FactSheet For FamilieS January 2009 Parenting Your Adopted Preschooler Parenting an adopted preschooler is very similar to parenting any preschooler. As parents, you should not ignore the fact that your child is adopted What’s inside: or their experiences prior to the adoption. But you need not worry unnecessarily about these • Adoption and child development issues, either. • Communicating about adoption Children ages 3 to 5 are limited in how much they • Discipline considerations can understand about adoption. Like all children of this age, adopted children are naturally curious Child Welfare Information Gateway Children’s Bureau/ACYF U.S. Department of Health and Human Services 1250 Maryland Avenue, SW Administration for Children and Families Eighth Floor Washington, DC 20024 Administration on Children, Youth and Families 703.385.7565 or 800.394.3366 Children’s Bureau Email: [email protected] www.childwelfare.gov Parenting Your Adopted Preschooler www.childwelfare.gov and may ask many questions. They are also Whatpreschoolersarelearning: growing and changing rapidly. As their • How to jump, hop, climb, ride a abilities develop, so will their understanding tricycle, throw a ball (large muscle of their place in their families and development) communities. These early years are a good time for you to start practicing how to talk • How to color, draw, cut with scissors, about adoption in a positive and relaxed brush teeth, use forks and spoons (fine manner. This will set the stage for open muscle skills) communication as your child grows. • How to put words and short phrases together This factsheet is designed to help you understand your preschooler’s • How to concentrate on a task developmental needs. It also provides • How to recognize family members practical strategies to promote a warm and and friends loving relationship with your child based on • How to name simple emotions such as honesty and trust. happy, angry, sad, or scared (children this age will also begin to show more complex emotions such as jealousy Adoption and child or empathy, although they won’t Development understand the names for them until much later) • How to express emotions and interact It is important to understand the typical with others appropriately developmental tasks and needs of preschoolers, as well as how adoption- related experiences may affect your child. Howpreschoolersthink: This knowledge will help you better meet • They believe in magic and imaginary his or her needs, build a close relationship characters such as fairies, elves, with your child, and promptly identify and and monsters. address any delays. • They believe that they cause life- changing events and that everything Preschooler Development revolves around them. Preschoolers don’t need special classes or • Their thoughts are often occupied by expensive toys to learn and grow. Simple fantasies and fears. everyday interactions such as singing, talking, touching, rocking, and reading Howparentscanhelp: can help create a bond with your child and • Provide space, activities, and support healthy growth. The following are playthings to stimulate both large and common characteristics and needs small muscle groups. of preschoolers: This material may be freely reproduced and distributed. However, when doing so, please credit Child Welfare 2 Information Gateway. Available online at www.childwelfare.gov/pubs/factsheets/preschool.cfm Parenting Your Adopted Preschooler www.childwelfare.gov • Provide chances to play and talk developing brain or lead to with others. specific disabilities. • Teach appropriate social skills through Childabuseorneglect.Early neglect or words and by example. abuse may limit a child’s physical, mental, emotional, and social development. • Model and talk about healthy ways to Often, the longer a child has experienced cope with emotions. abuse or neglect, the greater the impact • Calm their fears. (“See, there are no on development. Children whose early monsters hiding under your bed.”) lives are harsh and/or unpredictable may not be able to develop the trust needed • Help them understand cause and for healthy emotions. Sexual abuse can effect. (“You went into foster care have an especially negative impact on because your parents had grown-up young children by altering a child’s problems that kept them from being understanding of appropriate roles and able to take care of you, not because of relationships. Physical abuse and harsh anything you did.”) physical punishment may affect how a child • If possible, when transitioning responds to discipline. a preschooler into your family, Institutionalizationormultiplemoves. use familiar foods, clothing, and Young children in institutional care (e.g., blankets—little things that will help orphanages) are at risk for delays in mental, them feel comfortable and ease social, and physical growth. They also the transition. may have challenges processing sensory information or challenges with balance and adoption considerations movement. Institutionalization or multiple moves from family to family may limit It is important for adoptive parents a young child’s ability to form a healthy to understand how their child’s prior attachment to a primary caregiver. This can experiences, as well as their individual delay emotional and social development. mental and physical capacity, might affect Griefandloss.Children who experience their development. Many children will separation from their birth parents may catch up developmentally; some children feel an unresolved sense of grief or guilt. will always have challenges. The following Even children adopted as infants will experiences sometimes contribute to delays experience grief about the loss of their birth or disabilities, but they do not affect all parents and a potential life with them. children in the same way: These feelings may recur over their lifetime, Poorprenatalcare.Poor prenatal care or even when their adoption is a positive nutrition can harm a child’s physical or experience. Unresolved grief can affect a mental development. Prenatal exposure child’s emotional and mental development. to alcohol or drugs may damage a child’s This material may be freely reproduced and distributed. However, when doing so, please credit Child Welfare 3 Information Gateway. Available online at www.childwelfare.gov/pubs/factsheets/preschool.cfm Parenting Your Adopted Preschooler www.childwelfare.gov addressing children’s • Usesimplegamesandactivitiesthat Developmental Gaps helpyourchilddevelopandcoordinate allfivesenses. Finger-paint in the If your child spent a lot of time living in bathtub with colored shaving cream, an institution or was in an abusive family practice writing with foam rubber letters, situation, he or she may not have been play dress-up with multifabric clothing taught or shown how to communicate or and accessories, identify toys and point regulate feelings. He or she may not have out their different characteristics (red, had chances to learn to play with other yellow, smooth, soft, big, small). Allow children, take turns, or just have fun. your child to play with “baby toys” Developmentally and experientially, your designed for much younger children. child may be much younger than his or her A child cannot catch up without chronological age, and it may be helpful to experiencing earlier developmental steps. think of the child in that way. As a result, your child may need time to “catch up” Parenting to Build attachment to children in the same age group in some skills. If English is not your child’s first You can also use knowledge of your child’s language and he or she was placed after developmental needs to help enhance beginning to understand language, there your child’s attachment to you. Offer your may be additional delays and challenges. child the kind of attention, nurturing, and physical closeness that he or she may have You can help your child overcome these missed during early months and years. developmental gaps by adjusting the way you interact with your child to his or her Here are some things you can do to build developmental needs, rather than his or her attachment with your preschooler: age. Allow your child to learn at his or her • Smile at your child often, make loving own pace. Break tasks down into smaller, eye contact, and use frequent praise. doable steps so that the child can feel a sense of mastery and accomplishment. • Increase your physical contact (hug, hold hands, let your child sit on your lap). Be The following are some examples: careful to use “safe touch” with children • Teachyourchildnewwaystointeract who may have been sexually abused. (For andcommunicate. Use both actions more information, see the Information and words. (“I am waiting for my turn Gateway factsheet, Parenting a Child Who to throw the Frisbee.” “John showed his Has Been Sexually Abused.) anger with words, not fists.”) • Spend as much time with your child as • Teachyourchildaboutsafety,privacy, possible. Consider reducing your work andhealthyfamilyrelationships. hours or taking a leave of absence Demonstrate appropriate behavior and during the child’s initial placement, if explain. (“In this home we go to the you are able. bathroom one at a time,” or “We do not • Allow your child to go back to an earlier keep secrets.”) developmental stage, such as rocking This material may be freely reproduced and distributed. However, when doing so, please credit Child Welfare 4 Information Gateway. Available online at www.childwelfare.gov/pubs/factsheets/preschool.cfm Parenting Your