UNIVERSITY OF HAWAI'I LIBRARY REFUGE A THESIS SUBMITTED TO THE GRADUATE DIVISION OF THE UNIVERSITY OF HAWAI'I IN PARTIAL FULFILLMENT OF THE REQUIREMENTS FOR THE DEGREE OF MASTER OF FINE ARTS IN ENGLISH AUGUST 2008 By Kahea Gaspar Thesis Committee: Robert Sullivan, Chairperson Albert Wendt John Zuem We certifY that we have read this thesis and that, in OUT opinion, it is satisfactory in scope and quality as a thesis for the degree ofMaster of Arts in English. TIIESIS COMMITTEE t2ec&:~ '~ Tiitii Speaks ofKane 0 Ke Kai I evah tell you da time Tutu was going go live in da sea? Wen I was maybe same age as you I wen come from Hilo side fodasummah cause my Auntie Vrrgie tought I was going die. She said dat one kahuna wen tell her fo send me away. So I come all da way ovah hea whea no body know me. I was so piss off. Noting fo do. EveI)' day was da same ting. One time I wen go out where dey get da hukilau cause da watah shallow and nobody stay. Wen I wen swim around da rocks in front da part by da heiau I saw someting in da watah. Was moving fas. I tought was one seal until I see one face come out and stare at me. Was da most beautiful man TutU evah see in her life. We wen jus look at each oddah fo one long time. Jus looking. Den he went disappeah undah da watah. Da first night after I wen see him I had one dream dat I wen swim out to da safety rock and one manu wen come up and tell me you bettah stay in dis place no go back Hilo side dat Aunty Vrrgie going eat poison cause too much pilikia fo her to handle and dat if I go 1 da wrong people going try fo keep all da mana of dis place fo demselves. Every day I go down by da heiau and I see him in da watah but I nevah go inside I can hear his voice trying fo ask me my name trying fo ask me how come he nevah see me befoah and dat he can feel my heartbeat undah da waves. Every night before I go sleep I tink about him and dat I came to dis place to love him. And every night I get da dreams of da mana trying fo tell me da same ting. Da mana in dis place going be taken away and dat all da people hea going suffah if nobody going protec em. Wen evah I see my kane 0 ke kai his voice getting so loud in my mind I no can even heah my own toughts. I no can stop linking about his face how much I like touch em No look rea1 How much I like him fo touch me. But I sched cause I know I going forget myself and everybody and everyting. He come close to da reef and he tell me "Come" "Come" "E ho' oipoipo kaua." Undaneat da watah his long 'ehu look like Iimu. 2 Da whole ocean was moving wit limu. I teU him Let me tink. Please. He teU me he going come back jus befo da moon stay fuU. Dat nite I no get da dreams. Noting. I nevah dream noting. Wen I go back down to da reef he waiting on da rocks. Wen I see him I walk shtraight into da sea like somebody contro11ing my body. He grab my arm was like slime from da han and we moving so fas tru da watah my mind stay froze. Jus befoah he puU me undaneat I scream pOhakul and den get watah in my mout like I drowning. Pahaku da only ting in my mind I put out my hand and I feel da safety rock push against me and my kane 0 ke kai wasgone. I wait on top da rock and listen fo his voice I even listen fo da mana's voice I wen wait and wait unti1 da sun wen come up ovah da mountain. 3 The Seaside Every time it' s recess me and Lori always play hopscotch so we can challenge and it's good because it's close to Mrs. Sugiyama's class so we aren't late when recess is pau. When I was jumping I saw Mom standing in the field. She was looking around so I ran to her and she grabbed my arm real hard and asked me if any Japanese men tried to talk to me today. I said no. Then she told me to wait at Mr. Kawada's office so she could go get Pua. After we left school she told us we got to go early because it's a special day. When we were driving she said what would we do if a man asked us to get into a car. I said we have to ask for the code word and ifhe doesn't know it we run away. Then she said what ifhe says your Mom's in the hospital and is bleeding. Pua said we should get in the car but I knew that was wrong. Mom said never ever go with anyone except for Aunty Patty without the code word. Then Pua got to go to Aunty Charmaine's house and play with Nani and Eden. But I couldn't because she said she needed me to be her helper. When we got home Mom said that two Japanese men 4 came to visit her this morning. They were dressed real nice and had good manners and one of them didn't have a finger. They wanted to know where Uncle Gerard was. Mom didn't know, but they knew all kinds of stuff like me and Pua's names and where we go to school and even where Dad lives and I haven't seen him in forever. Mom said she cried and one of the men laughed at her when she asked them ifthey were going to cut offher finger. Mom said we had to go downtown at nighttime to do some business and that I couldn't stay home by myself because she needed me. When the sun went down I had to carry two heavy bags to the car so Mom could get ready. She got real pretty and wore her tall shoes and put chopsticks in her hair. When we drove downtown she told me that she always tells me the truth because she loves me. But she always tells me that so I already know. Mom parked the car across from the Seaside Hotel and told me to wait and that I had to call the police if she was gone for more than two hours. I said ok, but I didn't want to wait in the car because it's boring so she let me wait in the lobby as long as I stayed away from the man behind the desk, and if she came back down the elevator 5 with anyone else I wasn't supposed to talk to her and had to call the police. Then she gave me ten dollars so I could get food. I wanted to get Slush Puppy from the gas station across the street but I didn't want to get in trouble so I went to the little restaurant by the pool and asked the lady if she had something that tasted like red or blue ice shave. She made something in a tall cup with an umbrella in it. I stayed there for a long time until the lady asked me where my Mom and Dad are. I said they're trying to sleep and I'm too noisy so I'm supposed to find something to do. When I left she told me to stay in the hotel and don't wander off and gave me pineapple and cherries. I sat by the pool because the light in the water made blue lines everywhere. When I laid down I could see all the lanais and four of them had lights on. I tried to see Mom but nobody was there. 6 Pasimati You rich, ah? Pasjrnatj says this every time she comes over Looking around the parlor at my second hand furniture the artwork. on the wall, mismatched, in cheap frames she leans in close to me, whispering so that my reply will be in confidence You rich, ah? Laughing, I slap her shoulder and never say no Pasjrnatj doesn't know any haoles other than me She stares at the freckles on my chest and says, "How come you no have palangi hair?" Are we sisters I wonder [s our hair the same? Hers glints like a dark pearl Beautiful and strong a waterfall at night Pasjrnatj has thick, restful hands that face down, never up Her house is filled always with many strange men who say things in overlapping voices that I can't understand Pasimati pretends that she can't hear and brings great pots ofulu to a table that was once a picnic table in the sand As I chew the soft flesh I taste Pasimati's hands a history I have imagined for her and I want to say Pasimati, why did you come here? Sione is Pasimati's husband a round man with a round voice who throws chicken bones on my floor pisses on my bed when he's drunk I think he beats Pasimati but I'm afraid to ask 7 Fatani and Lolo are her children They often bit one another and used the crayons I gave them to draw long Jines on my car When Pasimati is silent I am silent with her, but in her big open eyes as she is a big open woman I can see everything Pasirnati was something of a princess back home But now it seems she has nobody to remind her One afternoon Pasirnati gives me a smaIl plastic figurine with palm trees and a sunset carved into its back It reads "Hawaii" in fancy script of red and blue letters When she leaves, I notice the price tag underneath: Oshima Drugs $4.99 I want to cry and I send my thoughts after her.