Shalom Bayit ENDING DOMESTIC VIOLENCE IN JEWISH HOMES Summer 2013 ~ Tammuz 5773 Support Groups Turning 21: Coming of Age Reflections on Creating Hope Rabbi Howard Ruben Offered in San Francisco, Naomi Tucker, Executive Director the East Bay, Marin, and the I’ll take any opportunity I can get for Head of School, Peninsula, all healing groups renewal. Beginning a new year, a new life Jewish Community High School of the Bay are free and open to women stage, marking a transition to a new phase – Creating Hope was an important evening who have been abused in a rituals that mark our growth are precious because of the power of stories. There is a current or past relationship. opportunities to re-envision ourselves, begin For details call our Bay Area story, retold by Ellie Wiesel, about the Baal Toll -Free Helpline anew or strengthen what is already there. In Shem Tov who had a ritual for seeking Judaism we delineate age 13 as the moment protection for his community. The ritual 1-866-SHALOM-7 of transition to adulthood. American culture included going to a special spot in the forest, celebrates that milestone at 21. Regardless of West Bay groups made possible by the lighting a fire, and saying a particular prayer. Jewish Community Endowment what year you choose, each is an opportunity With that ritual, the community was Newhouse Fund to pause and reflect – and personally, I’ll take protected. Then generations later - long after East Bay groups made possible by the them both, because those reflective moments the place, the fire, and the prayer were Civic Foundation and by a joint grant create openings for positive change. forgotten - all that remained of the ritual was from the Jewish Community Foundation As Shalom Bayit celebrates 21 years of and Jewish Federation of the this story about it. East Bay. Thank you! empowering women and teens, we are Telling the story protected the community. exploring what it means for both individuals Wiesel concludes by writing, God created and organizations to come of age with the humanity because God loves stories. So it was right tools to build healthy futures. In our the night of Creating Hope - I was mesmerized abuse prevention programs we ask: what tools by the stories we heard about a community Newsletter Editor do young people need in order to build a Abigail Taubman that needs protecting. Shalom Bayit was foundation for healthy relationships as they instrumental in transforming stories of fear enter adulthood? As an organization, we ask: and loneliness into tales of courage and hope. Shalom Bayit Staff how do our agency and programs reflect 21 I am grateful for Shalom Bayit's evening of years of experience? stories to remind me how much God loves Executive Director Naomi Tucker Towards Healthy Relationships those who tell stories and how much work remains to protect the dignity of all in our Youth Program Coordinator Turning 21 is a critical time. Young people community. y Zephira Derblich -Milea must suddenly be ready to face “the real Direct Services Coordinator world.” As parents we worry about our Upcoming Events Lisa Kahn -Tietz college graduates’ final departure from the August 6 th Regional Counselors nest: Will they stay “out of trouble”? Are they Safe At Home —SF Giants Annie Goldstein ready to support themselves, get a job, carve a Talia Korenbrot career path? When we pack our kids up for Jewish Heritage Night at the Ballpark (San Francisco) Aliza Rothman their next phase of life we want to send them Carole Siegel off with the right tools and skills. It’s critically th September 29 Community Educator important to make sure relationship skills are Celebrate Sukkot with Shalom Bayit Paulette Dolin on that list. Join us in creating a shelter of peace Program Associate One of the key ways to prevent domestic (East Bay) violence in adult life is to ensure that children Abigail Taubman Oct 11 th -12 th Shabbat Shalom: learn about healthy and unhealthy Love Shouldn’t Hurt Interns A Sabbatical from Domestic Violence relationships before they begin to form their Dafna Bearson Shalom Bayit’s annual sermon campaign, Cordelia Palitz own. Kids need exposure during their early Parshat Lech Lecha (Bay Area wide) adolescence, and reinforcement throughout th Shalom Bayit is a beneficiary of the their teenage years. If we don’t prepare young May 14 , 2014 nd Jewish Community Federation Creating Hope 22 Anniversary Gala of San Francisco, the Peninsula, people to know what they want, seek out (San Francisco) Marin and Sonoma Counties, healthy patterns, and recognize red flags, how a project of the Tides Center, and a can we expect them to create healthy Tickets, location & info: (510) 451 -8874, proud member of the San Francisco relationships? Domestic Violence Consortium. —continued on p.2 (650) 574 -7233 or events@shalom -bayit.org That’s why we chose to make that topic the focus of our and community members each year, Shalom Bayit is a name annual Creating Hope benefit dinner this year, highlighting the people recognize as a safe haven, a strong voice, and an voices of young people – along with experts in the field – to effective program making a tangible difference. Most share what they know about guiding youth towards healthy importantly, confronting domestic violence is recog nized as a futures. Jewish communal priority – and Shalom Bayit is a vital part of Creating Hope our community’s core services. With all these successes, the Our annual dinner on May 8th was a powerful evening, with next natural stage in our growth is to focus on strengthening young people and experts in the field teaming together to our core (think pilates) and increasing our reach. This means help us plan for a future free of violence. The sold-out crowd of both ensuring our infrastructure can support the communal nearly 300 people was propelled to action by our keynote needs that arise, and reaching out to those who may not yet speakers Esta Soler (Founder and President of Futures Without know about our programs. Violence) and filmmaker Jeffrey Brown (whose upcoming Some important infrastructure changes we’ve been working movie SOLD about child trafficking will premier next year), and on as we “come of age” include adding a new staff person to by young voices alongside them on stage. We were our team (Abby Taubman, our new administrative support entertained by talented students from Jewish Community High person), redesigning our offices to update technology systems School of the Bay. We heard from young women like Shira and renovate the counseling space for clients; and improving Chester and Sarah VanZanten sharing their personal stories of our website with a new site that will launch later this year. teen dating violence, and from teens as young as 12 spreading After 21 years of awareness-raising, healing, empowerment a message of respect. Their visions and voices were profoundly and education, Shalom Bayit has changed the communal inspiring and encouraged all of us to engage in the task of conversation about domestic violence in Jewish homes. As we guiding youth towards safe and healthy relationships. look to the future, our next task is to expand the tent of who is In this newsletter we bring you some highlights from that involved in building solutions. In the coming year several new wonderful evening: from celebratory photos (p.3) to one of strategic initiatives will help us broaden our reach to increase the powerful spoken word pieces shared from the stage (p.4), the effectiveness of our abuse prevention efforts. These include and a guide for teaching healthy relationship skills to young adult workshops on healthy boundaries, synagogue and people (p.5). We hope all of these pieces inspire you to pass agency protocols for responding to domestic violence, on a message of hope to the next generation. engaging more men to be a voice against domestic violence, and extending programs to segments of the community that Coming of Age as an Organization may not be aware of our services. We’ll be counting on all of In our first decade Shalom Bayit was a small, all-volunteer you to help us grow in all those ways – and to spread the word task force, planning programs from our kitchen tables and about Shalom Bayit within your circles. Because if there is one meeting women in cafés when they called us to ask for help. hope I have for Shalom Bayit’s coming of age, it is that we We entered our second decade transforming that task force grow into our next phase of life within a strong community of into a strong professional agency, slowly building our staff friends. After all, as Golda Meir said about building Israeli team, board, and communal visibility. Now with offices on society, “I never did anything alone. Whatever was both sides of the Bay, clients in nine counties, and highly accomplished in this country was accomplished collectively.” effective programs serving over 2,000 women, teens, families y Thank you to our In-Kind Donors (7/12 - 12/12) Jay Alec Sandy Lipkowitz A W ARM W ELCOME Wanyee Babitsky Suzy Locke BBYO Alex Madonik & Eve Sweetser Rachelle Blecher McKenzie River Corporation Please give a warm welcome to the newest member of Sue Blockstein Midrasha in Berkeley our team: Abigail Taubman, Program Associate. Abby Congregation B'nai Tikvah 6 th Grade Jennifer Miller comes to Shalom Bayit committed to the mission of Contemporary Jewish Museum Elizabeth & Shawn Moyle ending domestic violence in the Jewish community and Lea Delson NCJW Women of Rossmoor in all communities.