DIS-ORIENTING POLYAMORY: PRESERVING POLY’S TRANSFORMATIVE POTENTIAL LIANE CELINE MARIE CHESHIRE A DISSERTATION SUBMITTED TO THE FACULTY OF GRADUATE STUDIES IN PARTIAL FULFILLMENT OF THE REQUIREMENTS FOR THE DEGREE OF DOCTOR OF PHILOSOPHY GRADUATE PROGRAM IN WOMEN’S STUDIES YORK UNIVERSITY TORONTO, ONTARIO June 2020 © Liane Celine Marie Cheshire, 2020 ii Abstract Drawing on the narratives of 21 people practicing polyamory in the city of Guelph, ON, this study explores how participants define and conceptualize polyamory, in general, and in relation to their self-concept. Drawing on grounded theory, autoethnography and narrative analysis, this study presents a range of definitions and subjective meanings of polyamory. This dissertation argues that people understand polyamory in a range of ways and that there is no single unified definition of polyamory nor a standard way of conceptualizing polyamory in relation to self-concept. The narratives demonstrate that the fluidity and diversity of definitions and conceptions of polyamory afford participants the opportunity to adapt polyamory to their individual situations. While some participants define polyamory in ways that reproduce sexual normalcy by claiming essentialist identities and privileging love, other participants define polyamory in ways that enable them to resist heteronormative and homonormative monogamy and transform their relationship dynamics. Some participants understand polyamory as interconnected with their queer, feminist, and anarchist politics. Participants who identify as asexual, or who have mental health challenges, conceptualize polyamory in ways that allow them to transform their relationships in non-normative ways. The narratives reveal that none of the participants constructs polyamory as a sexual orientation or as one distinct thing. Resisting the move to define polyamory as a sexual orientation, what I call dis-orienting polyamory, preserves the radical politics and transformative potentials that polyamory offers polyamorists. iii Dedication For my children, Seth and Luke, who encouraged me every step of the way. You make life more beautiful than I could have ever imagined. For my parents, who always give me a voice. iv Acknowledgments The road to completing this dissertation has been long. I would not have finished without the support of the many people in my life. I would like to express my deepest appreciation to my supervisor, Dr. Bobby Noble, whose knowledge, encouragement, guidance and patience saw me through to completion. I would like to thank Dr. Jen Gilbert for introducing me to Foucault many years ago and for providing valuable feedback on this project. I would like to thank Dr. Shannon Bell for the time she took reviewing and commenting on my work. I would also like to thank Dr. Marc Stein, whose supervision brought me through the proposal stage of this dissertation and for including me in his student-reading group. I would also like to thank members of my defence committee, Dr. Sheila Cavanagh and Dr. Nathan Rambukkana, whose academic work have inspired me. I would like to acknowledge the Graduate Program Directors in the Gender, Feminist & Women’s Studies program who have guided me over the years. Dr. Allyson Mitchell, Dr. Ena Dua, Dr. Meg Luxton, and Dr. David Murray, thank you for your support and guidance. I also want to acknowledge the invaluable support I have received over the years from Yemi Adebisi and Hazel Beechum, in their roles as Graduate Program Assistants in our department. I would like to thank my colleagues from Georgian College, who have supported me over the years. Dr. Scott Staring, Dr. Jill Rettinger, Dr. Peter Babiak, Dr. Boris Kowalsky, Dr. Trudy Bergere, Dr. Ed Robinson, Dr. Geoffrey Booth, Dr. Anita Arvast, Alanda Theriault, Melanie Marchand, and David Hurst, have all provided me much encouragement along the way. I would especially like to acknowledge my colleague and friend, Dr. Nancy Noldy-MacLean, whose unwavering friendship and support have kept me going. I would also like to acknowledge Georgian College for providing me a professional development leave from teaching so I could write this dissertation. Although there are too many people in my family to name them all individually, I want to thank them all for always believing in me. Thanks to the Brûlé clan, my parents Jim and Lorraine Cheshire, my brother Jason Cheshire, and my children Seth and Luke Cheshire- MacMeneney, for cheering me along. I would like to acknowledge my partner, Carole Hotson, whose enduring support, patients, and selflessness have helped to get me to the finish line. I also want to acknowledge the many friends who have listened to my thoughts, offered their insights, and occasionally pulled me away from my desk for a break. Thanks to all of the TWISTED women in my life and a special thanks to Dr. Lynn Woodford, Nabil Yatim, Petr Hejny, Dr. Robert Nadon, and Jennifer Button. Thanks Jen for the many hours spent discussing this project. Lindsay Core, thank you for walking me to my first graduate class and hanging in all the way through. In particular, I want to thank and acknowledge the participants who shared their stories with me. This dissertation would not be possible without you. v Table of Contents Abstract .................................................................................................................................... ii Dedication ................................................................................................................................ iii Acknowledgments ................................................................................................................... iv Table of Contents ......................................................................................................................v List of Tables .......................................................................................................................... vii Chapter One: Introduction .......................................................................................................1 Polyamory’s Multiple Meanings .............................................................................................1 Formal Definitions of Polyamory Matter .............................................................................. 12 Normalizing, Naturalizing, and Privileging of Polyamory ..................................................... 21 The Guelph Polyamory Study ............................................................................................... 27 Overview ....................................................................................................................... 27 Cultural Context of the Study: Political Debates on Sex-Ed in Ontario .......................... 38 Chapter Summaries ....................................................................................................... 42 Chapter Two: The Participants .............................................................................................. 45 Participants: A Rich Description of Each Narrator ................................................................ 45 Josephine ....................................................................................................................... 45 Danni............................................................................................................................. 46 Brittany ......................................................................................................................... 47 Mark .............................................................................................................................. 47 Alex .............................................................................................................................. 48 Sage .............................................................................................................................. 48 Emma ............................................................................................................................ 49 Jamie ............................................................................................................................. 50 Lani ............................................................................................................................... 50 John ............................................................................................................................... 51 Sabrina .......................................................................................................................... 51 Corey............................................................................................................................. 52 Jordan ............................................................................................................................ 53 Matt ............................................................................................................................... 53 Hannah .......................................................................................................................... 54 Kamila ........................................................................................................................... 55 Jeff ................................................................................................................................ 55 Eileen ...........................................................................................................................