ISSUE 14 ROSH HASHANA 5772 / 2011 Presented to you by Sister To Sister Editor’s Note I Know You Love Me Dearest Sisters, If you are anything like me, at times the verse “Ani L’dodi V’dodi Li” » Shifra Guttskind can be a source of great inspiration. But at times, it can cause deep pain. I know You love me When I walk out of shul and see the women waiting outside to leave with I’m the apple of Your eye, their husbands, while I walk home alone…. When I go to kapporos and So why am I sad see the husbands waving the chickens over the heads of their wife and Why do I cry? children….. When I am at a family simcha and everyone goes to the mechitza to hear Kiddush from their husband, and I have to ask someone if her husband can be yotzei me…. When I come home from shul and am I know You love me not sure if I was yotzei shofar, and I have no idea what to do.... When I You’re at my side each day, walk in the street schlepping the boards of wood for my succah and I feel So why do I feel alone like every single eye on the street is focused on me and wondering where in Every step of the way? the world this woman’s husband is…. And finally, when I go to sleep the night after Yom Tov, feeling a tremendous sense of accomplishment that I managed throughout, kept my spirits up, gave my children a wonderful I know You love me time, and yet I have no one to share that with me. These and many such You carry me on Your back, instances are moments of intense pain. So why do I feel overwhelmed By all the things I lack? And at times like that I wonder, why does everyone have that special someone, and I don’t? And even more painful to me is, why is everyone beloved to someone, and I’m not? I know You love me And You feel my pain too, And so, I chose this as the theme for the Butterfly. I am not ignorant of So why would I ignore Your love the fact that the topic is so painful, but it is precisely because of this pain And cause more pain to You? that I chose the topic. I want to be mechazek myself together with every single one of you. I want to be able to teach my heart what my head knows. To integrate it deep within that although I am not beloved to any man down here, I am very, very beloved to Someone in Heaven. It may be an easier message to internalize when things work out for us and we see His hand clearly guiding our path. It is surely much harder when things seem dark, hopeless, complicated and so very lonely. But it is precisely at that time that we need to be mechazek ourselves. We need to remind ourselves of this verse over and over again. I am beloved. I will take a few minutes to focus, sit still, allow myself to feel His love, and slowly feel my love for Him in return. Wishing you all the best - all the time! Yocheved SISTER TO SISTER Mailing Address: 21 Shonny Court Lakewood, New Jersey 08701 Ksiva Vachasima Tova Tel: 718-338-2943 from all of us at Sister to Sister: BUttERFLY EMAIL: Chanie, Shaindy, and Yehudis [email protected] 2 3 When I opened the door for him that frightened me. I looked at the alarm anything. An email that covers up more night, I knew it right away. He was in a clock near my bed. What time was it than it says, but still serves a purpose to My Beloved is to Me good mood. It would be a good night. He anyway - 4:00 am? That’s weird. What connect a lonely person to another heart. took a fresh donut out of his briefcase and was he doing coming home at four in the With time, our emails got more and more » Chevy Schreiber handed it to me. morning? He surely couldn’t work until open. Or rather mine did. I began sharing “I was thinking of you today. I want then. It was so strange. But our marriage tidbits of my life, of my past and of my you to know how much you mean to me.” is so good now. He’s finally being nice to present. I told her I was a single mother I let the goodness course through my me, he really loves me now, I won’t say and she reacted sensitively. I would throw body. He loves me, he thinks of me. We’re anything to make him upset. He always out an incident I went through, and see a happy couple. Yes, life would be good. gets so angry at me when I question where it would land. It would land in We had very rocky times in our marriage, where he goes. I turned over to the wall a very caring heart. She was so soft, so but now things would be ok. It must and pretended to be sleeping. gentle, and so considerate to my pain. have been a difficult stage he was going It was the fourth night in two weeks. She made me feel safe. through, but now he’s back to himself and It was getting out of hand. How long The email conversations flowed into he really loves me. could I ignore it? This time I couldn’t phone calls. Each time I would talk We sat down to supper together. I fall asleep. I didn’t know what to think. to her, I felt she really heard me, really had prepared a luscious meat lasagna, I didn’t want to start a fight, now, when understood me, and just said the right he’s finally being good to me. But it was thing. Slowly, a pink fluff of hope spread How many nights getting too strange to ignore. I sat tensely within my battered heart. I had found on the couch, thinking, wondering, but someone who cared. We were becoming had I cried myself forcing myself not to think. Don’t go really close friends. there. He loves you. He’s busy at work. Or rather, I was becoming really close to sleep, wishing for You know that there are periods when one to her. I still knew terribly little about her is busier at work. present, her past, and her feelings. She such a scene, and At 5:00 he stumbled in. He definitely was a closed book. It hurt me deeply. wasn’t coming from work, that much was I brought it up to her, but she brushed now it was finally obvious. I saw it the second he opened it off, questioning me why I care. If she’s the door. He saw me sitting on the couch. being there for me, why do I need to know happening. He first registered shock and then anger. about her life? his favorite. I was glad I did. It’s worth Real anger flashed through his eyes and But wasn’t that what friends were making him good food; he’d appreciate crept into his cheeks. about? it these days. “Well, you didn’t trust me. You “Thanks so much for supper, it was wanted to see when I’d come home? delicious. How was your day today? What don’t you trust? I told you I have to I know nothing. How did the kids behave?” work late. What’s your problem?” That doesn’t make us He listened attentively as I described “But you said….” I sputtered. The the kids’ latest antics. It was a dream. words wouldn’t dare come out. friends, does it? We were sitting together, smiling, and sharing, like a real couple. How many ca It bothered me more and more, as nights had I cried myself to sleep, wishing the time went on, and I felt closer and for such a scene, and now it was finally After all these years, I had finally found closer to her, the gap grew more and more happening. her. I was alone, searching, wishing, for a glaring. After a few months, I discussed “Sarah, supper was such a pleasure friend. And I had finally found her. I had it with her, and she negated it. Not that with you. Nothing like spending nice time gone through the divorce alone, raised she didn’t care, she didn’t want me to with a wife.” He smiled a gentle smile. my three children for two years alone, feel pain, but she couldn’t understand “I have work to take care of late tonight. and wishing that I’d find a close friend why it meant so much to me. It really did. Don’t wait up for me, I’ll be home really I could confide in. I knew I couldn’t get How could it be? She knows so much late.” married yet. I was too traumatized, had about me, all my deepest pains, and all “No problem. Hope it goes well.” too long a recovery process still needed. my loftiest dreams. And I know nothing. It really wasn’t a problem. Nothing is a I didn’t want a husband just yet. But a That doesn’t make us friends, does it? problem if you have a husband like that.