20 COMMUNITY LONELINESS SERIES BACKYARD BONFIRES This is the first in a four-part series examining why we are lonelier than ever and what we can do about it. Part 1 - Today Thursday, JulyHELP 4, 2019 | THE LONELY | • Taking the initiative Part 2 - July 11 • Make friends while volunteering MAKE FRIENDS Part 3 - July 18 • New friends stay fit together arrie Advance B JANIS RAMSAY ulty member Dr. Ami Ro- Part 4 - July 25 [email protected] kach said. • LGBTQ friendships You can feel lonely in a Quick, how many crowd, or in an intimate re- rious public health prob- friends can you name? lationship. Unlike solitude lems that cost us all. They If you are having trou- - which feels welcome and affect our productivity, ble filling more than one recharging - loneliness is health, well-being - even hand, you aren't alone. not welcome, it zaps your how long we live." Studies show we are energy and life satisfac- Human beings are hard- more lonesome than ever - tion, Rokach says. wired to connect and a lack especially youth, seniors "Something I've gotten of connections can in- and males - and most of us into the habit of doing is crease your risk of dying are reluctant to talk about reaching out," Crispo said. early by 50 per cent, Wil- it. "It doesn't seem scary. I liams said. But Innisfil resident Se- complimented a girl at the Loneliness has about verino Lunardon wasn't coffee shop as she was get- the same negative impact going to let that happen to ting my coffee ready. We on health as smoking 15 him. started a mini conversa- cigarettes a day, is twice as After six lonely winter tion." deadly as obesity and in- months, he decided to start Unfortunately, many creases the risk of demen- hosting weekend bonfires. adults have social anxiety tia by 64 times. He opened his home to any- and unlike kids in school, And it's getting worse one in the community who they have almost forgotten thanks to smaller, more wanted to come by. how to engage in conversa- spread-out families, high He and girlfriend Rose tion to make new friends, divorce rates and single- Crispo knew no one, aside Crispo said. family households, more from a few neighbours. "It was how we felt for Janis Ramsay/Torstar work and time pressures, "I literally started a fire the first six months when Innisfil friends Helder Silva (left), Severino Lunardon, Tia Silva, Rosa Crispo and Isabella Silva financial constraints, lon- one night and said come we knew no one. Where did (front) met while having a backyard bonfire. ger commute times and by," he said, posting the in- we lose that ability to talk?" technology that competes vitation on social media. Lunardon said when a She was quiet at first, gy, he wouldn't have been be, according to research- for our attention, he said. "One person shows up, the stranger attends one of his but soon gained confiden- able to make those connec- ers at Duke University and Lunardon believes the next time they will bring community bonfires, in- ce and was able to let her tions. University of Arizona. way around that is to take a somebody else and they stead of focusing on topics personality out. Now, friends are offer- And that has Ontario's moment of motivation and meet three people who they can't agree on, he "We're too confident ing to cut his grass, pile Chief Medical Officer of start conversations with they didn't know before." finds common ground. speaking on social media wood or bring meat for the Health Dr. David Williams other people. At any given moment, That's how he met Tia today, but we're scared to grill - the way a real neigh- concerned. "Surround yourself 35 to 40 per cent of people Silva, who stopped by one talk to somebody face to bourhood should be, he "The time to act is now," with love and positivity are feeling lonely, York day and they struck up a face," Silva said. said. Williams said in his 2017 and even the dark days are University clinical psy- conversation about their But Lunardon also said Close friends are less annual report. "Loneliness better then what they usu- chologist and contract fac- dogs. without today's technolo- common than they used to and social isolation are se- ally would be," he said. imcoe.com s 24 NEWS MAKING A DIFFERENCE AS A VOLUNTEER CAN BRING FRIENDSHIPS JANIS RAMSAY This is the second in a four-part series [email protected] examining why we are lonelier than ever Thursday, July 11, 2019 | and what we can do about it. | Eleanor Alexander believes in Part 1 - last week making a difference in her com- • Taking the initiative munity. Part 2 - today With strong political and envi- • Make friends while volunteering ronmental views, Alexander arrie Advance Part 3 -July 18 B started volunteering when she • New friends stay fit together first moved to Barrie 12 years Part 4 -July 25 ago. • LGBTQ friendships But there was another motive behind her method. "For me, volunteering was belong to a group. about the need to meet people," For him, it's important to have she said. "My dad lived here but I people to turn to. didn't know anybody else." "I need a strong circle of Alexander helped launch the friends - not a big circle, but I Sunnidale Park community gar- need to know I have a few people den with Living Green Barrie that I can be vulnerable with," he and also started attending meet- said. "Without that, I think it neg- ings about electoral reform. atively affects your feeling of self- "I consider myself fairly lucky, worth." because I've met a lot of people," Without a sense of communi- Alexander said. "I originally met ty, of contributing, or a sense of Louise (Gravelle) through the purpose, people can feel mean- Green Party and then at Green ingless, he said. Drinks Barrie, which is a net- "I think that's why volunteer- working group for people inter- ing is so important, to build that ested in the environment." sense of purpose and you are do- Gravelle also moved to Barrie Janis Ramsay/Torstar ing it alongside people who want a dozen years ago and looked for Barrie friends Lee Miller (left), wife Louise Gravelle and Eleanor Alexander all met while volunteering in the to do the same." volunteer opportunities. One of community. Alexander knows some people them led to love through picking might be too shy to make new up garbage. listings in the Barrie Advance have volunteering to thank for ings to browse. friends and her solution is to find "It's about finding like-minded and saw a community park the matchmaking. "You wouldn't normally see the most outgoing person in the people who can engage your cleanup at Sunnidale Park." With Simcoe County growing, those opportunities in the same room. brain," Gravelle said. "It's also Miller also volunteered with there are several volunteering corner of the web," Tandempark "If someone is more introvert- about getting out." Kempenfelt Community Players opportunities. founder and CEO Liam Squires ed, stand next to them and say Gravelle didn't want to sit at and a local Scouts group. And bringing the information said, adding he's just pitched his you're new. They will connect home on the couch, so she volun- Through cleaning up the envi- together in one website is Tan- business at the Federation of Ca- you with new people," Alexander teered to use her skills to make a ronment, he struck up a friend- dempark. nadian Municipalities confer- said. difference. ship with Gravelle and they Created by entrepreneur ence. And Miller recommends vol- While collecting trash from started meeting monthly for Liam Squires in 2016, the busi- So far, Tandempark has unteering at an ongoing event, Sunnidale Park, Gravelle met drinks. ness matches volunteers with op- helped connect more than 1,700 not a once-a-year project. Lee Miller. After a year of talking about portunities. volunteers with 30 different or- "Volunteer with a group of "Initially I volunteered to give cycling, books and more, Grav- Whether it's the Terry Fox ganizations in the community. people who share your interest. back to the community," Miller elle asked Miller out for dinner. Run, Urban Pantry, or Theatre Squires said people have an You're going to find lots of com- said. 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