Downloaded from: justpaste.it/NNAbridged Norwegian Nights - A Journey Through Badfic Introduction - The 'Norwegian Nights' Series The bizarrely named 'Weelderig Waardeloos' is the writer of a series of badfic that was supposedly about the Eurovision Song Contest, when in reality it was about anything but, it was just random stories with people from the Eurovision in them, (one was Pokemon themed, another had Take That in it for no reason.) It's some sort of weird alternate universe in the same vein as the Cori Falls stories are. My friends, welcome to the world of Norwegian Nights, a world of inconsistency and insanity. Please leave your common sense at the door and come on in! **** Norwegian Nights Abridged by Dark Shiro -An abridged version of the nuttiest fanfics on the net- Internet: There's fanfiction for everything, you know Me: Surely there's not fanfiction for EVERYTHING -logs onto fanfiction.net, sees Eurovision fanfiction- Oh god, the internet was right... Oh, hello there, this is the original 'Norwegian Nights Abridged' series, some of it was originally posted as reviews under the name 'summary of your awful fanfics'. The 'Norwegian Nights Series' is known as many things, such as 'what the hell is this garbage' and 'oh no not this again' but mostly just 'that damn Eurovision fanfiction'. Now in abridged form, where I read it so you don't have to. So, without further ado, here we go! **** --'Norwegian Nights'-- -The first in the series, and trust me, it gets worse- ----Chapter One---- *Lena, the German Eurovision entry goes inside the stadium to get ready or something, and she is greeted by the Israeli entry* Lena: Hello Harel! :3 Harel Skaat: ... --Fifth sentence in and there is a reference to the holocaust in this fanfiction-- -What the fuck- -That's not something you should be discussing in a Eurovision fanfiction- Gjoko Taneski: Oh hey you guys, you here for the contest? -The narrator then comments that Gjoko is a 'forgettable Macedonian'- -Some other random shit happens and Lena and Stefan get into an argument with the Greek Eurovision entry- Giorgos Alkaios: Rawr you suck Germany! We hate you because you're German! Stefan Raab: I hate you too Greek! I hate you because you're Greek! *Insert reference to Greek Bailout here* Giorgos Alkaios: Hahahahahaha, we're taking all of Germany's money. Lena: Ignore him Stefan. Hey, let's go into this oh so random aquarium that's right next to the stage! -Lena and Stefan then go into an aquarium- -There is an aquarium in the stadium- -I am serious- Stefan Raab: (shouting all over the aquarium) I hate Greeks! God damn Greeks! God damn! Oh yeah, by the way, the Serbian guy looks like a girl. -The Serbian guy appears from nowhere- Milan Stankovic: How dare you! I do not look like a girl! Stefan: Oh no! Michael von der Heide: Oh hey everyone, Switzerland here. I'm just here for no reason at all. --The author doesn't know where this is going, so now it's time for a random explosion!- -KABANG- Lena: Oh hey, a loud explosion, let's go and run to where the sound is coming from! --Apparently, the Greek entry were on the stage and now they've all fallen through it-- Giorgos: Boo hooo Stefan: Ahahahaha, you're down a hole, HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA -Sieneke, in the BEST CAMEO EVER, takes out her mobile phone and starts recording the Greek entry- Sieneke: This is going straight to Youtube, bitches! Daniel: Why are you people laughing at them when they're like trapped in the stage or whatever (what the hell the author intended by 'fell down a hole' is anyone's guess). -Daniel kills the lulz by helping the Greeks get out from the hole- Giorgos: We're out, yay! Lena: YAY!!! Giorgos: But I wonder who cut the stage? -Dun dun DUNNNNN- ----Chapter Two---- Peter Nalitch: It must have been one of us that did it, as we are the only ones with access to the stadium! -Yeah, like they'd leave all the entrants in the stadium by themselves- Gjoko Taneski: Yeah, but someone may have come in. The door isn't locked. -But no one listens to Gjoko because the author didn't like his Eurovision entry- Peter Nalitch: Oh, by the way everyone, we've got to go now since the police want this place empty for investigation. -But wouldn't they be investigating you?- -Since you just said it had to be one of you that did it... ah forget it- -They all go back to the hotel- -The Eurovision is now postponed 'until tommorow', by which time I'm sure they'll have both caught the culprit, and fixed the stage- Peter: Sure is great to be back in the hotel. Hotel Manager: Go away. -Paula Seling and Ovi bang on a piano for no reason- -The Serbian and Albanian entrants then bump into each other- -The author makes a reference to Kosovo- -Seriously Silver, how much stupid controversial shit can you cram into one fanfiction?- Juliana Pasha: Go to hell Serbian! I hate you because KOSOVO! -There was no point to the above sequence, by the way- -Then the fanfiction cuts to Lena and Stefan's room- Stefan: (the following is from the fic itself) I can't believe that the final's been postponed, damn Greeks, I bet they have something to do with it. -Um, yeah. Someone cut a hole in the stage and they fell. You have a short memory or something?- Stefan: Oh yeah, the author needs me out of the way now so I'm going to take a walk around Oslo. Lena: Ok, bye then! -Stefan leaves and then Lena walks around the hotel, and she hears Josh Dubovie shouting in his room- Josh: Ahahahaha, Norway will never know what hit them! Because it is I who cut the stage, BWAHAHAHAHAHA *Josh gets a megaphone out* Josh: Just in case they can't hear me, I'll make it more obvious, *shouts in megaphone* IT WAS ME WHO DID IT! Lena: Oh no, it's Josh who did this! -Wondering why he cut the stage?- -Well tough shit- -No explanation is given- *Suddenly, Alexander Rybak shows up for no reason* Alexander Rybak: Oh hey Lena, why are you waiting outside the door. Lena: Dunno lol *Lena walks back to her room* *Josh comes out of his room and sees Alex there, and thinks that he's overheard his EXTREMELY LOUD CONFESSION* Alexander: Ahhh... uhm... *runs off* Josh: God damn it! Now I will have to deal with that petty Norwegian! ----Chapter Three---- Lena: Hey Stefan I just heard the British guy shouting in his room that it was him who cut the stage. Stefan: Don't be silly Lena, that is ridiculous and nonsensical! What could he possibly hope to achieve by doing such a thing? Lena: Stefan, we're in 'Norwegian Nights' It doesn't have to make sense! Stefan: OH MY GOD *Meanwhile Alexander Rybak is in the garden* Alexander: It sure is nice to be out here in the garden. Josh Dubovie: *jumps out from nowhere* Alex! I know you heard me talking last night! Alexander: Talking about what? Josh: About how I cut the stage, that's what! Alexander: Wait, you cut the stage? Josh: Ah shit. Alexander: It wasn't me hanging around outside your room yesterday by the way, it was Lena. Josh: Oh, ok. *Josh goes into the hotel to find Lena* -Only Lena has the only hotel room that locks- Lena: Sure is fun having the only hotel room that locks. Michael: *banging on Lena's door* Hey, let me in! Lena: Who the hell are you? Michael: Swiss guy. Lena: Oh, ok, *she let's him in*. Stefan: Doesn't he have his own room to go to? Lena: Shut up Stefan, all the Eurovision entrants have to be in one room so the author can write about them all at once! -Suddenly Milan and Juliana run up to the room and start banging on the door- Milan: Hey, let us in! Stefan: You've got to be fucking kidding me. -They let Milan and Juliana into their room- -Juliana crows about the bible yet again- --In one sentence Josh is kicking over a plant pot, and in the next this is described as 'the Brits mounting destruction'- -Make your mind up, for god sake- --Then, the Eurovision Song Contest actually happens-- -But it's glossed over and barely mentioned- -Hey, I thought this fanfic was about the Eurovision or something- -I guess not- **** --'Lost and Forgotten'-- *Insert Eurovision song lyrics here* -Peter Nalitch is rewatching the Eurovision- Peter: Aw man, I'm getting booed. This is awful. I wonder why I'm sitting here rewatching myself get booed? I mean, I could just turn the TV off... *There is a knock at the door and Lena comes in* Peter: Lena? How did you get my address? Lena: Stefan gave it to me lol Peter: How did he get my address? Lena: Dunno lol Stefan Raab: The author gave it to me because they wanted to write yet another contrived Eurovision fanfiction! Peter: Oh I see, so, why are you here Lena? Lena: I wanted to show you that everyone in Russia still loves you! Look out of the window, I've got everyone standing outside to show their love for you! --No explanation is given as to how Lena arranged all of this-- Peter: Wow, that's pretty cool, thanks Lena.