Open Research Online The Open University’s repository of research publications and other research outputs Professions of love : the discursive construction of love and romance in intimate heterosexual relationships Thesis How to cite: Burns, Angela Mary (2000). Professions of love : the discursive construction of love and romance in intimate heterosexual relationships. PhD thesis The Open University. For guidance on citations see FAQs. c 2000 The Author Version: Version of Record Copyright and Moral Rights for the articles on this site are retained by the individual authors and/or other copyright owners. For more information on Open Research Online’s data policy on reuse of materials please consult the policies page. oro.open.ac.uk Angela Mary Burns, B.Sc., B.A. (Hons) Professions of love: The discursive construction of love and romance in intimate heterosexual relationships Thesis submitted for the degree of Ph.D. in Psychology, The Open University, November 1999. A157Haz(S 1\10 ~ ~ 762/S1 DATE of 8uSYf\\ff/,:N', I2- N~erntfr2 IDtq 9 OlTE ap AL~At2-K): Zq -uul\\e LOCO Acknowledgements My grateful thanks go to Chris Griffin and Dot Miell for their supervision, and for how, in their different ways, they have given me consistently helpful comments and invaluable support. Thanks too to all those friends and colleagues who have expressed an interest in my work and for the many conversations and discussions about what I was currently thinking/writing about 'love'. I'm particularly grateful to my friends who formed a 'memory-work' group with me. Very special thanks go to those women and men who became my participants and talked about their experiences of love and relationships. Thank you so much for your time, participation and fascinating stories. Finally, I want to thank my partner, Rob, for his support, encouragement and love throughout my studies. Many thanks to you all. E 12 ·1 . 'Jr.')- OJ J c.. /"-U...... '..... 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Signed: _---.:.tTh--L.:~~-=--c.-<.:....-.::&=---.;....I~~-r_--- Date: __~_. _~_. _ao____ ~_-*_ \ ABSTRACT Professions of love: The discursive construction of love and romance in intimate heterosexual relationships For this thesis, my aim was to deconstruct the notion of heterosexual love in order to question if and how current stories of love are involved in producing gender inequality. Using discourse analysis, informed by feminist theory, I analysed, in detail, qualitative interviews with eleven women and eleven men about their most important intimate heterosexual relationships and their experiences of love. The traditional view of romantic love as a symbol of freedom and redemption has been challenged by feminist arguments that romantic love obscures male privilege in intimate heterosexual relationships. Mainstream social psychological research has tended to measure and categorize 'love' with little regard to wider historical and social contexts which means that the few in-depth explorations of the complex meanings of love are primarily sociological. Where some research has suggested that gender inequality may proceed from women's investment in romance and men's in emotional illiteracy (e.g. Jackson, 1993; Langford, 1999), others conceive that a wider democratization of social life is producing a shift to more rational and equitable intimate relationships (e.g. Giddens, 1992; Illouz, 1997). My findings demonstrate that talk of love is extremely complex while also cliched and inchoate. I identified two broad and pervasive discourses, in tension with each other - the discourse of romantic love and the work discourse of love and intimacy. The romantic discourse was inextricably inscribed with discourses of emotion where the work discourse was associated with doing rather than feeling. The work discourse allowed the male interViewees, in particular, to construct relationships as contexts for their own personal growth work and exercise of expertise. The democratization of heterOsexual love may not be well underway if a shift to rational intimacy involves a transformation of romantic feeling into a narcissistic discourse of personal success. I also identified how male privilege was instantiated in discourses of infidelity. CONTENTS page CHAPTER 1. INTRODUCTION 1 1.1. A context for researching 'love' 1 1.2. Theoretical rationale: doing love, doing gender? 10 1.3. My research questions 14 1.4. The structure of this thesis 14 CHAPTER 2. I'v1AINSTREAM SOCIAL PSYCHOLOGICAL CONCEPTIONS OF LOVE 17 2.1. Sociobiology and evolutionary theory 18 2.2. Love as a felt emotion 21 2.3. Mainstream psychologists' measures of 'love' 23 2.3.1. Research on women's and men's attitudes to love and sex 26 2.4. Psychologists' contributions to the language of love 28 2.4.1. Romantic/passionate versus companionate love: 'immature' versus 'mature' love 30 2.4.2. A triangular theory of love: intimacy, passion and commitment 32 2.4.3. Love, gender and attachment styles 34 2.5. The use of psychodynamic and psychoanalytic theories 35 2.6. Social exchange theories of relationships 38 2.7. Narrative and talk 40 2.7.1. Love as a story 40 2.7.2. Telling stories of unrequited love 41 2.8. A cross-cultural approach to love 42 2.9. Summary: mainstream social psychological conceptions of love 44 2.10. Advice on love and heterosexual relationships 45 CHAPTER 3. CHALLENGES TO MAINSTREAM PSYCHOLOGY'S REGIMES OF TRlITH ABOlIT LOVE 48 3.1. Feminist critiques of love and romance 48 3.2. Theoretical underpinnings of feminist research 50 3.2.1. Radical feminist analyses 50 3.2.2. Gender differences and feminist reworkings of psychodynamic theory 53 3.2.3. A turn to language and postmodernism 56 3.3. Discursive work on love and sexuality 59 3.4. Theorizing love and an emotionalit)'/rationality split 61 3.5. The discourses of romantic love in romantic fiction 65 3.5.1. "Becoming a woman through romance" 68 3.6. Empirical work linking gender and romance narratives 71 3.7. Narrative approaches to love 73 3.8. Laying out a method to investigate love 78 3.9. Conclusion to literature review 83 CHAPTER 4. METHODOLOGY 86 4.1. Design: Feminist discourse analysis of interviews 86 4.1.1. Discourse analysis as theory and method 86 4.1.2. A feminist discursive approach 88 4.1.3. Qualitative interviews 'X) 4.2. Participants 91 4.2.1. Study 1: Women participants 91 4.2.2. Study 2: Men participants 92 4.3. Interviews 93 4.4. Procedure for analysis 95 4.4.1. Study 1: Analysing the women's interviews 95 4.4.1.1. Identifying discourses and discursive themes 96 4.4.2. Study 2: Analysing the men's interviews 98 4.4.3. Study 3: Analysing the women's and men's accounts of infidelity 99 4.5. Reflexivity 99 4.5.1. Reflecting on the experience of conducting the interviews, transcriptions and analyses 102 CHAPTER 5. STUDY 1. WOMEN IN LOVE 105 5.1. The discourse of romantic love 105 5.1.1. Powerful feelings: weird yet recognizable feelings 105 5.1.2. Romantic epiphanies: "suddenly", not 'love at first sight' 109 5.1.3. Discoursing the importance of being in a relationship and whether women have to be 'in love' 111 5.1.4. A gendered discourse of romantic love: women want love, men want sex 116 5.1.5. Shifting and fragmented meanings of love: constructing a moral hierarchy of emotion 119 5.1.6. True Love (with Mr Right) lasts without promising a 'happy-ever-after' 121 5.1. 7. Resisting the discourse of roman tic love: being in love is immature, loving is adult 124 5.2. Discourses of emotion 127 5.2.1. Excitement 128 5.2.2. A Roller Coaster of emotions 129 5.2.3. Irrationality and madness 129 5.2.4.