Sunday, April 1, 2012 • Volume π, Issue e • nique.net Hot, dense place CBS documen- tary explores tribe of mammals living in Pasadena, CA.431 TechliqueThe North’s deadliest pre-school newsletter CULC squatters enter third month of protests Photo by Rick Shaw / Student Publications The Occupy CULC movement has built momentum across a broad spectrum of campus. Above, students refuse to leave the CULC building during a planned protest. By Mon E. Bags But could the building be just escaping from his dirt-stained lips. napkins,” Lee said. employment,” said Dan D. Lyons, Investment Banker a little too inviting? With such de- The squatters mostly sleep, but The next morning the room head of opposition efforts. lightful amenities it’s understand- more organized activity seems to was empty upon search. Security As this trend continues and the The G. Wayne Clough Un- able that it might attract those be on the rise. is doing its best to keep control of homeless begin to make homes in dergraduate Learning Commons who lack the essentials: shelter, “I don’t think I’ll ever recov- the situation, although they are the beloved CULC, students must (CULC) was created with the vi- warmth and powder rooms. er from what I saw that night,” faced with many obstacles. be wary of their surroundings. sion of having a sustainable build- The first sightings of these said Brock Lee, a fourth-year “Our squatting campaign “We fully support the Occupy ing on campus that would serve as “Clough-squatters” or Clough- GHYTSN major. Mussolini’s eyes started out small, but is growing CULC movement. Its ‘We are the a gathering point for students to squats began occurring mid-Jan- clenched with the pained memory by the hour, as students increas- 99 percent’ slogan truly speaks collaborate on schoolwork, culti- uary, as temperatures fell under of what he witnessed the night be- ingly buy into our vision,” said to our values,” said Mickey Gor- vate their passions and encourage winter’s strong grip. fore in the bean bag room. Jim Sox, the President of Tech’s bachev, Starbucks manager, who studious habits. The building pro- “They make me feel awkward “There was hooting and howl- Occupy CULC chapter. “We are noted an 80 percent revenue in- vides everything a student could and uncomfortable while I am ing. They had a metal trash recep- the 99 percent.” crease over the past three weeks need for a long night; Starbucks, trying to study,” said Hugh De- tacle and were stirring something “Sometimes, I can’t tell wheth- alone. “It’s time that someone bean bag chairs, dry erase boards Mann, a second-year BA major, using a large wooden paddle. er it’s a squat sitting in the chair, bridged the wide gap between the and even showers in case the long as a Clough-squat was slumped in They were mostly naked, spare a typical college student or an art snooty and lazy one percent and nights become sleepy mornings. the chair next to him, deep snores loincloths made from Starbucks history student practicing for un- the hard-working 99 percent.” News Briefs Phasers approved for concealed carry By Armand Hammer range, my long Star Trek Expert range capabili- North Ave Dining Hall to ties have been Spaceco Vaporizer roll out permanent With a unanimous deci- severely lim- 24-hour option sion by the state legislature ited. With the 3450 late last night, the right to ability to carry Because the student traffic between carry phasers on campus has my standard issued 3 a.m. and 7 a.m. at the North Avenue Din- been approved. Kzinti phaser on and around ing Hall (NADH) continues to fall short of “This marks a pivotal campus I’m now safe at any requirements, NADH has decided to place point in Tech’s history. Safety range. Tech students should vending machines inside to continually provide and technology, two of our no longer have to worry • $800 24-hour service to students. great university’s biggest con- about criminals again. For • 50 shots per charge “It’s brilliant,” said Monsieur Ratatouille, cerns, have now come any would • Power levels: Stun, Kill, head chef of the dining hall. “Now we won’t be together to create a “For any would be thugs out Vaporize wasting food or our time.” single solution to a there, I say, • Available Colors: Futuris- This plan still requires students to scan their problem that has been be thugs out ‘Come at tic Silver, Sexy Pink, Black BuzzCard to gain access to the machines. plaguing campus for there, I say, me, Bro,’” Pearl, Galactic Blue, Older “We don’t want [the homeless] and the like sometime now,” said said Wil- Gold coming here for the food,” Ratatouille said. Institute President ‘Come at me, liam Nim- • Licenses can be obtain in “Then we’d have to refill the machines during G.P. “Bud” Peter- Bro.’” roy, third- Starbase 9264, Sector 001 the time period because they’d all eat the darn son in a statement year DADA food!” moments after hear- William ( D e f e n s e However, the vending machines will still be ing that the bill was Nimroy Against the across the country. It’s some dors from across the galaxy closed Friday evening to Sunday afternoon. passed. Dark Arts) thing all Georgians should be have been pouring in to take “Our goal is to save money,” Ratatouille Students in sup- DADA ‘13 major and proud of,” Deal said. root in a previously untapped said. “By closing these machines at that time, port of the bill agree with NRA member. This comes just days after market. we’ll save money on electricity. ‘Tis the season Peterson, saying that the right The bill will now go to the passage of another law Spaceco, currently the for green. Environmentally speaking of course.” to carry concealed phasers on the desk of Governor Nathan supporting the lawful posses- largest manufacturer of phas- The content in the machines, however, will campus will drastically re- Deal, who is expected to sign sion of lightsabers on campus ers in the Milky Way Galaxy, be the same as those throughout the campus. duce the amount of on cam- the bill into law. and the great “Students for has proposed plans to build a “We’ll have candybars and stuff like that pus crime. “This piece of legislation Campus Safety” riots. store in Midtown, where cus- in there,” said Koyn Slot, Vending Machines “I’ve been carrying nun- is really cutting edge and will Already, the economy of tomers could try out different Global Infrastructure Consultant. “It won’t be chucks and ninja stars for likely serve as a model for the state of Georgia has seen products before purchasing anything special, but if 24 hours is what the years. While effective at close safety on college campuses an uptick in activity as ven- them. students want, then that’s what they get.” 2 • March 30, 2012 • Technique NEWS GTPD partners with Robocops GT Housing confusion causes By April Fool relocation to trailer parks Vigilante A shipment of RoboCops is scheduled to ar- rive at GTPD early next week. GTPD has de- cided to implement RoboCops on campus in at- tempt to increase security at Tech. Desperate to decrease the amount of crime in the area, Atlanta City police directed GTPD to find alternative methods to fight campus crime. “Tech is getting a bad rap for its crime on campus. After attending the ‘Let’s Make Col- lege Campuses Safe’ Police Conference back in February, I was suddenly inspired during one Photo by Olive Yew / Student Publications of our weekly movie nights,” said Chief Deputy Ralphie Wiggum of the Atlanta Police. Due to confusion with the new online housing system, hundreds One of the featured films was the 1987 film, of students left Tech for off-campus housing, mostly trailer parks. RoboCop. In this film, police in Detroit, Michi- gan develop cyborgs to combat the incessant By Leroy Jankins I made it through, and when I ac- crime and financial turndown of the city. Home Park Resident tually made it to the pick-a-room Officer Guthridge is the mastermind behind phase, every room on campus the idea of installing RoboCops around campus. The Department of Housing was filled with one-person room “RoboCop is a prime example of what Tech made a surprise announcement on squatters,” said Ho Ma Liss, a needs, and that is constant surveillance. There is Thursday, March 29, unveiling a second-year AE major. only so much territory my buds and I can cover new housing option it would be In order to keep such students in a night,” said Officer Georgie Porgie. making available to students in in the system, Housing is provid- “We designed the features we think are most Fall 2012. In addition to East and ing a new housing option to stu- useful for a RoboCop to have at designyourown- West Campus housing options, dents: trailers. The trailers will robocop.com,” said Officer Billy Goat. Housing will offer accommoda- come equipped with all the ame- RoboCops will have powerful sensors tions in the Home Park area too. nities of freshmen dorms, with throughout their structures. Minor movement The new Housing form, de- a few additional bonuses. The will be monitored, but the RoboCop is built to vised to make applying for hous- square footage will actually be a detect human movement. ing easier, resulted in a large num- bit higher than that of the dorms, The RoboCops will be installed in areas all ber of confused students either and come equipped with private around campus.