UPDATED: 11/22/2011 RICK SPACEY AND THE SPACE DETECTIVES by S.D GRAUBERT 2 UPDATED: 11/22/2011 Characters: Team Leader - Rick Spacey Female Actor- Page, Hank, Wobbly, Jack Sparrow, Davy Jones Male Actor - Great Frump, Marv, Wobbly, Red Beard OMB song. (Male Actor leaves during song to change.) (GREAT FRUMP sits on the trunk and wails.) GREAT FRUMP Ohhhhhhhhhhh.OhWohhhhhh. (Muttering) Inconsolable, insoncolable, inconsolable. (Loud) that means disconsolate, which means very, very, very UNHAPPY. Ohhhhhhhwohhhh. (She continues) PAGE (Enters SR, with questions) Ahem. GREAT FRUMP Ohhhhhhhwohhhh. Inconsolable, inconsolable, inconsol—(etc). PAGE Ahem. Great Frumpness? GREAT FRUMP Yes, yes? What? PAGE The little Frumps are here to see you, M’am ( or Sir). GREAT FRUMP Can’t you, you know, get rid of them? PAGE They must see you now. They have been waiting. GREAT FRUMP Oh, alright then. Show them in. (PAGE coaches two kids in audience, who read out printed IOUs. Get them to stand up and ask their name. Introduce them to frump and then have them read the questions.) KID You owe me five frumps of gold— GREAT FRUMP 3 UPDATED: 11/22/2011 Five frumps? What on Planet Frump do I owe you five Frumps of gold for? KID For picking up all the leaves. PAGE Very important job, Great Frumpness. Here we have another: KID #2 You owe me ten gold frumps. GREAT FRUMP Ten? What for this time? KID #2 For counting all the stars in the sky. PAGE Very important job, Great Frumpness. How else would we know how many there were? GREAT FRUMP Well, how many are there? KID #2 (Makes up a number) GREAT FRUMP (Asks other kids in audience) And how many gold frumps do you say I owe you? For what? And you? (Continues to ask until) Okay, okay. I’ll, I’ll, I’ll- Break-time! I need a break. PAGE Gracias, Frumpitos, please take a bow, you deserve applause right now. GREAT FRUMP What to do? What to do? PAGE Pay them? GREAT FRUMP OHWOHHH! Inconsolable, inconsolable, inconsolable. PAGE Frumpness? What’s the matter? GREAT FRUMP I’ve lost the key, I’ve lost the key! To the storage room. PAGE 4 UPDATED: 11/22/2011 The gold Frump storage room? GREAT FRUMP Exactly. I keep it on a chain around my neck and you see? (holds up the chain.) PAGE But where’s the key? GREAT FRUMP If I knew that, it wouldn’t be lost, would it? (Continues to moan quietly.) PAGE Don’t worry, Great Frumpness, I’ll find it. (To kids, GREAT FRUMP follows PAGE) Do you have the key? Do you have the key? Do you? GREAT FRUMP (Hysterical crying – going back to trunk) Ohhhwohhhh. It’s gone, it’s gone. So, I can’t get the gold to pay anyone. Everything is going to fall apart; the stars won’t get counted, the leaves won’t get swept, the cake won’t get eaten. (Other things said by the kids) What’ll I do? What’ll I do? (sits.) PAGE Where’s the last place you remember seeing it? GREAT FRUMP The only thing I remember is that trip to Yeehah! Ohwohwoh. PAGE Planet Yeehah? GREAT FRUMP A cultural exchange. An initiative by the United Planets. PAGE The UP? Call them up. GREAT FRUMP Don’t you see? Ssh. No-one must know. If they find out that the key to all the gold on Planet Frump is missing, then who knows what could happen. An invasion, (dramatic) Space Pirates. No, no, no. We need someone to find it for us, someone who can be discreet. But who? PAGE This sounds like a job for Rick Spacey. GREAT FRUMP Yes, yes! Who’s that? PAGE 5 UPDATED: 11/22/2011 Who’s that? Only the GREAT Rick Spacey! Rick Spacey is his name Ace Detective is his game He can hunt and find the clue Solve the mystery, just for you. GREAT FRUMP (Annoyed) Yes, Yes, Yes! (Considers) Wait, what did you say? MUSIC CUE: Team Leader- Music on, Pink Panther. PAGE I said: Rick Spacey is his name Ace Detective is his game He can hunt and find the clue Solve the mystery, just for you. GREAT FRUMP Hmmm? PAGE Rick Spacey is the universally famous space detective! GREAT FRUMP Well, get him, call him, get him right away! (PAGE claps, or snaps. PAGE and FRUMP move SR and look around backdrop. RICK SPACEY appears around SL of backdrop indicates for kids to “shh” as they are in on the secret. PAGE and FRUMP move SL, RICK SPACEY moves SR behind backdrop, his hat bobs along top of backdrop. Repeat SR, RICK SPACEY enters SL. MUSIC CUE: Female Actor- music Off.) RICK SPACEY What can I do (spins) for you? PAGE Rick Spacey! RICK SPACEY At your service. GREAT FRUMP (Hysterical) My key! Rick Spacey! My key! Can you help me? Find it. Find it. Find it. PAGE We need you to go to Planet Yeehah. And find the Great Frump’s key. 6 UPDATED: 11/22/2011 GREAT FRUMP We’ll pay you. In gold Frumps. (False exit-SR) Eventually. (exits- SR.) RICK SPACEY Planet Yeehah? That’s not gonna be easy, not with space pirates out there. It could be mighty dangerous. PAGE We’ll pay you. Like she said. Lots of gold Frumps. RICK SPACEY Lots and lots? PAGE Yes. RICK SPACEY That’s a lot. PAGE We’ll need a full expense report. For the accountants. RICK SPACEY I’m gonna need back-up. PAGE How about them? They all need paying anyway. RICK SPACEY Hmm. Are you good at detecting? What have you found recently? Are you good at detecting? What have you found? And you? PAGE (Heading off stage) You’re all set, then. Good. RICK SPACEY Hey, hey, hey. If they’re gonna be my space detectives, they need special space detective gear. PAGE Yes, yes, of course. There’s plenty of gear in here. (PAGE opens trunk. MUSIC CUE: Male Actor- Music On/off, Dress up.) So, go find that key! And keep the receipts. (exits SR) RICK SPACEY 7 UPDATED: 11/22/2011 Now you look like professional space detectives. Okay, if you’re going to be space detectives, I need to teach you the important rules. They could save your life. (He does movements on each phrase – fingers as goggles over eyes, grab ears, tap temples with forefingers, bring pointed fingers forward bending at elbows, moving fingers up and down) You gotta look like them, sound like them, think like them and stay on task. Can you learn those? Say it with me: You got to look like them, sound like them, think like them and stay on task- (repeat. Then test them with the movements, etc) Okay, I think you got that, so, space detectives, you are ready to travel. (sits on trunk.) Into your space pods. Close the door. Switch on our Planetary Positioning Sets…Planet Yeehah… PPS set? I’ll say check, then you say check. Check? (Check) Light speed suits on? (Check) Ready to travel? (Check) Check, check, all checked. Space Detectives, prepare for take off! (MUSIC CUE: Male/Female Actor TAKE OFF SOUND) Let’s count down from 10. We have lift-off! RICK SPACEY (Modify to suit population. See Space Galactic Journey Quiz at end of script) (Shivers)I always forget how cold it is in space. Turn left at Saturn. Going through a meteor shower (bumpy)...Whew, it’s getting very hot. Hey, we’re getting too close to the sun. Turn the pod around, quickly, away from the sun. Hang on, we’re getting pulled into a black hole. Everyone put your breaks on. Hard!. That was close. Hey! I see Planet Yeehah! Get ready to land. (MUSIC CUE: Male/Female Actor- LANDING SOUND) RICK SPACEY Did everyone land safely? Cool. (MUSIC CUE: Male/Female Actor- HORSE SOUND) So, this is Planet Yeehah! What kind of planet do you think that is? How ‘bout I say it like this: “Yeeeehah! Howdee Partners!” Yeah, you’re right, it’s a cowboy planet. (MUSIC CUE: Male/Female Actor) What’s the first rule of space detecting? That’s right: You’ve gotta look like them. So, who can show me how to walk like a cowboy? A-OK. And whenever those cowboys ask a question, you answer “Yeeup!” or “Yeehah!” Let’s practice. Thumbs in your belt-loops. (MUSIC CUE: Male/Female Actor- Music Off) I think you’re gonna do just fine. (HANK & MARV enter SL with hoop. RICK SPACEY sits with kids.) HANK I sure wish we could find us some new cahboys. MARV Yeeup. HANK These here folks look like they could be darn-tootin’ new cahboys. MARV Yeehah! RICK SPACEY 8 UPDATED: 11/22/2011 (Stands) Well, howdee there. We were wonderin’ if you two cahboys, might be able to help some travelers. We’re looking for a little ole key. HANK Howdee there! This here’s Marv. And I’m Hank. He don’ speak in complete sentences. He says ‘Yeehah’ and ‘Yeeup’ a lot, doncha Marv? MARV Yeehah! Yeeup. HANK We’all gonna induct you straight inta cahboy ways. Would ya’ll like that? MARV (Responding to kids answer) Yeehah! HANK First thing y’all gotta learn, to be a cahboy is to throw the lasso, ain’t that right, Marv? MARV Yeeup. HANK Now, Marv here throws the best lasso on all of planet Yeehah. MARV Yeeup. HANK So, he’s gonna show y’all how to throw a lasso.