Stories of Couples during their transition to parenthood By Helen Attard Micallef A dissertation submitted in Partial fulfillment of the degree of Professional Training in Systemic Family Psychotherapy Institute of Family Therapy - Malta 2015 The research work disclosed in this publication is fully funded by the Malta Government Scholarship Scheme – Post-Graduate (Malta), under the Ministry for Education and Employment. ABSTRACT This study elicited the stories of married couples, living in Malta during their transition to parenthood. Utilizing narrative analysis, three married couples were conjointly interviewed, to co-construct their stories and experience of their gender identities, in their management and meaning making process of their marital relationship, during their first-born, featuring the Maltese context. The basic findings show that couples are undergoing shifting identities and narratives, as distinct from the dominant socially constructed discourse, of this previously Romanized transitional period and are finding their own distinctive ways through their strengths and resources to strive towards marital satisfaction. AUTHOR’S DECLARATION 30th September 2015 I, the undersigned, hereby declare that this dissertation entitled ‘Stories of couples during their transition to parenthood’ is an original study carried out by myself and the conclusions drawn herein are a result of my own work, unless otherwise acknowledged by citation. Helen Attard Micallef Professional Training in Systemic Family Psychotherapy Institute of Family Therapy – Malta ACKNOWLEDGEMENTS I would firstly like to thank God, for this exceptional learning journey, who has yet again provided me with an enriching opportunity for growth and accompanied me through the milestones of this thesis, sustaining me with hope and perseverance, while surrounding me with persons who love me and tutors who made this voyage uniQue. I would like to express my gratitude to my supervisor, Ms. Carmen Delicata, whose expertise, understanding, kindness and patience added extensively to my graduate experience. I am sure that without her constant motivation and encouragement this dissertation would not have been possible. Her guidance, support, attention to detail, hard work, perseverance and scholarship has also served as a model to me as a person and professional. My thanks and gratitude goes to my husband, Johan, who has transcended traditional male gender roles to be with me and support me throughout this journey, not only with his physical input but mostly with his emotional sustenance, presence and availability. I would like to thank our four-year-old son Kihan, who has patiently sacrificed part of his mother’s availability and presence and attempted with all his capabilities to make sense of this shift, while resiliently striving towards his own journey. I would also like to thank our newborn son Noah, who in my womb accompanied me through this journey, reminding me of the beauty of life with his freQuent kicks and his own way of reminding me of his presence. It made my journey less lonely and kept me grounded. I would also like to thank my parents, who tried in many ways to support me with baby sitting where possible, as well as my two sisters, Sarah Attard who helped me directly with my thesis and Bertha Attard, who both supported me in their own uniQue ways, both in baby sitting, morally and psychologically. My very special thanks goes in particular to the participants of this study whose generous availability and accounts were vital to the end result of this dissertation. I doubt that I will ever be able to convey my gratitude fully, but I owe them endless appreciation for their contributions. I would like to thank my personal supervisor, Ms Elaine Grech, for being my mentor, my model and my inspiration, by providing me with constant support, care, understanding and reflexivity. I appreciate the way she sees through me, believes in me and offers me continuous hope through her position of coherence and congruence. Without her I would not have pursued in this field and would have surely not have been enriched with as much growth. My gratitude also goes to all the tutors at IFT-Malta, who each have provided me with a uniQue experience of growth. My admiration goes to them for venturing on this new experience of providing the first Masters Training in Family Systemic Psychotherapy in Malta, which will help us sustain even more families. My final thanks goes to my peer colleagues who have made this journey a truly wonderful experience, by providing a sense of a family, support, containment and friendship. Without them this training would not have taken shape the way it did. TABLE OF CONTENTS Page Abstract Author’s Declaration Acknowledgments Contents vi ix Definition of Terms Chapter 1: Introduction 1 1.1 A Biographical Précis 2 1.2 Rationale 3 1.3 Aim of the study 5 1.4 Research Agenda 6 1.5 Conceptual Frameworks 6 1.5.1 Social Constructionist Approach 7 1.5.2 Feminist Perspective 7 1.5.3 Maltese Context 9 1.6 Layout of the study 13 Chapter 2: Literature Review 14 2.1 The couples’ experience of the arrival of the first-born 15 2.2 Studies representing different contexts 16 2.3 Differences between couples during this transition 17 vi 2.4 Transition to parenthood models and perspectives 18 2.5 The contribution of gender identities and culture to 22 similarities and differences experienced by males and females 2.6 The evolution of parental identities 24 2.7 The couple relationship and support system 29 Chapter 3: Methodology 32 3.1 Research Approach 33 3.2 Married couples 34 3.3 Instrumentation 36 3.4 Research Procedure 37 3.5 Self Reflexivity Procedures 38 3.6 Data Analytical Strategies 39 3.7 Ethical Dimensions 42 3.8 Reliability and Validity 45 Chapter 4: Results 47 4.1 Introducing the family: Amy, Sam and Baby Zak 48 4.2 Sue, Joe and Baby Siam 63 4.3 Sai, Jake and Baby Mia 78 Chapter 5: Discussion and Conclusion 86 5.1 The interview process 87 vii 5.2 Clinical and Practical Implications and Recommendations 110 5.3 Benefits for Future Research 113 5.4 Limitations 114 5.5 Conclusion 115 References 116 Appendix 134 Appendix 1 Recruitment Letter 135 Appendix 2 Consent Forms 139 Appendix 3 Interview Guide 143 viii DEFINITION OF TERMS Marital Satisfaction There has been various use of different terminology ranging from marital Quality, satisfaction, adjustment and happiness (Kluwer, 2000). Marital stability is also used, usually making reference to the couple staying together or not. It represents the level of contentment of the couple within their marital union. Transition to Parenthood The transition to parenthood has been defined as the formative time for the couple, of a family life cycle, stretching from the decision to have a child to becoming pregnant (Polomeno, 2000) even up to when the child is 3 years old (Belsky & Rovine, 1990). This sets the tone for later parenting practices which are the integral familial and household conditions that guide behaviors, roles, attitudes and decision making, be it through co-contribution of emotional support and stability (Brown, 2000), financial support (Carlson & Corcoran, 2001), instrumental support and information sharing. Gender identities Gender identities are formed during childhood, influenced by parental raring practices, societal influence and hormonal changes, which will give a person his/her inner sense of feeling male or female. Later, males and females exert these identities when relating to each other as partners/parents and with the child, which eventually forms the parental identity. This represents a group of associated roles, which are influenced by gender, which may include caregiving, development promotion, breadwinning, planning, arrangements and parental relationship with the child (Palkovitz, 1997). It may also incorporative parental alliance, mutual investment in the child, valuing partner’s involvement, trusting and respecting the other’s parenting judgment, known as parental alliance (Abidin & Brunner, 1995). It is the meaning and conceptualization of the self in parenting and its associated roles. ix Couple relationship This has been considered as central to nuclear family dynamics (Cummings & O’Reilly, 1997). It may include, level of connectedness and cohesion, need to communicate and listening to each other, perception of level of mutual fairness towards each other, expression of affection and love towards each other and level of mutual empathy (Carlson, Pilkauskas, McLanahan & Brooks-Gunn, 2010). x CHAPTER 1: INTRODUCTION 1 CHAPTER 1: INTRODUCTION This study is about stories of married couples, living in Malta during their transition to parenthood. This will be obtained through interviewing three married couples conjointly, utilizing narrative analysis, to co-construct their stories and experience of their gender identities, in their management and meaning making process of their marital relationship, featuring the Maltese context. 1.1 A Biographical Précis This study aims at giving voice to the meaningful and important stories that couples may co-construct while managing their relationship upon the arrival of the first- born, in the Maltese context. My research is closely connected and motivated by my recent personal experience of becoming a parent. Reflecting on what helped us in our management of the couple relationship during our transition to parenthood, particular challenges of the lived experience may have put us at risk towards a construction of a negative self/couple-narrative. My husband’s initial not knowing position, positioned me to know, sustaining the burdensome position of the ‘expert’ and inadvertently holding a position of power (Goldner, 1985), during our journey of becoming parents. This feedback loop (Campbell, 1994) created a pattern which was reciprocally sustained, in which he might have seen me as the expert and gave me the power to decide, while I experienced him as not knowing and continued to take up this power creating a recursive process.