attend fest for every self-respecting WORDS FROM THE weirdo,whether ya be a crusty, a metalhead, or a pogo lovin’ party punk. Bleak Life is all about forgetting about the existential nightmare of WIZARD existence and having a good time, TARG YEAR 3 BEGINS & I and for this reason they showcase COULDN’T BE MORE GRATEFUL some of the best Ottawa bands (POK to all the people who support our dream GAI, ASILE, OCCULT BURIAL, C.H.U.D.S) along with the best in by attending live shows, ordering our world international punk & metal tunage famous handmade perogies and enjoying our ever (MIDNIGHT, WKSJ, METALIAN). changing lineup of classic arcade games and pinball tables – One of the bands I was most thank you Ottawa!! Years of underground work at the original excited for when this year’s lineup TARG/MEATLOCKER has led us to a wider community of was announced was Halifax’s crust overlords NAPALM RAID. It is for this kind and generous people who challenge us on a daily basis reason I decided to review their EP with creative ideas, imaginative proposals and constructive STORM for this edition of the Targ advice – as our wizard family changes and grows I feel proud zine! and confi dent while always being pleasantly surprised by the passion that exists in this city - never a dull moment at This EP kicks off with Disfi gured the House of TARG!! This dream exists because we all work which begins with a doomy, evil riff that’s really reminiscent of Confusion together. Thank you for putting your trust in us – we will not let by Doom. Soon however, it goes into you down. some thrash and d-beat riff age, which is guaranteed to melt yer face. The - YOGI next track Drowning is made up of some more d-beat riff s and also some mid-paced chuggin’ which is sure to get a pit going. Following that, Living Breathing Dead is another d-beat NEW PEROGI apocalypse with a noisy intro, and closer Soon The End off ers up some NAPALM RAID d-beat riff age that’ll pound ya into the ALERT Storm dust and then a mid-paced mosh- The Perogi Wizards have Label: Rust and Machine Records worthy riff to cap it all off . Throughout really outdone themselves Year: 2014 all of this, their are nightmarish throat- this time with newest shredding vocals with heavy reverb addition to our menu. OOH! DO YA HAVE placed on them. KICKSTART MY YER TIX FOR THIS Overall, solid stuff from NAPALM ARTICHOKE is a delicious YEAR’S EDITION OF RAID. If yer not a fan of d-beat, blend of spinach, then you probably won’t be that artichoke hearts, roasted BLEAK LIFE FEST? into this, but if you dig d-beat mixed While it’s far too late to advertise with some thrash and even a dash garlic, cream cheese & it now given how it’s sold out of doom/sludge, then I can highly potato.YUM YUM YUM! (although the Thurs show & recommend this EP. For fans of Sat matinee don’t require tix so DOOM, EXTINCTION OF MANKIND check those out!), it’s a must & GUIDED CRADLE. TARG FASHION SSKAKA JJEFF’SEFF’S HHI-FIVES:I-FIVES: GROWING UP, EVERY MORNING I WOULD EAT MY BOWL OF CEREAL WHILE READING THE DAILY COMICS IN THE OTTAWA CITIZEN. I’VE ALWAYS BEEN FASCINATED BY COMICS AND THERE’S A LOT OF THEM OUT THERE I ENJOY. HERE ARE SOME OF MY FAVOURITE CLASSICS. #5. LIFE IN HELL (Matt #4. THE BOONDOCKS Groening 1977-2012) (Aaron McGruder 1996- Before The Simpsons, 2006) Telling the story of Matt Groening was a a black family living in Caitlin Dacey of the Toronto Rock Group struggling animator a white town, the strip PUBLIC ANIMAL is sporting a near perfect negotiating a string of pushed what’s often the arcade ensemble. Leopard print spandex day jobs and setbacks most milquetoast section + a jacket that rivals the one Sly Stallone in Los Angeles. of the newspaper into TOP PICK wore in Rocky 3. That Tetris machine He channeled his previously unheard of EVERY SUNDAY 9PM-2AM doesn’t stand a chance! frustrations with life, territory. CALVIN & COLLECTIVE ARTS BREWING CO. love, and work into Life in Hell. HOBBS PRESENTS: (Bill Watterson 1985- 1995) TOUGHEN UP! Sweetness and pain, humor and philosophy: FREE-PLAY Calvin and W/ DJ KJMAXX + GUESTS - #2. ZITS (Jerry Scott Hobbes SPINNING YOUR FAVOURITE WAX and Jim Borgman #3. DILBERT (Scott contained ARCADE JAMS FROM 9PM TILL 1997-present) Parents everything, Adams 1989-present) and children only need 2AM – ALL THE The strip is known for Zits to work out their and all through its satirical offi ce humor diff erences. The strip the lens of Bill PINBALL & CLASSIC ARCADE about a white-collar, bridges the gap in a Watterson’s micromanaged offi ce smart way by sticking GAME ACTION YOU CAN HANDLE THE WIZARD COMB-OVER??? featuring engineer closely (and with lots uncompromising Elixir Wizard Stacey & Sound Wizard Ian Dilbert as the title of empathy for) a vision. FOR JUST 5 MEASLY CANADIAN demonstrate the power of teamwork & character. teenager’s perspective. highly experimental hair concepts. DOLLARS! Never give up. asking discreetly in any sports bar. Often the owner or manager can steer you in the right direction. But keep in mind it’s illegal, and getting involved in nefarious gambling activity often leads to you owing tons of money to guys with names like “Johnny the Gooch”. And be warned: it’s not like Mastercard where they send you those letters and call you at work… When you can’t pay up, your knees are going to have ‘accidents’. Forget about fi nding a bookie, Gamblin’Man, and take some advice from your old HEY TOMMER! WHAT THE HELL pal Slo’ Tom: keep your money in IS GOING ON WITH THE #12? your mattress and only gamble with IT’S GOTTA BE THE WORST your heart and your life! BUS ROUTE IN THE CITY. WHO COMES UP WITH THIS STUFF? Signed – Ih8da12 DEAR TOM: I HAVE A 2 PART QUESTION. FIRST ONE IS ABOUT Dear Ih8da12: Yeah, I hear ya… COLLECTING. I HAVE READ THAT the #12 is terrible. It was created COLLECTIBLE ITEMS LIKE TOYS & when they decided the #2 route STUFF RETAIN A HIGHER VALUE was too convenient – they realized OVER TIME IF THE ORIGINAL that people could go all the way PACKAGING IS INTACT. HOPE from Bayshore to the Gloucester THIS ISN’T TRUE CAUSE I AM Centre without transferring. So STARTING TO AMASS A PRETTY they chopped it up, forcing hapless SERIOUS TROVE OF VINTAGE transit riders to fully experience POTATO CHIPS... & SOME LOOK the delights of Rideau Street: SO DELICIOUS THAT I JUST aggressive panhandlers, drug WANNA RIP THE BAGS OPEN AND dealers and homeless teens! I know GET AT THEM. IF I DO, WILL THAT it’s not much consolation Ih8da12, SCREW UP MY PLAN TO RETIRE but I feel your pain. Hang in there! OFF THESE SALTY TREASURES? SECONDLY, I HAVE A BAG OF ANDY CAP SALSA FRIES, A RARE DEAR MR. SLO’ TOM: I’VE AND DELICIOUS CHIP LIKE TREAT RECENTLY RELOCATED TO FROM THE 70’S… DO YOU THINK THE NATION’S CAPITAL. THEY ARE STILL SAFE TO EAT? CAN YOU RECOMMEND A Signed – NutsAboutChipCollecting GOOD BOOKIE? Thanking you in advance: Your friend, Dear NutsAboutChipCollecting: Gamblin’Man I know it’s you Chip Nut. Think I’m stupid? Leave me out of it. Leave me Dear Gamblin’Man: Oh man… alone. you’re talking to the wrong guy. If you really want a bookie, start by WELCOME TO THE SECRET UNIVERSE OF MY TOY COLLECTION. SAT MAY 14 – House of TARG Women. and Ashton Brewing present: BLEAK LIFE 3 featuring MIDNIGHT SAT MAY 21 – House of TARG and (CLEVELAND’s own, ONLY Canadian Ashton Brewing present: PRIVATE show!) NAPALM RAID (HALIFAX, WEDDING - Closed To The Public at A GUIDE TO ALL THE CONCERTS TAKING PLACE AT Nova Scotia) METALIAN (Montreal 4pm - Some folks are getting hitched in METAL) SARDU (Metal from BARRIE) the Arcade. Sorry for the inconvenience. HOUSE OF TARG THIS MAY. OCCULT BURIAL (OTTAWA Metal) You can still get yer perogies and pinball AGGRESSOR (Ottawa, REUNION action in between 11am & 4pm!! WED MAY 4 - House of TARG, Steve Adamyk Band / The White Wires. show!) – sorry pal, you need a ticket Whitewater Brewing and Spectrasonic Are you prepared to GO GAGA? to get in and this show is totally sold TUE MAY 24 – House of TARG and present: ROCOCODE w/sg REBELLE out!! ITHIL presents: EXO-VEDATE w/sg IRON + WILLOWS Canada based indie pop WED MAY 11 – House of TARG, KINGDOM + DARK MINISTRY – a killer duo of Laura Smith and Andrew Braun. Whitewater Brewing, Ottawa Pinball MON MAY 16 – House of TARG and night of true metal and thrash – don’t Their music weaves a lush tapestry and Ottawa Punk Pinball League Ottawa Explosion present: PEACH miss this sweet lineup of bands featuring of synths, guitars and soundscapes present : GHOSTBUSTERS Pinball KELLI POP w/sg NIGHTSHADES + IRON KINGDOM all the way from British around duelling boy/girl vocals and Launch Party!! - All ages/All skill levels TOXIC THOUGHTS - Allie (WHITE Columbia!! heavy bass and drums – sweet night of welcome. Tournament qualifying WIRES) returns to Ottawa with her indie/electro pop/rock brought to you hours 5pm-10pm, pop by and try out amazing all female punk band PEACH THURSTHURS MAY 2626 – House of TARGTARG and by our pals at SPECTRASONIC!! this brand new game from STERN, KELLI POP & we couldn’t be more PBR present:present: 80s DANCEDANCE PARTY!! Join win great prizes and meet the pinball stoked to have them at TARG.
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