GREEN HILL ZONE. intro Editorial Frivilous Letters to Royals Victoria’s Secrets Patrick McGuire Ivan Sugarcane HSH Hans-Adam II In the perfect Nintendo universe, any individual must Fuerstenhaus Liechtenstein Some names have been changed to protect the innocent adhere to the reality that somewhere in your immedi- Schloss Vaduz Others have been kept to punish the guilty ate social circle of princesses and dinosaurs is a version 9490 Vaduz, Liectenstein of yourself that is your direct opposite. This bizzarre I promised some old friends that I’d have a column ready social system is encapsulated by Nintendo in the pre- Your Serene Highness, for their flagship issue of the Wa, but my deadline had fix ‘Wa’, from the Japanese warui, simply meaning ‘bad’. come and gone and come again without my muse mak- I have wanted to write to you for ing nary a peep. Feeling intellectually destitute and on the Mario operates in the same universe as Wario who is an some time, ever since I visited Liech- verge of giving up I made a final sweep of my contacts, ex-childhood friend that embraced a life of greed and tenstein several years ago – it is such hoping for a few choice pieces of dirt to get my mind evil after being bullied and eclipsed by the hyperpopu- a beautiful country! When I was working on something Burwash has been quiet since the lar Mario. Wario has achieved a level of infamy directly there I had the chance to eat some button men started tightening the screws, but from some- comparable to Mario’s fame. While Mario lives to save delicious hazelnut ice cream in a where came the whisper of trouble on the periphery of princesses, Wario lives for gold. Wa, for us, is a negative little alcove of the city with a view the campus. The first part of my investigation follows. colour scheme. A force that designs an alternative version of your palace, and I found myself of yourself that wears the same thing you do every day, in drawn to Liechtenstein’s abundance A couple weeks ago rumours started circulating that opposite shades. As an alternative stream of arts paper on of culture and pleasant citizens. somebody in the Elmsly residence at St, Mike’s was campus, we thought that embracing the absurdity of Wa flying the colours of the Imperial Japanese Flag, a fact would be appropriate. We do not arrive with any antago- I wanted to ask Your Serene High- I was able to quickly verify with my own eyes. Maybe nisitic intentions, or a ‘we just see things differently’ attitude, ness about the recent constitutional not much of a story on first glance, but for those not just a bunch of white spaces for vic students to leave their changes enacted in the Principality. in the know the flag has a blood soaked history, having art and opinion that didn’t have a frequent home before. Mainly, I want to know what motivat- been a symbol of Japanese militarism during the Second ed Your Serene Highness to ensure World War. The fact that the Japanese military still flies I hope that you like the look of our first paper, and if you such power rested in the monarchy? the flag notwithstanding, sticking one in your window have any comments or suggestions (or if you would like I live in a place where this would isn’t far different from hanging up a swastika. Even if to submit content for our next release) send us an email at be unthinkable, but it strikes me as the lead dried up, it was clear that there were injustices [email protected], or just start Facebook stalking us. a good idea. A type of hereditary afoot that only yellow paper journalism could put right. check on democracy, which can be- Also, I would like to extend a lot of thank yous come excessive, seems a brilliant idea. I decided to get our flag owner’s particulars to cross to all of the contributors this issue who were Also, as a historian I like the pros- check what other shady business he’d gotten himself very adament about getting this paper off the pect of restoring power to histori- caught up in. A quick mental calculation told me what ground, and VUSAC for the support and funding. cal monarchies such as your house. floor of the building I’d find him on and a handy side entrance into the building let me conveniently through One more thing, if you know Adobe InDesign, think about Thank you for your time, sir, and I the basement and into the alien world that is St. Mikes. emailing us to join the layout team. If you don’t know In- eagerly await your response. Design but you want to do layout anyway, send us an email, Stepping into this weird environment I felt like I could it’s not hard to learn if you know Photoshop and stuff. I remain, Your Serene Highness, almost understand what the guy had been thinking when Yours Very Truly, he’d first hoisted the Jap war colours. Everything bad Staff Matt McGeachy about RJ magnified. A mess of bland, repetitive hallways, grim concrete and metal stairwells and keycard locks on WA’S FIRST ANNUAL Editor Patrick McGuire the interior doors, and perhaps most offensive of all, total SHORT STORY Michael Deforge lack of the fairer sex. The whole thing might feel dystopi- Visual Editor CONTEST an if the walls weren’t decked out in flyers for toga parties. Henchman Thom Drance Deep inside of the WaSafe Open Submissions Mikaela Davis (think Duck Tales) is some Next time on Victoria’s Secrets: Learn who would dare hang such a heinous flag, discover why the new flag in the Contributors Chris Berube money for fabulous prizes. man’s window is from Kazakhstan and prepare to ques- Sam Butler But like, we don’t just give tion everything you thought you knew about Asian banks! Joe Howell stuff away. So here’s what we Matt McGeachy want from you. (1) Short story, Ryan MacLean sent to [email protected] Eli Otto Shenk by November 20th. Include in SUBMIT TO WA the e-mail your name, and your Want to write for Wa? Send us your art re- Calvin Schnurr pseudonym. Any story pub- Ivan Sugarcane views, opinion articles, short writing/poet- lished will be published under John Stocks ry, anything really, before November 20th. a pen name, and the winner Send everything to [email protected] will be contacted privately. Cover Art Michael Deforge Their name will not appear in Layout Herbert Lee print. Word limit: 500 words. the wa page two Take sex away from the mayor. CONVERSATION Whither Municipal Politics? Sex Strikes Chris Berube Mikaela Davis The offices of city councilor in Toronto, like in any respectable big city A sex strike is when women stop giving their partners sex in order to prove some municipality, aren’t given the time of day by most people with profes- point or try and create a social change. It’s a revolutionary action with hopes sional respectability or any kind of real world background in political that something positive will come out of it. The idea of sex strikes really be- issues. Case-in-point—my ward’s race for representation is peppered gan with Aristophanes comedy Lysistrata in which the wives of men fighting in with such luminaries as an out of work computer scientist and this the Peloponnesian war end the war by denying their husbands sex. This model guy whose most credible claim to ‘community building’ was his inept has since been used by women to try and create some sort of social change. handling of a little league team when I was twelve. Fewer than half Some great examples of sex bans include one which took place in the Turk- of the candidates vying for my ward have built up the general gump- ish village of Sirt in 2001, where the women denied their men sex so that tion to launch a website, let alone a campaign office, and those that they would stop being lazy, and fix the terrible water supply problem the vil- have completed the former appear to have been using that program lage faced. Needless to say within days the men were working on a new pipeline. that comes free on the internet. There is little in the way of profes- sionalism or ingenuity, to the point where even the candidates them- There was an impromptu sex ban staged by Polish women after a newly elected selves seem disengaged from and uninterested in the entire process. Catholic prime minister made abortions illegal which led to huge issues as con- traception wasn’t readily available in the country and abortions had been the larg- Not much is better in the race for mayor. While David Miller’s per- est method of birth control. The women basically stopped having sex with their ceived fumbling of such files as transit and violent crime would have husbands out of fear of getting pregnant. Eventually things changed when an left the door ajar for would-be contenders, his competition has been anti-clerical government replaced the Catholic one. The most undeviating attempt limited to ‘Calamity Jane’ Pitfield—who doesn’t seem able to come up of the Lysistrata strategy was in October 1997 in Colombia when General Manuel with a campaign idea that isn’t a direct contravention of something the Bonnet, chief of the Colombian army, appealed to all the wives and girlfriends of incumbent has done—and a batch of bushy-tailed also rans (this list Colombian rebels to deny their men sex until a cease fire was reached, which was in my mind includes bizarre late entry, but potential wildcard Stephen briefly achieved.