Rocky Horror Picture Show 1 OPENING SONG A LONG, LONG TIME AGO, IN A GALAXY FAR, FAR AWAY, GOD SAID LET THER BE LIPS, AND THERE WERE LIPS, AND THEY WERE GOOD…Michael Rennie was ill, the Day the Earth Stood Still, but he told us where we stand. ON OUR HEAD! And Flash Gordon was there in EDIBLE underwear, Claude Rains was the Invisible Man. SHIT, I MISSED HIM. Then something went wrong FOR WHO? For Fay Wray and King Kong; WHAT HAPPENED? They got caught in a celluloid jam. YEA JAM! Then at a deadly pace it came ON JANET’S FACE! And this is how the message ran: FREEZE! CHORUS: Science fiction, OO-OO-OO double feature BOW-WOW-WOW, Doctor X FUCK N. FURTER will build a creature. See androids fighting AND FUCKING, AND SUCKING ON Brad and Janet. Anne Francis stars in WHERE Forbidden Planet OH OH OH OH OH At the late night, double feature, picture show. I knew Leo G. Carrol WAS FUCKING A BARREL, when tarantula took to the hills. LICK THOSE LIPS! And I really got hot WHEN I SAW JANET’S TWAT, fight a triffid that spits poison and kills. WHAT THE FUCK IS A TRIFFID? Dana Andrews said Prunes YEA PRUNES! gave him the runes GAVE HIM THE SHITS! YEA SHITS! And passing them used lots of skills. SEX KILLS! But When Worlds Collide, BOOM (Clap in unison) Said George Powell to his bride, "I’M GONNA GIVE YOU SOME JOINTS AND SOME PILLS” Like a...FUCK! CHORUS: Science fiction, OO-OO-OO double feature BOW-WOW-WOW, Doctor X SEX, SEX, SEX will build a creature. See androids fighting AND FUCKING, AND SUCKING ON Brad and Janet. Anne Francis stars in WHAT’S YOUR FAVORITE MOVIE Forbidden Planet OH OH OH OH OH At the late night, double feature, picture show. I wanna go, Oh Oh Oh, To the late night double feature picture show, By RKO, RK WHO? Oh Oh Oh, to the late night double feature WHERE’S THE BEST PLACE TO FUCK? In the back row, FUCK THE BACK ROW! Oh Oh Oh, To the late night, double feature, picture show! WEDDING SCENE (BLOW YOUR BUBBLES) PHOTO: Here they come! ALL OVER THE CHURCH? THAT’S DISGUSTING! Smile nicely. Parents and the grandparents, yes all the close family. Smile…oh, that’s beautiful. And..smile. RALPH: Hey Terrific! PHOTO: Congratulations! RALPH: Well, I guess we finally did it, huh. HIT HIM! HIT HIM BACK! BRAD: I don't think there's any doubt about that. You and Betty have been almost inseparable since you met in Dr. Scott's refresher course. THEY USED SUPER GLUE AS A CONTRACEPTIVE! RALPH: Well to tell you the truth, Brad, that's the only reason I FUCKED HER in the first place. I mean… BETTY: O.K. guys, this is it. You ready? RALPH: Looks like Betty's going to throw the bouquet. WHO’S GOT THE CLAP! Rocky Horror Picture Show 2 JANET: I got it! I got it! HOW WAS IT? RALPH: Hey big fella HOW WOULD YOU KNOW? looks like it could be your turn next, eh? BRAD: CARE FOR A REACH AROUND? Who knows. THE SHADOW KNOW! RALPH: Well, so long, see you Brad. SEE YA, SUCKER Guess we better get get going now, Betty, come on, hop in. SHE GOT HERS NOW HE’LL GET HIS! YEA, GET HIS! JANET: Oh Brad, wasn't it wonderful? NO! Didn’t Betty look radiantly beautiful? NO! Oh, I can't believe that an hour ago she was just plain old Betty DILDO and now... now she's Mrs. RALPH DISPSHIT. BRAD: Yes Janet, Ralph is a lucky guy. LUCKY HELL, BETTY’S GOT EH CLAP! JANET: Yes. LADY: I always cry at weddings. AND LAUGH AT FUNERALS.….LOOK AT THE ANGEL HOLDING IT’S DICK! BRAD: Why everyone knows that Betty is a wonderful little cook. AND A GREAT FUCK!...WHAT THE FUCKS A BILLBOARD DOING IN A CEMETERY? JANET: Yes. BRAD: Why Ralph himself, he'll be up for a promotion in a year or two. IF HE DOESN’T GET BUSTED FIRST! JANET: Yes. DAMMIT JANET BRAD: Hey Janet. SIT ON MY FACE AND WIGGLE! JANET: Yes Brad? OH SHIT! BRAD: I've got something to say. SAY IT, ASSHOLE. JANET: Uh huh. BRAD: I really love the... STARTS WITH AND S!...SKU!...SKU!...SKULL FUCKING! skiillful way...you beat the other girls... WITH THE WHIPS AND CHAINS to the bride's bouquet.HAVE AN ORGASM BITCH! SING IT ASSHOLE! JANET: Oh Brad. BRAD: The river was deep AND I DROWNED. JANET. The future is ours so let's plan it. JANET. So please, don't tell me to can it. JANET. I've one thing to say and that's DAMMIT, JANET ! LET’S GO SCREW! The road was long but I ran it. JANET. There's a fire in my heart and you fan it. JANET. If there's one fool for you then I am it. JANET. I've one thing to say and that's ONLY ASSHOLE WRITE ON CHURCHES! Dammit, Janet I WANNA SCREW! Here's a ring to prove THAT I’M AN ASSHOLE. There's three ways that love can grow. SEX, DRUGS, AND ROCK-N-ROLL! That's GAY, STRAIT OR BISEXUAL. Oh, J- A-N-E-T I WANT A BLOW! Rocky Horror Picture Show 3 JANET: Oh, it's nicer than Betty Monroe had. OH BRAD! Now we're engaged and I'm so glad OH BRAD! That you FUCKED MOM AND YOU BLOW DAD. OH BRAD! I've one thing to say and that's Brad, I'm mad, for A SCREW Oh Brad... BRAD: OH…SHIT. JANET: I'm PREGNANT! BRAD: OH SHIT! JANET: For you. BRAD: I WANT TO SCREW. B&J: There's one thing left to do – THAT’S SCREW BRAD: And that's GO SEE THE MAN WHO PICKS HIS NOSE! JANET. When we met in his science exam - it JANET. Made me GIVE YOU THE FINGER AND THEN RAM IT! JANET. Now I've one thing to say and that's DAMMIT, JANET! LET’S GO SCREW! ASSHOLE SHUFFLE. ONE, TWO, FUCK YOU! JANET: Oh Brad, YOU FAG! BRAD: DAMMIT, JANET! LET’S GO SCREW! I love you. SPLIT THE CROSS PLEASE. THANK YOU! CRIMINOLOGIST – 1 THE NEXT MAN YOU’RE ABOUT TO SEE HAS NO FUCKING NECK. NOT JUST NO- NECK, BUT NO-FUCKING NECK. WHAT THE HELL WOULD YOU LIKE, YHOU FUCKING NO-NECK BASTARD? CRIM: I would like, OH, YOU WOULD, WOULD YOU? if I may, YOU MAY NOT! ...to take you WHERE? on a strange journey. HOW STRANGE WAS IT? IT WAS SO STRANGE THEY WROTE A MOVIE ABOUT IT. NOT THE BOOK! THE MOVIE! THREE PAGES TO ASSHOLW, TWO PAGES TO ASSHOLE, ONE PAGE TO ASSHOLE, ASSHOLE! AND A STATEMENT TO PROVE IT! SLUTE AND A STATEMENT TO PROVE IT! It seemed a fairly ordinary ORDINARY? night when Brad Majors ASSHOLE and his fiancee Janet Weiss SLUT, two young, normal, healthy kids, left Denton that late November evening, IT WAS AUGUST! to visit a Dr. Everett Scott, KISS ASS! AND A STATEMENT TO PROVE IT! ex-tutor, and now friend to both of them. IS IT TRUE YOU MASTURBATE? It’s true there were dark storm clouds. DESCRIBE YOUR BALLS. Heavy, black, and pendulous, towards which they were driving. IS IT ALSO TRUE YOUR BISEXUAL? It's true, also, that the spare tire they were carrying was badly in need of some air LIKE YOUR NECK. OH, WAIT A MINUTE. HE’S GONNA’ GET A NECK! HERE IT COMES. THERE IT IS! YEA!, but, uh, they being normal kids, on a night out, well, they weren't going to let a storm spoil the rest their evening, were they? ...On a night out A WHAT?...it was a night out they were going to remember... FOR HOW LONG? for a very long time. Rocky Horror Picture Show 4 CAR SCENE BATMAN THEME – NAH-NAH-NAH-NAH-BATMAN! NIXON: I have never been a quitter. To leave office before my term is completed is abhorrent to every instinct in my body. But as President, I must put the interests of America first. American needs a full time President NOT A PART TIME CROOK! And a full time Congress, particularly at the time… JANET: Gosh, that's the third motorcycle that's passed us. NO IT’S THE FIRST, SLUTS CANT’ COUNT… weather and all. BRAD: Yes, Janet, life's pretty cheap to that type. YEA THAT TYPE! JANET: What's the matter, Brad darling? HE CAME ON THE WINDSHIELD, HE’S WIPING IT OFF. BRAD: Hmmm, we must’ve taken the wrong fork a few miles back. SHOULD’VE TRIED THE SPOON JANET: But where did that motorcyclist come from? HUMM THEME FROM TWIGLIGHT ZONE BRAD: Well I guess we'll just have to turn back. JANET: What was that bang? A GANG BANG! BRAD: We must have a blowout. DAMMIT! –CLAP WITH BRAD SLAPPIN SEAT. I knew I should have gotten that spare tire fixed. ASSHOLE! Well, you just stay here keep warm and I'll go for help. JANET: Where will you go in the middle of nowhere? WHAT’S WHITE AND SELLS HAMBURGERS? BRAD: Didn't we pass a castle back down the road a few miles? CHEER – USE NOISEMAKERS. Maybe they have a telephone we could use. OR A TRANSVESTITE. JANET: I'm going with you. BRAD: Oh darling, there's no sense in both of us getting wet.