HOW I MET YOUR MOTHER "The Waiting Game" written by Luken Tonjes SINCERELYLUKEN.COM TEASER INT. TED’S LIVING ROOM. AFTERNOON. -YEAR 2030 TED’s future kids sit on the couch listening to their father. TED (V.O) Kids, before I met your mother, I went on a lot of first dates. I mean, a lot of first dates. EXT. STREET. NEW YORK CITY. EVENING. -PRESENT TED and JOANNA leave the restaurant they were just at. TED is dressed up with a collard shirt, slim tie in a half Windsor, and a blue sports coat with matching pants. JOANNA is wearing a royal blue blouse with black slacks and white shoes. TED You know, I don’t do this a whole lot. TED takes off his coat and gives it to her. TED (CONT'D) (V.O) But I have never had a date quite like my date with Joanna. JOANNA I don’t either, but I had a great time. TED I still can’t believe you just moved here from Cleveland! JOANNA I can’t believe LeBron did that to us! TED Tell me about it! (pause) Can I call you a cab? JOANNA No, you don’t have to. "The Waiting Game" 2. TED Please, let me just- TED starts waving for a cab. JOANNA I live only three blocks from here TED Oh, okay. TED is sad that this is where they part ways. JOANNA But I would love it if you could walk me home. TED stand there for a moment and smiles. TED I think, I’m actually pretty busy right now. JOANNA smiles and goes to take his hand and he grabs it, but as soon as he does. He gets a call. TED (CONT'D) I’m so sorry, I’ll turn it off. JOANNA Take it. TED It’s just my friends calling to see how the date went. JOANNA Take it so I can know how it went too. TED gives her a smirk and answers the phone THE SCREEN SPLITS On the left, TED is in the street in front of the restaurant. On the right, MARSHALL and LILY are in bed. TED MARSHALL Hey. Hey, man. How’s the date. TED (CONT'D) It’s actually going really well. "The Waiting Game" 3. TED looks at JOANNA sincerely and smiles. She smiles back LILY Are you going to get lucky? TED I don’t know. We’ll see. MARSHALL LILY I said Bang, bang, bangitty I said Bang, bang, bangitty bang, i said a bang bang- bang, i said a bang bang- TED hangs up the phone. MARSHALL and LILY keep singing until the screen un-splits. THE SCREEN UNSPLITS. JOANNA So? TED They were asking me for my chicken pot pie recipe. TED takes JOANNA’s hand and begins walking. END OF TEASER "The Waiting Game" 4. ACT I EXT. STREET. NEW YORK CITY. EVENING. JOANNA and TED keep walking toward her apartment. TED is on the left toward the street. TED Marshall and Lily have been together since college. They met one day and they just knew. JOANNA That’s exactly how my parents were. They met at space camp when they were fourteen. TED I loved space camp! (beat) (playing it cool) I mean... (beat) Who am I kidding, I loved it. I wanted to be an astronaut after I watched- JOANNA Star Wars? TED Yes! (beat) Okay, but which Star Wars. JOANNA Episode one. TED Chronologically or by title? JOANNA Chronologically. Who do I look like to you? TED I was just making sure. The both laugh. They turn the corner and the whole street is blocked off due to construction. "The Waiting Game" 5. TED (CONT'D) Oh, no. JOANNA I have no idea how to get home from here other than that street. TED Yeah, this isn’t exactly my part of town either... but. Oh, no. JOANNA What? TED I do have a friend that lives up here. INT. STREET. NEW YORK CITY. EVENING.- LATER THE SCREEN IS SPLIT On the left, TED is on the phone in front of construction. On the right, BARNEY is at the bar with ROBIN. TED Hey man, how do I get to East 6th from Lafayette without taking East 3rd? BARNEY ROBIN I said a bang bang, bangitty I said a bang bang, bangitty bang, I said a bang bang bang, I said a bang bang bangitty bang. bangitty bang. TED Come on, man. I really need your help. BARNEY I’ll tell you. TED Great! BARNEY On one condition. TED Nothing is every easy with you. "The Waiting Game" 6. BARNEY Nope, I’m always hard. BARNEY high fives ROBIN. BARNEY (CONT'D) Ted, you need to seal the deal tonight. ROBIN Or don’t if she doesn’t consent! BARNEY But try your best. ROBIN But don’t pressure her. BARNEY But seal the deal, Ted. ROBIN Seal the deal, Ted! TED I’ll try my best. BARNEY Promise? TED Yes, what are we five? I promise. (beat) Now, how do I get there. BARNEY Where are you now? TED First avenue. BARNEY Go back to second. Take a right and then another right when you see the “Nasty Newsies” sign. It’s a Broadway themed strip club. You should end up in the right place. TED Thanks, you’re a life saver. BARNEY But you better end up in her right place, if you know what I’m saying! "The Waiting Game" 7. TED hangs up. THE SCREEN UNSPLITS. TED I’m sorry about that. JOANNA Don’t be. TED grabs her hand again and starts walking. JOANNA (CONT'D) Sorry by the way. I’m just so new to the city and everything has been a bit of a learning curve for me. TED Like what? (beat) What is the thing that you miss the most about Cleveland? JOANNA I don’t know. I would have to say the overall morality of people. TED (Laughing) What? JOANNA You know, how people treat each other. So many people are so self centered. Not necessarily narcissistic, but everyone seems so worried about their image here. TED What? There’s no way that could be true. TED starts to think about it. CUT TO: INT. MACLAREN'S PUB. EVENING.- FLASHBACK TED and BARNEY are standing by the bar. "The Waiting Game" 8. BARNEY There’s no way she could say no. I mean, look at me. I’m awesome! CUT TO: INT. TED’S APARTMENT. MORNING.-FLASHBACK TED walks around the corner and sees ROBIN talking to herself in the mirror. ROBIN (To herself) You are a good reporter. (beat) No, you are the best reporter. If you can sing “Let’s go to the Mall” for Justin Trudeau then you can report on the kid that released crickets into his school. CUT TO: INT. MARSHALL AND LILY'S APARTMENT. LIVING ROOM.-FLASHBACK MARSHALL, LILY, and TED sit on their couch. LILY That’s all you have to do to find a great girl. MARSHALL Take it from us, the best couple on the planet. MARSHALL and LILY high five. CUT TO: EXT. STREET. NEW YORK CITY. EVENING.-PRESENT TED I can see where you are coming from. JOANNA But you’re different, you know that? TED How so? "The Waiting Game" 9. JOANNA You seem like yourself. The same Ted Mosby no matter what. TED Except for when I dress up like a bat and fight crime. JOANNA (laughing) I mean it. You seem to intrigue your friends. But you do it by being you. JOANNA stops in front of a building and faces TED. TED You really think so? JOANNA You’ve definitely intrigued me. TED Oh, really. TED gets closer. JOANNA Yes, really. TED leans in to kiss her. She kisses him back. They don’t make out but they have one kiss for a couple of seconds. TED What do you say we move this date upstairs? JOANNA (pause) I’m sorry, Ted. I wasn’t planning on leading you on like that. But I don’t do that on the first date. TED I totally get it. JOANNA Actually, I don’t do that on any date. TED What do you mean? "The Waiting Game" 10. JOANNA I’m deeply religious. I’m waiting until marriage to have sex. TED is completely taken back by this. Not only is she the only girl that he has ever heard say those words, he is speechless about the fact that it is a girl that he really likes. END OF ACT I "The Waiting Game" 11. ACT II INT. MACLAREN'S PUB. AFTERNOON. TED and MARSHALL are sitting down, having a drink. MARSHALL has to play therapist and TED sits there in agony wondering what is next. MARSHALL Wow, until marriage? So what did you say? MARSHALL is in deep thought, he has no idea how to react. TED I told her that I would call her again. MARSHALL Are you going to? TED I don’t know, man. You know, I should have seen this coming. She was too perfect, I should’ve known that she would have a “But”. MARSHALL hasn’t known how to react until now. He understands that it shouldn’t matter and wants TED to see his side. MARSHALL A “but”! TED That’s not what I meant. MARSHALL Ted, a “but” is a girl that still takes bubble baths with her brother or a guy that has an addiction to ski ball. TED Don’t you have an addiction to ski ball? MARSHALL Yes, and I still haven’t told Lily.