my name is ________________________ and this is MY new gender workbook This page intentionally left blank N e w My Gender Workbook A Step-by-Step Guide to Achieving World Peace Through Gender Anarchy and Sex Positivity Kate Bornstein Routledge Taylor & Francis Group NEW YORK AND LONDON Second edition published 2013 by Routledge 711 Third Avenue, New York, NY 10017 Simultaneously published in the UK by Routledge 2 Park Square, Milton Park, Abingdon, Oxon OX14 4RN Routledge is an imprint of the Taylor & Francis Group, an informa business © 2013 Taylor & Francis The right of Kate Bornstein to be identified as author of this work has been asserted by her in accordance with sections 77 and 78 of the Copyright, Designs and Patents Act 1988. All rights reserved. No part of this book may be reprinted or reproduced or utilized in any form or by any electronic, mechanical, or other means, now known or hereafter invented, including photocopying and recording, or in any information storage or retrieval system, without permission in writing from the publishers. Trademark notice: Product or corporate names may be trademarks or registered trademarks, and are used only for identification and explanation without intent to infringe. First edition published by Routledge 1998 Library of Congress Cataloging in Publication Data Bornstein, Kate, 1948– My new gender workbook: a step-by-step guide to achieving world peace through gender anarchy and sex positivity/ Kate Bornstein.—2nd ed. p. cm. Rev. ed. of: My gender workbook. 1998. 1. Gender identity. 2. Sex (Psychology) I. Bornstein, Kate, 1948– My gender workbook. II. Title. HQ1075.B69 2013 305.3—dc23 2012033355 ISBN: 978–0–415–53864–0 (hbk) ISBN: 978–0–415–53865–7 (pbk) ISBN: 978–0–203–10903–8 (ebk) Typeset in Stone Serif and an eclectic mixture of other fonts by Florence Production Ltd, Stoodleigh, Devon, UK A lot of the ideas in this book were crowdsourced from smart people who asked good questions and made great comments at my lectures and workshops over the last fifteen years. And even more crowdsourcing came from people who follow my words on Twitter. I call all these people my twibe. So this book is dedicated to you, dear twibe. Thank you for calling me out on my shit. And thank you for helping me #stayalive. Auntie Kate loves and respects you very much. kiss kiss This page intentionally left blank Here’s What’s In Your Workbook. Look! Preface to the 21st Century Edition xi The first edition of this book was published fifteen years ago. This is the first and—given that I’m already sixty-five years old— the last time I’ll be updating it. Here’s where I say why I did the update, and explain some new conventions in this version. 1. Welcome to Your New Gender Workbook 1 This is your on-ramp to the book, darling. You’ll find out why studying gender is important to making your life more worth living. You’ll find out about me, Kate Bornstein, and why it’s me who gets to tell you all this stuff about gender. And there’s also a fabulous gender aptitude quiz in here that you won’t want to miss! 2. Finding Gender. Arrrr, There Be Pirates! 35 That’s right, pirates! And a treasure map. Why? Because gender is a buried treasure that very few people know about and even fewer people try to dig it up. You’ll have a look at the basic components of gender, and how they play out in you. And there are two puzzles: one scary simple, and the other just plain scary. 3. Let X=X 59 X may mark the spot on the treasure map, but X means so much more. Getting to X is a journey through fifteen cultural spaces of regulations, of which gender is only one. And, there’s a movie break—no, really, you go watch a movie. And there are robots! vii Contents 4. Let Why Equal Why 83 So . why is gender? And just how perfectly gendered are you? There’s an in-depth exam to find that out exactly. 5. There’s Only One Gender: Yours 113 This chapter is jam-packed with theory—which is another word for unproven ideas that could be big fat lies. But if the theory in this chapter is close to correct, you’re going to find out a whole lot about your unique gender and the kind of fun you can have in it. Two big bonuses: rhyme games!! AND 101 gender outlaws name their genders in their own words. Imagine that. 6. SEX! SEX! SEX! SEX! SEX! SEX! SEX! 151 I forget what this chapter is about. But you won’t. Not ever. 7. Get Ready to Do Your Gender 187 Most everyone goes through their life without paying much attention to their gender(s). Yes, you have more than one of them. Everyone does. This chapter is filled with drills that will help you become comfortably aware and focused on the performance of your gender(s). 8. Do Your Gender Mindfully 199 Just what the chapter title says: you get to consciously make and implement decisions about your gender. You’re going to learn about all the drag you already do in life, and there’s a comprehensive look at cultural playgrounds where you can practice any new genders that strike your fancy. There’s story- telling, whips and chains, and a four-page comic you can show your friends and family when they ask you what the fuck is up with your gender! viii Contents 9. The Missing Piece is Nothing, and We’re Going to Find It Nowhere 227 Welcome to the wild and wacky world of paradox. What does it mean to the dominant culture that two of its fundamental building blocks are collapsing? Gender as man-and-woman- only and sexuality as homo-and-hetero-only are so last century, and you’re going to find out why. You’re also going to read the real story of the Garden of Eden, and God’s thoughts on morality. Yep. 10. OK, Now What? 261 This is where you’ll learn how to achieve world peace through sex positivity and gender anarchy. Tra-la, how fun! Acknowledgments 285 I try to figure out how to thank all the thousands (yes, thousands) of people who helped me write this book. And, just like in some movies, there’s a surprise at the end of the credits. ix Use this page for notes or doodles. Really, it’s way OK if you write in this book! Preface to the 21st Century Edition Not many writers get do-overs. So, I’m grateful to my publisher, Routledge, for giving me the opportunity to update this workbook fifteen years after its first publication in 1997. Back then, the idea of “working” one’s gender was a new concept. Now, there are thousands of people who are living their lives, mindfully working their genders. I’ve learned a great deal by becoming friends with many of them. The first edition of this book focused on gender, pretty much all by itself. This version takes a look at gender as one of fifteen inter- dependent spheres of cultural regulation, collectively known as kyriarchy. The word was coined by Elisabeth Schüssler Fiorenza, and we all owe her thanks for naming the point of convergence of gender, sexuality, race, looks, age disability, class, mental health, religion, family/reproductive status, language, habitat, citizenship, political ideology, and humanity. This edition of the workbook examines gender as part of that system, and offers up suggestions on how to dismantle the whole fucking mess through a politic of desire, and an activism of radical wonder and radical welcoming—all stuff I’ve been puzzling over for the last fifteen years. I’ve kept many words and elements the same in this edition, like puzzles and games and quizzes and such. Most importantly, I’ve kept the voices of literally hundreds of people in addition to my own. The xi Preface to the 21st Century Edition @quarridors: You see, underlying problem with gender is that for centuries people assume that there’s only been one point of view from which to gender is a simple progression of observe it. With the addition of all these voices—some masculine to feminine, from the original edition, and many new voices—gender but actually . from a non-linear, non- can be examined for what it really is, as so beautifully normative viewpoint, summed up by @quarridors in their brilliant riff on a it’s more like a big ball of wibbly wobbly . famous line from my favorite BBC television show, gender-y blendery . Doctor Who, here to the left of this text. stuff. Some New Conventions in This Version of the Workbook I LOVE comic books and graphic novels, so I’m going to rip on them. From time to time, I’ll be adding parenthetical, more personal, ideas to the text. This is me, over to the left of the page, doing just that! But wait, there’s more! Part of this book is about learning to mindfully be all the possible identities you want to be. The toon me that you see above is me as good auntie. THIS toon of me, to the right here, is a li’l more let’s-not-fuck- around me. Sort of like Starbuck in Battlestar Galactica, only if she was an old lady, like me. xii Preface to the 21st Century Edition And just one more version of me who will be speaking with you: this is me as Lady Death, from Neil Gaiman’s Sandman Series.