May 1981 The DISSENT Page 8 ■ f s * ® n f Offices located at the rear table of Justine' Bar and Grill, 8 | PUBLISHER Margaret Pynchon MANAGING EDITOR Charlie Hume CITY EDITOR , Lou Grant | M ASST.'CITY EDITOR ¡§ Art Donavan - PHOTOGRAPHERm | | Dennis “Animal” Smith H REPORTERS Billie Newman, Joe Rossie, ? Sweeney, The Santini Family: Trip, Chip, Spence, Scoop, Scam, Muffy, KIM, Devil, Biff, Reynaldo, Benny, Sticker, Bobby, Johnny, Grogo, Hack, Buffy, Tipsy, and illegitimate Santlni’s everywhere. EDITORIAL anjj aje suojtesnooe asaqi All characters depicted in this publication :Aes o; 6u|qi auo are real people, but we are going to pretend We at the DISSENT realize the difficulty A|uo 8Aei| ‘pjeoq |euo;!pa aq; a/v\ ‘suoqesno they are fictitious and not intend to re p re -1 Janet Cooke, former Washington Post -oe asaq; ;o ne o; asuodsaj ;o Aem sy sent anyone alive or- dead. But that’s only to reporter, will have in finding a new job. sumo; keep a libel suit off our heads. But because of our strong committment uja;sa/\/\-P!W netus ;o sjaAoa>|e; ;smnuj to running fabricated material, making up -O10Q 6upueu!; A||en;oe ;o pasnooe pue Letters to the editor will be accepted, read, quotes, contriving photographs and A;uoq;ne jo simo; ne 6ui;oadsajs!p ;o pasno and destroyed, but not necessarily in that creating composite characters and passing -oe uaaq aAeq a/y\ |oqoo|e pue s6njp q;iM order, m m them off as real people, we feel Ms. Cooke 6u!;uauuuadxa aiuq qonuu oo; 6u¡;sbm ;o would be an asset to our staff. pasnooe uaaq aAeq a/y\ Buiujeai jaq6|q ;o Subscriptions to the DISSENT are available, We invite Janet Cooke to send her com­ P with special discounts offered to those liv- suoumqsu! 6ui;oadsajsip pue ‘sjapejeqo posite resume and fake credentials to the 6u|;eu!ssesse ‘suoqesnooe as|e; 6u| tng in countries under Communist influence DISSENT for consideration. i |o r in. Canada, Rates are provided upon ->ieuj ;o pasnooe uaaq aAeq bm ‘Aquaoay S request. jj; Merry C hristmas LETTER TO THE EDITORS The DISSENT receives lots of mail every- issue. IThis letter comes all the way from .®FROMltS day, but because of limited space we are the STATE TIMES newspaper, State Univer- able to print only one selected letter per sity College, Oneonta, New York Dear Editors, Aren’t you impressed???!!!! ?Que’ pasa, babies? Your letter was I feel sorry for you if you are. great. Your product of artistic creation is I saw a great classical/jazz concert now decorating our lovely office walls. Saturday night. Of course, I couldn’t hear a Stacy and Eric haven’t even seen them yet. thing because there was fog blocking my Oh, well. No cigarettes for awhile. I can’t ears, but I guess that the concert would wait until I have one so I can be a real have been just great if I could have seen it. smoker again. Being a smoker is fun I’ll send you a postcard of the concert because then you have a title. Just a normal sometime. In technicolor. I’m hungry, so I’m person has just a normal name, but a going to get a donut now. I’ll pretend that smoker has a whole deal. I’m eating it in Canada just so it can feel like Rona Gindin old times. Write soon. THEi>i5servt Editor-in-Chief love, SMOKER The (non?) smoker Page 7 The DISSENT May 1981 Did you ever wonder about the different names the buildings around here have? Here is a quick reference guide, just in case. Campus Drive apartments -- that’s the name of the street they’re on. The Daemen Little Theatre -- It’s small. Wick Center -- named after Charles Wick, the guy whose portrait hangs near the en­ trance. Lourdes Hall -- some religious place in France. Dun Scotus - a philosopher who founded I the Fransican order of nuns and was later | killed by his students. Members of the college community hope to \ soon name a building after the President. T*-.- *Vv,W. female), and keeping the Erie County Health PURPLE HAZE: The Ballad of Benny Santini Department from condemning his room. He was also a top-flight DJ for WPNK which, at by Jay Santini had money and she had the largest pectoral that time, was W.N.Y.'s only “ new wave” Dedication: In commemoration of my dear measurements of all the girls at Robert radio station; he only played the best brother and close friend, Benny Santini, Fulton High. When they finally came home classical and punk rock music. His music who has passed on to the higher circles of three days later from what I guess you consisted in the three B’s: Bach, nearly-graduated, semi-employed, ex- could call a “ binge," Mr. Lebowitz was ex­ Beethoven, and Blonde. When asked Daemenites. May God have mercy on his tremely upset. He gave Benny two choices: whether he liked the Beatles, Benny soul. Amen. either he could marry Shelley or go to jail. retorted, “ Sure. Cooked, fried, sauteed or Benny Santini was born in the house his So Benny did the noble thing - he packed raw - but grasshoppers taste better!” father built. Located in the slums of Bayone, his bags and headed for a Jewish seminary Benny always did like the Rathskeller; to N.J., the Santini domicile was possibly the near Montreal. him, it was the most useful place on cam­ best shanty which that section of northern Benny didn't last too long at the Saadia pus. As a matter of fact, he helped me write Jersey had ever seen. The entire ben Joseph Seminary for Wayward Jewish a Purple Haze entitled “ Raturday Night neighborhood was comprised of German Youths. His first major problem was he Fever.” I can stil! picture Benny sitting in immigrants and war criminals who passed could speak neither French nor Yiddish. His the Rat, trying to pick up girls, saying, themselves off as Puerto Rican Brazilians. second problem was he always made the “ Would you like to go outside with me and This was fine if you were from either Ger­ holes in the bagles too small, thus cutting help spot UFO’s?” Obviously, he picked up many, Puerto Rico, or Brazil; the.Santini’s the seminary bakery's profit margin by as many girls with that line as there have were of the Hebraic persuasion and spoke more than 15%. His last problem was that been Polish Popes, and this girl would have nothing but southwestern Brooklynese. he really wasn’t cheap, even though he lik­ gone out with a German Shepard. It was in these surroundings that Benny ed to call himself “ pinch a penny Benny." If anybody would like to drop Benny a line grew up and got beat up. He lived with his So when his superiors found out that he had his address is: Benny Santini father Benny, Sr., his mother Kara, and his bought a pair of Levi jeans for $17.95 that c/o Vito DeNucci five brothers Jay (that's me), Johnny, Sam­ were on sale around the corner for $16.00, 666 Los Diablos Blvd. my, Bobby and his adopted brother that was all she wrote. Benny was kicked Trenton, N.J. 08540 out and told to convert to Christianity. Reynaldo, whom the Santini’s found one Please, no postcards. If you want to ask day in the mailbox with the morning mail. Which brings us to how Benny Santini him what he's doing, just mention TTT, Benny was a rotund, obese, awkward boy ended up at Daemen College. When he that’s his major -Taxi Technology Training. who had an aversion to work and a preoc­ transfered to D.C. in the fall of ‘77, I asked I rode with him in his checker cab over cupation with sex. For example, when he him why he did it. “ Why?" said a startled Easter vacation; he took ten cents off a five started first grade and had to write a hun­ Benny. “ Because I wanted to see how the dollar fare. What a friend, what a pal! dred word paper on “ What Do You Want To Gentiles live! " Be When You Grow Up,” he got me to write Benny was an immediate hit with D.C. for him “Why I Want To Be A students. I guess he is most noted for being Continued from page 7 Gynecologist.” He got suspended from the track team's mascot. His specialty: cat­ segments of the articles, usually the part school, and I got grounded for a month. ching a shot-put with his teeth. All Benny where the Administration denies all the I’ll never forget what Benny got for his could say to me between catches was that charges. That's my favorite part - the hack­ Bar Mitzvah present - and I’m sure he’ll they tasted better than food service's meat­ ing, I mean.” never forget either. Fortunately for Benny balls. He also was on the ASCENT for a When asked what their future plans (unfortunately for the rest of society), he while as a part of the editorial staff; his would be now that their minds have been went down to the free clinic in time to pre: favorite line with new female reporters was. destroyed by drugs, the former Ascent staff vent any serious brain damage. “ Let’s go into the darkroom and see what had a unanimous answer: Despite his somewhat shabby ap­ develops.” “ We re going to be Administrators at pearance, Benny always was good with the Benny's hobbies included such Western-New York's.most'Career Oriented girls.