member). One contribution has been printed. Third prize of $ 10 went on a coin to.ss to: I.G. CAMPBELL. The traditional crop of unprintable entries was also received. By JERRY NIGHTLY EDITOR Alan Fowler ADVERTISING Alan Fowler CONTRIBUTORS Nick Booth (alphabetical) Evan Ham Tim O'Dwyer Mrs. Lachlan Macquarie, wife of the Governor of the Glen Ricketts For someone who has lived 45 years in Rhodesia Colony of New South Wales (1810-21). iVIr. Edgar Allan Poe-Waters is quite a surprise. He looks The chamber-pot will have taken a circuitous route back like the picture of a Briddish club-man: tall and trim, Uniserv Typesetting to Australia where it will be kept well and truly hidden, TYPESETTING plump, of medium height, red-complexioned, with in a basement of the National Library, Canberra. The Press Etching creamy-white hair (on his,head, eye-brows and ears), 'pot was originally made-to-measure for Mrs. Macquarie only a little less luxuriant than the moustache on his by a convict craftsman named Metlors who later took top lip. his liberty as a game-keeper employed by Governor PRINTER Mirror Newspapers But then all is explained. He Is Briddish. Macquarie. Now you may wonder what this so far has;to do with Apparently as time passed Mrs. Macquarie found the 'pot the title of this article. Nothing, really. It is just a inadequate for her nocturnal needs and gave it to her frustrating style we copied from IWartin Collins in the niece Mary Capable-Smith, whose daughter Margaret de "Australian". L'ightful left it to her grand-daughter Caroline Poe- But to return to this interesting garbage: Fifty years Waters. Caroline's great-grandson Edgar Allan Poe-Waters posters younger in spirit and intelligence than his true fifty-nine decided it was time the chamber-pot went home when years, Mr. Poe-Waters refused at first to talk to us about sewerage was connected to his modest mansion in a quiet his gift to the Australian nation. So we belted hell out of white Salisbury suburb. magazines him until he gave us this whole ridiculous story, his The official presentation was made by Mr. Poe-Waters in wallet and gold watch. His gift is a highly decorative and the Salisbury office of the recently appointed Ambas­ still functional chamber-pot which had first belonged to programmes sador to Rhodesia, Sir James Killen. anything Our exclusive SpectraLith process adds multicolour appeal to^your publications at virtually no extra cost : Complete type setting and design service available : For obligation-froe quotations and advisory Get over sen/ice, contact Nick Booth, phone 2 3803, or call at: peak periods GRAPHIC SERVICE with CO. PTY. LTD. 75 Elizabeth Street KellyGirls for every ofilce skill. Kelly Girls of Australia. 252 Swann Road, Taringa. 7 5997. Page 2 THE WOMEN'S WEAKLY—April 27—May 1,1970 EXOTIC INDIAN LIFE IN BEAUTIFUL DOWNTOWN BRISBANE This is the beautiful downtown Brisbane townhouse. Bought with the intention of renovating, the house is used by several teachers of yoghurt and by students of transcontinental meditation. A fanatical supporter (second from left) of the White Australia Policy is Eunuchs guard the entrance to Brisbane's ivory tower. restrained from the expression of his opinion. Rammita is on the right." Recently arrived from India are several exponents by a group of unwashed youths, who described them­ of the well-known Indian art of Yoghurt. The leader selves as students. They asked him whether he was of the team, Rammita Pyuras, when asked where the in favour of the proposed Moratorium. After consulting team came from, replied, "Oh, Calcutta! But we had with one of his followers, Rammita replied, "I am few problems coming through your Customs, you are told that this word means a period when one does understanding. They were being most helpful after they not have to pay any debts. I am fully in favour of it." were learning that we were from Calcutta, India, not He went on to explain that, at his college, students Calcutta, New York. My word, yes." would have complete control over the way in which Rammita and his colleagues have settled into a subjects would be taught, and would even set their large sandstone Brisbane dwelling place near the river, own examination papers. which is a blot on the scenery and is definitely a The students held a brief consultation, and declared Mysore. It is their hope to encourage the art of that since Rammita had anticipated their demands in 'Injuns? Whuz tha Injuns? Ah'll blow out their gizzards." Yoghurt (as depicted on the front cover}, and to advance, he was "a lick-spittle lackey of international spread the art of Yoghurt at first across Brisbane communo-fascist imperialism" because he had left them and later across the entire State. with nothing to protest against. They marched off, Also staying with the team is a group of. students chanting, "R. Pyuras - the enemy of the people". studying transcontinental meditation. These students, As Yoghurt and transcontinental meditation spread proteges of the Maharishi Hashish Yoghurt, frequently across Brisbane and people fall under its influence, conduct full undress rehearsals (see front cover [again!]) Rammita expects many people to become involved as part of their training. The vivid colours with which in the practices of Yoghurt and transcontinental med­ COMMEM SEMPER IS SAT UPON l-ROM GREAT HEIGHTS they paint themselves have definate symbolic meanings. itation. He also expects to make a lot of money The violet, indigo, blue, green, yellow, orange and red IN the exercise of (heir discretion, tlie printers last Friday from TV and radio appearances, and from airline com­ refused to print t!ie original front cover for this issue. Also to all symbolise the colours one can ordinarily see. missions, as he will emphasise the necessity for all sviffcr wer? 80,000 pages already printed, which were consigned his followers to make several pilgrimages to his place to the pulping plant because of allegedly obscene and defamatory Rammita and his followers were met at the airport of birth in East Finchley, London. mutter in the cover story. THE WOMBNS WEAKLY —April 27—May 1, 1970 PogeS ll ,i • ^^^^m^ LEFT: Cock Pit : Sitting on ^^^^^^^^H' a Throbbing Red Joy Stick RANDY ^^^^^^V \ 1 comes LEFT: Symbol of Deflower Power : De Flower, to Further Activity was Laid on the Table until the next Meeting BELOW: Anyone for a Pillow Fight? Last one in is a Born Loser. Town Famous Bulgarian actress Ima Slakmollski has the leading roll playing a rabbit in 'Randy'. Her opposites are English actor Dick Spurtin who plays a person of stallion qualities, and Yanker Wal Nut who plays a queen. The story starts in Ima's burrow when Dick becomes pashinate and expresses his amorous desires. Ima stalls but stallions (who frequent stalls and are better acquaint­ ed with their purposes) don't and Dick Spurtin does. Next on the stack is Gringo Parr who balls Ima on cue on the billiard table. In the greatest of all love scenes, Ima supports Wal Nut and backs up him in a tender moment of true devotion. Ima becomes flighty and takes off in a large commercial airliner decorated with wall to wall floors. An erotic fantasy in her cock pit precedes a frolic in the charming­ ly appointed cabin. The cabin decorations resemble a bucket of shell grit blasted onto the cabin walls and then BELOW: Making Randy is like Taking Fruit From a Baby. Seen here painted a delightful shade of chunder-green. At the rear of Pashin' Fruit is Dick Spurtin, one of the Original Hairy Guys. the plane is Ima's dentist, played by Fang Sharp. Ima ABOVE: "Harder! Push Harderl You're Hardly Moving Me Ringo!" on entering the chair said that having teeth extracted was as painful as having a baby. Retorted Fang;'Well, make up your mind in a hurry because I'll have to alter the position of the chair.' The plane burnt up while attempting to re-enter the earth's atmosphere. "CANDY" comes to the Town Theatre In July. Don't miss it, Page 4 TiiE Wo.MEN's WE,\KU—April 27—May 1, 1970 SOCIAL ROOTAROUND OFF for a trip of southern abattoirs is Miss Agatha Pruneface, who was recently chosen as Miss Soap Sud. Agatha, who works in the AT RIGHT: boning room at Borthwicks meatworks, was About to leave on his annual chosen by her fellow imployees as tha one at vacation is playboy Dick whom they would most like to point their Kickapoo, seated on his cus­ tom-fitted open tourer. The bones. Shortly after, Agatha won the meat- vehicle, rated at two for speed. Her top comfort is works Miss Tatlow Boiler contest. Her prize serf-power, has a top speed of about twenty inches on level as Miss Tallow Boiler is five years' supply of one league per hour on level ground and is rated as hard cooking margarine.