"We believe that a publication such as yours is not the appropriate vehicle for teaching HiV prevention. Rather it encourages a free wheeling life style which helped bring this disease to the epidemic proportions we are now facing." Carol A. Hale, Executive Director Permian Basin AIDS Coalition, Odessa, Texas NOT SANITIZED FOR YOUR PROTECTION HIV Merit Badges, Inkblots ottHlbboas, Love Letter to Heuft, And Mueb More! YOUR CRANKY EDITOR & IRRESISTIBLE FORCE 21-yeai-old Carson Beowulf Thome Tutlio hails from sunny YOUR HUMPY EDITOR Southern California. & INTERNATIONAL LIAISON Write him. c/o DPN Tom Ace we're sure it'll make day. YOUR SLEAZY EDITRIX Wouldyou like to be a & PROTECTOR OF THE STREETS DPN lust object? You Michael Botkin know what to do. 'We've got to have some common sense about a YOUR GRACIOUS KEEPER disease transmitted by people deliberately engaging OF THE CAMERA In unnatural acts." —Sen. Jesse Helms (R-N C.) Mod Bob YOUR CRAFTY ARTIST & DEFENDER OF TRADITIONAL MEDIA KIra Od comm Page Jm Boy Carson Tuffio ^ ACCEPT NO SUBSTITUTES! Sfmzy Wisdom: Josso Helm Makes Me Sick 3 What to do Once You're Dead Diseased Pariah News Is a patently of¬ thy Tim Haggerty 6 fensive publication of, by, and for people i^rs to the BdSorfs) / with HIV disease (and their friends and A Love letter to $lewt by Paul Walker W loved ones). We are a forum for Infected Get Fat, DonWie! explores The Weil-Fed Welfare Queen 11 people to share their thoughts, feelings, Truly Tuttt Frultl Flies fry Lou Ceci 14 art, writing, and brownie recipes In an Inkblots by Glenn Gayford. 15 atmosphere free of teddy bears, magic DPN Profile: A. J. 18 rocks, and seronegative guilt. We en¬ Just Call Me Grace by Michael Scarce courage people with HIV to submit ma¬ Fun witli Buddy's Meds by LesHa Nevman 21 terial; see page 13 for more details. Your Ho Place like Home by payment will be the satisfaction of being Leslea Newman 21 Kiss or KS (In)famous, and contributors retain all byS^ven H. Koenig 22 rights to their work. (untitled, 1989J by BeowulfJ Thome £2 01 Merit Badges by Michael Botkin 23 SUBSCRIPTION INFORMATION Clementina by Kevin Bentley 25 Tea {fe// Oances byHomd Shapiro 3Q It's easy. It's quick. It's New Wave! Just Dire DIaHes by Tom Ace ....SW use the handy coupon on page 38. Porn Potato: Jo^-A-HolfcsOebix. 35? J Someone already tore It off? Then send $10.00 (US$12 Canada, US$20 Interna¬ ■■I tional) for one year (4 Issues) or $3 ($4 Canada, $6 Int'l) for a sample Issue. Checks or money orders to DPN, c/o Men's Support Center, P.O.Box 30564, Oakland, CA 94604. Please don't sub¬ scribe for more than one year at a time, for the future is mysterious. Questions? Leave a message at (510) 533-3412 (yes. It's a new phone number) or send email to [email protected] . You'll be glad you did. ISSN 1064-8143 Page 2 bombings. In practice, it has never churned up. The government re¬ Sleazy Wisdom occurred in real life, unless you sponded with a massive crackdown AMN YOU count the occasional PWA charged on all Muslims and non-whites. with murder for biting an assailant. Algerians are afraid to leave their We know where you are, you There are a number of reasons houses for fear of mob violence or feckless sinners. You're in a. for this. While I might consider police harassment. Several liberal bookstore, or maybe leaning over Muslim suicide, and would certainly refugees, fleeing fundamen¬ a coffee table, desperately trying enjoy taking a few members of talist executioners, are being denied to read the contents of a DPN visas and left to die. The net effect Operation Rescue or some Christian which you have no intention of Militiamen with me, I'm not about of the bombing campaign has been paying for! Heavy hangs over your to do it until I'm pretty sure that all to make the lives of several million head, for you risk being struck my good time has been used up. But Muslims in France a living hell, and blind by the vengeful ghosts of when I finally do get too worn down to end up justifying the govern¬ our deceased editors, who'll toss Morris," Jesse Helms of to want to live anymore, will I still ment's repressive measures. their ashes in your face. Avoid this terrible fate—subscribe to DPN. North Carolina, made head¬ be able to bring off such a strenuous So if the bombers' goal was to Diseased Pariah News costs lines back in July by at¬ activity as suicide bombing? change France's racist policies or to only. $10 for the next, four issues, tempting to derail renewal of And if I do have any energy, I'd improve the lot of Muslims, they $12 Canada and $20 international (U.S. the Ryan White act which probably prefer to spend it in some failed miserably. If their goal was to currency please). Our plain brown provides hundreds of mil¬ more rewarding way, like writing make trouble and feel good, they wrapper lions of dollars"Senatorfor AIDSfromcare.PhilipThe scurrilous and irregular publishing The may a pieces Operation well consider themselves suc¬ about zheduie will thwart the nosiest of bill, which was sponsored by over Rescue and the Christian Militia. cess. But I would argue that you can dighbors. Send filthy lucre to j two-thirds of the senators, including Finally, I don't think that terror¬ still make trouble and feel good ~ I, P.O.Box 3C-" ' presidential hopeful Bob Dole, ism is a very useful political tool for without causing all those negative passed easily—but not before Helms the left in America. Let's face it, all side effects. got off a couple of pithy sound¬ the gun nuts are right-wingers. If or¬ After all, if some PWA were to bites. Why should we pay for some¬ chid growing or interior design had blow up himself and Helms, the thing people did to themselves, he terrorist potential the gay commu¬ Republicans would be relieved of asked, particularly when that activity nity would be quite formidable, but a growing embarrassment, the was disgusting and perverted? the fact is most fags can't tell an Christian Coalition would get a nice The irony of this coming from assault rifle from a vacuum cleaner. martyr, and the gay and HIVer the strongest advocate of the to¬ Ronald Reagan, who had them spe¬ would be replaced by some young, And although the right seems to get communities would get a massive bacco lobby was lost on much of the cially cut down so as not to show). vigorous non-senile representative of away with all sorts of murderous vi¬ police crackdown. So please, please, nation. Should we stop research on At a recent debate Helms referred Philip Morris et al. But the seat is olence—witness Operation Rescue's don't even think about it. There are lung cancer because many of its vic¬ repeatedly to Kim Sam II, the dicta¬ Helms' as long as he wants to keep unimpeded fire-bombing campaign better ways to accomplish your tims inflicted it on themselves, by tor of North Korea, as "Kim Sam it, and he certainly doesn't care if his against women's health clinics for goals. smoking? And there are plenty of us the Second." As head of the Senate personal escapades weaken his party. the past two years—any sign of mil¬ The notion came to me the other who consider cigarettes disgusting, if Foreign Relations Committee he So if anybody out there with itancy from the left routinely brings day when I tossed my cookies at one not exactly perverted. should have known better, and his zero T-cells was thinking of bump¬ down massive government interven¬ of the finest restaurants in town. I'm It makes you wonder how long embarrassed handlers tried to rectify ing off that tobacco-soaked sack of tion and repression. increasingly subject to these random Helms can keep on spouting this the problem for the next day's de¬ shit as a departing act, please wait. I A recent situation in France il¬ waves of nausea, and find them kind of thing before he becomes bate by spelling out the name pho¬ have a better idea, which I'll reveal lustrates this very clearly. A small rather embarrassing. No matter how a major embarrassment to the netically in his briefing notes ("Kim in due time. group of fundamentalists (or some¬ much you explain to a friend that Republican party. Word from inside Sam ILL"). Helms then proceeded "AIDS terrorism" is a potent no¬ one imitating such a group) set off a it's the drugs you're on, they can't the Beltway is that Helms (and also to denounce "Kim Sam the Third." tion. The idea is that PWAs, de¬ few bombs in subway wastebaskets, help but take it as a criticism when 92-year-old Strom Thurmond) is so It was this incident that con¬ spairing of our lives and enraged by killing several innocent bystanders. you vomit a meal they've prepared senile that he often doesn't know vinced me that, at this point, it's just our treatment, will revenge ourselves The bombers no doubt feel very all over the kitchen table. These what day it is and will soon be re¬ as well to have Helms around.