CALIFORNIA STATE UNIVERSITY, NORTHRIDGE AIRBBNB AIR BED, BLOOD & BREAKFAST A graduate project submitted in partial fulfillment of the requirements For the degree of Master of Fine Arts in Screenwriting By Alexandra Karova May 2016 Copyright by Alexandra Karova 2016 ii The thesis of Alexandra Karova is approved: _____________________________________________ _______________ Professor Scott Sturgeon Date _____________________________________________ _______________ Professor Jared Rappaport Date _____________________________________________ _______________ Professor Alexis Krasilovsky, Chair Date California State University, Northridge iii TABLE OF CONTENTS Copyright Page ii Signature Page iii Abstract v AIRBBNB: AIR BED, BLOOD & BREAKFAST 1 iv ABSTRACT AIRBBNB AIR BED, BLOOD & BREAKFAST By Alexandra Karova Master of Fine Arts in Screenwriting AirBBnB is a dark satirical comedy/horror story about Ellie, a victim of Stockholm syndrome, who is raised as a toddler by Mary Bucher and her son Thad, her parents' killers. Mary thinks God sent Ellie, who shares a royal blood line that has rumored supernatural powers and wants her to marry Thad. This occurs in the eccentric, fictional town of Bayou Louisiana, where very real current Southern trends like "Haunted AirBnBs" (which her current family run from their dilapidated castle) occur. Ellie's Bucher family relives Confederate battles to deny losing the Civil War, while Ellie denies her past trauma of parental loss to survive it. But, Ellie has a mid-life crisis and all the insanity of her culture comes at a price that she can no longer pay as her own personal Armageddon comes crashing through her castle door. v FADE IN: EXT. CASTLE - SOMEWHERE - SUNSET A midieval Gothic castle is silhouetted by a sunset that goes from yellow to rose, then magenta to purple. The palace becomes black, but the windows glow red as SCREAMS echo. INT. CASTLE - LIVING ROOM - NIGHT Arthurian knights in armor stand watch with no one in them, as blood spatters across the wall. PSYCHOTIC LAUGHTER. MAN (O.C.) (Southern accent) I got ‘em Momma! WOMAN (O.C.) (crying) Please, don’t chop him up! A portrait of Louis XIV looks down on us. An unseen MAN CHUCKLES. MAN (O.C.) (Southern sarcasm) But, it’s time for his blood bath! Or, would you prefer a baptism of blood? I don’t hear a response. So, I’ll choose... PSYCHOTIC LAUGHTER. SCREAMS. CHOPPING. SCREAMS. CHOPPING. Blood covers a man and woman’s cut up bodies then fills the floor. The portrait of Louis XIV has blood spatter across his eyes. OLD WOMAN (O.C.) (Southern upset) You got my Louis? Hells bells! FADE TO BLACK. A white title appears at the top of a black screen. “AirBBnB” New words fade in the mid screen: “Air Bed, Blood & Breakfast” 1 Followed by: “Visitors never stay very long...” Each letter fills with red blood. The title vanishes. EXT. APPOMATTOX, VIRGINIA - DAY GUN SHOTS crackle like fireworks as we fade into a Civil War battle in SLOW MOTION as the fog lifts. SUPER: “3 months earlier” A mechanical ring tone CHIMES repeatedly, making the soldiers rubberneck. PULL OUT TO REVEAL a yellow banner with blue sparkly letters that read: “APPOMATTOX NOW - CONVENTION.” Everyone’s Southern accent murmurs as they check their cell phones. A SOLDIER answers his. SOLDIER (whispers) Hey lo? Baby I -- He’s cut off from whoever’s on the other end, looks around embarrassed as he locks eyes with a hostile GENERAL ROBERT E. LEE character, 52, who’s blonde mutton chops blow in the wind. The soldier turns his back as if that hides anything. GEN. LEE (sotto) I can still see you, corporal. SOLDIER (whispers into phone) It’s a bad time. I’m not at liberty to send a dick pic -- GEN. LEE (O.C.) (from megaphone) Cut! Suspension of disbelief has been ruined for me! Please put your cell phones on airport, people! REVEAL Gen. Lee holding a director's megaphone at the back of the soldier’s head. He’s actually THADDEUS “THAD” BUCHER, built like a rock from out door labor with a leathery tan to prove it. SOLDIER Sorry, Thad. 2 GEN. LEE/THAD Call me General, or Robert E. Lee, please! SOLDIER But, it’s our anniversary -- THAD Of the first time you sent a dick pic? Please! Like two weeks ago? Show some respect! We’re evoking the spirits of our ancestors to honor General Lee's April 9th, 1865 surrender at Appomattox, Virginia. SOLDIER Uh, but you’re not related to General Robert E. Lee, so why do you always get to play him...you know...the lead? A hundred feet away a... INT. CONCESSION STAND - CONTINUOUS Red, white and blue balloons decorate a sign overhead that reads: “CIVIL WAR REENACTMENT SNACKS & THE SOUTH WILL RISE AGAIN DRINKS! - ONLY 99¢!” ELLIE-MAY BUCHER, 47, rolls her eyes at the Civil War re-enactors as she stands with MARY BUCHER, 70. Both are in colonial ball gowns with hoop skirts: Ellie’s in white with a delicate green vine pattern as Mary dons a red brothel-madam theme as they work at the counter. Ellie fans herself like a caged humming bird, while Mary a bee sizing up which flower to steal pollen from. ELLIE (V.O.) North and South both considered themselves to be God’s side. One thing Christians and non-Christians can agree upon is we both can’t stand the hypocritical Christians. Ellie uses her fan as a shield to tell Mary a secret. ELLIE This whole thing is so stupid, Momma! To commemorate a defeat? (sarcastic) The South loses again and again! MARY BUCHER (sotto) Mind yourself, girl! (MORE) 3 MARY BUCHER (CONT'D) We’re here fishing for pigeons to stay at our Castle. You should look for a man! Everyone here has money to burn. ELLIE I wanna marry a good guy and have babies, but not a man who would be caught dead at a Civil War reenactment vacation. Please! MARY BUCHER You are not Scarlet O'Hara at the barbecue anymore. Not getting any younger! Date for money. ELLIE Stop pimping me out! MARY BUCHER Give up having a baby. At forty-seven, they'll come out a retard. ELLIE Momma, don’t say that word. It’s ugly! And mean. MARY BUCHER Why? You’ve been hypnotized by the liberal, left- wing media. The Kennedy’s made a campaign about not using the “R” word, because they can’t say their R’s, “Pa-ak the ca-aw at Ha-avad Ya-ad!” ELLIE What? Are you a member of Westboro Baptist Church, all of a sudden? MARY BUCHER I don’t live in Kansas. But if I did, I’d make you join the choir. Ellie cracks up laughing as Mary is increasingly stern. MARY BUCHER (CONT’D) What you laugh’in fer? I didn’t tell no joke! Thad and the soldier are wrestling for real, not as part of the reenactment. ELLIE Can we ever get through one of these without Thad causing a fight? MARY BUCHER I’m not los’in money on this gig! Oh, what’s he up to? Hells bells! 4 An unseen man SQUEALS. Mary stops fanning as her jaw drops at the sight of... EXT. APPOTOMOX NOW - RE-ENACTMENT AREA - CONTINUOUS The soldier has Thad’s face between his thighs, who’s squealing gets muffled. SOLDIER I’m actually related to General Lee. I should get to play the star! Thad bites the soldier’s crotch, who screams and falls back. Thad mounts him triumphantly. THAD Baby! Wook at da little baby kwy’in! Wah! SOLDIER You bit me! You’re no gentleman! Thad grabs him by his hair and drags him on the ground. THAD That’s why you fairy boys lost the war! You have to fight like an animal! At the Yankee’s level-- SOLDIER OK, but you’re getting grass stains on my uniform! Why can’t I be General Lee! Just one time? THAD (kicking) I’m the better actor. I’m method and don’t leave my cell phone on, which is a lack of commitment that would make General Lee, turn over in his grave! The Confederate re-enactors circle the two, taking bets and cell phone video. Mary runs up. MARY BUCHER Stand down, Thad! Thad freezes, like a mind controlled Manchurian Candidate. THAD We just play’in, Momma. He’s no pussy. I didn’t really hurt you? The soldier’s in the fetal position, but with a look of fear to make the beating stop and maintain his pride... 5 SOLDIER (sotto) Nah. Twern’t noth’in, Ma’am. MARY BUCHER Boys will be boys! Show’s over! Come and get some beverages at our stand! Ain’t my daughter, Ellie-May, purty! Mary waves her fan to Ellie, who puts on a fake smile and waves back, holding up a soda, then drinking it. The soldiers gaze like they’re in love. Thad frustrated at Ellie getting attention, puts hands on hips and spits tabacco. He shouts to steal focus back... THAD My method acting seminar this evening will be mandatory for further weekend Civil War reenactment participation and there's a no-refund policy! Mary shakes her head and whispers to Thad under her fan. MARY BUCHER Don’t be so pushy. Honey gets more bees than vinegar. THAD (sotto) I just want everybody to be good. MARY BUCHER (sotto) This ain’t no Actor’s Studio and you’re not no James Lipton. Mary walks away. Tears fill Thad’s eyes, but he doesn’t break. THAD (sotto) You’ll see, Momma. I ain’t no James Lipton.