The Halls of Amusement ack in the distant days of middle school, Greg was one of treasure was so good that we didn’t complain. Until we my first players to take a turn behind the DM’s screen. We reached the central chamber. were all eager to see what he’d do, and I couldn’t wait to play The place was huge, with a raised platform in the center. my own characters, a min-maxed high elf fighter/magic-user The walls were covered in black flock, and the floor was tiled named Windrhymer the White and an even more min-maxed with some weird glowing material that changed patterns. fighter/magic-user/thief half-drow named Ralph the Rogue. When Greg pointed out the spinning mirror-balls on the ceiling (Yes, I’m still embarrassed about it all.) All we knew for sure we became nervous. When he described the huge black was that Greg had drawn all over a ream and a half of graph dragon wearing the white leisure suit, dancing upon the high paper. He called the dungeon “The Halls of Amusement.” platform; we realized he had gone way too far. My elves had pals, naturally. Tom played a pair of fighters “The Disco Dragon!” someone cried. We fell over each other named Harry and Burt, or something equally English. Someone to kill the beast, not so much for fear of our lives, but because else was stuck with the cleric and another character. While the even at that age we realized that a reptilian John Travolta was PCs didn’t find a lasting place in my memory, certain moments an abomination that must be destroyed. (Sure, he redeemed of the dungeon will haunt me until my dying day. himself years later, but how were we to know then?) It started out all right, I guess. We marched into the place, When the fight was over, we gave Greg our most baleful and Greg dutifully mapped out the entrance chamber, carefully looks, warned him that this had better not get any sillier, and concealing the real map behind his bunker of three DM’s continued our exploration. Greg only giggled. The encounters screens. There were doors everywhere, and of course it was all grew worse and worse, until eventually we all rebelled and perfectly symmetrical. We picked Door #1. insisted on a different campaign. Our thieves all took turns checking for traps, listening at the Years later, upon discovering the old character sheets and door, making a lot of noise, and finally opening the door. The maps from the Halls of Amusement, I finally realized why we eight-headed hydra put up a good fight, but we killed the loved that adventure in the beginning but hated it at the end. thing, took its treasure, healed our wounds, and continued. It’s the same reason you can laugh at a comedian for an hour Everything seemed perfectly normal, until we learned upon but would probably throttle him in his sleep if he came home returning to that room that the hydra sprang back to life with and did his routine for you all day long. Humor is a an extra head each time we shut the door. Okay, that was odd, wonderful diversion from an otherwise straight adventure but it wasn’t too silly for a dungeon. campaign, but there’s a reason it’s called comic relief. And so it went, with a tribe of blue kobolds with one female Last year we tried balancing the April issue with both and an old bearded fellow, slurpee-colored green slimes, and humorous and straight AD&D® game articles, and the reader pretty much every other monster you could find in the old response was great. Here we go again, a little later than April, Monster Manual — each with a twist. When we met the stone with what we hope is just enough of a good thing to give you golems in French maid outfits, we though that was pretty a few belly laughs and still provide plenty of straight game weird. When a few of the Federation’s finest accosted us with material for your own not-too-terribly-silly campaigns. phasers, we pummeled them until they begged Scotty to beam them back up. We laughed a bit, but we groaned Dave Gross even more. Something in us knew that this was wrong, but the Publisher Associate Publisher Editor-in-Chief Editor Art Director TSR, Inc. Brian Thomsen Pierce Watters Dave Gross Larry Smith Associate Editor Editorial Assistant U.S. Advertising Subscriptions Michelle Vuckovich Lizz Baldwin Cindy Rick Linda Baerbock Printed in the USA # DRAGON 238 3 August 1997 Volume XXI, No. 9 Issue #238 Mommy Dearest Lawrence R. Wenzel Mess with this non-player character and you’ll be sent to your room without supper! Page 8 Villains, Like Fine Wine Lloyd Brown III Make sure that your ancient villains improve with age. Page 16 Bard on the Run The Bard is back, and he’s punnier than ever. Page 23 Gangsters of the Underdark Keith Francis Strohm Sir Eliot of Kness opens the Hex-Files. Page 34 The Return of the Wizards Three Ed Greenwood The new Wizards Three meet once more to swap spells over pizza and ice cream. Page 42 4 AUGUST 1997 Bazaar of the Bizarre: The Rewards of Villainy Wolfgang Baur Magical items for villains. Page 28 WYRMS OF THE NORTH™: Felgolos Ed Greenwood They call him “The Flying Misfortune.” Page 50 Dragon’s Bestiary: Spawn of the Sewers John Baichtal Right under your feet. Page 68 Dragon’s Bestiary: The Other Mummies Richard Pengelly and Brian Walton Hard-hearted killers from bogs and glaciers. Page 84 Rogues Gallery: Silent Sheehan FAQ! Jason Kuhl Answers to the most A despicable NPC from the Frequently Asked Questions RAVENLOFT® setting. about the acquisition of TSR, Inc. Page 88 Page 55 Dungeon Mastery: Other Material Villainy and lntrigue 99 Steve Miller & Sue Weinlein Cook . Knights of the Dinner Table Start with your villain, and then weave a 100 . DragonMirth cunning plot for your players. Page 90 102 . Gamer’s Guide 104 ....................................................... Floyd 116 . TSR Previews 62 Nothing But Trouble Ed Greenwood The notorious Mirt the Moneylender finds more than he bargained for. # DRAGON 238 5 the Yearning. I wanted to know which Holding Out on You? names for these two years was correct. I Dear DRAGON Magazine, would appreciate an answer directly by I really like the AD&D® game with its e-mail. Thank you in advance. different campaign worlds, although Clarke Hughbanks gaming is a very expensive hobby. Every Via e-mail time you buy a product, you will recog- nize that some important parts are miss- First, an answer from the article’s author, ing, which are then presented in a later Steven Schend: product or the DRAGON Magazine (see the “Elminster tenders his abject apologies “Artifacts of Athas” article in issue #234). for the errors of his chroniclers. Apparently, If this is some sort of selling tactic, the mage’s crabbed handwriting was too please stop it. I enjoy your magazine difficult to read properly (i.e., I screwed up!). very much, but what happened with “The Year of the Dawn Blades and the “Forum”? I think it is too short. There are Year of the Burnt Spear are respectively 465 only two pages of feedback now. The and 466 D.R.; the years listed in The Seven letters of other readers are very impor- Sisters are correct.” tant for new clues, questions and com- And an editors note on e-mail letters: ments to specific topics. Without it your lf you have a comment, opinion, or ques- While we love receiving letters and even magazine loses one of its best parts. I tion for the editors of DRAGON® Magazine, questions via e-mail, we can only rarely hope you think about it. write us a letter We’d love to hear from you. reply directly. If you ask us a question we Bjoern Dobbelstein In the United States and Canada, send can answer without leaving the keyboard or Berlin, Germany letters to “D-Mail,” DRAGON Magazine, 201 opening a book, there’s a chance we’ll reply Sheridan Springs Road, Lake Geneva, WI via e-mail. Otherwise, the best we can do is While we can see why one might mis- 53147 USA. In Europe, send letters to consider it for “D-Mail.” take “Artifacts of Athas” for a portion of the “D-Mail,” DRAGON Magazine, TSR Ltd., 120 Also, please don’t send change-of- product of the same name, Kevin proposed Church End, Cherry Hinton, Cambridge CB1 address notices via e-mail. Because of the and wrote the article after the supplement 3LB, United Kingdom. large number of messages we receive, it’s was finished. Whenever we present an arti- You can also send e-mail to us at actually faster to send a postcard directly to cle that supports a recently-released prod- [email protected]. Requests for writers subscriptions at the magazine address. Do uct, the requirements are the same: It must guidelines should go to [email protected]. please keep sending “D-Mail” and “Forum” be a good useful article that can stand Please use regular mail for change of address letters, as well as article proposals, to our alone, even if it is related to the product. We notices or subscription orders. address at [email protected]. think ‘Artifacts of Athas” fits the bill. 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