Everly Heart and the Dollar and a Quarter Coaster Ride A new play by: Stephanie Grilo 12/7/15 Cast of Characters: Everly Heart- Male. 20-30’s. Salesman. A Dandy who’s down on his luck. Mr. Muster DeBois- Male. Older. Speaks in a hybrid of French, creole, and southern dialects. Owner and operator of the Carnival. Clown- Gender neutral. Any age. Speechless. Trumpet Kid- Gender neutral. Young. Plays the trumpet. Terribly. Tootsy Taylor- Female. 20-30’s. Hoochie-Chooch burlesque dancer. Ralph the Barker- Male. 20-30’s. Resident Carnival Barker and Head Roustabout. Ace Phalous- Male. 20-30’s. Headless Prophet. The Triplets 1,2,3- Gender Neutral. Any Age. Pinheads. Ensemble of Egress’/Policeman- Gender Neutral. Any Age. Egress= The day laborers. SCENE ONE: THE ROAD TO PREDITION Lights up on a red dirt prairie in the Oklahoma Panhandle. TRUMPET KID sits upon a porcelain jug holding a rusty brass trumpet in one hand and a single yellow balloon in the other. SCREECHING tire wheels and the opening and closing of car doors are heard off stage. Suddenly, kicked on stage is EVERLY HEART. He wears a Glen Plaid suit and solid emerald green tie. EVERLY AH HELL! Everly picks himself up and dusts off his wool hat. Left me flat out cold and alone without more than a nickel to my name. Well all be. That’s the kind of retribution you slummed-up-no-goods think I deserve, I presume? Well, I have you know I know the names of every gah-damn priest in Oklahoma, which might not seem like many, but those Mother-Mary hearts of yours are toast. Toast I tell ya! They’ll have you out hangin’ on a pole by mornin’. (under his breath) Cut throats. No gooders. Down right penny-whistling fools. Everly throws his hat back in the dirt and begins to stomp and twist it until a cloud of red dirt blows up all around him. Trumpet kid blurps out a pathetic breathy note on his trumpet. Everly looks at him. Trumpet kid stares back. EVERLY I did not see you there. TRUMPET KID I saw you. EVERLY Well, alright. TRUMPET KID I play the trumpet. EVERLY I see that. Everly extends his arm out despite the very long distance between him and Trumpet kid. (sales pitch mode) Name’s Everly. Everly Heart. Shootin’ to kill and killin’ to sell. That’s what I say. This here’s my briefcase and this here’s my trusty hat. Been with me since day one of m adventures. Now, let me back up a minute and say, I’ve never really killed a man, at least that I’ve been privy to, but killin’ just seems a thing everyone’s doin these days. So, I’d be remised if I didn’t cheat the ole tongue a little and let out a ruse here and there. Or else I’d be the one doing the dying round these parts. (beat) Say, speaking of these parts, those parts, and the all around anywhere parts, you seem lost, kid. I can tell the lost from the found more than the found from the lost. Easy business when you’re in sales like me. So, what’d you say, you lost kid or are you found? TRUMPET KID No, sir. EVERLY No, sir you are not lost? Or no, sir you are not found? TRUMPET KID I don’t think I’m neither, sir. EVERLY My kind of kin. Well, if you truly are neither than how come you’re out here all alone in this devilish heat? Don’t you got a school house to be in or a swimming hole or nothing? TRUMPET KID Sure, I do. But, I’m recruttin. EVERLY Recruttin? TRUMPET KID Mhm. EVERLY For what exactly? TRUMPET KID There’s a Carnival. Just up the road there. The kid points way out into the distance as Everly sQuints his eyes to follow the direction of his little fingertip. EVERLY You don’t say. TRUMPET KID I do. It’s right there. We got a tent and a real life coaster. EVERLY A coaster? Well I’ll be damned, I never been on a coaster before. And there’s one just over yonder, you say? Way out in the middle o’ nothin. TRUMPET KID Cost a dollar and quarter to ride. EVERLY A dollar and a quarter? TRUMPET KID Mhm. EVERLY Seems a bit steep to me. TRUMPET KID Dollar and a quarter. EVERLY And what’s so great about this coaster ride? TRUMPET KID I heard a man say just last week, he went on the roller coaster so many times that he didn’t know if he was on foot or horseback. EVERLY (chuckling) That’s a good one, kid. Gotta remember that down the road. Well, I’ll be seein’ ya. Everly begins to leave. TRUMPET KID Aren’t you gonna go see it? EVERLY Ain’t got the time. TRUMPET KID How you gonna get to where you goin? EVERLY Don’t know where I’m goin. TRUMPET KID So, you ain’t got nowhere to go, and you aint got no-one or nothin to get you there, so…why you goin again? EVERLY Listen kid, I like you and I intend to keep it that way. So play your trumpet and sell your coaster tickets/ TRUMPET KID They’re a dollar and a quarter, you can’t forget. EVERLY Right. A dollar and a quarter. You get yourself some coins and you can buy yourself some trumpet lessons. I gotta be on my way. TRUMPET KID I already play real go/ But, before he can spit out the rest, a clown on a two-seater-bicycle with a wagon attached to the back holding an inordinate amount of hats, rolls by. Hats of all styles, shapes, pasts and futures, wheels in to greet Everly and Trumpet Kid. EVERLY Afternoon. He tips his hat. Clown honks his nose, as he is not wearing a hat to tip good day’ with. Say, you wouldn’t happen to be going in….(looks in all cardinal directions, then lands on one) that direction, would you? Clown mimics the man’s look to north, south, east and west. But, then Clown points in the opposite direction. Ah, back to the Carnival. Wellp, It’s the eleventh hour for me. Godspeed to you both. Everly picks up his suitcase and begins his long walk to perdition. Clown and Trumpet kid start to follow him. Some time goes by. Everly notices a lurking shadow behind him. He turns. Clown and Trumpet Kid are naively starring back at him. Everly suspiciously turns away and walks once more. Clown and Trumpet Kid continue to follow. Everly Quickly spins back around to catch Clown and Trumpet Kid again, just staring ever so naively back at Everly. Now, what’s the meaning of this? Clown points in the direction of Carnival. I said I ain’t got the time. Everly points in the direction he’s going. That’s my way. TRUMPET KID A dollar and a quarter get’s you the ride of a lifetime. EVERLY Kid, I got a nickel to my name. If I had a dollar and a quarter, I’m afraid I’d spend it elsewhere. TRUMPET KID Elsewhere is a long way from here. EVERLY And I suppose I intend on finding that out for myself. Everly begins again his long walk. Clown and Trumpet Kid leave in the opposite direction towards the Carnival. Everly feels as though they’re still trailing him. He turns. I TOLD YOU I’M NOT/ They aren’t there. Oh…. Suddenly a large gust of wind picks up blowing Everly’s hat from off his head and tumbles towards the direction of the Carnival. Dab-nabbit! He chases after it. It settles. He goes to pick it up. The wind kicks up again, causing the hat to tumble a few more inches. Now, quit it! The hat settles in place once more. He goes to pick it up. The wind let’s out a mighty gust and Everly’s hat and Everly himself go flying off stage. Blackout. End of Scene. Scene Two: The Welcome Wagon Lights up on the outside of a Big Top all red and white. Not a soul is around. The wind picks up and the sound of the Big Top flapping in the gusts can be heard loudly. It settles. Enter EVERLY. He is still without hat. EVERLY (whispering to himself) Now, where did you run off to you flap jack? Beat. I know you’re hiding. You can’t fool a fooler you fiddlin’-two-bit-no-good-flap jack of a hat! Beat. Wonder if one of these here Carnie folk up and found my flap jack just rustlin’ in the that dust storm and took a liking to it. Thieves in the flesh and blood. Beat. What a pair o’ gah-damn misfits those two were! I shoulda known better to shut up and keep to myself. People always tellin’ me, “Everly do not engage in conversation n’ less you see fit a profit from that engagement. Best to be real short and frank, Everly. Don’t smile too much, Everly. Don’t make friends, Everly. Don’t do a thing, Everly. For Christ Sake Everly!” Gah damnit, I don’t even know left from right up and down or side to side anymore! Beat. Well, maybe just a peak under this big ole’ Big Top won’t hurt.