The Official Newspaper of Stern College for Women, Sy Syms School of Business, The World of Tomorrow, The Feminist Movement, The Patriarchy, The Messianic State of Israel, The United States of America, and Yeshiva University The Yeshiva University OBSERVER WWW.YUOBSERVER.ORG VOLUME LXIV ISSUE IV Purim 2018 / Adar 5778 Join TAC and SOY Sunday, March 4th at 7 pm in Rubin Shul for an exclusive showing of the hottest new film to hit YU: “The Five Commandments: President Berman Gives YU The Five Torot” News Purim 2018 / Adar 5778 • Page 2 The Yeshiva University Report: Stern Student Has Spent Last Hour in Class Observer Shopping Online for Fishing Supplies 2017-2018 Staff Kira Paley Editor-in-Chief MURRAY HILL, New York, 2:24–Students in this afternoon’s on FishingPassions.com? I’m sorry, that I don’t understand.” Principles of Biology lecture are confused about more than just Salman’s classmate Hannah Trout, though not interested in Mindy Schwartz cells today. Since class started at 1:25, a student sitting in the front fishing herself, was more supportive of the unidentified student’s row of the lecture has been browsing various websites, including internet activity. “I’ve seen worse,” she said. “The student in front of Managing Editor Amazon, BassPro.com, and Dick’s Sporting Goods for fishing gear me in psych class once spent the entire lecture logging in and out of Miriam Pearl Klahr and supplies. the YUShuttles website. The student, That was hard to News Editor who remains watch. This, at least, is Senior Editor unidentified at this original.” time, has been Other students Sarah Casteel searching for rods, are taking a more Junior Editor bait, hooks, and investigative approach Ailin Elyasi reels, intensely to the fisherwoman’s reading product online activity, by Features Editor descriptions, recalling how she spent Senior Editor watching YouTube the last few lectures. Leah Klahr video reviews “Last week, she spent all of the products, of Wednesday’s lecture Junior Editor and even keeping looking for plane tickets Talya Hyman multiple tabs open to Chicago,” explained at once to compare fellow biology student Opinions Editor prices and shipping Rachel Fisch. “That Senior Editor rates. Only straying would make sense, if Kira Paley from her intense she were searching for shopping once to freshwater equipment, Junior Editor check a message because of the lake and Elka Wisenberg on WhatsApp, everything. But if she the student has wants to go to Chicago, Web & Social Media attracted the why is she spending so Manager attentions of much time reading The multiple other Northeast Saltwater Shira Feen students sitting Fishing Discussion behind her in Koch. Board?” Layout Editor “Zara, I When the lecture Zehava Seidman understand. ends, the shopper will be Pinterest to asked to comment on her look at Ketubot online activity during Business Managers and wedding class. Until then, it Sabrina Benmoha hairstyles, I understand. Checking the OnlySimchas instagram page, I seems that she has now shifted her focus to fishing apparel, consulting Sarah Porgess understand. Doing work for other classes, I understand,” commented an international unisex size chart on bibs. Rebecca Salman, who has been avidly following the shopper’s search since about ten minutes into the lecture. “Updating your dating profile Staff Writers Dalya Hirt YC Students Move To Murray Hill “For the Community Shira Krinsky Feel” Stella Dora Four Yeshiva College Students have recently moved into the The students claim the move has nothing to do the abundance Murray Hill neighborhood, claiming that they were looking for of female undergraduate students living right nearby. “I mean a more community feel than they were afforded in Washington maybe we’ll make some new friends,” Max Golding, YC ‘20, said, Heights. “There was just blushing slightly as he spoke of too much anonymity the Stern students dorming only in the Heights,” one a few steps away, “but we really of the students, David didn’t move here just so we Green, YC ‘20, told The could have a co-ed environment. Observer. “Between It’s all about the community for the fifteen different us.” Shabbat minyans and Although the roommates tons of apartments full claim to prefer their new home, of students, it was hard they do have a few complaints Founded by the women of to find a place to be an about their newfound Yeshiva University’s Stern individual there.” community. “We have already College in 1958, The Observer One of Green’s been asked to be permanent is the independant newspaper roommate Josh Stone, Minyan Men, which is nice. of Stern College for Women, YC ‘20, agreed with But we do feel a little used. Sy Sims School of Business, his sentiment. “It was We would like to be thought of and Yeshiva University. The just not homey enough more as individuals and not just Observer is an independent in the Heights. You are as Minyan-enablers,” admitted student publication, self- just a small fish in a big Green. “It’s also really annoying funded, and published on a pond there. Being the when I get judged for taking monthly basis throughout only male undergraduate the shuttle every night to study the academic year. Views students near the Beren in the library uptown–I’m not expressed in The Observer campus makes you very desperate, it’s just a far superior are those of the writers and big fish in a very small pond here.” study environment!” Stone added emphatically. do not necessarily reflect The four students will be rooming a studio on 35th Street and “But there are always problems like this when you first move those of the editorial board Third Avenue. “The rent could have been cheaper but the price is somewhere,” Golding cut in. “Overall we’re excited to enjoy the or the student body, faculty, worth it,” Stone noted. homeiness of our new community. Maybe we’ll even start a trend and administration of Yeshiva University. All Observer content is copyrighted and may not be reprinted without permission. Page 3 • Purim 2018 / Adar 5778 News Breaking: Admin Of Memes Group Mocking Secular College Is Actually Dating A Student At Secular College Tova Luxemburg The admin of a popular secret for so long by avoiding the memes group known for Brookdale lounge, Morg lounge, mocking students attending the fifth floor of the uptown secular college in order library, all restaurants within a to make YU students feel 15 minute subway ride from the better about themselves and Wilf or Stern campuses, and by their life choices is dating a staying off social media. student at a secular college, “I love the meme group. according to Observer It gives me the chance to feel sources. better about my choice to attend Since The Observer YU and burden my parents with broke the news last night massive debt, because at least some students have I’m not in the den of iniquity expressed their frustration that is secular college,” another with admin’s hypocrisy. student commented. “But now I “He goes on posting memes see that really he thinks YU girls about the fact that secular aren’t good enough for him. It students spend their whole feels like a betrayal.” lives getting drunk at frat While the Admin wished to parties and forgetting the stay “above the drama” he did Torah they were raised on, tell The Observer, “I think that while dating one of them people have kind of missed idea at the same time,” said one of satire here.” angered student. “It’s like the memes are just a joke to him,” another student agreed. The admin has allegedly been dating the unidentified secular college student since early November, but was able to keep the news a YAF Faces Existential Crisis After Prager Causes Only Minimal Drama on YU Campus Hannah Clinton Members of the Yeshiva University chapter of the Young a single college student he’d never met before,” the possible that Ben Shapiro was anomaly and we’ll never America’s Foundations find themselves in the midst of student recalled with satisfaction. “But overall it was get that kind of pure, unadulterated drama with one of an existential crisis after their star guest Dennis Prager really tame. I mean we didn’t have every single liberal our events again. It has us questioning our purpose as only brought minimal drama and chaos during his student and alumnus sadly questioning their affiliation a chapter at YU,” a leader of YAF”s board told The visit to Yeshiva Observer. “Maybe University this we should just bring past December. less provocative Close to three speakers who months after actually stimulate the fact, the a substantive chapter’s conversation student leaders about conservative are still unsure theory and policy what to do about on campus, as the lackluster opposed to bringing drama Prager hot-shot speakers stimulated on whose popularity campus. is built on a cult of “When Ben personality.” Shapiro came But another high- last year all ranking board hell broke member for YU’s loose,” one YAF chapter, member of YAF quickly reassured who wished The Observer that to remain this option has anonymous told been shot down. The Observer. “In the midst of our “It was epic. soul searching we We felt like we have realized that really succeed we really are here in our mission for the drama. We of messing with are thinking about those uptight bringing Milo snowflakes that are all over this campus,” he said with YU, afterward. At most they just felt some mild Yiannopoulos next year.