Sociology Study, August 2015, Vol. 5, No. 8, 616‐627 D doi: 10.17265/2159‐5526/2015.08.002 DAVID PUBLISHING Moving the Goalpost: “Come­We­Stay” Practice in Menchum Division (MD), Cameroon John Mih Ukaa Abstract This paper seeks to understand people’s perception of “come‐we‐stay” (CWS) cohabitation in Menchum Division (MD), Cameroon. As in most of Africa, marriage is a valued institution that ensures the continuation of the family tree. The emergence of CWS is gathering momentum fast in many communities in the country much to the dislike of the church and custodians of tradition who perceive CWS to be a cheap union form that breaches marriage norms. This paper seeks to address whether the emergence of CWS has affected marriage perceptions in MD. Initially, quantitative data were collected via online survey disseminated via Facebook. The time‐efficiency, economic viability, convenience and anonymity of this method made it a viable method for this study. Later, however, due to a low response to the Facebook link, the online survey was constructed into a questionnaire and administered to the same target population. Questionnaires were relevant to this study because they could be self‐administered. However, the questionnaires were limited as they did not allow for attention to details. The data were analysed using content analysis. Keywords Come‐we‐stay (CWS), cohabitation, union, marriage, Menchum, Cameroon Come-we-stay (CWS) has a longstanding history in RESEARCH CONTEXT many communities. Its ramifications depend on MD shares boundaries with Manyu and Momo the context and polemics used (Browning 2013; divisions on the southwest, Mezam and Boyo in the Moore and Govender 2013; Gilbertson 2014; Wong southeast and Donga Mantung to the northeast and the 2015). In most countries, it is not an end itself. Federal Republic of Nigeria on the northwest For instance, in the United Kingdom, cohabitation (Kaberry 1952). MD comprises four sub-divisions, is akin to CWS and is given considerable Wum Central, Menchum Valley, Fungom, and recognition if it subsists two years or children Fru-Awa and it has a rich diversity of people like the are involved (Wong 2015). These dynamics are Aghem, Esu, Bafmeng, Weh and Kung amongst redefining social norms in some communities1 in Cameroon, yet there is a dearth in studies on the concept. A rigorous literature search would indicate a that there have been no previous studies on CWS in University of Lincoln, UK Menchum Division (MD). To prepare the readers’ Correspondent Author: mind, it is important to briefly highlight the John Mih Uka, Social and Political Sciences, University of Lincoln, LN6 7TS, UK sociological context of MD. E‐mail: [email protected] Uka 617 others who exhibit similar yet distinct cultural this topic and seemingly none on CWS. The dearth in practices because of their migration histories (Vubo CWS studies in Africa despite its prevalence means 2005). This cultural pluralism is underpinned by that the practice can no longer be overlooked. traditional and patriarchal relationships. Nonetheless, According to Blum (2006), cited in Chilisa et al. (2013), women are dominant in subsistence farming (Kah premarital intercourse is commonplace in sub-Saharan 2013) and therefore act as shock absorbers, ensuring Africa with 60% of women having sex before their food security thus feeding the burgeoning urban 18th birthday and 33% of young women giving birth population. However, the majority of these women before their 20th birthday (Chilisa et al. 2013). remain poor because cultural practices limit their Pre-marital sex has become such commonplace that access to resources and collateral securities (Endeley even religious young people do not consider it sinful 2001; Fonjong 2001; Alasah 2008; Agheneza 2009). (Meekers and Ahmed 2000). The paucity of studies on Social life in MD is epitomised by matrilineal and the impact of premarital childbearing on the transition patrilineal succession, high frequency of polygamy, to marriage (Calves 2010) makes the exploration of the levirate and trade. The levirate is a practice where CWS perceptions imperative because of the nexus the widow is married to the brother of the deceased between premarital childbearing and marriage. husband (Kouyate 2009). The principle of The postponement of first marriage in sub-Saharan primogeniture2 is applied where the first child is a son Africa has led to an increase in the prevalence of but often disputed where the first child is a female and pregnancies and births among formally unmarried there is no will. Marriage is considered as an adolescents (Gage and Meekers 1994). Although invaluable institution and is solemnised by the marriage remains a priority among young Cameroonians payment of bride price which unites the two families (Johnson-Hanks 2007; Calves 2010), there has been a (Amin and Bajracharya 2011). Children are seen as a change in marriage and family formation patterns in source of status and wealth (Calves 2010). Polygyny Africa (Moore and Govender 2013). Marriage rates are is common making it possible for wealthy men to generally plummeting among women while cohabitation marry many wives. This is reinforced by Justice is increasing (Hosegood, McGrath, and Moutltrie Nganjie’s definition of marriage in Cameroon as “the 2009). According to Hosegood et al. (2009), one of the union between one man and one or more women to main reasons for the changes in the rate and patterns of the exclusion of other men” (Bobga 1999: 55). marriage in South African is cohabitation, undertaken Marriage entails the fulfilment of marriage rites as “part of the process of postponing marriage or as an preceded that cohabitation and procreation (Weinger alternative to coupling or both” (Moore and Govender 2009). But CWS’s emergence is creating social 2013: 624). Even though most agreed cohabitation as a tensions which are redefining marriage social order. precursor to getting married materialises making CWS a valuable mechanism for resolving issues or sharing resources through planning together and joint space LITERATURE REVIEW sharing, there are potentials for danger when this Research on MD has predominantly centred on backfires (Moore and Govender 2013). This shows that farmer-grazier conflicts (Ngwoh 2006; Fonchingong cohabitation is only a means to an end and not an end in Vubo, and Besseng 2008; Manu et al. 2014), social itself. However, the limited evidence of CWS care (Lang 2012), and chieftaincy succession (Tem materialising into marriage in other countries like 2013) amongst others. Despite the importance of Cameroon where its practice is the knitted effort of marriage, there is a paucity of literature focusing on intersectional variables makes understanding the 618 Sociology Study 5(8) concept imperative. is imperative. Knock door is a culturally coined According to Njiru (2008), CWS is a “fact concept for the traditional engagement where the arrangement not sanctioned by civil, religious or groom’s family introduces itself to the would-be traditional authority but where a man and woman bride’s family and declare their intention to marry the decide to live together as husband and wife” (Njiru would-be bride. Knock door denotes the partners’ 2008: 4). Put differently, CWS is like a marriage engagement or the commencement of bride price arrangement between two consenting parties who have proceedings and sometimes triggers co-residence no obligation to declare their cohabitation to their (Calves 2010). Unlike CWS, such co-residence families (Come-We-Stay3 [CWS] 2013). Building on receives family blessing, but the man is still deemed these definitions, CWS therefore denotes a form of to have formally “borrowed the wife” pending bride cohabitation or conjugal relationship between two price payment. CWS therefore differs from marriage consenting heterosexual adults who live together and in the sense that while marriage is sanctioned by bride procreate when marriage rites have not been price payment proceeded by “formal handing over of formalised. In other words, CWS is a euphemism the wife to the husband’s family”, these components describing conjugal relationships between two partners are absent in CWS. Bride price payment accords who cohabit and procreate without fulfilling marriage social respect to couples in marriage, but those in rites at civil, customary nor religious level. Such CWS do not get this respect and become objects of unions do not receive parental consent or blessing ridicule within traditional settings in their communities (CWS 2013) but childbirth may trigger formalisation because they have not fulfilled marriage rites at any of by way of a follow-up with marriage rites. three levels. Moreover, while marriage couples enjoy Unlike marriage arrangements in Africa which social acceptance and respect from extended family entail a long course of interfamily negotiations and given the level of kingship (Verhoef 2005), those from exchange (Fredericksen 2000; Sijpt 2012), CWS is CWS may not especially in cases of desertion. born out of the will to informally cohabit as a couple. CWS is prevalent among the youths (Njiru 2008; Gilbertson (2014) argues that the expenses involve in CWS 2013) and to some extent among people aged formalising marriage make those who cannot afford to above 20 (Moore and Govender 2013). It starts when pay for a full wedding to resort to CWS. To give their the parties begin living together and ends when union the face of marriage, the man invites the woman marriage rites are formalised. Influenced by the and they start living and sleeping together followed by operation context, CWS create responsibilities akin to “informal marriage” (Gilbertson 2014). The name is marriage like common gender division of labour in the therefore derived from the manner in which the household and sexual exclusivity (Njiru 2008). relationship is contracted. Such unions are prone to Empirical observation suggests that CWS is both sudden dissolutions because of limited commitment planned and unplanned. It is planned when the resulting from none gift exchange and bride price cohabitation is initiated for independence or (Gilbertson 2014).