Iowa State University Capstones, Theses and Retrospective Theses and Dissertations Dissertations 2003 "First and foremost, I'm a mom!": the experience of full-time and part-time stay-at-home mothering Jennifer Dawn Riday Iowa State University Follow this and additional works at: https://lib.dr.iastate.edu/rtd Part of the Family, Life Course, and Society Commons, and the Women's Studies Commons Recommended Citation Riday, Jennifer Dawn, ""First and foremost, I'm a mom!": the experience of full-time and part-time stay-at-home mothering " (2003). Retrospective Theses and Dissertations. 614. https://lib.dr.iastate.edu/rtd/614 This Dissertation is brought to you for free and open access by the Iowa State University Capstones, Theses and Dissertations at Iowa State University Digital Repository. It has been accepted for inclusion in Retrospective Theses and Dissertations by an authorized administrator of Iowa State University Digital Repository. 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Oversize materials (e.g., maps, drawings, charts) are reproduced by sectioning the original, beginning at the upper left-hand comer and continuing from left to right in equal sections with small overlaps. ProQuest Information and Learning 300 North Zeeb Road, Ann Arbor, Ml 48106-1346 USA 800-521-0600 "First and foremost, I'm a mom!": The experience of full-time and part-time stay-at-home mothering by Jennifer Dawn Riday A dissertation submitted to the graduate faculty in partial fulfillment of the requirements for the degree of DOCTOR OF PHILOSOPHY Major. Human Development and Family Studies Program of Study Committee: Sedahlia Jasper Crase. Major Professor Michael K. Godfrey Ron Werner-Wilson Gloria Jones-Johnson John Littrell Iowa State University Ames. Iowa 2003 Copyright © Jennifer Dawn Riday, 2003. All rights reserved. UMI Number. 3085940 UMI' UMI Microform 3085940 Copyright 2003 by ProQuest Information and Learning Company. All rights reserved. This microform edition is protected against unauthorized copying under Title 17, United States Code. ProQuest Information and Learning Company 300 North Zeeb Road P.O. Box 1346 Ann Arbor, Ml 48106-1346 ii Graduate College Iowa State University This is to certify that the doctoral dissertation of Jennifer Dawn Riday has met the dissertation requirements of Iowa State University Signature was redacted for privacy. Committi Signature was redacted for privacy. t Member Signature was redacted for privacy. Signature was redacted for privacy. Signature was redacted for privacy. Signature was redacted for privacy. For the Major Program iii Dedicated to eJt moticr* toko kaot, sacrificed a portion ofi tkemttfot* to maête,, tmpomr, &td unoéb the next generation iv TABLE OF CONTENTS ABSTRACT vii CHAPTER 1. INTRODUCTION I Research Question 5 Organization of This Report 6 CHAPTER 2. CONCEPTUAL OVERVIEW AND LITERATURE REVIEW 7 The Social Construction of Motherhood and Mothering 7 History of Motherhood and Mothering 9 Motherhood and Mothering: Literature Review 14 Demographic Information 14 Child Care 16 "Good" Mothering 17 Factors Influencing a Mother's Choice to Stay at Home or to Be Employed 19 Perceived Positives and Negatives of Mothering, Homemaking. and Employment 20 Isolation and Social Support 23 Division of Household Labor/Child Rearing, Marital Satisfaction, and Gender Roles 24 Limitations of Past Research 29 CHAPTER 3. RESEARCH METHOD 30 Qualitative Research and Phenomenology 30 Researcher as Instrument 34 Research Informants 38 Data Collection Procedure 40 Ethics and Recruitment 40 Data Collection 40 Data Analysis 43 CHAPTER 4. INDIVIDUAL EXPERIENCES OF STAY-AT-HOME MOTHERING 46 Individual Profiles of the Full-Time Stay-At-Home Mothers 46 Full-Time Stay-At-Home Mothers' Experiences of Motherhood and Mothering 49 Sally 49 Adrianna 53 Amber 57 Deborah 61 Cassie 65 Kallecn 70 Anne 75 Individual Profiles of the Part-Time Stay-At-Home Mothers 81 Part-Time Stay-at-Home Mothers' Experiences of Motherhood and Mothering 84 Jacqui 84 Stacey 88 Lori 91 Meredith 95 Patricia 98 Carol 103 Drea 107 V CHAPTER 5. COMPOSITE DESCRIPTION OF THE PHENOMENON OF FULL-TIME STAY-AT-HOME MOTHERING 112 Theme 1: Reasons for Being a Full-Time Stay-At-Home Mother 113 Top Priority is the Family and Mothering 113 Combining Mothering and Working Can Be Stressful and Exhausting 115 Financial Evaluation/Working and Daycare Can Be Expensive 116 Theme 2: Perceived Positives of Full-Time Stay-At-Home Mothering 117 Rewards of Mothering: Love. Fun. and Play 118 Moms Believe They Provide Greater Love and Attention Than Daycare Providers 120 Opportunity to Teach Personal Values to Children 121 Greater Flexibility and Spontaneity 122 Reduced Stress 123 Theme 3: Perceived Challenges of Full-Time Stay-At-Home Mothering 124 Difficult and Tedious Job 125 Children's Misbehavior and Fussiness 127 Negative Comments From Others About the Stay-At-Home Mother Role 128 Isolation and Lack of Connection 130 Children Miss the Social Benefits of Daycare 131 Lower Household Income 132 Theme 4: Social Contact and "Me Time" 132 "Taking Care of Myself 132 "Getting Out" and Interacting With Adults 134 Support Network With Other Mothers 137 Theme 5: "Good" Mothering 138 The Ideal Mother 139 Admiration for Role Models 141 Personal Evaluation of Self and Child 142 Theme 6: The Marriage Relationship and Division of Household Labor/Child Rearing 144 The Marriage Relationship 144 Why Moms—Not Dads—Stay at Home Full Time: Moms Feel Better Equipped 147 Division of Household Labor and Child Rearing Responsibilities 148 Theme 7: Future Desires and Plans 152 CHAPTER 6. COMPOSITE DESCRIPTION OF THE PHENOMENON OF PART-TIME STAY-AT-HOME MOTHERING 155 Theme I : Reasons for Being a Part-Time Stay-At-Home Mother/Working Part Time 156 Top Priority is the Family and Mothering 157 Combining Mothering and Working Full Time Can Be Stressful and Exhausting 159 Financial Evaluation/Income from Working Part Time is a Necessity 159 Need for Social Contact 161 Theme 2: Perceived Positives of Part-Time Stay-At-Home Mothering 162 Rewards of Mothering: Love. Fun. and Play 162 "Best of Both Worlds": Adult Interaction and Time With Children 164 Greater Flexibility With Time and Reduced Stress 165 Support from Family and Friends 168 Theme 3: Perceived Challenges of Part-Time Stay-At-Home Mothering 170 Balancing Working and Mothering 170 Children's Misbehavior 171 Lower Income and Fewer Employment Benefits 173 vi Theme 4: Child Care 173 Guilt, Concern, and Sadness of Leaving Children 174 Social and Educational Benefits for Children 174 Finding the Right Child Care Provider 176 Theme 5: "Good" Mothering 178 The Ideal Mother 179 Admiration for Role Models 182 Personal Evaluation of Self and Child 184 Theme 6: The Marriage Relationship and Division of Household Labor/Child Rearing 186 The Marriage Relationship 186 Why Moms—Not Dads—Stay at Home Part Time: Finances and Preferences 188 Division of Household Labor and Child Rearing Responsibilities 190 Theme 7: Future Desires and Plans 193 CHAPTER 7. DISCUSSION AND CONCLUSION 197 Limitations of This Research 208 Conclusion 209 APPENDIX A. LETTER TO INFORMANTS 210 APPENDIX B. SCRIPT INVITING MOTHERS TO BE INTERVIEWED 211 APPENDIX C. INTERVIEW GUIDE 212 APPENDIX D. DEMOGRAPHIC QUESTIONNAIRE 213 APPENDIX E. ROSENBERG SELF-ESTEEM SCALE (RSE) 215 APPENDIX F. KANSAS PARENTAL SATISFACTION SCALE (KPS) 216 APPENDIX G. KANSAS MARITAL SATISFACTION SCALE (KMS) 217 APPENDIX H. SATISFACTION WITH LIFE SCALE 218 APPENDIX L MEMBER CHECK INSTRUCTION LETTER 219 REFERENCES 220 ACKNOWLEDGMENTS 226 vii ABSTRACT This purpose of this research was to explore the lived experiences of married, college-educated stay- at-home mothers who had postponed or cancelled full-time careers to either stay at home full-time (n = 7) or to work part-time (n = 7). All mothers had either one or two children under the age of 5 and were married. Using qualitative research methods, detailed and personal information was obtained through individual interviews with each mother relating to the rewards and challenges of full-time or part-time stay-at-home mothering, factors influencing the decision to stay at home, "good" mothering, social contact and free time, the marriage relationship and division of household labor/child rearing, child care, and future goals and plans. All interviews were transcribed, and individual descriptive summaries, as well as composite theme analyses were compiled and are presented in this report. Informants also completed questionnaires measuring demographic information, self-esteem, general life satisfaction, marital satisfaction, and satisfaction with the mothering role; the scores on these measures were used descriptively. Findings indicate that although college-educated full-time and part-time stay-at-home mothers have unique feelings and experiences relating to their roles as mothers, both are largely satisfied with their life arrangements. Important implications for future research and application are discussed. I CHAPTER 1. INTRODUCTION I...wanted to share with you a quote from Jackie Kennedy Onassis: "If you bungle raising your children. I don't think whatever else you do well matters very much." I think that is why most of those of us who decide to dedicate a season of our lives to raising our children do it. My children are my most significant and lasting contribution to the world.