THE MICHIGAN REVIEW Volume 18, Number 12 The Campus Affairs Journal of the University of Michigan Feb. – March, 2000 Michigamuas Dilemma Bollinger Signs WRC BY MATTHEW S. SCHWARTZ fact, that eight SCC mem- bers recently took over the IGH ABOVE STATE STREET, group’s meeting place on the BY J AMES JUSTI N WILSON from inside the Tower of the seventh floor of the Union, HMichigan Union, the traditional vowing to stay put until the UCCUMBING TO PRESSURE sounds of a Native American drum echo University meets their de- after a three-day takeover of the LSA throughout the campus. Tribal chants in a mands regarding SDean’s office, University President foreign tongue add to that Michigamua and the other Lee Bollinger catered to student protesters’ News familiar drumbeat – the two “Tower Societies.” demands Feb. 19, announcing that he had beat people think of when Analysis The SCC – now in its signed on to the Workers’ Rights they hear the word “In- third week of occupation – Consortium (WRC) as a full member. dian,” the beat that goes DUM dum dum has several demands. Most Led by LSA senior Peter Romer- dum DUM dum dum dum and repeats importantly, they say, Friedman, a small group of students without end. People below stop and stare Michigamua must honor entered Dean Shirley Neuman’s office on upward, listening to the sounds and won- the agreement it made 11 the morning of Feb. 16, feigning interest dering what is going on in the Tower, in years ago to cease its Native in a possible a sign-language program. As those few floors that the elevators won’t America theme. This in- the receptionist went into a back room to reach. Who’s responsible for all the noise? cludes changing the name of get information for the students, a larger Not Michigamua – at least not since the group (“Michigamua” is group entered, took over the office, and 1997, when the group stopped using a Native American word for proceeded to set up a mock sweatshop – drums at its meetings. In 1989, the for- “falling water”); returning all complete with recorded sound effects – in merly-secret society signed an agreement its Native American artifacts which to produce SOLE T-shirts. They – including a case of 5,000 intended to occupy the office until the promising to end the group’s use of Indian- Review style rituals (the drums persisted because year old arrowheads found University signed on to the Workers Right Michigamua wasn’t aware that beating a in the area – to Native Consortium. drum was an exclusively Indian ritual). The American communities; and The WRC is an agreement drawn up M. Schwartz / Students of Color Coalition (SCC), how- destroying all the group’s by United Students Against Sweatshops This bust is just one of the many references to Indian ever, believes that Michigamua (pro- See MICHIGAMUA, culture the protesters retrieved from the attic. nounced “MichiGAWmah”) has not lived See WRC, Page 3 Page 8 It now sits on display in the center of the office. up to its end of the bargain. So strongly, in Sharpton Urges Campus to Support SCC Calls for end to intellectual masturbation BY J AMES JUSTI N WILSON Sharpton has earned the nickname ing, Sharpton led a group of people in halt- “Rev. Soundbite” for his outspoken in- ing traffic on many Freeways around New ONDEMNING WHAT HE volvement in many politically-charged ra- Jersey — shedding his trademark baggy termed “academic schizophrenia” cial issues. He did nothing to shake off that jogging togs for a suit and tie. C and “intellectual masturbation,” moniker in Ann Arbor, suggesting that Saturday’s appearance was another the Rev. Al Sharpton vis- Michigamua’s use of Native American im- departure: Sharpton turned out in a hand- ited the University on Feb. News agery is analogous to “a furnace celebrat- some black suit to meet with SCC orga- 19 to support the Stu- Analysis ing Nazi concentration camps.” nizers, who seized the tower earlier in the dents of Color Coalition Generally considered an outsider at month. SCC alleges that Michigamua, the (SCC) in its protest against Michigamua. many occasions, he’s been criticized by old once-secret, once-male society of In anticipation of his expected arrival at 7 some for showing up and making a lot of J. Wilson / Review p.m., the SCC had organized a rally in the noise, then leaving before a resolution is See SHARPTON, Page 5 The Reverend Crying Racism! lobby of the Union. reached. Recently, to protest racial profil- First three copies free, www.michiganreview.com additional copies 50 cents. Letters From More Pictures from Vaginas Vaginas More from El 3 to the Editor 4 Suite One 5 the Sharpton Visit 10 Vaginas! 11 Señor Guípe We always thought we See weak-willed and gutless Paging Rev. Sharpton: James Jake, our resident cunning lin- El Señor Guípe tells us bitter might have pissed off a lot of white man with bad hair Brown called, he wants his guist, offers up a juicy review, guys how to woo those heart- loyal readers with the pot sign contract offered by hair back. Oh, and your visit exposing the tastelessness of less creatures God created inserts now were certain. guilty white rich kids. to Hillel was cancelled. the Vagina Monologues. with which to torment us. Page 2 THE MICHIGAN REVIEW SERPENTS TOOTH February 23, 2000 ❑ SERPENTS TOOTH THE MICHIGAN REVIEW Consumer advocate Ralph Nader is membered that he was scheduled to give running for president once again, as the the keynote speech at the National The Campus Affairs Journal of the Green Party candidate. Political analysts Hatemongers Convention in Boise, Idaho. University of Michigan see his candidacy as an alternative to the “Help Me Jebus!” usual two party system, and as yet another way the American voter can throw his or Comedian Jim Varney, who played Matthew “Big Red” Schwartz her vote away. Ernest P. Worrell in countless commercials Editor-in-Chief and movies, died recently of lung cancer. the injustice of having only one-ply Nader won 684,902 votes in 1996, The studio heads, however, have decided toiletpaper! Would it break the bank if they Jacob “Can’t Work Friday Nights” Oslick handily beating Bugs Bunny and to make a final tribute film, “Ernest Goes bought two-ply? Hey hey, ho ho, single- Managing Editor Bullwinkle, but falling slightly short of to Hell,” starring Carrot Top. ply paper has got to go! (repeat until very Optimus Prime. annoyed) Justin “Goes to Bed Early” Wilson Publisher Donald Trump recently announced * Place: the office of the Dean of the James “Has Trouble with Metal Detectors” Yeh Anti-Sweatshop thugs have finally got- that he would not seek the Reform Party School of Music National Affairs Editor ten their way at the University of Pennsyl- nomination for president this year. Appar- * Reason: What kind of incompetent vania, forcing their yellow-bellied president ently, he doesn’t want to join Steve Forbes music majors do we have out there? Can’t to withdraw from the Fair Labor Associa- and Ross Perot in the Blow-Millions-of- any of them think of a better protest chant ARTS EDITOR: David Guipe CONTRIBUTING ED.: R. Colin Painter tion. The decision probably won’t have too Your-Own-Money-in-a-Futile-and-Vain- than a million variations of “Hey hey ho ASSISTANT EDITOR: Matthew Franczak much of an effect on sales of school ap- Attempt-For-the-Presidency Club. With the ho?!” ILLUSTRATOR: Astrid Phillips parel however, probably because Fighting announcement, Trump also announced his ONLINE EDITOR: Rabeh Soofi ONLINE STAFF: Albert Feng Quaker fan apparel aren’t exactly flying off intention to build the first resort casino in * Place: the GEO office Mike Rosen the shelves as it is. Salt Lake City, tentatively called “Trump’s * Reason: Would it be too much to CORRESPONDENT: Julie Jeschke Tabernacle,” in an attempt to blow mil- ask that math and science GSIs learn to (LONDON) lions of his own money in another speak English? Must all we students go STAFF WRITERS: Mike Austin, Dustin Lee, David Trying to follow in the Birkenstocked manner. through class after class asking themselves Sackett, Kurt Rademacher, Curt Robertson footsteps of their comrades-in-arms here where the subtitles are? EDITORS EMERITI: Lee Bockhorn in Ann Arbor, students at the University Benjamin Kepple of Wisconsin at Madison attempted a simi- It was announced that the musical lar takeover of the office of U-W Chan- Cats will finally be ending its record-break- At a rally in Southfield, George W. The Michigan Review is the independent, student-run journal cellor David Ward, but were stopped by ing 18-year run on Broadway at the Win- Bush supporters were heard chanting, “We of conservative and libertarian opinion at the University of Michigan. We neither solicit nor accept monetary donations campus police with pepper spray. Later, 48 ter Garden Theater this June 25th, due to Want Bush! We Want Bush!” Imagine the from the U–M. Contributions to the Michigan Review are tax- protesters were arrested after police clad sagging ticket sales. Unfortunately, once chants if Bush picked a guy named deductible under Section 501 (c)(3) of the Internal Revenue Code. The Review is not affiliated with any political party or in riot gear moved in to forcibly remove the show ends, all the performers will be Richard as his running mate... university political group. them. Apparently – and no one is sure rounded up into a burlap bag and tossed Unsigned editorials represent the opinion of the editorial about this mind you – but apparently they into the East River.