UH a (bSnb I u ALL THE TRIIITH THAT'S FIT TO PRINT is>'> .V REFEC FRESH f'C FOOD TRIALl ^' m DISASTER m '^.v^sat'. liMr. Mi Ti. f••',•• t?*^ REFEC FR ESH FOOD HEADLESS PROTEST TRIALS END IN DISASTER The first of a series attacked a DISCRIMINATION of fresh food trials prospective diner as in the Bioiogy refec she ordered a snake ended ;n diaster meat and tofu today when cuddly burger. University critter Alejandra Staff were unavailbe ••c^p Jederwasky for comment. Ebenezer the Third (MMwad UNI ANNOUNCES NEW ANTI HEADISM MEASURES University Vice Chan­ President EthelScalp said ^:~: cellor Brian Wilson today "I could almost kiss Ihe unveiled new University VCGod bless his comb by-laws designed to over." 37 craniallyrr- protect headless people challenged people are on campus from discrinn- currently employed by the ination against the cran- Universily Administration, m^.pjj^ ^ ially challenged. Uni­ mainly in the HECSp||^^l V-». versity Headless Society Inquires Department, g-^p^s,^ im/Mm^mmmm ^.C-:h':«i.ji: fc » *• < » Hello and welcome to Semper Floreat number six for 1994. With nine m months worth of experience and over 160 conrtributors behind us we here m at Semper like to think that we are pumping out an increasingly Improved V^ product with lotsa meaty articles, solid regular features (Ie. Short Stories, Poetry, Clubs & Socs, Cooking, Fac­ •fM;! ulty, Colleges, Reviews. QUAFF and m Sport) and even some humour (?!?!). •'-' -'><«'iiAJ?«*ri This edition features a group of three articles looking at the issue of unem­ ployment from various angles. Hope­ fully we can shed some light upon this •^^^ complicated social problem and get i W^ more people motivated and writing let­ i^yi ters to their local members of parlia­ m ment (They're in the book. No! Not the Bible, the White Pages!}. f<»,!,-. Contributors beware! Only two edi­ .^. • •t^.":^ tions of Semper remain for compila­ •"^v it<" ^::^rr'('< V? -,Vf> tion in 1994 so If you have been i-'V*^ spending all year meaning to come ' -^ "•*«' :'*^ ij>>_^*i down to our luxuriously appointed of­ !•*- fices (turn right at the Commonwealth Bank Autoteller, truly a University V3ai,\ icon) but have never gotten around- to-it then ROCK ON DOWN! The remaining deadlines are on Sep­ tember 9 and October 7. The last contributors meeting will be '^) at 1pm, September 15. If all previous contributors could make a big effort to attend so that we can take the team tv''.-. photo and give out the Temaining cheques it would be much appreci­ _ ml ated. Thanks very much to the sub-edito­ rial team who have made our job so much less impossible. *• ->':^;i P.S. Hey! Did you know that the Rec Club serves very reasonably priced beer but that the University's nutcase alcohol policy won't let them adver­ tise their prices. Doesn't that suck? Should check 'em out, yeah! / The lads from Semper out and about. Photos by Uz F^.< Georgiades. Ta Sweetie! 1- GM In action. 2- CO WEST! 'I 3- Drink! Drink! Drink! 4- The lads about the office. Note the causal eligence of IVIick 5- Marcus De Salisbury and friend. 6- In search of new contribu­ tions, or a free lunch. 7- Discount Refec food 8-Elv!$Quest: The Search continues 9-Davo: 'Nuff said 10-Marcus with hts Saturday Night Special Suit jacket. i-'.;..!-f^y, t^dV. Semper: The Teclinical Details with Detailed Technicalities. Size; 48 pages with 4 colour pages. Editors: David Bolton and Stephen Dann Proofreading: Liz, Dave, Stephen, and Malcontents Stephen's father. Layout: Steplien Dann, Lindsay Colbourne, 2 Editoral 26-27 Union Adrianne Bond, David Bolton (reverse alpha­ betical order) Layout Artist; Lindsay Colbourne 3 Contents 28-29 Schonell Typesetter; Adrianne Bond. Printer: Gympie Times, Gympie 4-5 Letters 30-31 Clubs and Societies Publisher; Muzza the Mediocre; Murray Watt Wraparound Cover Pages; Tabloid Trash - 6-9 Unemployment 32 Cooking Stories: Marcus "Rustlin' Raincoats" Salis­ bury. Mick "Page 3" OToole. David "Cheque 10 Eugene 33 Faculty TVousers Book Journalism" Bolton, Mike "Frontline" Moore. Stephen "Elvis is alive" Dann, Arthur 'First Contact" Chrenkoff. Maurita "Hard 11 Role of Students 34 fictivities Copy" Henley. Centre Page; Stale of the Nation Address; 12 Norcas on TV 35 College Colortzation: Stephen Dann, Idea concept and the most of the words; Big Dave Bolton 14 Soath fif ricQ 36-37 Film Reviews When you're this big they call you,.. Dave. Original Artwork; MC Esher. 15 Mills and Boon 38-39 Book Reviews Contributers Lists Stephen Scott, Liz Georgiades. .Australian 16 flustudy 5 / Prank 40 Theatre Family Association, Robert Bell. ATSISU, James BrecknelL Brad Edwards, Chris Wolf, Mark Ludlow, Marcus Salisbury, Debra Shaw. 17 Stan & Leonard 41 Live QUIVAA. Emma T Robinson, Anthony James Day. Forster Allen. Greigor Rowbotham. 18 BIFF 42-43 CD Reviews Arthur Chrenkoff. Mick OToole. Wall, DB. Eugune. Gavin Atkinson, Clay djubal, Andrew 19 fl Competition Page 44 Comedy Caldwell. Blaine Gillard, Ted O'Brien. Jason Aldworth. Sacha Blumen. S Cameron, Jason Craig, Caroline Kaurila, Vicki Englund. Fred 20 Short Stories 45 Quaff: The Queen is O'Haire, AngeliqueGellen, Caleb Rudd. Tony Sarathchandra, Paul Ewing, Marcel Dorney. 21 Poetry Drunk, Boys. Andrea Baldwin, Lirina Alick, Joanne Lane. 24-25 Centra Pages 46-47 Sport Pages Semper - Ihe Union Newspaper. Up yours Union Focus! Polling Times 1994 Phone; 377 :2}7 01 ext 363 Fax; 377 2120 VOTING WEEK WILL BR HELD E-mail: semperapeg.pegasus oz.au FliOM 12-16 SEPTEMBER Snail-Mail: Australia Post-Tense VOTING BOOTHS WIL BE IN THE Semper c/o Student Umon. University of Qld, FOLLOWING ARE.AS: St Lucia, 4067 M.^IN REFECTORY MONDAY AND 1HURSDAY By foot: Go to the MAin Refec. Face East. Bow 9.30AM-5.30PM Twice. Go down the stairs to the TUESDAY AND WEDNESDAY Commonwelath Bank. Kiss the ATM. It gets 9.30AM-9.00PM lonely by itself. Turn Right. Bow twice again. FRIDAY Head down union boulevarde, past the Bike 9.30AM-4.00PM shop. Avoid the Construction site. Do not play with the bobcats. Do not pass Go. Semper is PHYSIOL REFEC the Second door on the left, cunning disguise MONDAY TO THURSDAY 12.00 by having SEMPER in big letters beside It. NOON-2.00PM By goat: Baaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah! By sheep; New Zealand Students only. BIOL REFEC By Boat: Sail the mighty Brisbane river. Take ' MONDAY AND THURSDAY a left at Toowong and head est in a south­ This edition of Semper could not 12.00 NOON-2.00PM erly direction. have been possible without the hard­ TUESDAY AND WEDNESDAY By yourself: Don't you have any friends? working efforts of Ms Maurita 12.00 NOON-2.00PM Henley who bravely came to Semper 5.30PM-7.30PM In 28 days from the publication of this pa in the first week of August as a work and cliains HERSTON MEDICAL SCHOOL per, a four weeks will have passed. At which experience student from Mt Saint ^^ who likes to MONDAY AND TUESDAY 10.00AM- point the copyright in the articles reverts to Michael's College. We could say make lewd comments about Brandon 2.00PM the auiliors. Until then, copyright is pos­ what we put on M's report card, that lee's hod. she was hard-wroking, ccnirteous, sessed by the Theatre Cat. No part of the pa­ TURBOT STREET imaginative and respectful of her su­ Thank you Maurita, we will always per can be reproduced without the WRITTEN WEDNESDAY periors or we could tell the truth and authority of the copyright holder. Heh, let's rememlier vou. You can count on it. 10.00AM-2.00PM see you do that. say that slie wasi Black This Out 1 LTfPTE^ ID n^'E0I^m Dear Semper Editors In males aged from 17 to 2$i Dear Editorsi ' .Dear Editors'/Vi; • • ••••''/}S^J::?5/^;; • suicide isa larger killer than car I write concerning the ongoing It is vital that I respond!^^4hej It has come to my attention that crashes. In the age of hyper* debate on culls antifot religion recent letter to the editor/ at-;. the nineteen nineties are an cynicism there is nothing left f o that has been a feature of the tributed to one N.P.S. /^ ^ ;/*:' aimless, godieas time when believe in. Letters to the Editor pages in there is no common goal, no N.P.S. states "Language Is Semper this year. More specif!• common idealism and no eom« Can somebody restore my faith merely the method with which cally 1 wish to respond to mon good. It Is a nether-land of in the big picture, without men­ we communicate our chosen Emmanuel Qoidsteln'a letter (or embarrassing pauses and «pa» tioning Religion, Politics or afctitude. It Is a tool, it gener­ to whomever hie alter ego may thetic silences. This is no Brave Drugs? ates nothing of itself nor be of the last issue. New World, it isa fearful, impo- YourS'runnlng>a-warm-bath- changes anytiiing of Itseif." tent regurgitation of a distilled and^oised>with-one-hand-h9si- The reductio ad absurdum ap« You're wrong N.P.S. You're so and sterilised old-world, it is a tantly-gripplng-the>razor-biade preach adopted In that letter Is damn wrong. Attitude, from cultureless, emotionless, con­ a step backwards for the ra­ Jagger Bonaparth, Child Of The conception to action, Is guided servative period of apathetic in­ tional atheist position. Christi­ Times. through the lens of our primary difference. anity does not reduce to a cult verbal code. The form of our however much we may wish to Drowned by a stow of television language affects our attitudes show this to be so.