Muppet Show Pitches/Zahler! 1 Overview The Muppet Show: Viva Las Vegas Prince. Celine Dion. Elton John. Barry Manilow. All acts of the previous decade or even two decades. And all have (or had) their own standing Vegas shows. So, who would Sin City call upon next? Why, the Muppets, of course. So a fictionalized casino, let’s call it The Wild Carde Casino so we can make it be owned by Dom Carde, the questionably-haired real estate magnate with his own reality show, hires the Muppets to be the new house act at his new casino. It’s the Muppet Show. With rhinestones and showgirls. Of course, the Muppets rock the house in more ways than one: From Dr Bunsen Honeydew’s probability machine that causes all the slot machines and table games in the place to pay off, to Miss Piggy causing great pains to any showgirl who dare talk to Kermit, to Gonzo’s live-via-sattelite jump over the Hoover Dam in his Rocket Cycle… said, Rocket Cycle, of course, overshooting the dam and smashing into the Wild Carde Casino itself, demolishing the showroom. Finally, Carde fires the Muppets to save his fortune and his casino. And we all get to write a trip to Vegas off as research. The Muppet Show: Hooray for Hollywood The Muppets are thrilled when big Hollywood actor-director Kevin Bigstar wants to do the show. They decide to devote the entire show to saluting Hollywood, allowing us to parody all sorts of big films, from Titanic to Star Wars to the entire silent movie era. Behind the scenes, the Muppets all try to vie for his attention, hoping they can get their big break with him. Piggy wants to star alongside him. Gonzo wants to do stunts. Fozzie wants to write the next big Jack Black-type comedy. The Muppets all compete until, at the end, they realize that Ross is a nut. He’s a member of the Certaintology Club, and he’s been trying to sign them all up for his club as new members. Thom Zahler • 66 East Shore Blvd. Timberlake, OH 44095 • 440.269.8653 • [email protected] Muppet Show Pitches/Zahler! 2 The Muppet Show: Keeping it Real Urged by Scooter’s uncle, Kermit agrees to let an online reality show be filmed behind the scenes of The Muppet Show as a way to bolster flagging revenues. They’ll do all the classy tropes, including a clean room where they can bare (or, in Fozzie’s case, bear) their souls. And, through online voting at the end of every issue, a character gets voted off for that show (not out of the Muppets altogether). First, Fozzie goes after Waldorf and Statler burn through their cell phone minutes. Then Gonzo goes. Then Rolf. Then Animal. And finally, Piggy, which causes all sorts of consternation. Miss Piggy does not go quietly into any good night. Finally, Kermit is left with almost no one to complete the show. He’s forced to do most of the starring roles himself. Kermit decides that there’s enough competition in the theatre business as it is without this added level and he brings everyone back. He expects the reality show producers to say that he’s ruined the show, but his blow-up has brought in even more viewers. They ask if he could blow-up like that every week. Kermit tosses them out in disgust. Thom Zahler • 66 East Shore Blvd. Timberlake, OH 44095 • 440.269.8653 • [email protected] Muppet Show Pitches/Zahler! 3 The Muppet Show: Viva Las Vegas 1 “Luck be a Lady Tonight” Kermit and the crew fly out to Las Vegas to star in their very own Vegas show. They’re greeted by Dominic Carde, the Trump-like owner of the new Wild Carde casino, where they’ll be the new house act. They’re brought in style to the casino and shown their new digs, which look much like their old ones, only sparklier. They make their preparations, many of which they did before they got there. Gonzo has a rocket cycle ready at the Hoover Dam. Carde introduces Kermit to the showgirls, who flirt mercilessly with him, causing Piggy to keep a watchful eye. The show opens with Fozzie, glad that he should be heckle-free this evening. No luck for the bear, though, as Waldorf and Statler have taken a bus trip to Vegas just to see the show. Kermit introduces Gonzo, live via satellite, at the Hoover Dam. The Great Gonzo will attempt to jump the dam in his rocket cycle. Kermit also says that much of their show will be via satellite, as the Muppets will go out and interact the city, too, and will be seen on their show’s Jumbotron. Their second act is an Old West sketch with anthropomorphic slot machines holding up a bank. One-armed bandit puns run amok. Kermit brings down the curtain, promising more in just a minute. Or next issue. 2. “Good Run of Bad Luck” Two showgirls are talking about Kermit backstage. One of them mentions how cute he is and then “Hi-ya!” Piggy Karate Chop takes down one of them. “Hands off the frog, toots!” Dr. Bunsen Honeydew and his assistant Beaker demonstrate the Muppet Labs Probability Machine. They can influence luck, as demonstrated by some spins of a “Wheel of Fortune” type wheel. When Beaker gets caught by the Probability Machine’s machinery, it builds up a luck charge that blasts out, causing everyone in the casino to win big. Carde finds out and flips his toupee. In their second sketch, Rolf tries to sing a little song about Vegas. Unfortunately, he’s surrounded by bunches of anthropomorphic lights that go on and off, flashing here and there, keeping him from finishing. We check in one more time with Gonzo, who’s going to leap the Dam at the end of the show. Thom Zahler • 66 East Shore Blvd. Timberlake, OH 44095 • 440.269.8653 • [email protected] Muppet Show Pitches/Zahler! 4 3. “Winner, Winner, Chicken Dinner” Via satellite and the Jumbotron, we see the Swedish Chef cooking with celebrity chef parody Wilhelm Boring, cooking up some goodness for the casino buffet. They smash the place up pretty good as more and more food orders come in. They’re out of spaghetti, then they’re out of bread, then of cake... finally, they can’t take it anymore. We then reveal that Animal was at the buffet, eating them out of house and hotel. Backstage, Carde has a meeting with his accountants. Damages are starting to pile up: the payout, the buffet, the food itself... Fozzie does a CSI-themed Bear on Patrol skit. We’ll cross shows and Fozzie will do the sunglasses-and-crouch thing that Horatio Kane does on the Miami show, among other things. The clues are all very obvious. “Hey, what about these muddy footprints?” To which Fozzie will say “Yes, let’s get our expensive mass spectrograph to analyze it.” “But they just go to the closet, don’t you want to just open the door?” “And contaminate the crime scene?” And so on. The sketch is well received, and there’s much cheering. But how will the final act go? 4. “Leaving Las Vegas” Carde takes Kermit aside letting him know that everything has to go off without a hitch. They’re starting to run in the red because of all the expenses. Kermit goes off to host a showgirl sketch. Kind of a “Look at all these lovely ladies” thing. But, as the showgirls go by, the get whacked by Miss Piggy. At the big finale when there should be a row of girls behind him, there is only Piggy. Frustrated, Kermit calls for the big showstopper, the leap over the Hoover Dam. We’ll see Gonzo working with Beaker and Honeydew at “Muppet Mission Control” on the stage. Gonzo revs up, takes off, shoots skyward over the dam… …and keeps going. He disappears off the screen and off the radar. No one can find him. They decide the rockets were too powerful, but Honeydew says everything will be okay. “The Rocket Cycle has automatic guidance. It will find it’s homing beacon.” Said beacon located on the stage. BOOM! Gonzo comes crashing onto the stage. “Ta-Da!” The casino is ruined and the gang is forced to go home on a bus instead of a chartered plane. Yes, the same bus Waldorf and Statler have booked themselves on, too, leaving Fozzie to endure a cross-country heckling. Thom Zahler • 66 East Shore Blvd. Timberlake, OH 44095 • 440.269.8653 • [email protected] Muppet Show Pitches/Zahler! 5 The Muppet Show: Hooray for Hollywood 1. “Bright Lights, Big City” Kermit and the crew are delighted when Kevin Bigstar decides to be the big guest host for the Muppet Show. (Bigstar will not be a parody of any one star, but a combination of actors and directors. Good looking, lots of famous girlfriends, rich, and a little vapid.) They decide to do an entire show saluting Hollywood. The first sketch they do is a big screen “Pigs in Space.” Here we’ll run the CGI type joke that I did in my sample pages into the ground. Well, maybe not, but you know what I mean. Fozzie talks to Bigstar backstage, and starts to ask him about writing the next big Jack Black type movie. Bigstar says that they should talk more, and that he definitely has some stuff for him to write.