Issue 03 | March 11, 2013 | critic.co.nz Your Premier Computer Store Specialising in laptop repairs, smartphone repairs and gaming hardware BRING IN YOUR RADIO ONE CARD AND RECEIVE: - 5% o parts & peripherals - 20% o repairs - free pickup & delivery on all repairs (Within Dunedin Area) FIND US ON FACEBOOK! SEARCH ‘GLI RETAIL’ All-round one-stop information technology shop Open 7 days, and late nights on Thursdays & Fridays 2 | fb.com/critictearohi EDITOR Callum Fredric Issue 03 | March 11, 2013 | critic.co.nz DEPUTY & SUB EDITOR Sam McChesney TECHNCIAL EDITOR Sam Clark DESIGNER Dan Blackball FEATURE WRITER Maddy Phillipps 24 NEws TEAM Sam McChesney, Zane Pocock, NEWS FEATURES Claudia Herron, Bella Macdonald SECTION EDITORS 06 | More Details on Hyde St 16 | Two Straight White Males Sam McChesney, Basti Menkes, emerge Talk Politics Baz McDonald, Josef Alton, Sam McChesney asks two hardcore Gus Gawn politicos the hard questions about race, 09 | Crazed Gunman Terrorises envy, and how they formed their beliefs. Wealthy Dunedin Suburb CONTRIBUTORS 20 | The Critic Legal High Greg Hall, Marcus Ellison, Review Matty Stroller, M & G, 10 | Aquinas Loses Critic Matty Stroller tries five legal highs with his Glitter GRRL, Dr. Nick., Privileges devoutly Muslim Pakistani friend. For the Jessica Bromell, Erma Dag, love of journalism. Campbell Ecklein, Lucy Hunter, Jonny Mahon-Heap, Tim Lindsay, 24 | Sequencing the Feminazi Josie Cochrane, Jordan Taylor, Genome Pheobe Harrop, Elisie Stone, Elise Jacombson, Tristan Keillor Maddy Phillipps exposes the rampant groupthink and buzzword usage that characterise Feminazism. But she’s probably just brainwashed by the patriarchy. REGULAR STUFF 06-10 News 12-13 Sports 16-27 Features 28-33 Columns 34-39 Culture AD SALES 10 Tama Walker, Tim Couch, 40-41 Letters Gus Gawn, Josh Hannigan planetmedia.co.nz Critic is a member of the Aotearoa Student Press Association (ASPA). Disclaimer: the views presented within this publication do not necessarily represent the views of the Editor, Planet Media, or OUSA. Press Council: people with a complaint against a newspaper should [email protected] first complain in writing to the Editor and then, if not satisfied with the response, complain to the Press Council. Complaints should be addressed to the Secretary, PO Box 10-879 The Terrace, Wellington. P.O. Box 1436, Dunedin | (03) 479 5335 | [email protected] | critic.co.nz critic.co.nz | 3 SAVE After some sweet deals on student airfares? Buy your International Student Identity Card from us or if ON STUDENT you’ve got one already bring it in to get exclusive discounts. 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Otago Global Student Exchange www.otago.ac.nz/study/studentexchange OTAGOGLOBAL 4 | fb.com/critictearohi EDITORIAL ear John Key, D You probably don’t know me, John. I’m not like you, you see. I’m not the sort of person you generally hang out with. I’m not a rich, pinstripe suit-wearing banker or a slick corporate lobbyist. I’m just a regular guy, John. The sort of guy your government fucked over with its policies of the last four years. So that’s why I’m writing you this overwrought letter, John. Because I don’t like the direction you’re taking my country. And I don’t like you. You must be wondering why I keep ending sentences with your name, John. You see, in my mind, it indicates that I’m speaking to you in a con- descending, reproving manner. It makes me feel like I’m positioning myself on the moral high ground. It makes me feel assertive and righteous, John. These sorts of letters are a common trope in most western countries, John. Most leaders, including Obama, have to deal with a dozen or so per year. But because there exists a thing called a “Dear John letter”, which Wikipedia defines as “a letter written to a husband or boyfriend by his spouse or significant other to inform him their relationship is over,” I feel even more clever and smug when I write your name, John. And have no illusions about the fact that our relationship is indeed over, John. Despite passionately opposing your party since before you entered Parliament, I totally kept an open mind about your government. But the policies you implemented, such as increasing student loan repayments from 10% to 12%, were worse than I could have imagined. So yes, John, you and I are over. I know you were an investment banker, John. So it’s not surprising that you can only see the bottom line, and not the more subtle human element, of the decisions you make. And that’s why you’re selling our assets, John. Flogging off the family silver that my forefathers took such pride in. Giving it all away to the Chinese. You’re also not keen on the idea of a universal student allowance, are you John? You say it’s “unaffordable”. There’s that trademark focus on the dollar bills again. I could lecture you about “People Before Profit”, John. But you probably wouldn’t listen. So thanks for the wine, John. But no thanks for the policies. And the majority of the nation is going to say a resounding “no thanks” to your government in 2014. Enjoy your last two years in power, John. And enjoy trying to sleep at night knowing what you’ve done to our country.