2 For lefties only! By Megan Lance It’s a well-known while left-handed people had more trou- ing Redbird Writer fact that people ble. Lefties also were proven to be more amount used to try to force inhibited, and spend hours on basic deci- of more their children to be right-handed, even if sions. Then, worrying afterwards that acci- they weren’t. However, were they wrong they’d made the wrong choice. dents. for doing so? Is being left-handed in a We’re screwed at school! Al- Is this Volume 70 Issue 6 world that is 90% right-handed a disad- though it’s not as bad as it used to be, because Twinkie turnover December 11th, 2012 vantage? Studies show that yes, this is teachers in one day and age used to beat we’re By Alexis Boyer Depending on how far you in their career, traveling back to a fa- the case. Why? left-handed kids with paddles to get fatally Obviously, hating them is in- them to do things the “right” way, pun Redbird Writer live from the institution of your miliar place is obviously much easier grained in our culture. Well, maybe not intended. If you are right-handed, you’re I intend to choice, traveling to and from your the closer you are. home/to and from the school or to “Depending on endowments America’s culture so much as the rest of probably not aware that there are right- clumsy? Well, probably not. Think enroll in an in-state university. Regard- the world. In the eastern half of the handed desks, right-handed scissors, about it, in America we do everything less of where you plan to attend, some have family and friends visit can re- for schools in your state, students may quire copious amounts of fuel. The be eligible for more merit-based schol- world and even some places in Europe, right-handed pencil sharpeners, etc. in right-handed. We drive in the right lane; students may not recognize all the doing anything with your left hand is every classroom. To add to this, left- turn right at red lights, etc. We live in a cost of fuel for the various trips you or arships and grants by staying in their benefits that come along with remain- considered dirty. In places such as India, handed students do worse on timed ex- flipped upside down world folks! If a ing in your home state. Probably the your family will need to take only adds home state” (FOX Business). These shaking hands with someone with your ams and get more back and neck cramps squirrel jumps out in front of a right- most well recognized and influential to the already crippling amount of col- scholarships can range from smaller left hand is an insult because it is known in the process! handed person, they are going to swerve benefit of staying in-state is dramati- lege fees you will be expected to pay. amounts, in the hundreds or thousands, that you only use that hand when you Insanity is linked to us. Even to the right, into a light pole or some- cally reduced tuition costs. The aver- Remaining in your home state typi- to full-ride scholarships worth tens of use the rest room. It’s scientifi- though we make up only 10% of the thing comical like that. If a left-handed age cost of an Ohio public university is cally cuts down on traveling costs, and thousands of dollars. cally proven that lefties are actually population, we make up 20% of the person is faced with the same situation, between $15,000 and $30,000. If a in turn, the total cost of college itself. Even while remaining in your more easily frightened. They’re twice as schizophrenics! We’re also more likely they’ll instinctively swerve to the left student who resides somewhere other On the topic of travel, if you home state, you can experience all the likely to suffer from PTSD, or post trau- to be ADD, dyslexic, and have more into oncoming traffic, results not being than Ohio applies to the same univer- expect to visit your family and friends things that make most people opt for matic stress disorder. That’s right, the mood disorders. Different sides of the quite as comical. sity, the cost then becomes $30,000 - back home often (or have them visit out-of-state colleges and universities – disorder that is usually linked to veter- brain control different parts of the body, So what should we do? Accept it, I $60,000 – the fees practically double. you), the closer you remain to home, new people, a new physical landscape ans, or people who escape serial killers. and left-handedness is sometimes be- guess. Oh well. Out-of-state fees are so much higher the easier the task will be, and the and new activities. You can live close While conducting an experiment, re- lieved to be a glitch that also leads to because you and/or your family have more likely that it will be accom- to home or several hours away, but searchers had a group of left-handed and these different mental disorders. not been contributing to the state in plished at all. If you ever start to feel still reap the benefits of attending an right-handed people watch 8 minutes of Uh-oh guys, we die much which the school is located in the form homesick or out-of-place, as most col- Ohio school. Silence of the Lambs, and right-handed sooner than our right-handed partners. of taxes. lege students tend to feel at some point people could recollect scenes relaxed, Why is this? Well, we get into an alarm- Hillsdale facing drastic funding cuts Wait, so what is a hipster? By Sage Weber Schools sports. Over 100 students are in FFA be cut; as in District Technology Coor- By Shelby Snyder ally aware of and interested in new die hard hipsters apparently like to Redbird Writer around us have had and FCCLA at the high school; with dinator, one high school Vo-Ag Redbird Writer and unconventional patterns (as in keep up on modern jazz music. levy’s fail. One in also roughly around 90 students in teacher, the middle school home eco- jazz or fashion).” Another defini- Hipsters don't get enough particular is the Hillsdale School Dis- high school band. With all of the fi- nomics (FCS) teacher, the middle In today's world people dis- cuss hipsters without actually going tion is “One who is exceptionally credit. Think about how exhausting trict. Since their school levy failed this nancial cuts being made many students school industrial arts teacher, the ele- aware of or interested in the latest it has to be to continuously keep up means many things will happen to the will not be able to do what they are mentary guidance counselor, 1.5 kin- into detail of what a hipster is ex- trends and tastes, especially a devo- on the latest trends in all aspects of school. Certain teachers, bus drivers interested in most. dergarten teachers, and three core sub- actly. Judgments are made and and bus routes, extra-curricular oppor- The Hillsdale school district ject classroom teachers. Another things are said that as far as we tee of modern jazz.” entertainment and fashion? I would tunities, and many other things will be has made cuts so that there are only 4 would be the closing of building and know may be entirely false state- When looking at these defi- be drained and tired of always fig- cut. Hillsdale spends $1,500 less per full time and 5 part time employees in grounds of all school facilities during ments. I took the liberty of re- nitions, it is apparent most of us are uring out the latest and greatest pupil than the state average. Hillsdale food service. Bus routes have been evening hours except for student ac- searching and finding out just what not fully aware of a true hipster is. thing. For this reason, I respect hip- K-12 Student to Teacher Ratio is shortened from 16 to 13, saving the tivities. exactly a hipster is. Now when peo- Most understand that a hipster is sters and their lifestyles because I higher than the statewide average, and district thousands of dollars annually. The worst change will be the ple are in a conversation and hip- someone who stays on top of the could never keep up with such a is the highest in the county. And, the Also since the levy failed there are pay to participate for student activities, sters are brought up, they will latest and newest trends, in fashion lifestyle. After looking at what hip- Student to Administrator ratio is 140% many more cuts and changes that have which will begin for winter sports this especially, but most probably did sters really are, I think everyone over the state average, also the highest been made or will change soon to try year at an estimated $300 per student know what exactly they are talking about. not realize that by definition hip- can gain some respect for the in the county. There are many Hills- to avoid the expected $558,147 by the per activity. Next year it will be $700. sters are into jazz music. Granted, amounts of free time that must be dale students that participate in varsity, end of the school year. Such as many So much has and will happen to the The actual definition of a maybe not everyone we classify as used to keep up with the trends.