1 "ASSASSIN ACADEMY" by David Von Kotzebue WGA Registration #: 1340585 DAVID VON KOTZEBUE (720)859-3258 [email protected] 2 FADE IN: INT. A FIGHTING ARENA – NIGHT TWO MIXED MARTIAL ARTS (MMA) CONTESTANTS fight in the ring. One twitches before he throws a punch. The crowd CHEERS. A MALE ARMY MAJOR, 30-something WESLEY VAN DAMME, and a FEMALE ARMY MAJOR, 30-something JOAN DARKO, file in to their seats. With them in a Merchant Marine uniform is a female, 30-something SHIRLEY COX. A line of CADETS in blue and gray sports jackets follow them to their seats. We first see FILA LEE, 21-year old West Point cadet, also CHARLINE CHAPMAN, 21-year old Annapolis Midshipman, as well as BUZZ ALDRICH, 21-year old Air Force Academy cadet. The MMA contestants continue to battle, to the roar of the crowd. The fighter with the twitch continues to twitch before making moves. The bell RINGS and the fighters retire to their corners, where they're tended to by trainers and coaches. An ANNOUNCER. ANNOUNCER That's it, ladies and gentlemen, the end of Round One of the Ultimate Fighting Championships. Ladies and gentlemen, please join me in welcoming to Madison Square Garden tonight, the winners of this year's U.S. Service Academy mixed martial arts championships. The CADETS and their SUPERVISORS stand and wave as the crowd cheers. 3 ANNOUNCER They are led by Army Major Wesley Van Damme and Navy Lieutenant Joan Darko. Wesley and Joan wave as the crowd cheers. WESLEY (Aside) Sorry about that, Shirley...I guess they don't know about the Merchant Marine Academy. SHIRLEY (Aside) I'll take all the anonymity I can get. ANNOUNCER Our civilian fighters fight for a belt and a rich purse, but these cadets will soon be guarding our freedom out of their love of country. Once again, give it up for the MMA champions of the U.S. Service Academies! The CADETS and their SUPERVISORS stand and wave as the crowd cheers. They sit down. A ROUNG GIRL in a bikini circles the ring holding up a large “2” sign. The bell rings. The two fighters circle each other to start Round Two. The fighter with the twitch twitches. He misses with a punch. His opponent slips the punch and hammers him with a roundhouse kick. The first fighter goes down and the second fighter pounces on him, punching him unmercifully. The REFEREE separates them and points the top fighter to a neutral corner. He looks into the eyes of the losing fighter. He signals a knockout and the crowd goes wild. 4 ANNOUNCER That's it for the bantamweight division, ladies and gentleman, the referee has signaled a knockout. At 10 seconds into the second round, your winner by a knockout, and the Ultimate Fighting bantamweight champion of the world, Tommy Gunn! The REFEREE holds TOMMY'S hand up. The Ring Girl brings him a championship belt, which he holds up to the cheers of the crowd. FADE IN: INT. A MILITARY BUS - NIGHT. The MMA cadets ride in the back, their supervisors in the front. The bus drives through upstate New York. Wesley stands. WESLEY OK, let's debrief what we saw. What did you notice in the bantamweight division bout? Fila raises his hand. WESLEY Cadet Lee. FILA A tell. The loser told he was going to attack with that twitch. It was only a matter of time until Tommy figured it out, then, BOOM! WESLEY Very good, Cadet Lee. Watch your tells, people. Don't telegraph your moves. 5 OK, we'll debrief the other bouts back at West Point. Get some rest, we've got a hard day of training tomorrow. Wesley sits next to Joan. JOAN Our second team could have beaten any of them... WESLEY Yeah but, they only fight for gold. Our stakes are much higher... FADE IN: INT. A MISSILE SILO TECHNICIANS in lab coats monitor computer screens. SIGNS in Farsi, Korean and English: “TOP SECRET.” Also: “DANGER.” Also the SYMBOL FOR NUCLEAR MATERIAL. A massive steel door opens. A nuclear warhead on a dolly drives in. GUARDS in military uniforms with machine guns run alongside it. Another massive steel door opens. A missile top looms behind it. A crane lifts the nuclear warhead ominously towards it. A 60-something Iranian general, GENERAL AHMEDINAJAB, and a 60-something Korean general, GENERAL IL, watch from an observation room. IL Your stealth is most admirable, General Ahmedinajab. While the West argues about sanctions, we're almost ready to launch. 6 AHMEDINAJAB The Iraqis were fools to disarm as they were told, General Il. Look what it got them. IL Tragic. But we'll succeed where they failed. How long until we're ready for Operation Scimitar? AHMEDINAJAB For an actual launch? Six months, my scientists tell me. AHMEDINAJAB Excellent. You can have the Pacific... IL And you can have the Middle East... AHMEDINAJAB And we'll divide up the West as planned. IL Bush called us, the “Axis of Evil.” AHMEDINAJAB When he was the head of the Great Satan! IL Ah, it's all relative, Ahmedinajab. We have plenty of evil to bring down on their heads. They LAUGH. AHMEDINAJAB What do you think you'll do with Canada, Il? 7 IL Visit it, maybe hunt there. For certain I'll make Toronto my capital. The door to the observation room bursts open. Four GUARDS rush in. Their guns are pointed towards the head of a tall CAUCASIAN MAN. GUARD We found him outside, photographing the facility. AHMEDINAJAB Ah, Mister Bond, we've been expecting you. We've watched your every move ever since you were airdropped in to Iran. You must think we were born yesterday... Take him to my office. The guards spirit BOND into Ahmedinajab's office. A large, modern office sparkles with the latest communications technology. A row of HUMAN HEADS on plaques lines one wall. A marble block with a scimitar near it is near one corner. Blood streaks run down the block like the legs of a spider. AHMEDINAJAB Do you like my trophies, Mister Bond? They're the heads of the last Western spies who tried to penetrate this facility. I'm sure my scimitar is getting quite dull. I hope it's sharp enough to take your head off with one blow. Two is entirely too messy. Tie him up! Hold him down! 8 The guards strip Bond of his upper garments and tie his hands and feet. They hold him, face down, on the marble block. Ahmedinajab lifts the scimitar. He looks at its edge. He feels it with his thumb. AHMEDINAJAB Just sharp enough. This isn't the movies, Mister Bond, where you get away because we don't dispatch of you fast enough. Say your prayers, if you know any. Ahmedinajab raises the scimitar. He makes a decisive downward blow. Blood splatters on Ahmedinajab and Il. FADE IN: INT. A COLLEGE CLASSROOM – DAY A SIGN: “ETHICS 202” A West Point classroom, a stark, gray-painted cinder block room with chalkboards on each wall. 20 cadets, air cadets and midshipmen sit in student desks. Shirley stands in front of the class, dressed in a Merchant Marine uniform. SHIRLEY This ought to be interesting: A service academy mixed martial arts ethics class. Is anybody convoluted about what we do? (Pause) CHARLISE, an athletic-looking, 20-something Naval Academy cadet, raises her hand. 9 CHARLISE The only thing I'm conflicted about is having the Assassin Academy at West Point. Annapolis would have been a much better choice. (Laughter) BUZZ And Air Force better yet. We should be training at altitude. FILA Ah, you flyboys will never have to fight anything tougher than your joysticks anyway. SHIRLEY OK, OK, plenty of service academy rivalry, I get that. Just remember, Fila, when the chips are down, you're going to be mighty glad you've got the Air Force and Navy on your side. CHARLISE Except on Army-Navy day. That's when we kick your butts every year. SHIRLEY OK, let's use that as a starting point. Two teams, both pray for a victory on the football field. Whose prayers does God answer? CHARLISE Ours. That's why we kick your butts every year. You guys must be just plain unholy. SHIRLEY Let's get back on topic. How about, “Thou shalt not kill?” 10 Discussion? Fila raises his hand. FILA I get that that's better- translated, “You shall do no murder.” Seeing as the children of Israel went to plenty of wars when the Bible says God was on their side, then war is not murder. SHIRLEY Let's get down to brass tacks. You know you're the Assassin Academy, the best up and comers for super-spies the U.S. has got. You may be asked to eliminate enemies with your bare hands. In fact, it's almost a sure thing. Are you prepared to do that? BUZZ As long as they're enemies, sure. FILA In fact, we're sworn to. SHIRLEY Well, you may get your wish to put your lives on the line for your country before you knew it. The cadets look at each other, puzzled. SHIRLEY Here's a hot piece of poop: Major Van Damme has accepted an invitation to the Dojo of Death. The cadets look at each other, again, curious. 11 SHIRLEY The Assassin Academy is just one of many around the world. The Dojo of Death is an annual mixed martial arts competition among them. The winner is the last man or woman standing.