UNDER HER HAT! ©2010 Book & Lyrics by Hana Roth Seavey Music by Tor Ingar Jakobsen Contact: Hana Roth Seavey 2802 Avenue X Brooklyn, New York 11235 [email protected] 917-621-7101 UNDER HER HAT! ©2010 SET REQUIREMENTS Minimal sets are suggested for apartments, factory, showroom, airport, using door frames, signs, furniture, and props. The required furniture can be built upon a variety of benches for tables, chairs, bed; cushions provided according to the needs of the scene. Projections are noted in stage directions and recommended throughout; however, are not essential. COSTUME SUGGESTION Cheryl wears a hat at all times except when in the act of changing hats or making a statement. To avoid having the hats distract from the action and emotion of the scenes, it's suggested that the hats, while very 'Cheryl', be designed with casual wearing in mind---perhaps variations on beanies or the smaller hats of the thirties and forties. PROLOGUE-1 PROLOGUE Enter the INTERNS, dancing, playing instruments, placing a multi-purpose basket and chair on the Apron. EACH plays an instrument, creating a Caribbean hullabaloo. WILLIE, as a barker. SONG: OOOLA, LA WILLIE LADIES, GENTS OF EV'RY GENDER CAN WE BEG AN HOUR'S SURRENDER, FOR A TALE OF FASHION CITY, WHERE EAGER EYES ARE GLEAMING GLITT'RY... INTERNS WITH AMBITION! BEYOND ALL SENSE, POWERFUL, PASSIONATE, OOLA INTENSE. OOOLA, LA, LA, LA, LA, LA, LA, OOOLA, LA, LA, LA, LA, LA, LA WILLIE TURN OFF CELL PHONE, CAM'RA,PAGER, 'TWILL BE MORE FUN TO WATCH, I'LL WAGER. (HE points to the chair as CHERYL enters with an artist's pencil, portfolio, and cell phone, dressed in indoor day clothing and hat. SHE sits, drops the cell in her lap, spreads the portfolio out on her knees, and is instantly absorbed, focused on a particular page. Open spot on SARA offstage, calling from her cell. CHERYL ignores the ring. SARA hangs up.) CHERYL Maybe. Maybe. Pull the brim down over the right temple, tweak the beads, cascade them. (SHE adds a definitive stroke to the draft, then absentmindedly pulls out the cell from under the portfolio, presses the 'on' icon as SARA tries to phone again.) SARA Any life in the lovelife? Is love still sitting on top of people's heads? PROLOGUE-2 CHERYL No time for lovelife, girl---Senior Hat Exhibit drafts due. Hats are easier than men! (CHERYL closes the portfolio. Each INTERN pulls on a remarkable hat.) WILLIE On our stage sits Cheryl Roth, a no-man-for-me hatmaker, until... INTERNS OOOLA, LA LA. OOOLA LA, LA, LA, LA, LA, LA. (CHERYL pulls a bridal tiara and veil from the basket, exchanges her hat for the tiara.) WILLIE SHE MEETS A MAN SHE CAN'T RESIST. WHEN PASSION POUNDS LIKE A THUMPING FIST, OUR GAL CHERYL WITH WEDDING GARTER MAKES HER MAN HER BUS'NESS PARTNER! STICK WITH ME NOW, YOU'LL GET THE GIST, Meet Justin Chen, (Enter JUSTIN. CHERYL rolls a garter down her leg and tosses it to HIM. HE catches and kisses it, holding it high in love and triumph.) MELANIE BUT WHAT CHANCE HAS A MATCH T'SURVIVE IF FAM'LY'S BIGOTRY'S STILL ALIVE, (FRAN, MEI, SARA, BUHBEE, GUNG, GUNG crowd together onstage. ESTÉBAN and HOWIE squeeze in. CHERYL exchanges the tiara for her original hat. SHE and JUSTIN cross to Stage C. The families sort themselves out: on Stage R, MEI, GUNG GUNG, HOWIE. Stage L, FRAN, SARA, ESTÉBAN, BUHBEE---at the door, patting her hair in place. Spotlights go back and forth to highlight each side of the stage as each of the families engage. JUSTIN turns to Stage R, lights up Stage R. MEI and JUSTIN skype, GUNG GUNG looks on.) MEI American girl? A disaster! JUSTIN A disaster? You don't even know her! PROLOGUE-3 MEI This girl comes from a completely different background. JUSTIN Different background, different design sensibility, perfect. You'll love her hats for the store. GUNG GUNG American girl, hunh, interesting. (Stage L lights. Stage R lights down.) FRAN Chinese? Dumplings and kreplach, Sara, kreplach and dumplings. What will I do? SARA You won't do anything, Ma. Kreplach are dumplings. Morty and I were kreplach and kreplach, the putz. Is that what you want for Cheryl? FRAN Hats, hats, hats. Fall in love with a competitor?! SARA There are places where they'll sort it out. Bedrooms? (Stage R lights. Stage L down.) JUSTIN I didn't come to New York to be a waiter in my uncle's restaurant, or a chef, or even owner. I'm in fashion. Cheryl's right for me. Besides, I love her, MaMa. Be happy for me. (CHERYL smiles upon hearing the words. HE repeats, in Chinese.) ---Cantonese: Glyaw lyoi coi, MaMa. ---Mandarin: Hwaw ai ta, MaMa. (HE hangs up.) CHERYL Your mother? JUSTIN Great. Yeah, great. CHERYL In-credible. My mother is gonna be just as 'great' as yours. (CHERYL turns towards FRAN, SARA, BUHBEE, takes off her hat.) PROLOGUE-4 CHERYL I love him, Ma. (JUSTIN turns Stage R to FRAN, picks up basket.) JUSTIN Mrs. Roth. Moon cakes, with a hard-boiled egg in each and every one. FRAN O, yum yum yummy. (SHE swiftly hands off the basket to ESTÉBAN. CHERYL'S hat goes back on.) CHERYL/JUSTIN NO-ONE CAN TELL ME WHAT TO DO, NO-ONE CAN STOP ME FROM LOVING YOU. (BUHBEE peers into the basket and at JUSTIN.) BUHBEE Sveet Chinese boy! Nice-looking. JAMIE BUT WHEN A CLASH OF PEDIGREES BRINGS HER MARRIAGE TO ITS KNEES, INTERNS OOOLA, LA, LA, LA, LA, LA, LA, TORRANCE WHO CAN SAY WHAT MOST WILL MATTER MELANIE TO OUR FERVENT, FOCUSED HATTER. INTERNS OOOLA, LA, LA, LA, LA, LA, LA, JAMIE WILL AWESOME EGO BE HER UNDOING? WILL THE HUSBAND SHE ONCE WAS WOOING RETURN TO CHERYL AFTER HE'S FLOWN--- WAS THEIR MARRIAGE STRICTLY ON-LOAN? WILLIE TIME TO BEGIN AT THE BEGINNING, SEE WHO'S LOST, WHO WINDS UP WINNING, CURTAIN UP WITHOUT DELAY! ON SOON T'BE LOVERS C AND J. PROLOGUE-5 INTERNS OOOLA, LA, LA, LA, LA, LA, LA, OOO CHERYL, OOO JUSTIN, OOOLA, LA, HERE WE GO, OOOLA, LA, WE BEGIN! I-1-6 ACT I SCENE 1 Early morning. Lights up on CHERYL's apartment, Stage L, and SARA's apartment, Stage R, in the same building, separated by SARA's living room, with a common wall C. CHERYL'S apartment has an Upstage doorframe. CHERYL discovered, dressed as in night clothes, sits at a table on a swivel office chair with her MAC laptop on it, cell phone next to it. A bottle of bright nail polish is on the desk; her open portfolio leans against the side of the desk. SHE polishes her toenails. Hat designs cover CHERYL'S walls. Her unmade bed is full of hats. Lights up on SARA at her desktop PC, cell next to it. SARA, cocooned in robe and head towel, hunches over her MAC, drinks coffee from a large mug. The SISTERS skype. SARA Baby sister, you can't sleep with a hat. CHERYL I do. (SHE caps the polish bottle.) SARA They don't keep your feet warm. CHERYL I have naturally hot toes. (SHE blows on her toes, quickly brings a large sketch pad to her lap and starts a sketch.) Final session with Dean Claggit, who-o-o almost crossed me off the portfolio review with professionals. Do you know what he said? SARA No, I don't know what he said. I-1-7 CHERYL My hats? Too over the top. Never make a living in the millinery world. Did'ja ever notice that Claggit rhymes with maggot? SARA Who makes a living in the millinery world? Did he see you goggle-eyed age eight, at the Lily Daché exhibit, or visit Grandpa's hat shop in Odessa? (Firmly back on track, while CHERYL continues to sketch.) ...Your date with Chuck, Ma's next-door-neighbor's nephew? CHERYL Date?! Took one look at my head... SARA And? (Begin underscoring with 'Hats Are Easier Than Men'.) CHERYL WENT FROM CHUCKLE TO LAUGH, THE RAT. LAUGHED AT MY GORGEOUSLY FROU-FROU HAT, WANTED ME TO GET RID OF IT, SARA NOT A BIT OF IT?! REALLY? WHAT NERVE! CHERYL NEXT, HE PAWED MY CLOTHES. IT SUCKED. SARA I HOPE YOU THREW SOMETHING AT THE PERV. THE CLUCK! AND THAT HE COULDN'T DUCK WHEN HE GOT WHAT HE FULLY DESERVED. (WILLIE, watching from Stage R, interjects.) WILLIE OOOLA LA, SWEET GIRL, IT'S NO WONDER, A DATE LIKE THIS CAN DRAG YOU UNDER. SARA But obsess not, chère soeur, nothing like a hot guy. You'll find one. I-1-8 CHERYL Are you selling me men? Remember last year's list--- THERE WAS THE BRILLIANT TECHNOPHILE WHO WANTED TO DATE A DEVICE, AND THEN THE CUDDLY NECROPHILE WHO ASKED FOR GRAVESIDE DATES---TWICE! Men! When I graduate, my hats will take over New York! Dating thrills don't compare. SARA It's not the dating. It's the feelings, the longings...something locked up inside... CHERYL What feelings, what longings, nothing's locked up inside of me, Sara. That's you, not me. (SARA pauses.) SARA I don't believe that. You're not a hatmaking machine. (CHERYL whirls around in her chair.) SONG: HATS ARE EASIER THAN MEN CHERYL A HATLESS HEAD, SIS SARA, IS LIKE A HEADLESS HORSEMAN. A GAL OF COURSE C'N APPEAR UNCOVERED, BUT LET'R ONCE DISCOVER ONE OF MY HATS, NO CHANCE'VE TURNING BACK! THERE IS NO GUY AS GOOD (CHERYL grabs handfuls of hats.