ABSTRACT Title of Dissertation: TRANSCENDENCE OF TIME AND SPACE—THE LIVED EXPERIENCES OF CHINESE INTERNATIONAL GRADUATE STUDENTS IN THE UNITED STATES Yali Pan Doctor of Philosophy, 2014 Dissertation directed by: Professor Francine H. Hultgren, Department of Teaching and Learning, Policy and Leadership This phenomenological study explores the lived experiences of seven Chinese international graduate students in the United States. The students in this study range in age from the twenties to thirties and are pursuing advanced degrees in various disciplines including Education, American Studies, Economics, and the STEM field (Science, Technology, Engineering and Mathematics). The phenomenological question is: What are the lived experiences of Chinese international graduate students in the United States? This research is conducted in the tradition of hermeneutic phenomenology drawing on the work of philosophers such as Heidegger, Gadamer, Dilthey, Merleau- Ponty, and Casey as foundational “grounding” for the study. Each of these philosophers brings key foundations to help illuminate the phenomenon, through such existentials as lived body, space, time and relation. Van Man provides the methodology to guide the study. Through individual conversations with each participant, the themes generated revolve around orienting to a new environment, both academically and socially; finding familiarity in the midst of unfamiliarity, while living in between two languages and two cultural worlds, both literally and metaphorically. Their journey to the U.S. is a journey with possible return to their home country; however, the return to their past and familiar practices is transformed and different. Their self-doubt and identity navigation are all revealed in this dissertation, such as their eagerness to “fit in” the U.S. environment while still making an effort to maintain their “Chineseness.” They also desire to establish friendships with Americans, contribute to their study fields, and experience the joy of freedom to achieve their “American Dreams.” This study concludes with pedagogical recommendations that can help international students become more self-oriented and find fulfillment in their studies. The importance of listening and genuine care surfaced. In addition, it takes more a collaborative effort amongst different academic and support units to create a home community where international students can find places to belong. TRANSCENDENCE OF TIME AND SPACE: THE LIVED EXPERIENCES OF CHINESE INTERNATIONAL GRADUATE STUDENTS IN THE UNITED STATES by Yali Pan Dissertation submitted to the Faculty of the Graduate School of the University of Maryland, College Park in partial fulfillment of the requirements for the degree of Doctor of Philosophy 2014 Advisory Committee: Dr. Francine H. Hultgren, Chair Dr. Jing Lin, Advisor Dr. Donna Wiseman Dr. Noah D. Drezner Dr. Paula J. Beckman ©Copyright by Yali Pan 2014 Dedication I would like to dedicate this work to my mother, Zhuanzhuan Pan, the strongest person that I have met, the backbone of my life, the one who always believes in me even during the dark times that I questioned myself, the one who pushed me to go the extra mile … a woman who only finished elementary school but a strong advocate for education a woman with the biggest heart in the world a woman who genuinely cares for others more than herself a woman who loves, a woman who falls but gets right back onto her feet a woman who is shy but willing to challenge herself to think and act outside of the box, out of her comfort zone … To my mother, my haven, my rock star Without her, this doctorate would not have been possible With her, I believe that all things are possible Because of her, I dare to think big, dream big, and act big Because of her, I learned to care and love ii Acknowledgements To my dissertation chair, Dr. Francine Hultgren, thank you for your genuine care and generous giving throughout this process. From you, not only did I get exposed to a methodology—phenomenology, but also I learned about understanding and mentoring. Thank you for your patience and understanding of me writing and rewriting in a second language. My dissertation process of writing and rewriting means reading and re-reading for you, and I am forever grateful for all your feedback, encouragement, mentoring, and love through this journey. Dr. Jing Lin, you are the “academic mother” that I mentioned in my dissertation. Ever since our first phone conversation prior to my attendance at the University of Maryland as a Master’s student, you introduced me to different opportunities and encouraged me to be brave and be myself, and later to pursue a doctorate. I would not have been here today had there not been your encouragement and support. Dr. Donna Wiseman, thank you for your all your hard work and dedication to build an international community in our college so that international persons can feel at home in such a warm and embracive community. Dr. Noah Drezner, I learned so much about your research and you as a person through the years of knowing you and taking classes from you. I have been inspired by your intelligence, diligence and personality. Your passion for research and social justice has motivated me to do research that is true to my heart. Dr. Paula Beckman, a study abroad program to El Salvador with you had completely opened my eyes and transformed me. Thank you for letting me realize how privileged I am compared to many other young people in the world, and still how long a journey it is to continue to address inequality issues in global educational contexts, especially among those who are underrepresented and underprivileged. A special thanks to Dr. Steven J. Klees and Dr. Nelly Stromquist who had given me constructive feedback during the early stage of my dissertation writing, however could not continue due to international travel and research reasons. Thanks to my fellow phenomenologists, Wyletta, Maggie, Alicia, Thor, for your feedback and “writing in the dark” moments. Thanks to those who guided me, encouraged me, supported me, and pushed me not to give up: Mrs. Halima Cherif-Goldberg, Dr. James Greenberg, Dr. Stephen Koziol, Dr. Letitia Williams, Dr. Rashi Jain, Mrs. Lattisha Hall, Mrs. Elsie Pratt, Mrs. Carol Scott, Ms. Rhonda Fleming, Mr. Chris Cook, Mr. Ron Yerby, Mr. Rex Bulter, Mrs. Linda LeNoir, Dr. Thomas Castillo, Dr. Evelyn Cooper, and Dr. Deborah Bryant. Each and every one of you has impacted my dissertation research in one way or another to make its completion possible. iii I would like to extend a special thanks to family and friends, who have always believed in me and encouraged me to go the extra mile: grandma, Uncle Yuansheng, Kozue and Nathan, Julie and Kai, Nadine, Xinhui, Jason, Porsha, Luanjiao, Sasha, Amy, Yang, Pragati, Charles, Sonia, Ji, Peter, and Jamie. I love all of you and thank you for having faith in me! Last but not least, I would like to extend my deepest gratitude to my seven research participants: Evan, Joe, Alex, Ashley, Julie, Poem, and Sun Quan. Without your time and patience to work with me, everything about this dissertation would not have been possible. Thank you, thank you, and thank you! iv Table of Contents CHAPTER ONE: TURNING TO THE PHENOMENON— LONGING FOR HOME .................................................................................................. 1 Beginning of Newness and Difference ....................................................................................... 1 Scene One ............................................................................................................................................................ 1 Scene Two ........................................................................................................................................................... 2 Scene Three ....................................................................................................................................................... 3 Scene Four .......................................................................................................................................................... 3 Scene Five ........................................................................................................................................................... 4 Cultural Land ..................................................................................................................................................... 5 Duality of Self .................................................................................................................................................... 6 A Contrast in Visits: What Does It Mean to Return? .............................................................. 7 In Search of Home ........................................................................................................................... 11 Open and Closed Doors .............................................................................................................................. 11 House vs. Home ............................................................................................................................................. 12 The “Place” of Home .................................................................................................................................... 14 Home and Belonging ................................................................................................................................... 15