Torat Imecha: Women’s Torah Weekly Brought to you by Naaleh.com Parshat Vayishlach: The Dual Meaning of the Ox and the Donkey Based on a Naaleh.com shiur on Chassidut by Rabbi Herschel Reichman As Yaakov nears the land of Israel, he sends angels as messengers to his brother Esav. The Shem MiShmuel finds several aspects about this incident puzzling. Why did Yaakov tell Esav, “I had an ox and a donkey in the house of Lavan?” Additionally, since he was met by the angels of Israel while the angels of Chutz L’aaretz were still with him, he selected angels from both groups to go to Esav. Why did he need both types of angels and what was the difference between them? The Shem MiShmuel explains that there are seven inhabited continents that comprise the world. The land of Israel is at the center with three continents on each side. Shabbat, similarly, is the focal point of the week. We prepare for Shabbat during the three days that precede it, and we bask in the glow of the previous Shabbat for the three days that follow. The Gemara says there are weekday angels and Shabbat angels. The Shabbat angels correspond to Eretz Yisrael, and the weekday angels relate to the other six continents. The midrash on Breishit discusses a disagreement about the day on which G-d created angels. Rabbi Yochanan maintains that they were created on the second day, while Rabbi Chanina states that they were created on the fifth day. The Shem Mishmuel suggests that both opinions are correct. An angel’s mission is to be a conduit between the spiritual world of Hashem and the physical realm of man. An angel is supposed to connect Hashem’s infinite being with our finite world. Hashem sends his spirituality down to us. We elevate our physical world, delivering it back to Him. The angels participate in this process. The angels who were created on the second day were very close to Hashem. The physical world was just beginning to take shape. These weekday angels were charged with the mission of transporting spirituality to the physical world. On the fifth day, Hashem created the Shabbat angels who would serve man, who would be created the following day. Man’s purpose is to activate the spiritual dimension found within the physical world, and return it to Hashem. During the week we benefit from the spiritual power brought down by the weekday angels. On Shabbat, we take all the physical struggles of the week, and with the assistance of the Shabbat angels, create a holy gift for Hashem. This movement from spiritual to physical also applies to our world. In the six continents, the weekday angels work to bring the life giving force from the higher spheres to the lower world. In the land of Israel, where there is a yearning to connect to Hashem, the Shabbat angels help transform the physical back into spiritual. This pattern is also found with tzaddikim. One kind of tzaddik excels in serving Hashem through prayer and kind deeds. He elevates his physical existence to spirituality. There is another kind of tzaddik who is outstanding in Torah learning. He uncovers Hashem’s manifestation of spirituality as found in the Torah, and internalizes it within his physical form. This is what Yaakov meant when he told Esav that he had an ox and a donkey. The ox symbolizes Yosef Hatzadik, who elevated physical to spiritual. The donkey refers to Yissachar, who excelled in Torah. There are also two types of evil. The ox corresponds to the evil person who will destroy anyone blocking his path to power. This is psychological energy, derived from the ego, flowing from above downwards. The donkey represents immorality and unbridled pleasure. This is physical energy moving up. The Eved Hashem fights the evil of power. The Torah scholar battles the evil of immorality. Esav, whose fundamental evil was tyranny, joined hands with Yishmael, who signified physical pleasure. Therefore, Yaakov sent him a message, “I had an ox and a donkey.” In a sense he was saying, “I have Yosef and Yissachar,” who can counteract your dual evil. Yosef and Yissachar are typical of Jews throughout the ages. As we read the parsha describing the encounter of Yaakov and Esav we can discern what our purpose is – to bring heaven to earth and earth to heaven. May we merit to succeed in our mission. Bringing Torah to Life: Teaching Children the Value of Kibud Av V’aim Part II Based on a Naaleh.com Chinuch class by Rebbetzin Tziporah Heller We have been discussing how to help develop kibud av v’aim in children, and we finished talking about early childhood. Children from age six to ten begin to develop more understanding and contact with the outside world. You can begin teaching them the basic halachot of kibud av, such as not sitting in a parent’s place or calling them by their first name. At some point, it’s good for kids to learn about kibud av from a sefer. At the Shabbat table, when you get up to the relevant parsha in Shemot, have them read the halachot inside. It’s important for them to see that this is an actual mitzva in the Torah. The more you tell them, “This is how Hashem wants it, he is our father,” the more they won’t feel belittled by honoring you. Teach your children to derive pleasure from doing small acts for their parents and put it in the framework of a mitzva. Tell them stories about kibud av, especially incidents in which the hero honored his parent because it was a mitzva. They should hear about the Tana whose insane mother yelled at him in front of his disciples and who nevertheless showed her great respect. Teach them about Rabbe Tarfon who made himself into a stepstool so his mother could climb into bed. These stories are crucial for them to hear, but make sure it never comes across in a self serving way. Children at this age learn by example. Always maintain proper respect between you and your husband. If you have differences of opinion, which you probably will, the time to iron it out is not in front of the children, but later behind closed doors. When you show the children that you don’t respect your spouse’s authority, they’ll follow your lead. You need to back up your spouse in front of the kids and discuss all issues later. Being grateful towards your spouse teaches kids to be grateful to you. The prevalent culture expects parents to help children and not vice versa. It is critical that you show your own parents proper respect, especially in front of your children. When they come to visit, greet them, give them a place to sit, and serve them. Your mother is not your unpaid maid. If she wants to take the burden off you, show her gratitude, but you certainly should not make any demands. Your in-laws also deserve the same treatment. Teach children how to verbalize their opinions and feelings in a respectful way. If your child yells that she won’t do the dishes because she’d rather be outside with her friends, tell her calmly, “You don’t scream at Mommy. Tell me what you want nicely, ask a question, and we’ll work it out for both of us.” Listen to her and then decide how to deal with it. But make sure the authority stays in your hands. If a child speaks disrespectfully, point it out and tell her that you will not respond to her request until it is rephrased correctly. It is important to truly listen to your children emotionally. Don’t push them beyond their limitations. Weigh each crisis individually and make the effort to accommodate their needs. I don’t believe children at this age should get an allowance. They haven’t earned it and you can’t supervise how they’ll spend it. Worse still is paying kids for doing household chores. A child should not get paid for fulfilling their responsibility. They need to learn about the idea of giving freely as opposed to giving with expectations. Children should know that giving is part of maintaining a harmonious home. Give rewards from time to time after the good deed, not before. The difference between a bribe and a reward is that a bribe is conditional while a reward is a consequence of a good choice. When they do have spending money, teach children to give tzedaka. Children from age ten to thirteen are maturing rapidly. You need to move the relationship from imitation to discipleship and friendship. This is achieved by showing the child how much you value their opinion and by sharing beliefs and ideas with them. Inviting a discussion with your child shows him that you think he is important. Recognize that they have their own unique value and that they are not just an extension of you. Rebellion is the consequence of feeling that one can’t have a self. Build a relationship with your child. Nurture bonds of love. The more time you give them, the more affection and intimacy will develop, and the more they will have to lose by disobeying. Show your child that you value him but expect him to still treat you as a parent. Listen to him and be empathetic. When something about his behavior bothers you, explain it in a nice way and place in his hands some of the authority to correct it.