The Krewe du Vieux Presents PURPLE PROSE, YELLOW Le Monde de Merde JOURNALISM AND THE LUST Vol. 19, No. 1 January 30, 2010 Priceless FOR GREEN Krewe du Vieux Is “All Fired Up” Dr. John Will Light Krewe’s Fire KdV Parade Route and Firewalk the parade fires up at NEW ORLEANS – We didn’t start the Regionalism took on a new meaning, Royal Street Chartres & Marigny fire. But looking around the city and the as politicos in Jefferson, St. John and Royal Street country, the whole shithouse nearly did St. Tammany parishes demonstrated a go up in flames. burning desire to mimic the exploits of things really start to heat up here! Despite the best efforts of President our home-cooked (and half-baked) of- Chartres Street Yomama and Fed Chief Burned Hankey ficials. Many will soon be facing a trial Frenchmen Street (Indian casinos being about the only by fire. Street Toulouse Decatur Street the parade ends in a profitable enterprises around these Meanwhile, at City Hall… blaze of glory at Chartres & Elysian Fields Franklin Avenue days), the economy refused to rise from Chief Technology Punk Greg Meffert the ashes. The Cash for Clunkers pro- found himself smiling for the crime cam- gram netted only a small number of used eras. Recovery Czar Ed Blakely burned U.S. Congressmen, though we were every last bridge, but most people had Parade Route of the Krewe du Vieux, Saturday, January 30, 2010 at 6:30 PM pleased to see that former LA Rep. already decided it was extraneous com- citronellas of the Krewe will burn the Krewe of PAN, Mystic Krewe of Dollar Bill Jefferson was one of them. bustion. Trash Queen Veronica White candle at both ends as they firewalk Spermes, Mystic Krewe of Comatose, The Worldwide Wrestling Federation got caught in an e-mail crossfire and went through the French Quarter and Mystic Krewe of Inane, and Krewe du sponsored heated public “discussions” on from the frying pan into the garbage can. Faubourg Marigny on Saturday, Janu- Mishigas. health insurance reform over the summer, And the city’s Masturbation Plan ary 30 at 6:30 PM. Parade-goers are Also marching will be many of the city’s but self-proclaimed “Teabuggers” created couldn’t quite get off (ditto the Pubic- advised to drink plenty of firewater and top brass bands. Showcasing the local such a firestorm that the final bill – de- Privates partnership). beware of burning sensations. brass band talent is one of many Krewe spite being over 2000 pages long – con- …for months on end… Lighting the Krewe’s fire will be King du Vieux traditions not eligible for cov- tained only one small regulatory change: Peripatetic NightMayor Ray Nagin Dr. John, who’s been known to fire one erage under the health care reform bill. being a flaming asshole is no longer con- decided to burn $1.2 million of public up and make a little whoopee himself. The Krewe du Vieux is a non-profit sidered a “pre-existing condition”. money on statues nobody wanted in a Exceptional pianisto, lyricalizer, organization dedicated to the historical “Gatecrasher-gate” also inflamed par- park nobody uses. He was hoping no- producerinator, and performanizer of and traditional concept of a Mardi Gras tisan passions in Washington. Rumors body would notice, but his plans, like New Orleans musicanity who has night- parade as a venue for individual creative that the entire episode was inspired by the domed domo himself, got Shanghaid. tripped many a night club, King Dr. John expression and satirical comment. It is Mandeville Mayor Eddie Price’s Citizens can barely wait until he gets fired. has been downright ambassadorical in unique among all Mardi Gras parades drunken antics on the Causeway could …nothing…actually…got…done. helping bring New Orleans back. He will because it alone carries on the old not be confirmed at press time. Faced with the infernal inertia of the certainly fire out many a treasure from Carnival traditions, by using decorated, On the plus side, no one bothered any elite, Krewe du Vieux decided to get the royal floatation device. hand or mule-drawn floats with satirical more to stroke the burning Bush. All Fired Up. Immersed in refried con- The Krewe du Vieux’s seventeen themes, accompanied by costumed rev- There were plenty of burning issues fusion, caught in the bonfire of the inani- subkrewes will each present their own elers dancing to the sounds of jazzy street on the home front as well. Gov. Jindal ties, and burning in the Ninth Ward of flame-throwing, fire-breathing, fire-eat- musicians. We believe in exposing the got caught in the pelican’s briefs. LSU Hell, the Krewe will nevertheless rise ing, rubber-burning, love-burning, ash- world to the true nature of Mardi Gras Coach Les Miles opened up the “Tiger from the asses, walk on burning sphinc- licking, ash-kicking interpretations of the — and in exposing ourselves to the School of Time Management”, but ev- ters, demand a pubic option, and put a theme. Subkrewes include the Krewe world. eryone was late for class, and his project spell on each and every one of you. It of C.R.U.D.E., Krewe of Space Age got sidelined. And a Justice of the Peace will be such a blight! Love, Krewe of Underwear, Seeds of Krewe du Vieux Doo in Ponchatoula refused to marry inter- Like moths drawn to a flame, the fire- Decline, Krewe of Mama Roux, Krewe SATURDAY, JANUARY 30 DOORS OPEN 9:00 PM racial couples on the grounds that their bugs, fire signs, fire hosers, fire drillers, of L.E.W.D., Krewe of Drips and Dis- MUSIC AT 9:30 PM children were doomed to a life of fail- fire truckers, firecrackers, gunsmokers, charges, Krewe of K.A.O.S., Knights ure. Somehow, the President never got pot smokers, pot holers, potlickers, of Mondu, T.O.K.I.N., Krewe Rue MUSIC/LOCATION/TICKET INFO the memo. politickers, hot mamas, cinder fellas, and Bourbon, Krewe de C.R.A.P.S., ON PAGE 2 – 1 – Dr. John: A Character’s Character Given the cast of characters he grew he substituted for his teacher at a ses- up with, it was a forgone conclusion sion at Cosimo’s, and it changed his that 2010 Krewe du Vieux King Dr. life. Ironically, the next life-changing ex- John would emerge as one of the great perience occurred when an injury to New Orleans characters of all time. his hand forced him to quit the guitar It might have started with his grand- and take up the piano, on which he has mother, a wonderful woman with a salty come a master of many styles and in- tongue whose philosophy was, “I can vented a few of his own. cuss you out with love and I can say He also started songwriting in the something hateful without cussing, so 1950s, beginning a prolific career that just listen for the love.” would fill a library full of songbooks. Might have been his dad, who sold Our salty Sultan’s musical vocation has records and fixed musicians’ equipment, taken him to every corner of the world introducing our young King to the pan- – but he’s never found another place theon of New Orleans greats from like New Orleans. Danny Barker (also former KdV roy- “In New Orleans, we just got differ- alty) to Professor Longhair. ent maneuvers,” he expostulates, “not he responds quickly, which would be that Vieux Doo thing!” Could’ve been playing those gospel like people in other places. There’s no one more reason to vote for him. Mayor Speaking of which, Priestess Miriam, shows at the Guideline Spiritual Church other place in the United States that’s King Doctor John does have kind of a Queen Mother for the parade, spiritu- in the 9th Ward with the Lastie Family, got its own culture, and we got two of ring to it… alist and healer, will indeed bring the or hanging out at Cosimo’s studio in `em, New Orleans and Southeast Loui- But really, musical ambassador and Voodoo to the Vieux Doo. The divine the glory days. siana. They meet up in all kinds of ways, Krewe du Vieux royalty are much better diviner is a Bishop of the Spiritual Church Possibly the aunt who was such a and that’s the blessing of it all.” fits for this counter-culture Carnival and proprietress of the Voodoo Spiri- great cook that every restaurant owner Between world traveling and world Count and his deep, honest love of his tual Temple and Cultural Center on in the city came over to her house to view, our Laughing Lord has lived large unique home town. North Rampart Street. Counselor to eat, and see if they could figure out her – immeasurably large. How many songs “People don’t want to hear the truth the stars, she will help the Krewe to secret recipes like stuffed steak. has he written? Can’t count ‘em. How a lot of times, but if everyone told the see stars on parade night. Maybe it was sitting around with Steel many albums has he recorded or played truth, we’d have a better planet,” he So, you better get your ass into the Chest, the sister of his guitar teacher on? About the same. How many chil- philosophicalizes. “Make do with what right place at the right time, 6:30 PM Papoose, so named because she al- dren and grandchildren? you got – it’s a beautiful way to live.” on Saturday January 30, ‘cause it’s ways had a straight razor in her bra, or “Not as many as Wardell or Jesse This is where KdV comes in.