SEPT. 1970 • THE HUMOR MAGAZINE • 75 CENTS w^ Copyright © 2007 National Lampoon Inc. On Columbia and Epic Records, q Copyright © 2007 National Lampoon Inc. They suffer, so you don't have to. WINS has two of the best critics in town. Ted Hoffman on theatre and Bob Salmaggi on films. They'll save you the agony of sitting through something mediocre. Poor guys. 'WESTINGHOUSE BROADCASTING COMPANY 1010 WINS NEW YORK RADIO ALL NEWS. ALLTHE TIME. Copyright © 2007 National Lampoon Inc. Vol 1 No. 6 CONTENTS Sept ,1970 Page 20 Page 40 Page 62 John and Yoko Unmasked Waiting in the Left Wings Cashing In on Charlie by Robert Goldman by Michael O'Donoghue by George Trow Was their marriage Made in Heaven or A day with radical starlet Nana Bi­ Or how to make a silk purse out of in Japan? Senior citizens want to know. jou . The New Breed! Sharon Tate's ear. Page 23 Page 44 Page 65 College Concert Cutups The Tragedy Team Raquel Welch Laid Bare by Michel Choquette by Tony Hendra by Frank Kafka The comix for kids who have their eyes What did the woodpecker sdy to the Her first nude photos, live from the on the ball and their feet on the ground. blind dog with only three legs? moon! Or something! Page 33 Page 47 Page 69 The Comedians' Wire Service Screen Slime The Shooting Gallery by Tony Hendra by D. Kenney & J. Maslin by Rick Meyerowitz Click Israelis steal radar click they Lester Lanin, Connie Francis and Flip­ A man who loves cute little rabbits can't must be good thieves, they eat lox. per linked to L.A. love nest. be all bad. Page 36 Page 57 Page 72 Keeping Up with the Joneses The MGM Scandal Auction Iron Curtain Calls by Michael O'Donoghue by Mark Smith by H. Beard & M. O'Donoghue The Joneses are your answer! They'll Some of the sentimental cinema souve- There's no collective like the show col- solve consumer woes. nirs you missed out on. lective, like no collective, I know . COLUMNS FEATURES Editorial, Page 4 'Page 13, Dick Oldden Letters, Page 6 Page 16, Travel Tours of Tomorrow Horrorscope, Page 8 Page 70, Stan Mack Mrs. Agnew's Diary, Page 12 Page 80, Show Biz Match 'Em Quiz NATIONAL LAMPOONTM MAGAZINE: "National Lampoon" is a regis­ CHANGE OF ADDRESS: Subscriber please send change of address to tered trademark of National Lampoon, Inc. The Lampoon name is used with Circulation Manager, National Lampoon Magazine, 635 Madison Avenue, permission of the Harvard Lampoon, Inc. New York, N.Y. 10022 Be sure to give old address, new address, and zip code for both. Allow six weeks for change. POSTMASTER: Please mail Form 3579 notices to: Circulation Manager, National Lampoon Magazine, 635 Madison Copyright © 1970 National Lampoon, Inc., 635 Madison Avenue, New York, Avenue, New York, N.Y. 10022. N.Y. 10022. All rights reserved. Nothing may be reprinted in whole or in part without written permission from the publisher. Any similarity to real people ADVERTISING INFORMATION: Contact Advertising Director, National and places in fiction and semi-fiction is purely coincidental. Lampoon Magazine, 635 Madison Avenue, New York, N.Y. 10022, or call (212) 688-4070. SUBSCRIPTIONS: Published monthly by National Lampoon, Inc., 635 Madi­ EDITORIAL INFORMATION: Contact Managing Editor, National Lam­ son Avenue, New York, N.Y. 10022. $6.95 paid annual subscription, $11.50 poon Magazine, 635 Madison Avenue, New York, N.Y. 10022, or call <-z'*> paid two-year subscription, and $15.50 paid three-year subscription in terri­ 688-4070. Return postage must accompany all manuscripts, tlrawin'j:' "° torial U.S. Additional $1.00 for Canada and Mexico, $2.00 for Foreign. photographs submitted. If they are to be returned. Publisher assumes no responsibility for unsolicited material. 2 NATIONAL LAMPOON Copyright © 2007 National Lampoon Inc. We may tell you more about yourself than you care to know. PSYCHOLOGY TODAY is about your hopes. Your fears. Your oedipal complexes, guilt feelings or sexual hang-ups — potentialities. And what science has learned about them. PSYCHOLOGY TODAY has just the opposite attitude. It sees Every month, you'll read in its pages what the world's the behavioral sciences as enlarging our possibilities... foremost authorities have to say about the human condi­ as endlessly multiplying the choices open to us. Instead tion. Men like B. F. Skinner. Rollo May. Ashley Mon­ of seeing men and women in black and white, PSYCHOL­ tagu. David Riesman. Bruno Bettelheim. 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If Where psychological writing all too often tends to nar­ you agree, we'll be glad to send you a complimentary copy. row the possibilities—reducing almost every impulse to Just mail the coupon and you'll receive the latest issue. Among the current and coming articles in PSYCHOLOGY TODAY: The Grim Generation Is Man a Machine? Does ESP Exist? The Nudity Explosion Learning Under Drugs Who Will Help in a Crisis? Is Suicide a Human Right? Dangers of Group Therapy Are Leaders Made or Born? Are I.Q. Tests Intelligent? Impulse, Aggression & the Gun Memory's Molecular Maze Homosexuality Reconsidered Can We Immunize the Weak? The Sickness of Corporations Nudity in Group Therapy Hiding from Big Brother A Conversation with Masters Adult Play Therapy & Johnson Love and Will The White Race and Its Heroes The Mentally Retarded Child Breast Feeding Receive the current issue as a gift and begin a better understanding of your children, your spouse, your boss, your mother-in-law ...yourself. psychology today PSYCHOLOGY TODAY 6-350 P.O. Box 2990, Boulder, Colorado 80302 Please send me my complimentary current issue of PSYCHOLOGY TODAY. I may keep my sample copy and owe nothing. However, unless I cancel, you may enroll me as a trial subscriber and send me the next 11 issues. Bill me after my subscription has started for just $6.00, my special Introductory rate—instead of the regular $10 annual price. Name. (Please Print) Address. City. .State. .Zip. Copyright © 2007 National Lampoon Inc. Editor Douglas C. Kertney Executive Editor Henry N. Beard Managing Editor Robert K. Hoffman Art Direction Bill Skurskl Peter Bramley —LETTER FROM THE EDITOR— Special Issue Editor Michel Choquette /"vnce upon a time, "Show Biz" meant a lot of greasy looking ^ sharpies clustered around a slack-jawed, bleached blonde Contributing Editors Michael O'Donoghue whose biggest claim to immortality was a pair of monster Christopher Cerf udders and a steel back brace. Hype and baloney sandwiches Michael Frith were Hollywood's daily fare and rhinestone-studded movie Tamara Gould stars competed among themselves armed with kidney-shaped swimming pools and cashew-sized cerebrums. Assistant Art Director Stephanie Phelan But things have changed. Kids everywhere are seeing through the tinsel and papier-mache of their folks' era, and Editorial Assistant the new show biz stars reflect this disenchantment with the Mary Martello phony tin gods of yesteryear. Only the sincere and the com­ mitted can hope to make it nowadays. That's why the Temp­ Production Manager tations can rip off four hits, all dubbed over the same rhythm Charlotte Goodwin track, Rolling Stone reads like a bell-bottomed Business Week Subscription Manager and that's why there's still a ready market for some more Howard Jurofsky Monkees, should their originator ever put another want ad in the Los Angeles Times. Circulation Director Further on in this issue, you will see some embarrassing Alexander Turkish items from Hollywood's secret Blackmail Auction. Omitted, Design and Layout due to lack of space, were Janis Joplin's Villager blouse, Cloud Studio, Inc. Johnny Winters's peroxide bottle and Tiny Tim's .30-06 cus­ tom-built hunting rifle. Publisher Leonard Mogel —DCK —THE COVER— Four deadlocked editorial meetings, a flurry of confusion and The National Lampoon, Inc. is a subsidiary of Twenty First Century an eleventh hour telegram to Sagebrush Studios produced the Communications, Inc. Kute 'n Kampy Kut-Up on this month's cover. It expresses both our hard-hitting editorial policies and Sagebrush's ob­ Matty Simmons, Chairman session with female mouse knockers. • Leonard Mogel, President George Agoglia, Vice President ADVERTISING SALES New York: Barry Grieff, Advertising Di­ rector, National Lampoon, 635 Madison Avenue, New York, N.Y. 10022, (212) 688-4070 Chicago: William H. Sanke, Western Ad­ vertising Manager, National Lampoon, 645 North Michigan Ave., Chicago, III. 60611, (312) 337-7625 Detroit: George S. Bywater, Sales Moti­ vating Associates, 19400 West Ten Mile Road, Southfield, Michigan 48075, (313) 354-0560 West Coast: Smith & Hollyday, Inc., 5478 Wilshire Blvd., Los Angeles, Calif. 90036, (213) 938-0111 Smith & Hollyday, Inc., 22 Battery St., San Francisco, Calif. 94111, (415) YU 1-2999 New England: J & M Co., P.O. Box 233, Chestnut Hill, Mass. 02167, (617) 731-3133 4 NATIONAL LAMPOON Copyright © 2007 National Lampoon Inc. Announcing DDDnnDDD the only film magazine rated "NT "M" for mature.