The University of Hull Fathering in the city: Diverse masculinities and care giving practices in New York City being a Thesis submitted in partial fulfilment of the requirements for the Degree of Doctor of Philosophy in the University of Hull by Catherine Gallais BA (Hons) - The University of Nice, France MSc – VU University of Amsterdam, Netherlands August 2019 1 Contents ABSTRACT………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………….6 ACKNOWLEDGMENTS………………………………………………………………………………………………………………..7 CHAPTER 1 INTRODUCTION………………………………………………………………………………………………….…….8 1.1 THE METHODOLOGIES OF ETHNOGRAPHY………………………………………………………………12 1.1.1 Participant observation……………………………………………………………..………...12 1.1.2 Interviews……………………………………………………………………………...................20 1.1.3 Fieldnotes……………………………………………………………………………………...........23 1.2 ‘FAMILY TREES’………………………………………………………………………………………………………25 1.3 OTHER PRIMARY SOURCES…………………………………………………………………………………….25 1.4 RECRUITMENT AND DIVERSITY……………………………………………………………………………….26 1.5 METHOD OF ANALYSIS……………………………………………………………………………………………29 1.6 ETHICAL ISSUES………………………………………………………………………………………………………31 1.7 THE POSITION AS A RESEARCHER AND REFLEXIVITY……………………………………………….32 1.8 INTRODUCING THE THESIS……………………………………………………………………………………..38 CHAPTER 2 LITERATURE REVIEW……………………………………………………………………………………………….42 2.1. INTRODUCTION.....……….…………………………………………………………………………..............42 2.2 CONTEMPORARY FATHERHOOD…………………………………………………………………………….42 2.3 MEN AND MASCULINITIES………………………………………………………………………………………47 2.4 PRIMARY CAREGIVING FATHERS…………………………………………………………………………….53 2.5 FATHERHOOD AND MASCULINITIES. ………………………………………………………………………58 2.6 CONCLUSIONS………………………………………………………………………………………………………..59 CHAPTER 3 LEARNING TO BE PRIMARY CAREGIVERS………………………………………………………………….61 3.1 INTRODUCTION……………………………………………………………………………………………….…….61 3.2 BECOMING PRIMARY CAREGIVERS…………………………………………………………………….…..63 3.2.1 ‘Carers by choice’………………………………………………………………………………….63 3.2.2 ‘Carers by circumstances/necessity’…………….………………………………………69 3.3 HEROES VS ANOMALIES…………………………………………………………………………………….……72 3.1 ‘EXPERTS’ VS ‘APPRENTICES’…………………………………………………………………………….……76 3.4.1 The ‘Experts’………………………………………….……………………………………….……..77 3.4.1.1 A discourse of ‘instincts’……………………………………………..………...80 3.4.1.2 The women as ‘gate openers’………….…………………….……………..83 2 3.4.2 The ‘Apprentices’…………………….…………………………………………………………….84 3.4.3 The example of Frank: Between ‘Expert’ and ‘Apprentice’…….…………..90 3.5 CONCLUSIONS………………………………………………………………………………………………………..94 CHAPTER 4 WORK, CARING MASCULINITIES AND THE WORK OF FATHERHOOD………………………....96 4.1 INTRODUCTION………………………………………………………………………………………………...…..96 4.2 THE DECLINE OF THE BREADWINNER MODEL……………………………………………….…………96 4.2.1 The ‘Working Fathers’: ‘Ideally, I wouldn’t work now’.……………………….98 4.2.2 The ‘Work-from-home Fathers’: ‘I like that I get to stay home’.………101 4.2.3 The ‘Break-from-work Fathers’: ‘The greatest backup plan in the history of backup plans’……………..………………………………………………………103 4.2.4 Giving up the breadwinner identity……………….…………………………………..105 4.1 AMBIVALENT FEELINGS IN RELATION TO EARNING………………………………………………109 4.2 CHILDCARE AS ‘WORK’: ‘EVERY DAY I GET HOME FROM WORK AND IT’S LIKE I HAVE ANOTHER JOB’.…………………………………………… …………………………………………..119 4.4.1 Professional dads.……………….…………………………………………… ……..……………123 4.5 CONCLUSIONS….……………………………………………………………………………………….………….129 CHAPTER 5 PRACTICES OF CARE: THE EMBODIMENT OF FATHERHOOD……………………………………131 5.1 INTRODUCTION…………………………………………………………………………………….……………..131 5.2 THE NATURE OF CAREGIVING…………………………………………………………………..…………..132 5.1 CARE AS AN EMBODIED PRACTICE……………………………………………………….………………140 5.3.1 Body techniques……………………….……………………………………………….…….….144 5.3.2 Doing hair………………………………….……………………………………….……………....149 5.4 CONCLUSIONS……………………………………………………………………………………….……………..162 CHAPTER 6 FAMILIES AND NETWORKS OF CARE………………………………………………………………….…..164 6.1 INTRODUCTION……………………………………………………………………………………….…………..164 6.2 DIVERSE FAMILIES ………………………………………………………………..……………………………..164 6.3 ‘IT TAKES A VILLAGE’…………………………………………………………………………..………………..175 6.1 ANOTHER SET OF HANDS………………………………………………………………….………………….190 6.4.1 Grandmothers, grandfathers, aunts………….……………..…..……………………191 6.4.2 Babysitters and nannies……….………..…………….…………………………………….198 6.5 CONCLUSIONS……………………………………………………………………………………………………...203 CHAPTER 7 FATHERHOOD AND RAC(E)ISM……………………………………………………………………………...205 3 7.1 INTRODUCTION……………………………………………………………….…………………………..………205 7.2 A CONVERSATION ABOUT RACE………………………………………….……………………..…………206 7.3 RACECRAFT………………………………………………………………………..…………………………………208 7.4 WHITENESS ‘LOCALIZED’………………………………….………………..…………………………………212 7.5 __ WHILE BLACK………………………………………………………………………………………..…………218 7.6 ‘A MATTER OF LIFE AND DEATH’………………………………………..…………………………………221 7.7 ‘THE TALK’………………………………………………………………………….………………………………..224 7.8 PARENTING WHILE BLACK…………………………………………………………………………………….230 7.9 CONCLUSIONS……………………………………………………………………………………………………...239 CHAPTER 8 CONCLUSIONS………………………………………………………………………………………………………240 8.1 INTRODUCTION………………………………………………………………….………………………………..241 8.2 SUMMARY……………………………………………………………………………………………………………243 8.2.1 Fatherhood and rac(e)ism…………….……………….…………………………………..243 8.2.2 Fatherhood and embodiment………….…………………………………………………247 8.2.3 Men as primary caregivers……………….………….…………………………………….250 8.2.4 Fatherhood and masculinities………..………………………………………………..…253 8.2.5 Fatherhood and paid work…………….………….……………………………………….256 8.2.6 Fatherhood and motherhood………..……………………………………………………259 8.3 LIMITATIONS OF THESIS……………………………………………………………………………..………..261 8.4 FUTURES……….………………………………………………………………….…………………………………261 APPENDIXES...………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………..263 Appendix 1……………………………………………………………………………….……………..………….…….263 Appendix 2………………………………………………………………………………………….……………………..264 Appendix 3………………………………………………………………………………………….……………………..265 BIBLIOGRAPHY…………………………………………………………………………………………………..…………………..270 LIST OF TABLES CHAPTER 3 Table 3.1: Table of Participants…………………………………………………………….………….62-63 LIST OF FIGURES CHAPTER 7 Figure 7.1 Logan’s ‘family tree’…………………………………………………………………………..177 Figure 7.2 Mathias’ ‘family tree’………………………………………………………………………..178 4 Figure 7.3 Frank’s ‘family tree’…………………………………………………………………………..179 Figure 7.4 Earl’s ‘family tree’……………………………………………………………………………..180 Figure 7.5 Dale’s ‘family tree’…………………………………………………………………………….181 Figure 7.6 Pete’s ‘family tree’…………………………………………………………………………….182 Figure 7.7 Simon’s ‘family tree’………………………………………………………………………….185 5 Abstract This thesis is about primary caregiving fathers in New York City. It aims to explore the changing nature of masculinities in relation to fatherhood. Starting with the premise that not all masculinities are equal, it asks whether, and if yes, how, differential access to resources and choices and discourses as men is reproduced in the realm of parenting, shaping their lives and experiences as fathers. The literature on primary caregiving fathers is emerging, where sociological studies have focused on white, heterosexual, middle-class, married, stay-at-home fathers. Moreover, analyses often privilege one axis of differentiation –gender–, when other identity positions are often relegated to second position, thus obscuring the nuances and complexity of the men’s experiences. Using an ethnographic approach, I spent 11 months in 2016 following 15 fathers from different backgrounds, meeting with them and interviewing them, meeting their families and friends, meeting other fathers along the way, as well as interviewing 5 professionals working with fathers. This thesis combines men and masculinities and intersectionality theories to draw attention to the social inequalities that exist between men. My research findings show that masculinities inform the kinds of father the men are. Masculinities are relational, they are performances undertaken in particular contexts, and intersect with other social categories, such as class, race, sexuality and faith, shaping their fathering experiences, the meanings assigned to fatherhood, and their experiences as men. I argue that race, as an organizing system of difference, is the most important axis of differentiation in parenting for these men. It has profound implications on the men’s lived experiences and on the ways in which they are fathers to their children. 6 Acknowledgments This Ph.D. was one of the greatest opportunities I have had the chance to have, and I am thankful for the many people who were involved and were present throughout these four years and have played a very important part in helping me realize this project. The University of Hull that provided me with a Ph.D. scholarship in Anthropology, Sociology and Gender studies, which opened the door to this project. My supervisors, Mark Johnson, and Rachel Alsop. I could not have dreamed to have better supervisors, who have accompanied me and guided me all these years. I am deeply grateful for their humanity, their support, their patience, and their encouragements. The fathers who have participated in this study. Thank you for your trust, thank you for sharing your stories with me, thank you for welcoming me into your lives. Thank you for your patience, your lessons, your love. This thesis would not exist without you. My father, Pierre Gallais, who collected stories from people all his life, and who raised me to question social norms and to believe that women and men are equal beings. My family and friends, who I have been extremely lucky to have in my life. They have been a constant and were always there for me when I