BRABBLETON SQUARE By Patrick Derksen © Copyright 2019, Pioneer Drama Service, Inc. Professionals and amateurs are hereby warned that a royalty must be paid for every performance, whether or not admission is charged. All inquiries regarding rights— including but not limited to amateur, professional, radio broadcast, television, cable, motion picture, live streaming, public reading, and translation into a foreign language—should be addressed to Pioneer Drama Service, Inc., PO Box 4267, Englewood, CO 80155. FOURTH WALL PIRATE SHIP No performance, broadcast, reading, or presentation of any kind in whole or in part may be given without permission from Pioneer Drama Service. These rights are fully protected under the copyright laws of the United States of America and of all countries covered by the Universal Copyright Convention or with which the United States has reciprocal copyright relations, including Canada, Mexico, Australia, and all nations of the United Kingdom. ONE SCRIPT PER CAST MEMBER MUST BE PURCHASED FOR PRODUCTION RIGHTS. PHOTOCOPYING, REPRODUCING, OR DISTRIBUTING ALL OR ANY PART OF THIS BOOK WITHOUT PERMISSION IS STRICTLY FORBIDDEN BY LAW. On all programs, printing, and advertising, the following information must appear: 1. The full title: An Act of Piracy 2. Writing credit: By Patrick Derksen 3. Publication notice: “Produced by special arrangement with Pioneer Drama Service, Denver, Colorado” 52 For preview only AN ACT OF PIRACY COSTUMES By PATRICK DERKSEN CRANBURY’S COMPANY wear Roman costumes in Act One (breastplates and Spartan helmets for the SOLDIERS; togas for ALL OTHERS), and CAST OF CHARACTERS then switch to unconvincing pirate costumes in Act Two. It can be very # of lines apparent they are wearing costumes, looking less authentic than the Townspeople real pirates. AGNES, RUTH, and ALAN all have black beards as part JOANNA HUXLEY ....................irritable local innkeeper 49 of their pirate costumes. MORRIS wears an eyepatch in Act One, and ROBERT HUXLEY ....................Joanna’s long-suffering husband 46 comes on wearing two in Act Two. SUSAN TANNER .....................opinionated neighbor 26 Some characters pretending to be male should, for dramatic effect, LAVINIA TANNER ....................even more opinionated 38 “let their hair down” when the reveal they are female. But those neighbor characters vacillate between “male” and “female,” so hairstyles should be versatile but simple. Optional, easy-to-remove hats and FREDERICA GALLANT ..............rich and famous talent scout 12 mustaches can help make costumes more convincing. TOWNSPEOPLE ......................extras n/a FLEXIBLE CASTING NOTE Lord Cranbury and His Company The TOWNSPEOPLE can be played by any gender with only minor text LORD CECIL HOPMORTON alterations. They can also be doubled to play all of the PIRATES and CRANBURY ............................wealthy, egotistical theatre 174 SAILORS except VALOIS and JASPER. manager and monotone actor; plays Julius Caesar and Captain Vile VIVIAN THATCHER* ................the star; a demanding diva and 94 tireless over-actor; plays Brutus and Henry Nine-Fingers AGNES MILLS* ......................eager but inexperienced; often 49 mouths other actors’ lines; plays a centurion and Blackbeard ALAN BENEDICT .....................attention-seeking up-stager; 39 plays Gaius and Blackbeard RUTH AVERY* ........................timid, mumbling wallflower; 23 plays Sutonius and Blackbeard BECKY O’SULLIVAN* ..............unmotivated; breaks character 39 often; plays Julia and Kitchen HESTER TEMPLETON* ............anxiety-ridden; suffers from 26 serious stage fright; plays a centurion and Jolly Roger GALFRED ...............................lazy procrastinator; doesn’t 42 learn lines or blocking; plays Caesarion and Buckles MORRIS.................................eager, but clueless; plays 46 the opening chorus, a soldier, and Crow’s Nest Johnny ii 51 RIGHTS MUST BE PURCHASED BEFORE REPRODUCING THIS SCRIPT For preview only PRODUCTION NOTES DIRK PATRICK ........................undiscovered playwright; 30 plays Albert Hogsbottom PROPERTIES ONSTAGE JAN FLETCHER .......................modest, humble stagehand; 127 Brabbleton Town Square: Exterior of the inn with a poster for The more shrewd than she lets on Death of Caesar, raised stage with crude Roman decorations (columns, urns), benches. Pirates and Sailors Fourth Wall pirate ship: Rope, barrels, helm, mop. CAPITAINE JEAN-FRANCOIS PROPERTIES BROUGHT ON DE LA HAUTE-VALOIS ..............arrogant privateer; pirate hunter 65 JASPER .................................Haute-Valois’ gruff first mate 29 ACT ONE CHARLES ...............................sailor lost at sea 24 Scene One: Broom (JAN) CAPTAIN REAGAN O’FLYNN .....slick, wily female commander of 86 Mug, cloth (ROBERT) the Black Flag Writing tablet, feather pen, fake pigeon (BECKY) KELLY ...................................female Black Flag crewmember 6 Scene Two: JACKIE ..................................another 5 Tray of mugs (JOANNA) CHANCE ................................male Black Flag crewmember 6 Script (DIRK) FRANK ..................................another 7 Daggers (ALAN/RUTH/VIVIAN) VALOIS’ CREW .......................extras as male pirates n/a Scene Three: Writing tablet, feather pen (BECKY) * Female actors playing male characters. Three coins (JOANNA) Contract (JAN) ACT TWO Scene One: Boatswain’s whistle (AGNES) Weapons (FORTH WALL CREW) Writing tablet, feather pen (BECKY) Treasure chest with gold pieces (AGNES/ALAN) Scene Two: Mirror, sword (REAGAN) Sword (VIVIAN) Scene Three: Sword (REAGAN) Scene Five: Coin purses with coins (CRANBURY’S CREW and REAGAN’S CREW) Swords (VALOIS’ CREW) SOUND EFFECTS Waves crash, seagulls cry. 50 iii RIGHTS MUST BE PURCHASED BEFORE REPRODUCING THIS SCRIPT For preview only SETTING 1 VIVIAN: We did it! Huzzah! (ALL cheer.) Time: Early seventeenth century. AGNES: You’re a genius, Jan! Place: The port city of Brabbleton, England, and the surrounding ALAN: That was so amazing! I think I’m going to throw up. open seas. BECKY: I’m not sure how I’m going to text all this to Elsabeth. 5 REAGAN: (To JASPER.) Well done, sailor. So, which of you is going to SYNOPSIS OF SCENES be the new captain? (Looks between JASPER and CHARLES.) ACT ONE CHARLES: Oh, I’m not cut out for captaining. Scene One: Brabbleton town square outside of the Huxley’s inn, JASPER: (Shakes his head. To REAGAN.) But… maybe you? morning time. REAGAN: Oh, no. I’ve got my own ship and crew, thank you. But… you Scene Two: The town square, later that afternoon. 10 know who I think would be an excellent choice? Scene Three: The town square, a short time later. CRANBURY: Well, I’m honored, m’lady, but I think we’ve all had a bit much of the pirate life. It’s time we all— ACT TWO REAGAN: I wasn’t talking about you. (Looks pointedly at JAN. Then, Scene One: The deck of the Fourth Wall (a ship), a couple of days later. ALL turn to look at JAN, who is shocked at first, but then smiles and 15 resolutely punches her fist in the air.) Scene Two: The deck of the Fourth Wall, days later. JAN: Arr! Scene Three: The deck of the Fourth Wall, a couple of hours later. ALL: Arr! Arr! Arr! (LIGHTS FADE to BLACK as ALL EXIT. Then in Scene Four: The deck of the Fourth Wall, moments later. the dark.) Scene Five: The deck of the Fourth Wall, a short time later. DIRK: (From OFF LEFT.) Hello? Is anyone going to let me out of this 20 brig? Hello?! SET DESCRIPTION END OF PLAY Brabbleton Square: The exterior of the Huxleys’ inn is UP LEFT with a door leading OFF into the inn. A poster advertising The Death of Caesar hangs on a wall of the inn. A raised stage or platform with crude Roman decorations—columns, urns, etc.—is DOWN RIGHT. A few rows of benches are CENTER. The rest of Brabbleton is OFF LEFT; a backstage area for Lord Cranbury’s company is OFF RIGHT. The deck of the Fourth Wall pirate ship can be played in front of an open ocean backdrop with railings to designate the sides (starboard bow RIGHT, port bow LEFT) of the ship. The ship’s helm is UP RIGHT. The UP LEFT EXIT leads to the brig, the hold, and the rest of the ship’s interior. The RIGHT EXIT leads to the open seas. The deck is littered with barrels, buckets, ropes, tools, a mop, and other trappings. iv 49 For preview only 1 JASPER: Knock me down with a feather. AN ACT OF PIRACY VALOIS: But ’ow? Zees ees preposterous! ACT ONE CRANBURY: (In a high-pitched voice.) Yes, we are all women! I even Scene One give my lovely, beautiful locks of hair one hundred brush strokes 5 a day— 1 AT RISE: TOWNSPEOPLE come and go through Brabbleton Square on VIVIAN: (Sotto voce.) Don’t overdo it, Cranbury. a busy morning, as JOANNA stares at a poster on the wall. LAVINIA and JAN: (To VALOIS.) You thought they were terrible actors, but it seems SUSAN ENTER LEFT and approach JOANNA. they fooled you—and everyone else—quite handily. SUSAN: Well, if it isn’t Joanna Huxley! How are you, love? MORRIS: (To himself.) ’Cept me. 5 JOANNA: Same as you, I expect. Poor and miserable. 10 CHARLES: Captain, are we taking them all prisoner, then? I mean, I LAVINIA: What’s that you’re reading? guess we’ve got to. JOANNA: Lavinia, you know as well as I do that I can’t read. VALOIS: (Threateningly, to JAN.) Where… ees… ze treasure? LAVINIA: Right. What’s that you’re staring at, then? JAN: (Jingles a coin purse.) We’ve all got the treasure. Distributed JOANNA: Some ragamuffin just put it here. Never seen her before, till evenly among us. (The OTHERS jingle purses. VALOIS growls and 10 she comes nailing up posters on the wall of my inn. (JAN ENTERS 15 moves in to take JAN’S purse, but JAN snatches it away.) You RIGHT with a broom and starts sweeping the stage.) wouldn’t assault a woman to take it now, would you? SUSAN: (Points.) That stage wasn’t there yesterday, was it now? VALOIS: (Laughs exaggeratedly French.) You zink you are so smart, do you? You zink you ’ave won? (Draws his weapon.) You are about to JOANNA: That’s her, the ragamuffin! You, girl! What’s all this, then? find out ’ow Murdock the Murderer ’as earned hees title.