·- <a Distorted. Christmas WVFI Update c: W .!!!o W(!l-. "0 .... ~«-Eo a:tiJ- ai Z .~ a..0 <It E:::: ...J <a E ::> 'a..0Qi Dl ~ CD a.. ::> .::: o Z December* 11, 1986 Notre Dame'S Student Magazine Vol. 128, No.1l. * ,i. ~ ,---------------------~------------------------------------------------------------~~----------------------- l Contents December 11, 1986 Scholastic Volume 128, No. 11 Needs You ~ Cover Stories A Distorted Christmas ~~ 4 By John Coyle and Mike Keegan \jJIfp,.ff What Do You Want For Christmas? JJK1 6 Compiled by Paula Abowd This Year's Hottest Gifts By Sara Harty A talkative baby doll and a hi-tech version of tag 8 are among this year's fastest-selling Christmas presents Departments News, 2/Editorial 14/Wired Up 11/0n Other Campuses: Men's Room Mayhem By Peggy Prosser 12/Calendar 16/Interview: 'Sex' At Stepan Center 18/Interview: Kansas City Rockers Sports 22/Music: Live Music: The Best Of '86 24/Final Word: A Time For A Courageous Stand 20/Will The Real Irish Please Stand Up? By Phil Wolf 23/Scoreboard' Cover by Maria Murphy ,---------------------~------------------------------------------------------------~~----------------------- l Contents December 11, 1986 Scholastic Volume 128, No. 11 Needs You ~ Cover Stories A Distorted Christmas ~~ 4 By John Coyle and Mike Keegan \jJIfp,.ff What Do You Want For Christmas? JJK1 6 Compiled by Paula Abowd This Year's Hottest Gifts By Sara Harty A talkative baby doll and a hi-tech version of tag 8 are among this year's fastest-selling Christmas presents Departments News, 2/Editorial 14/Wired Up 11/0n Other Campuses: Men's Room Mayhem By Peggy Prosser 12/Calendar 16/Interview: 'Sex' At Stepan Center 18/Interview: Kansas City Rockers Sports 22/Music: Live Music: The Best Of '86 24/Final Word: A Time For A Courageous Stand 20/Will The Real Irish Please Stand Up? By Phil Wolf 23/Scoreboard' Cover by Maria Murphy 4 1 Edtorial Edi tor- ill- Chief Maher Mouasher ACE IS THE PLAC~ Managing Editor WITH THE HELPFIIL HARDWARE MAN Keith Harrison Jr. ACE • CAIIIJLN Design Editor HARDWARE SU,.PLlES Alex Peltzer • HC"JsrW ARts • HARDWARE Production Manager • SP(,RrlNG C;00"5 Matthew Bradley -- "OUIS-- 7 JO .... T. , JO , .. J CI.~cI S"",-i., • PAINTS General Manager • TnDL5 • PI "MIING 0\ Phil Coghlan [J I CTRICAL Editoria I ~"I·I'I 'f~ Larry Burke/Sports Catherine Coffey/Departments ,.££ I'AII",,,a Frank Lipo/News 110IIr 0\ IIU. Greg Miller/Student Life 21' DIllE WAY Lucian Niemeyer/Photography NO. IN RClI'D4(fD 2.72.-7535 Aimee Storin/Copy Chief Bob Winn/Student Life Administration Pete Cespedes/Comptroller Julie Gschwind/ Advertising Mike Hoban/Circulation Layout Jim Doerfler Kathleen McKernan Art & Photography Maria Murphy Joe Vitacco Joe Ray The opinions expressed in Scholastic are thole of the authors and editors of Scholastic and" do not necessarily represent the opinions of the entire edi­ torial board of Scholastic or the Univer­ sity of Notre Dame, itl administration, faculty, or student body. Editorials, unless otherwise indicated, represent I the opinion of the majority of the edi­ i torial board. 1 Scholastic is represented for national I advertising by CASS student advertis­ Christmas Gifts Fro'm Hell ing, Inc. Published weekly during .the '1 Ichool year except during vacation and Deadline for Christmas orders is Dec. 15, 1986 I examination periods, Scholastic is I printed at The Papers, Inc. Milford, IN Lynda Barry 'n Matt Groening's "Life In Hell" T-Shirts! 46642. The subscription rate is $18.76 Funky World Fun Calendar 1987! $10.00 I I a year and back issuel are available (collector's edition) Work Is Hell from Scholaatic. Please address all I manuscripts to Scholaatic, Notre Dame, $7.95 Love Is Hell I IN 46556. All unsolicited material Mugs From Hem (Pantheon Books) become. the property of Scholaatic. $6.95 $5.95 I, . Copyright 1986 Scholaatic. All rights I reserved. None of the contents may be (Plus $2.00 shipping and handlin, for each itern. CA res. add 6-1/2% sales tax) reproduced without permillslon. Check or M.a. to: Life In Hell Cartoon Co., P.O. S6E64, Los Angeles. CA 90086 Watch for our spring 'S7 Melrose Catalog for more blr:arre stuff we don't have room to tell you about here. December 11, 1986 3 - , ---- --~ ----- - , :~. ,,', " .~' ,-,- ~ ',~' ;', '~~'. ~~' .- J,' ,~,~ L-'------- ,,- 4 1 Edtorial Edi tor- ill- Chief Maher Mouasher ACE IS THE PLAC~ Managing Editor WITH THE HELPFIIL HARDWARE MAN Keith Harrison Jr. ACE • CAIIIJLN Design Editor HARDWARE SU,.PLlES Alex Peltzer • HC"JsrW ARts • HARDWARE Production Manager • SP(,RrlNG C;00"5 Matthew Bradley -- "OUIS-- 7 JO .... T. , JO , .. J CI.~cI S"",-i., • PAINTS General Manager • TnDL5 • PI "MIING 0\ Phil Coghlan [J I CTRICAL Editoria I ~"I·I'I 'f~ Larry Burke/Sports Catherine Coffey/Departments ,.££ I'AII",,,a Frank Lipo/News 110IIr 0\ IIU. Greg Miller/Student Life 21' DIllE WAY Lucian Niemeyer/Photography NO. IN RClI'D4(fD 2.72.-7535 Aimee Storin/Copy Chief Bob Winn/Student Life Administration Pete Cespedes/Comptroller Julie Gschwind/ Advertising Mike Hoban/Circulation Layout Jim Doerfler Kathleen McKernan Art & Photography Maria Murphy Joe Vitacco Joe Ray The opinions expressed in Scholastic are thole of the authors and editors of Scholastic and" do not necessarily represent the opinions of the entire edi­ torial board of Scholastic or the Univer­ sity of Notre Dame, itl administration, faculty, or student body. Editorials, unless otherwise indicated, represent I the opinion of the majority of the edi­ i torial board. 1 Scholastic is represented for national I advertising by CASS student advertis­ Christmas Gifts Fro'm Hell ing, Inc. Published weekly during .the '1 Ichool year except during vacation and Deadline for Christmas orders is Dec. 15, 1986 I examination periods, Scholastic is I printed at The Papers, Inc. Milford, IN Lynda Barry 'n Matt Groening's "Life In Hell" T-Shirts! 46642. The subscription rate is $18.76 Funky World Fun Calendar 1987! $10.00 I I a year and back issuel are available (collector's edition) Work Is Hell from Scholaatic. Please address all I manuscripts to Scholaatic, Notre Dame, $7.95 Love Is Hell I IN 46556. All unsolicited material Mugs From Hem (Pantheon Books) become. the property of Scholaatic. $6.95 $5.95 I, . Copyright 1986 Scholaatic. All rights I reserved. None of the contents may be (Plus $2.00 shipping and handlin, for each itern. CA res. add 6-1/2% sales tax) reproduced without permillslon. Check or M.a. to: Life In Hell Cartoon Co., P.O. S6E64, Los Angeles. CA 90086 Watch for our spring 'S7 Melrose Catalog for more blr:arre stuff we don't have room to tell you about here. December 11, 1986 3 - , ---- --~ ----- - , :~. ,,', " .~' ,-,- ~ ',~' ;', '~~'. ~~' .- J,' ,~,~ L-'------- ,,- e Tired of lists? How about this: an old-fashioned, hee-hawing, get-funky, get-crazy, get-naked Christmas A Distorted Christmas story. A Christmas Catalogue with something for everyone A 1986 DOMER CHRISTMAS CAROL Laurel a.1d Hardy, Abbott and Costello, Cheech and Chong and now Time: Christmas Eve Coyle am.. Keegan. Yes, boys and girls, we have the hottest new comedy Place: A cold, dark, dank room - no, it's not a prison cell - it's the Office of Student Affairs. By John Coyle duo right here in our humble magazine. For this week's distortion, Scho­ Characters: Ebenezer Gold rock and Father David Scrooge, a couple of ghosts, Switek And Montanaro, a few and Mike Keegan lastic is proud to present "A Down-home Christmas with Johnny and troublemakers, and whatever else we feel like throwing in . Mikey." SCENE 1: It's II: 59 p.m. on Christmas Eve, but there is no joy in Domerville. The administration is CO/lllt­ illg the scalps 01 student ideas. Let's listell in. Scrooge: "Hey Eb, remember that campus campout idea back in August? .What a laugher, ha-ha-ha. We bah­ SEVEN THINGS GUARANTEED TO ANNOY YOUR PARENTS humbugged that baby into the next county. Yuk, Yuk, Yuk." ON CHRISTMAS MORNING Ebeneze.r (with tears of joy pouring from his eyes: "Yeah, what a jokc, but that's nothing. How about t?at parietats issue? I'm still laughing about that one. Hardy-har-har. Couldn't bah-humbug that one qUick enough~ Chuckle, chuckle, chuckle." 1. Saying anyone or a combination of the 3. Coming down hungover and blowing Scrooge: "Hey, Big E, how about throwing me another Moussey?" following: chunks all over your new angora Ebenezer: "Sure, why not, we're legal. Tee-hee-hee." a) "Is that it on the gifts?" sweater. Scrooge: "We're legal, that's a good one. Guffaw, guffaw, guffaw, b) "He got more than I did." 4. Stepping on your new Vuarnets while Ebenezer: "I think the funniest idea was that 24-hour study lounge in LaFortune. It's not like we built that c) "I'm not walking the dog." grabbing for another gift. place for the students. Bah-Humbug!" d) "I can't believe you bought this." 5. Saying you like it and then giving the SCENE 2: Four empty Moussey bottles and two passed-ollt jokers cover the Iloor, Enter Ghost 01 Christmas 2. Burning half the house down trying to ugly face. Past alias Frosty The Snowman. "What a jolly happy so1l1 with a corncob pipe. a button nose ... " - oops see how much wrapping paper you can 6. Opening everyone else's gifts. - sorry, wrong story. stuff in one fireplace. 7. Announcing that you have found Frosty: "Wake up, you loafheads, let's move it We're going back to your childhood." yourself in a Hare Krishna way. Frosty takes Ebenezer and Scrooge back to their boyhood days where it is revealed that the.v were two 01 the biggest sqllids to walk the lace 01 the earth.