HOLYYYYYYYHOTTTTTTTCHEETOSSSSSSS!!!!!!! (a.k.a: a wonderfully super short silly poignant mashup reality musical tv show) By: José Casas A Micro Commission by The Kennedy Center for The Play At Home Series 2020 © 2020 1 CHARACTERS Emory / Contestant 1: Poor kid from the “other side of the tracks” [whatever that means]. Caring and compassionate kid with a big heart. Favorite chef: Mom. Mackenzie / Contestant 2: Rich kid with a chip on shoulder. Determined to be successful for accomplishments, not parent’s wealth. Favorite chef: Gordon Ramsay Taylor / Contestant 3: Lost kid trying to find meaning. Searching for answers and identity in this crazy world. Stands out with neon green hair. Favorite chef: Rachel Ray Chef Sydney / Judge 1: Snarky with a bad fake Australian accent, an awesome chef. Specialty: Asian Latino Fusion Comfort Food Chef Reese / Judge 2: Very appreciative of success, also an awesome chef. Specialty: Anything pastry, especially donuts. Chef Jayden / Judge 3: Insecure and paranoid, but like the other judges, an awesome chef. Specialty: Vegan cuisine, allergic to and disgusted by beef jerky (imagined, not real) Cameron: Fantastically fabulous host of America’s Next Great Junior Chef *All roles can be cast anyway they want to be. Ethnicity and gender [anything really] does not matter. SETTING The play takes place on the set of America’s Next Great Junior Chef and broadcast to millions of tv viewers around the world. There is also a studio audience who is not seen, but is acknowledged through canned/lame recorded laughs, oohs/aahs, and clapping. TIME The Present. Technically, 8:00pm Eastern Standard Time on Sunday when the show airs on the Food Channel. 2 “There is no sincerer love than the love of food.” -George Bernard Shaw “Cooking is like love. It should be entered into with abandon or not at all.” -Harriet van Horne 3 The hope is that youth, parents, and families enjoy reading this short fun, and hopefully joyful play. & If the spirit calls upon you, you are encouraged to perform it. The songs are acapella and the karaoke versions that you can easily find online (i.e. YouTube). & If you choose to do so, be silly and have fun. In fact, if you perform this play, try actually creating the cooking competition meals in your home. If so, feel free to change the script ingredients to accommodate the different foods in the secret surprise basket you would want to make. Hey, performing a play and cooking a delicious meal sounds pretty good. & Always allow your imagination the permission to explore and play!!! 4 (It is dark and silent for a moment. After that moment, the instrumental/karaoke version of the song, “One’, from the musical, CHORUS LINE, begins playing softly. It’s an almost eerie sound. After a few moments, lights up on EMORY/ contestant 1; beat. Lights up on MACKENZIE/contestant 2; beat. Lights up on TAYLOR/contestant 3. They are wearing their special chef coats. After a few moments, when the song gets to the beginning lyrics section, the contestants begin singing.) Emory, Mackenzie & Taylor ONE!!! SIMPLE LITTLE STORY WHERE EVERY LITTLE KID GETS TO BAKE! ONE!!! WINNER TO BE CHOSEN NO ONE LIKES SECOND PLACE! ONE MISTAKE AND SUDDENLY EVEYONE KNOWS YOU’RE THROUGH. YOU KNOW YOU’LL NEVER BE HAPPY WITH YOU, JUST YOU. ONE MOMENT IN THEIR PRESSENCE THOSE ONES PUTTING YOU TO THE TEST. CUZ THIS COOKING SHOW IS SECOND BEST TO NONE, SON. OOH! AAH! GIVE THEM YOUR ATTENTION DO I REALLY HAVE TO MENTION I’M THE ONE!!! (The music suddenly stops!) 5 Emory, Mackenzie & Taylor ONE!!!!!!! Taylor One!!! Mackenzie One!! Emory One! (extended beat) (The lights go up on the rest of the space and we see CAMERON, the host of America’s Next Great Junior Chef. This space is a combination of typical tv exaggeration mixed in with moments of true reflection.) (We see the judges: CHEF SYDNEY/judge 1, CHEF REESE/judge 2, and CHEF JAYDEN/judge 3. Now, we can also see the kitchen area. There is cooking spaces for each competitor and in front of each competitor is the super secret basket that contains the ingredients for the competition.) Cameron (tv show cheesiness style) Only one competitor will win the illustrious title of America’s Next Great Junior Chef and the cash award of $50,000! After hundreds of rounds, only three chefs remain, determined to put perfection on the plate! First, we welcome Chef Emory. Emory (lovingly) I’m 12 years old and in seventh grade and I live in the middle of nowhere, Michigan. I live with my mom who is my best friend and best cook in the world. With me being the only child and with my mom working all the time, I have definitely matured more than my peers. If I win the championship, I plan to give the money to my mother because (with a heart gesture) I love her and she loves me. (Recorded audience “aahs” can be heard.) Cameron Next up, Chef Mackenzie. Mackenzie (with attitude) I’m 11 years old and in sixth grade and I live in Beverly Hills, California. My food is going to shine in the spotlight just like me. I’ve been cooking since the age of four. Self- taught by myself and with no help from our family cook, Esperanza. If I win the money, I definitely plan on spending it irresponsibly. This competition is mine because I’ve got winning down to a science! 6 Cameron Finally, we have Chef Taylor. Taylor (pensive) I’m 12 years old and in the seventh grade. Uhm, I guess, for the moment, my name is Taylor. I am from the Sedona, Arizona, the crystal vortex new age capital of the world. Like, I believe I have a chance to win if the planets align in my favor. However, the money is what it is. I am more interested in the process and communal bonding of this moment. (Taylor slightly bows, pressing hands together, palms touching and fingers pointing upwards, thumbs close to the chest.) Taylor Namaste. Cameron Now, the judges. (annoyed) Chef Sydney. Chef Sydney (conceited) That is correct and don’t you forget that. Cameron (appreciative) We have Chef Reese. Chef Reese (just as appreciative) Hey there, Boo. Love you. Cameron (like a teenager in love) Love you more. (Everyone looks at the pair with suspicious eyes and gestures. Yep…there is something going on between these two. They can’t “hide” it.) Cameron Finally, we present to you Chef Jayden. Chef Jayden (wiping down the judge’s table) Disgusting. Social distancing, people. Gross. When was the last time anyone cleaned up around this place. Excuse me, (pounding table) I’m talking here! (Cameron ignores Chef Jayden’s whining; to the contestants.) Cameron You know the deal. Your super secret surprise baskets stand in front of you. Your ingredients are… 7 (The chefs open up their super secret surprise basket as cheesy game show music plays in the background.) Cameron Canned spaghetti rings. (The chefs pull out the canned spaghetti rings. They all seemed pleased; basically, generic Chef Boyardee stuff.) Cameron Sea beans. (The chefs pull out the sea beans. They don’t look very excited about this ingredient. It’s a “not a big deal” reaction.) Cameron Mozzarella sticks. (The chefs pull out the mozzarella sticks.) Cameron And, finally…beef jerky. (The chefs pull out the beef jerky. Chef Jayden, overdramatically, starts to gag/dry heave because the chef is allergic to beef jerky. The contestants notice and laugh/ad-lib funny responses which, in turn, makes the other judges and Cameron laugh; beat. Cheesy game show music stops.) Cameron (to contestants) You have 30 minutes. Your time begins…NOW! (The contestants scurry around the kitchen like roaches when the lights are turned on. They go this way, they go that way, they almost run into each other. It’s a crazy frenetic scene. One by one, they manage to find the extra ingredients they want. They begin grilling, baking, boiling, cutting, mixing, plating, etc.) Cameron (to judges) Once you’ve gotten past kindergarten, the idea of pasta in a can is just wrong. Chef Jayden Wrong, disgusting, and even more disgusting. Chef Sydney What do you do with that? 8 Taylor (to audience) My aura is telling me butter and for my salt component, I’ll add the sea beans and, voila, complete it with the truffle oil. Cameron Never forget that the clock is ticking, young culinary artists! Emory (to tv audience) Some dark chocolate. Some tomato sauce. Time to make some molé…OLÉ!!! Chef Reese These young chefs are SO inspirational! SO creative! SO…SO…SO childlike. They make me happy. They make me want to go back to my childhood to remind myself of why I fell in love with cooking in the first place. (Recorded studio “aahs” can be heard from the audience.) Mackenzie (to audience) I want to create that crispy refreshing bite that nobody can forget. Cameron (to judges) And, what do you make of the beef jerky ingredient? Chef Sydney Chef Reese Freaking Awesome!!! OMG, best thing ever!!! Chef Reese & Chef Sydney (super excited) Who doesn’t like beef jerky!? Chef Jayden (hand raised) Me, Me, Me, Me, Me, Me, Me!!! (Recorded audience “what the heck” sounds can be heard. Everyone in the studio stops what they are doing; not understanding how anyone could not like beef jerky.) Chef Jayden (melodramatic as usual) Sodium and fat and everything that is wrong with America! If I had known this would be an ingredient on today’s show, I…I…I…(transition into sad melodramatic moment; to Chef Reese) You may want to go back to your childhood, honey doll, but not this cowpoke.