GUIDE (405) 691-2648 www.echolslawfirm.com 9925 S. Pennsylvania Ave., Suite 100, Oklahoma City, OK 73159 405-691-2648 www.echolslawfi rm.com Oklahoma’s Top Rated Matrimonial Lawyers stablished in 1979, Echols & Associates is David W. Echols is a fellow in the American Academy primarily engaged in contested and complex of Matrimonial Lawyers. Jonathan Echols, named for Efamily law litigation. the third year as a Rising Star by SuperLawyers; Amy Howe, recognized for the third year by the National Our attorneys have dedicated themselves to help- Trial Lawyers Top 40 Under 40, National Academy ing clients find their future, while honoring their past, of Family Law Attorneys Top 10 Under 40 for 2015 through compassionate, knowledgeable and experi- and 2016, and American Institute 10 Best Under enced representation in the Family Courts of Oklahoma. 40 for 2015 and 2016; Ashley Rahill, Recipient of Oklahoma Bar Association President’s Award, 2012 The firm has received numerous accolades including and Leadership Academy 2014; and Kyle Endicott, being recognized for many years by the Bar Register of who is the newest member of the firm, continue to Preeminent Lawyers rated by Martindale-Hubbell for provide our clients with knowledgeable and compas- legal ability and highest professional standards. sionate representation. In Memoriam, Judge M. Eileen Echols (March 16, 1951 – June 30, 2016) David W. Echols Jonathan D. Echols Amy L. Howe Ashley D. Rahill Kyle L. Endicott 9925 S. Pennsylvania, Suite 100, Oklahoma City, OK 73159 405-691-2648 www.echolslawfirm.com For most people, divorce is much more than a major legal process. It’s also a challenging time of transition that can negatively impact virtually every area of life: emotional, psychological, domestic, parental, financial, physical health, social, vocational, and more. This special Divorce Guide contains helpful articles, tips, and advice to assist you and your family through this transformational process. It will help empower you to build the satisfying new post- divorce life you desire – and deserve. 4 Understanding the Divorce Process A basic primer on how the divorce process works. contents 7 5 Ways to Financially Prepare for Divorce 24 Tips for Healthy Co-Parenting with a Toxic Ex Following these simple steps will ease the fi nancial shock Develop a healthy relationship post-divorce for the of divorce – and help your transition to post-divorce life. emotional and psychological well-being of your kids. 8 How to Choose a Divorce Lawyer 26 4 Questions Kids Will Ask About Your Divorce Here are the 17 questions you should ask to fi nd the right How to answer the most common questions and reassure lawyer to represent you. your children. 10 7 Ways to Stop Sabotaging Relationships 28 Documenting Your Financial Situation With insight and self-awareness, you can learn to create Collecting fi nancial information and creating a budget loving, long-term relationships in the future. will help you know where you stand. 12 7 Common Financial Divorce Mistakes to Avoid 30 5 Ways to Build Confidence After Divorce These mistakes can have devastating eff ects on your Your confi dence can take a nose-dive after divorce; here’s fi nancial well-being during and after divorce. how to get back on track. 14 Marital Property vs. Separate Property 32 7 Ways To Fight Depression and Thrive After Divorce How the courts typically defi ne separate property and When life hands you lemons, sprinkle sugar on them and marital property in divorce. enjoy a sweet lemonade. 16 Designing a Parenting Plan 34 Make Room for Spiritual Healing There are several important issues to consider as you Understanding your core values and spiritual beliefs could design your parenting plan. help you reorganize your life after divorce. 20 The Dangers of Social Media in Divorce The articles in this Divorce Guide are provided for general information and may Think twice before posting anything on social media not apply to your unique situation. These articles do not take the place of a lawyer, during and after divorce: the consequences could be dire. accountant, fi nancial planner, therapist, etc.; since laws and procedures vary by region, for professional advice, you must seek counsel from the appropriate professional in your area. The views presented in the articles are the authors’ own and do not necessarily 22 5 Tips for Maintaining an In-Law Relationship represent the views of this fi rm or of Divorce Marketing Group. This Guide is published by and Copyright © Divorce Marketing Group. ALL RIGHTS RESERVED. Any use Things you can do to help maintain a relationship with of materials from this Guide – including reproduction, modifi cation, or distribution – your in-laws during and after divorce. without prior written consent of Divorce Marketing Group is prohibited. Divorce Guide | 1 preparingfordivorce Understanding the Divorce Process Here’s a basic primer on how the divorce process typically works. By Diana Shepherd, Divorce Financial Professional ike snowflakes, no two divorces are identical: every marital break- Lup has its own unique legal, fi- nancial, and/or parenting issues, which require their own resolution strategies. However, every divorce undergoes the same general journey from initiation to closure. Whether you and your spouse make this journey slowly or quickly, expensively or inexpensively, stressfully or peacefully is up to you, but the desti- nation is always the same: from shared to separate lives. Here’s a basic primer of how the divorce process works in the United States and Canada. Bear in mind that you need to speak to a family lawyer to discover how the options vary in your divorce case takes six months or six A temporary order/agreement estab- state or province, as well as how the years from beginning to end, you have lishes quick decisions about the chil- details and circumstances of your situa- to keep food on the table and a roof over dren, property, bank accounts, support, tion may affect your process. your heads, among other things. During and other key issues during the separa- this temporary period before a divorce is tion period. For example, if one spouse Temporary Orders and Filing finalized, most people are able to reach moves out of the home and the other has Divorce Papers an agreement about how to pay for their no income, how will the latter feed the Although it may feel like it sometimes, expenses. If they can’t reach an agree- kids and pay the bills? One of the most life does not come to a halt while you’re ment, they might have to go to court to common temporary orders is for spousal negotiating your divorce. Whether your ask a judge to issue temporary orders. support. To obtain this order, you must 2 | Divorce Guide establish that one spouse needs the sup- If you and your spouse can’t reach an agreement, port and that the other spouse is able to pay it – which may require a Financial then your case goes to trial. Divorce trials Affidavit or Statement detailing both can take many months or even years, spouses’ living expenses and incomes. You should hire a divorce lawyer and they’re never pleasant. and/or mediator and financial advisor as soon as possible. You’ll set your tem- last five years; a recent pay slip; the can initiate this by filing a motion with porary order/agreement in a brief, rela- major assets and liabilities of both the court. A short hearing takes place in tively informal hearing before a judge, you and your spouse; budget work- which the lawyers representing you and so prepare a complete list of what you sheets; insurance policies; credit- your spouse present their cases before want to request. The items you can card statements; wills; and any the judge. In most cases, only the law- request include: temporary custody and credit or mortgage applications. yers are permitted to speak. However, if visitation arrangements; a restraining Unless you create a separation you are going the Do-It-Yourself (a.k.a. order (if there has been domestic vio- agreement, your divorce lawyer will use Pro Se) route, you’ll be able to represent lence); child or spousal support; and/or this as a starting point for the discovery yourself in this hearing. Once the judge who gets the car and house. process. Your lawyer needs as much spe- makes a decision on the matter, the regu- cific information about the marriage as lar process continues as before. Filing the Petition possible in order to work out the finan- Next, you or your spouse will file a cial and children’s issues fairly. Most of To Litigate or Negotiate? petition, application, or complaint for discovery involves financial matters, for You and your spouse must decide how divorce with your local family court. The which your lawyer needs specific, accu- to resolve your divorce. Will you fight person who files (“the plaintiff”) serves rate details. From the value of items you it out through adversarial litigation, or a summons upon the other spouse, stat- bought during the marriage to stocks, can you set aside personal feelings long ing that they want a divorce and what pensions, and revenue from a business, enough to negotiate outside of court? they are seeking in terms of property, you and your divorce professionals (e.g., Alternative Dispute Resolution (ADR) child custody, spousal and child support, lawyers, mediators, financial advisors, methods – such as arbitration, media- etc. The other spouse (“the defendant”) appraisers, etc.) may have to retrieve tion, and Collaborative Divorce – have must answer the summons and, if they documentation of every dollar value – become popular means of resolving wish, can make their own claim.