Ár Päts The Rise and Fall of the Kingdom of Talossa 1979-2005 É É É R. BEN MADISON, M.A. É É É Published by Preßeu Støtanneu Abbavilla, Atatürk, RT Ár Päts, 2005 Edition Copyright © 1997-2005 by R. Ben Madison É É É All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced or transmitted, quoted or paraphrased, in any form or by any means, electronic or mechanical, including photocopy, recording, internet, or any information storage and retrieval system, without the prior written permission of the author. “Talossa” is a registered trademark and any unauthorized use of the word is a violation of US and international law. This edition created with WordPerfect 10 and Adobe Acrobat 5.0. © 2004 Ben Madison, 1, http://www.talossa-rt.com PREFACE: What was Talossa? Ár Päts means “Our Country.” And in 2005, our country – the Kingdom of Talossa – died. But Talossa was an amazing ride for 25 years. Talossa was a micronation, a self-proclaimed “sovereign, independent state” located in Milwaukee, Wisconsin from 1979 till its collapse in 2005. It all started when I was fourteen years old, a high school sophomore learning German and dreaming of worlds beyond my boring home in Milwaukee, Wisconsin. The day after Christmas in 1979, I declared my bedroom to be its own “independent country,” the Kingdom of Talossa. This gave me the opportunity to draw maps and flags, and even to design my own Talossan language. Instead of dying out right away the way it should have, the political adventure called Talossa grew from a one-man high school lark to a worldwide community involving members from the US, Canada, Italy, France, Switzerland, Australia, the United Kingdom, and elsewhere. It grew from being my personal obsession in Milwaukee to being the corporate obsession of dozens of people, mostly on the internet. During its 25 year run, nearly 150 people became involved with Talossa: some for years, some as flashes in the pan. Almost all of them left something behind as part of this bizarre story. But, as they say, all good things must come to an end. In 2003, Talossa began to fall apart when the country’s ruling party decided that Talossa was “their” country and that anyone who disagreed with them, including the country’s founders, and the majority of the population, was unpatriotic. What had begun as a schoolboy’s dream, an excuse to design a flag and a language and write national anthems, descended into vitriol and hatred; the next year, the owners of Talossa’s websites kicked the rest of the population out of “their” country and, in violation of the group’s trademark, invented their own separate “Talossa” on the internet. The remaining Talossans, desperate to rebuild their population, turned immigration over to a failed businessman from Wisconsin, who proceeded to pack Talossa full of his own friends and family in order to oust the country’s original population and grab the brass ring himself. In the angry fallout that followed, nearly all the original Talossans washed their hands. 25 years was enough. The website was taken down, the people left. After 25 years, Talossa died. There are now at least three groups out there, somewhere on the internet, each calling itself “Talossa.” As an ex-Talossan, I belong to none of them. But as the founder of Talossa and a part of this amazing adventure for more than half my life, as well as its only active historian, the inventor of the Talossan language, and designer of virtually all Talossa’s imagery, topology, iconography and identity, I still feel connected at least to the history of the old place. And I feel compelled to tell what really happened. Marc Moisan, a Talossan supreme court justice from Nova Scotia, as he announced his withdrawal from the dying state in 2005, wrote these words: “I have been privileged to count myself as a citizen of a micronation that will most © 2004 Ben Madison, 2, http://www.talossa-rt.com certainly remain a part of world history.” Talossa seems to be all about history. It was a place where people could get involved and leave their mark. Its website once touted Talossa as “a country small enough for your voice to be heard, yet large enough for that voice to make a real difference.” But it failed to live up to its dream. Looking back on all the work I’ve put into Talossa these past 25 years, telling the story is almost as much fun as living it. In spite of how it ended, I hope you enjoy the ride as much as I have! R. Ben Madison, 26 December 2005 GLOSSARY: One feature of this book that might annoy the reader is its frequent use of abbreviations and “Talossan lingo.” But, this is how Talossans write, speak, and think. So, I am adding this glossary, which I hope will clarify the story told in these pages. 3WP: Third Wave Party. Short-lived 1996 party. France; one of seven. 59: See “Fifty-nine.” Clark: Monthly bulletin of proposed laws, published Abbavilla: Talossa’s capital, on the UWM campus. by the SoS. Amish: Derogatory term for non-online Talossans. CLP: Conservative Loyalist Party (2005). Androids: Right-wing teenagers Andrew Wozniak CNV: Council for Nationalist Victory. and “Davron.” Constituziun: The 1988 constitution. Anniversary Party: Occasional winter party to Contrâ: A “no” vote on a bill in the Ziu. celebrate the Anniversary. COP: Clockwork Orange Party, founded in 1995. Anniversary: 26 December, the nation’s birthday Cort: The “Uppermost Cort” is Talossa’s supreme (1979). court. It has three Justices. Ár Päts: This book. Cosâ: Lower house of the Ziu, it has 200 seats. See Atatürk: Talossa’s northern province, one of seven. “Real Cosâ.” BA Beach: “Bare Ass” Beach, the Talossan Sea shore Covenants of Rights and Freedoms: Sort of a of Atatürk Province. Talossan “Bill of Rights.” Ben Wu: 1981 name for Støtanneu. CÚG: Committee for the Use of the Language, group Ben: Robert Ben Madison, called “Ben” or “King that directs the Talossan language Robert” (kind of confusing). Cybercits: Talossans who first found out about Berber Project: 1996 book on Talossa’s alleged Talossa from the internet. prehistory. Dandelion: Native-born Talossan. Berbers: Native inhabitants of North Africa, Davron: Right-wing teenagers (later adults) Dave supposedly among Talossa’s ‘spiritual ancestors.’ Kuenn and Ron Rosáis. BFT: Bob Fights Ticket. 1987-88 party. DDP: Democratic Dandipratic Party. Bradford Province: Brief secession from Vuode Distáin: Deputy Prime Minister. Province in 1992. Downer Woods: A nature preserve at UWM. Bugs, Bug Nations: Micronations (q.v.) that are Electrabase: Ben’s attic room, the “national capital” weirdly obsessed with Talossa. in 1994. CALL: Conservatives Against Liberal Laziness. Party EM200: Revival in 2003 of the 200 seat Cosâ system founded in 1988. of proportional representation. Cestoûr: Pronounced “chess-TOUR,” any non- Fifty-nine (59): Ben’s lucky number. Talossan foreigner. Florencia: Talossa’s smallest province, one of seven. Cézembre: Talossa’s island province, off the coast of FM: Foreign Minister. © 2004 Ben Madison, 3, http://www.talossa-rt.com FUN: Front uni pour la Nation, party founded in Peculiar Way: 1989 party, successor to the DDP. 1985. Pengöpäts: Talossa’s claim to an otherwise Glheþ: The Talossan word for “language,” it is pro- unclaimed chunk of Antarctica. nounced something like “yeth.” Penguinea: 1997 splitters from Talossa. Teamed up Glib Room Empire: Rival micronation founded in with more splitters in 2004, stole name “Talossa.” 1980. Për: A “yes” vote on a bill in the Ziu. GVB: “Glorious Victorious Ben,” high-school Për la Naziun: “For the Nation,” Talossa’s highest nickname for Ben. award, created in 1981. Integrity: The ~: Newspaper founded by Davron. PFPT: Peace and Freedom Party of Talossa. Pro- King Robert I: See “Ben.” Penguinean party from 1998. Kingdom of Talossa: See “Talossa.” PL: Liberal Party. KJK: Micronation founded in 1980. PM: Prime Minister. KRI: King Robert I. See “Ben.” Pocket Vote: Anyone less active than you, who votes L’Avîntguárd: Short-lived ZPT paper. against you, is somebody else’s “pocket vote.” Liberal Party (PL): Several RT parties have gone by Pórt Maxhestic: Former RT province; see Maritiimi- this now thoroughly discredited name. Maxhestic. Libs: Liberal Party members. Prime Minister: Leader of the majority party (or Loom of Language: Ancient language book, parties) in the Cosâ. Talossan PM’s are sworn in on it, by tradition. PUNK: People United for No King, party founded in Maricopa: Talossa’s southwestern province, one of 1986. seven. RCT: Rally of the Citizens of Talossa, left-wing Maritiimi: Former RT province; see Maritiimi- opposition party from 1999 to 2003. Maxhestic. Real Cosâ: 20-seat Cosâ system, lasted 1997-2003. Maritiimi-Maxhestic: Talossa’s southernmost Regent: Temporary appointee who holds the King’s province, one of seven. powers while the King is abroad. MC: Member of the Cosâ. Regipäts Talossán: Talossan for “Kingdom of Micronation: Any self-proclaimed independent state Talossa.” RT. not widely recognized. Republic of Talossa: See “Penguinea.” MN: The Black Hand (La Mhà Nheagrâ), party Riverside High School: Alma mater for several early founded in 1985 and revived in 2002. Talossans, on Milwaukee’s East Side. MP: ‘Minor’ity Party, founded 1992 by two “minors.” RPR: Rally for the Kingdom. Two pro-monarchist Mussolini: Talossa’s northwestern province, one of parties used this name in 1986-88. seven. RT: Regipäts Talossán, Kingdom of Talossa. Napoleon’s: Till 2005, Wisconsin’s largest wargame Secretary of State: The guy who runs RT and gaming store; a Talossan cultural mecca. government business. Immensely powerful dude. Old Growthers: Any Talossans who aren’t Cybercits.