WANT TO COOL O 3* Our» Price SIT ON THIS COPY OF.. CHEAP N THIS ISSUE: SID CAESAR Stop pushing-you'II all get a chance to talk to Grandma" How long has it been since you enjoyed a Long Distance visit? CELL TELEPHONE SYSTEM Remember. ."It's Fun to Phone!' NUMBER 49 SEPTEMBER 1959 VITAL FEATURES THE MAD HORROR PRIMER 4 Since horror movies are so popular these days, we feel schools should have primers to prepare our "One sure way parents can keep their teenage daughters out of hot water is to put some dishes in it!" — Alfred E. Neuman little monsters for them. MAD LOOKS AT BOOK CLUBS 10 PUBLISHER: William M. Gaines EDITOR: Albert B. Feldstein ART DIRECTOR: John Putnam IDEAS: Jer De Fuccio PRODUCTION: Leonard Brenner A sampling of typical ads CONTRIBUTING ARTISTS: Wallace Wood Bob Clarke Don Martin Mort Drucker for book clubs which show Frank Kelly Freas George Woodbridge David Berg Joe Orlando how they're competing for CONTRIBUTING WRITERS: Sid Caesar Frank Jacobs Al Jaffee Sy Reit members in order to main­ Gary Belkin Arnie Kogen Klaus Nordling Alfred E. Neuman tain their volume business. SUBSCRIPTIONS: Gloria Orlando, Celia Morelli LAW SUITS: Martin Scheiman, Esq. BRAND NEW DADDY: PFC Nick Megliola HALF-FINISHED BILLBOARDS 16 MAD takes to the highway DEPARTMENTS and shows how unsightly ANYTHING FOR A BUCK DEPARTMENT billboards that mar the A Best Seller Hits The Commercial Trail 34 landscape can be enter­ BIG BUILD-UP DEPARTMENT taining . for a change. Vic Tinny Gyms 43 BINDING OFFER DEPARTMENT FAMILY MAGAZINES 21 MAD Looks At Book Clubs 10 BRAVE OF THE HOME DEPARTMENT Here's our remedy for the MAD Medals For Everyday Heroes 32 disappearing family unit: DON MARTIN DEPARTMENT revive conversation with "The Boy And His Toy" 8 magazines that print only "The Sculptor In His Studio" 31 things that are relative. "The 17th Floor" 48 EDIFICE COMPLEX DEPARTMENT Functional Architecture 14 AMERICA'S DREAM CAR 24 FUN FOR THE ROAD DEPARTMENT Half-Finished Billboards 16 As a public service, MAD HOLLYWOOD DEPARTMENT conducts a survey to find Scenes We'd Like To See 20 America's Dream Car. The LETTERS DEPARTMENT ^1 result, unfortunately, is Random Samplings Of Reader Mail 2 a nightmare for Detroit. MARGINAL THINKING DEPARTMENT Capsule Movie Reviews * * SID CAESAR'S "SHRUNK WORLD"..27 MOTORVATIONAL RESEARCH DEPARTMENT America's Dream Car 24 Sid Caesar turns triple- READIN' AN' WRITHIN' DEPARTMENT threat man with this TV The MAD Horror Primer 4 show satire. Mainly, he's SID CAESAR DEPARTMENT threatened to sue us three Shrunk World 27 times if we dare print it. SPECIAL DELIVERY DEPARTMENT The Gettysburg Address 39 TELEVISION DEPARTMENT MAD'S RESORT PAGE 40 TV Ads We'd Like To See MAD offers some unusual "The Clawettes Commercial" 38 "The Guard-All Commercial" 42 summer resorts for people TWO WEEKS WITH PREY DEPARTMENT who lack transportation. MAD's Specialized Resorts Page 40 Make reservations at any WHAT'S BUZZIN', COUSIN DEPARTMENT one, and you'll be taken. Family Magazines 21 *'Various Places Around The Magazine VIC TINNY GYMS 43 A gym-dandy organization MAD — September 1959, Volume 1, Number 49, is published monthly except February, May, dedicated to the task of August and November, by E.C. Publications, Inc. at 225 Lafayette Street, New York 12, New York. Second Class Postage paid at New York, N. Y. Subscriptions, 9 issues for $2.00 removing the bulges that in the U.S. Elsewhere, S2.50. Entire contents copyright 1959 by E.C. Publications, Inc. The you've acquired over the Publisher and Editors will not be responsible for unsolicited manuscripts and request all manuscripts be accompanied by a stamped,- self-addressed return envelope. The names of years ... in your wallet. characters used in all MAD fiction and semi-fiction are fictitious. A similarity without satiric purpose to a living person is a coincidence. Printed in U.S.A. THE PERFECT FOLLOW-UP TO "MAD FOR KEEPS" would be a sincere apology! Instead, here's MAD GOES ATOMIC Thought you'd be interested in the en­ closed photo which seems to indicate a literary trend at the North Pole. It was taken by a sailor on the Atomic Sub­ marine Skate during her recent trip to MAD GOES TO THE DOGS the Pole. J. F. McGlinchy I came into my room last week to find General Dynamics Corp. my dog reading a recent issue of MAD. New York City The most amazing part was that he was reading it upside-down! Good Skates Ken Franklin Wanamassa, N. J. Doesn't everybody?—Ed. IT IS WRITTEN? We thought you might be interested in knowing that in Ecclesiastes, Chapter II, Verse II, it is written: "/ said of laughter, it is MAD . ." The Brothers Kaminetzky Washington, D.C. Tell us what book and we'll sue!—Ed. BRAIN CLUTTERER The principal of our Junior High JACK AND JILL School lectured us recently on juvenile delinquency and said that we shouldn't In the "Official Detective" version of read "trashy comic books that clutter up "Jack and Jill" (MAD #47), you made our brains!" Then he added, "I'm not two mistakes: (1) You printed it in the talking about MAD, because I read that first place, and (2) The story states plain­ myself!" ly that Jill was "battered beyond recog­ nition." In the picture accompanying the Suzy Zuckerman ;'?* story, you show a beautiful doll. Hoo hah! Levittown, N. Y. If that's "battered beyond recognition," This second de-luxe hard-bound Anthology of the I'm going over to my girl friend's house And MAD only clutters up principals' best material from past issues of MAO includes right now and batter her beyond recog­ brains!—Ed. a hilarious introduction by Steve Allen, followed nition! Maybe I'll get the same results by 133 pages of riotous articles, ad satires your artist got! FOWL READING MATTER and other garbage, many in vivid color. It makes a great gift, but it's mainly for idiots who Jim Daniels Houston, Texas Recently, I found an injured bird. I missed this material, and for clods who want a decided to put it in a cage and raise it. permanent collection of the junk they wasted I looked all over for a covering for the good money on originally. So get your copy today! bottom of the cage, and found that a page of MAD fit perfectly. The next day, I MAD ANTHOLOGY DEPT. found the bird hopping crazily around 225 Lafayette Street the page like he was reading it, and a New York 12. N. Y. moment later he fell over dead. Can you tell me what killed him? Please rush my copy of "MAO FOREVER". I enclose $2.95. Donald Bralich Cary, 111. Battered Beyond Recognition We'd say you added insult to injury!—Ed. ADDRESS. CITY. .ZONE. UlflKE UP REFRESHED MID inUICORHTED! STATE. Mainly, plaster that jangling alarm clock with a copy of .. Check here if you want "MAO For Keeps" THE LATEST MAD POCKET-SIZE BOOK D and please enclose an additional $2.95. THE BEDSIDE MAD A DELIGHTFUL This sixth collection of early failures joins "The MAD Reader", "MAD Strikes Back", "Inside MAD", PIN-UP! "Utterly MAD", and "The Brothers MAD" in lengthening Yes, Marilyn Monroe is a "Dr. Neuman's Five-Foot Shelf of Detestable Literature" delightful pin-up! For a another three-quarters of an inch. disgusting pin-up, send 25 i to: Dept. "What- ON SALE AT YOUR FAVORITE NEWSSTAND Color?", c/o MAD, 225 OR YOURS BY MAIL FOR 40* Lafayette St., N.Y.C. 12. THE COMPLETE COLLECTION-ALL SIX-FOR $2.00 MAIL MONEY TO: MAD, POCKET DEPT., 225 LAFAYETTE STREET, NEW YORK 12, N. Y. LETTERS DEPT. NOW! MAD FIRST AID MAD FLIES HIGH As usual, there is profound knowledge Enclosed is a photo of the "What— and understanding behind your MAD- Me Worry?" pilots of the Naval Air ness. May I have permission to reproduce Force, Pacific Fleet. Our night flying and your "MAD Cross First Aid Manual" for all-weather missions from aircraft car­ use in presenting the subject of emergency riers has earned us this "What — Me MADS medical care to professional medical audi­ Worry?" reputation from other squadron ALFRED E. NEUMAN ences? pilots, because we'll launch into the dark­ >in* WHAT-ME WORRY? POTRTEB.'E Douglas Lindsey, Lt. Col. est night and the foulest weather. Your Deputy Director of Medical Research magazine has been a great source of de­ lightful and entertaining reading for us. U. S. Army Chemical Warfare Labs. Our ready room, where we are briefed Army Chemical Center, Md. for flights, is never without at least one copy of MAD. All of us in Fighter Squad­ Go right ahead, Colonel. Just don't blame ron 141 wish you continued success. us if you make a fool of yourself!—Ed. J. S. Coleman Jr., LTJG Fighter Squadron 141 WHO IS HE? c/o FPO, San Francisco In your recent "Straight-Jacket" ads, two of the three fellows are always fac­ "What-They Worry?" ing the camera, while the third always has his back to the camera. Who is this third fellow, and what does he look like? He looks dreamy from the back. Marjorie Parver New York City Alfred E. Neuman SINGS! "WHAT-ME WORRY?" AND HIS FURSHLUGGINER FIVE PLAY IDOL GOSSIP I recently traveled to Seattle where I "POTRZEBIE" had the good fortune to meet and inter­ view the Kingston Trio. Of course, I ON brought MAD along to fritter away the trip, but when it came time for the inter­ view, I quickly ditched it in the nearest trashcan, not wanting the Trio to think THE HOTTEST <*?, me an idiot.