26 30 36 Jesse Ehrenfeld Grayson Schultz Keith Borden Madison’s LGBT&XYZ Magazine Advocates advancing LGBTQ health equity across our state November / December 2020 RACIAL FRAUD AT THE UW . After a trans student was outed for falsely identifying as a person of color, we look at the ways that whiteness contributes to the harm that POC experience from racial fraud p.15 FUTURE OF LGBTQ RIGHTS . What the conservative Supreme Court majority means for defending and advancing our legal protections p.48 power & purpose Dana Pellebon The co-executive director of Rape Crisis Center on creating change and making a difference in the lives of traditionally underserved people Wisconsin’s source for LGBTQ News + People + Community + Culture since 2007 As your dreAms evolve, we’re here to support you. Whether you’re buying your first car or your retirement home, American Family Insurance is with you TAKE A SMART STEP TO every step of the way, ensuring that your dreams are always protected. Colleen Frentzel, David Agent Ryan-Sukup, Agent 4407 Milton Ave 514 Ste 110Grand Canyon Dr A HEALTHY SMILE Janesville, WI 53546 [email protected] (608) 302-4101 Madison, WI 53719 [email protected] Bus: (608) 833-1717 David Ryan-Sukup, Agent 514 Grand Canyon Dr Madison, WI 53719 [email protected] (608) 833-1717 CALL TODAY (608) 241-8782 American Family Mutual Insurance Company, S.I. & its Operating Companies, American Family Insurance Company, 6000 American Parkway, Madison, WI 53783 008747 – Rev. 12/15 ©2015 – 11828218 Thank you to our Madison community for 10 amazing years of creating healthy smiles. Tamim Sifri, DDS Learn more at smartdentalmadison.com 2 NOVEMBER / DECEMBER 2020 NOVEMBER / DECEMBER 2020 3 our-lives-v02.indd 1 2/19/18 4:00 PM CAFE & BAKERY Fresh, Daily Lunch ADVERTISER DIRECTORY nnnnnn Menu Items our lives ARTISAN COFFEE From Ancora and Our Lives is a 100% ad-supported publication. Kickapoo We are able to exist because you support our dedicated advertising partners. To help us thank them for their support SMOOTHIES of LGBTQ people and our stories, check out their businesses Fresh Fruit, whenever you need them—and specifically thank them for Chocolate & Espresso advertising with us. A little bit of love goes a long way! ol KNITTING Yarns, Accessories Madison’s LGBT&XYZ Magazine & Classes Patrick Farabaugh We use local produce Publisher / Editor-in-Chief 125 S. Main Street • Verona • knitandsip.com A SPECIAL THANK YOU and cheese Virginia Harrison Amidst the extraordinary strain on small businesses, Features & Copy Editor these advertisers are helping to keep us publishing. If the Stacy Harbaugh Contributing News Editor opportunity arises, please join us in thanking them. Dana Rowe Online Events Curator 40 26 Contributing Writers ART / ARTISTS / ART SUPPLIES p. 23 Wisconsin Fertility Institute Rita Adair Keith Borden p. 29 Monroe Street Framing p. 42 WI Well Woman Program Alex Corona ATTORNEYS HIGHER EDUCATION “I don’t see this election as being about choosing a candidate who will Jesse Ehrenfeld p. 41 Balisle Family Law p. 25 Madison College Stacy Harbaugh be able to lead us in the right direction. It will be about choosing a Bailey Mosling AUTOMOBILES INSURANCE Jill Nagler p. 6 MINI of Madison p. 3 Colleen Frentzel Agency candidate who can be most effectively pressured into allowing more space Dana Pellebon BANKING / FINANCIAL ADVISING American Family Insurance Grayson Schultz p. 3 David Ryan-Sukup for the evolving anti-racist movement.” Steph Tai p. 9 Shannon M. Anderson American Family Insurance - Angela Davis Richard Wagner Ameriprise Financial 2021 Love List p. 6 Jim Hartman, State Farm Steven Wang p. 10 Dane County Credit Union p. 23 Quartz Health Solutions Helps us recognize and celebrate Wisconsin’s LGBTQ relationship(s) Contributing Artists p. 19 Mike Fumelle, Associated Bank in our January/February issue. Submit yours at: TABLE OF CONTENTS nnnnnn HEALTH & FAMILY nnnnnn NOVEMBER /DECEMBER 2020 Ian DeGraff p. 27 Summit Credit Union INTERIOR DESIGN / HOME SUPPLY ourlivesmadison.com/lovelist Laura Dierbeck p. 51 UW Credit Union p. 45 Bethke Heating & Melanie Jones Air Conditioning Inc. Romulo Ueda COMMUNITY ORGANIZATIONS DEPARTMENTS CONNECT FEATURES p. 22 Chad’s Design Build Samantha Waldron p. 8 Community Shares p. 33 Kool View In these times, having the right home for you and your 5 ADVERTISER DIRECTORY 15 THE HARM OF RACIAL FRAUD 32 GO DO SOMETHING GOOD Max Wendt of Wisconsin p. 3 Quigley Decks & Cable Rails family to stay safer at home is our priority. We are all in 6 PUBLISHER’S NOTE A trans UW-Madison grad Co-executive director of Rape p. 16 New Harvest Foundation Social Media Team p. 12 Time 2 Remodel this together, we are here and we care. Be well. student was recently outed for Crisis Center Dana Pellebon. Jill Nagler p. 18 OPEN 7 CONTRIBUTORS an extensive history of falsely I.T. / INTERNET 36 REPRESENTATION MATTERS Dana Rowe p. 13 OutReach 8 CONVERSATIONS identifying as a person of color. p. 7 Wisconsin Economic p. 47 5 Nines Yoga teacher, husband, singer, Webmaster GSAFE Co-Executive Directors 19 NEWS BRIEFS Genesis Keefer Development Corporation JEWELERS Ali Muldrow & Brian Juchems. and father Keith Borden. National Advertising Sales COUNSELING / SUPPORT p. 13 Goodman’s Jewelers 24 OUR ORGANIZERS 40 FAMILY & SELF: A LIFE’S JOURNEY Rivendell Media Inc. p. 49 Alexander Einsman, MS MFT p. 41 Jewelers Workshop Student activist Steven Wang. Community elder and organizer FASHION MEDIA 26 OUR ADVOCATES Rita Adair. p. 31 Ulla Eyewear p. 46 Towns & Associates, Inc Advancing a Healthier Wisconsin 44 THE PEN IS MIGHTIER THAN Endowment Director, Jesse THE IGNORANCE FOOD & BEVERAGE PAPER SUPPLIES & CARDS Ehrenfeld, MD. Historian Richard Wagner on the Subscribers in p. 21 Capitol Centre Market p. 34 Anthology p. 11 Delta Beer Lab p. 11 Mayday Press 30 OUR ADVOCATES many publications that sought to 400+ Wisconsin give light to our community. p. 5 The Sow’s Ear PETS Sex educator and disability rights cities & towns p. 28 Willy Street Co-op advocate Grayson Schultz. p. 45 Angel’s Wish IMPROVE FUNERAL SERVICE p. 4 Bad Dog Frida ©2020 All Rights Reserved. p. 49 Ryan Funeral Home p. 38 EarthWise Pet Supply Nov. / Dec. 2020, Volume 14, Issue 3 46 OUR HEALTH Life in the Middle Publishing, LLC & Cremation Services PHOTOGRAPHY Destigmatizing and Patrick Farabaugh, Publisher. HAIR p. 47 Dutcher Photography meow offering decriminalizing sex work. PO Box 1202, Madison, WI 53703 p. 13 Mary’s Off the Square p. 48 Melanie Renee Photography 48 OUR RIGHTS Any reproduction of OL: Our Lives Magazine in HEALTH/WELLNESS REALTY part or in full without the written permission of What a decidedly conservative online ordering the publisher is strictly prohibited. OL: Our Lives p. 17 Barefoot Hands p. 5 Lauer Realty Group Supreme Court may mean for the Magazine shall not be held responsible for any p. 21 Dental Health Associates SPIRITUAL Shop online at shop.baddogfrida.com future of LGBTQ rights. claims made by our advertisers. Submission of p. 12 Forward Fertility, LLC p. 49 First United Methodist Church Or call or email [email protected] 50 OUR YOUTH LEADERS photographs or other images to OL: Our Lives p. 17 New Health Chiropractic Magazine may be published without providing UTILITIES Trans drag performer p. 2 Smart Dental to place your order for image credit. Appearance of any person, business p. 14 Madison Gas & Electric Bailey Mosling. p. 35 Vivent Health curbside pickup or or organization within photographs, advertise- p. 52 UW Health WEDDINGS ments, or editorial content neither implies nor p. 37 UW School of Medicine $5 delivery. Visit us infers any indication of their sexual orientation. p. 43 Brandi’s Bridal Galleria for curbside shopping. Cover photo by Max Wendt. & Public Health 442.6868 baddogfrida.com 2094 atwood ave. m-f 10-6, sa-su 10-4 4 NOVEMBER / DECEMBER 2020 NOVEMBER / DECEMBER 2020 5 PUBLISHER’S NOTE nnnnnn PATRICK FARABAUGH Jesse M. Ehrenfeld, MD, MPH gives us all a lesson in allyship, as a It’s our white, cisgender gay man who helped use his power to leverage the highest levels of the U.S. military to lift the ban on open transgender differences CHECK YOUR BLIND SPOTS service. Now he’s the new director of the Advancing a Healthier Wisconsin Endowment, working to build a healthier future for all I DO MY BEST to be a good ally to the diversity of identities in our marginalized populations. that make community. Even so, it’s inevitable that I’ll have my blind spots. And finally, given that I’m writing this before the election, I’m hoping Over the years I’ve actively worked on trying to identify them when they that by the time you’re reading this we may have some hope in a new us great. come up. To do this, I focus on listening, learning, changing, and then administration to start undoing the harm caused by the shift we’ve just advocating for the voices expressing the harm that I am contributing to. I experienced at the Supreme Court. UW law professor Steph Tai tries to think part of the unlearning we all need to do is around feeling defensive forecast ways that the newly cemented conservative majority can not or doubling down on a position we hold when only suspend our progress, but will most likely actively begin rolling Jim Hartman Ins Agcy Inc No matter what you value, a group more marginalized than ourselves it back. We’re all in this together, so here’s to our shared struggle and Jim Hartman, Agent I’m here to protect it with n 5706 US Highway 51 tries telling us that it’s causing them harm.