MAGAZINE ™ Hope & Healing for the Body, Mind & Spirit Winter 2009 Volume 24 No. 4 www.livingwithloss.com Bereavement Publications, Inc. Gifts from the Hope and Healing Cards New! Pet Loss Card Outside copy: How does one say goodbye to a beloved pet? for the Holidays Inside copy: The ache in our hearts When a companion-animal friend dies Is difficult to put into words, But there is comfort in remembering Unique ideas for your holiday bereavement The special moments that were shared, The honesty of that friendship program, memorial service, candle lighting And the unique place this beloved animal ceremony or just to say “thinking of you”. Will always have in our affections. Thinking of you at this time 1201 of difficult loss. SEE PAGE 44 1. Outside copy: On the anniversary 2. Outside copy: Saying Goodbye of your loved one’s death… Inside copy: Holiday Inside copy: May you treasure the ...is perhaps the hardest thing unforgettable moments and you’ve had to do... meaningful words you shared, May hope rise like the dawn- Bear Care May you find comfort, To give you strength in each new day. Santa's Precious Helpers Bring hope, and peace in each new day, Hope and Cheer And may your journey lead you 1210 to a new place of healing. 1215 3. NEW!! 4. Outside copy: You’ve shared Outside copy: your loved one’s final journey Remembering Your Loved One and said a last goodbye… Inside copy: Inside copy: May your pain soften Today and Always. and fade As treasured memories bring the peace That will brighten the days ahead. 1202 1204 Those of us who remember and care, 1109 Offer you tender compassion and understanding. Featuring Angel Bear/Pal Bear/ 5. Outside copy: You held your 6. Outside copy: May Angels Bear-eavement Bear. Gift package loved one’s hands and said a long Whisper in Your Ear includes one bear (your choice), gift goodbye... Inside copy: tag, and the booklet Tinsel & Tears: A Inside copy: Messages of peace, Holiday Guide. Wrapped in a clear May the love you shared Images of eternity, cellophane bag with a bow. $12.95 plus Triumph over the pain Words of hope shipping and handling. And bring you meaning And assurance of His presence. and comfort. You are in our thoughts Order #1634 - $12.95 1203 1217 and prayers. 7. Outside copy: 8. Outside copy: On this day 9. Outside copy: A gentle word, A patient ear, of remembrance… With Sincere Sympathy… A compassionate touch Inside copy: Inside copy: Can temper the pain, Though no one can walk with you To lose a loved one is hard to bear Mend a broken heart As you travel through the And though the sorrow and open the door valley of grief, and pain are deep, to renewed hope. May you find solace in knowing that May you find comfort in knowing Inside copy: Your loved one is fondly remembered That your love and memories 1211 May it comfort you to know 1216 on this special day. 1207 And the compassion of those that friends are standing by. who remain Are yours to hold and to keep. 10. Outside copy: 11. Outside copy: 12. Outside copy: May Your Love Take Wing Promises of tomorrow Hope is the thing with feathers Inside copy: Laced with memories of That perches in the soul Choose “Thank You” or blank inside. yesterday- And sings the tune without the words Custom imprints available. Enable us to face today. And never stops at all. 4 ¼ “ x 5 ½” size, 80 lb. smooth -By Iris Morganstern -By Emily Dickinson Inside copy: Inside copy: white card stock and envelope. 2103 Please know that your loved one May hope be your strength 1261 #1261 Wing – Thank You (inside) $1.60 lives on in the hearts and this Holiday Season memories of those who embrace #1262 Wing – Blank inside $1.60 2101 you during this difficult time... Cards come with matching envelopes. Any multiples of 10 available. PERSONALIZED OR CUSTOM VERSE & DESIGN AVAILABLE (with one-color and 4-color Wing cards and envelopes only) AT NO ADDITIONAL COST WHEN ORDERING 300 OR MORE OF THE SAME CARD. See Order Form Page 46. CONTENTS 4 Submission Guidelines Gift Of Experience 4 Reprint Policy 5 Publisher’s Note 28 “Validations” 41 Marketplace Kimberly Perlmutter 44 Products & Resources 29 “Defeating the De-Motivator” Robert Evans Wilson, Jr. PUBLISHER Grieving Outside the Box Wag’s World Publishers, Inc. 30 “National Survivors of Suicide Day: A Day of Healing for J. Waggoner 8 “You Have to Go There” MANAGING EDITOR Sandy Goodman Survivors of Suicide Loss” J. Waggoner Joanne L. Harpel, J.D. M. Phil. and Rebecca Thorp CONTRIBUTING EDITOR Grief Psychologist’s Corner Pat Sunderland 32 “Grieving the Loss of a Friend: 10 “Grieving Families - Holiday The Drug of One’s Choice” COPY EDITOR/PROOFREADING Andre Mathieu, C.P. Pam Waller Dilemmas” J. Shep Jeffreys, Ed.D., FT CONTRIBUTORS 33 “Room for Change: Nita Aasen Healing The Body, Mind & Spirit Nourishment for Body and Mitch Carmody Mind” Sr. Marilyn Carpenter, OSB, M.A., M.R.E. 12 “Dying with Dignity (or not)” Susan W. Reynolds Beth G. French Robert Thompson, M.D. Richard B. Gilbert, Ph.D., CT, FAAGC 34 “Bare Bones Landscape” Judith Boice, N.D., L.Ac. Linda Goldman The Places I’ve Gone Sandy Goodman 35 “Nothing is Permanent” Earl A. Grollman, DHL, DD Savitri L. Bess J. Shep Jeffreys, Ed.D, FT 14 “Unemployed…” Rachel Kodanaz Elaine Lang 36 “Learning From Our Losses” Bob Lang, M.A., LPC, LAC, MAC, SAP Stan Goldberg Elaine Lang Grief & Loss Stories Harry McDonald, M.A. 37 “An Insurmountable Grief Harold Ivan Smith, D. Min., FT 16 “Divorce: Investing in a Next Reconsidered” Marge Swain, CFD Chapter” Miki Novak Strom Robert R. Thompson, M.D. Harold Ivan Smith, D. Min., FT Alan D. Wolfelt, Ph.D. 39 “‘The Light’ of the TCF Healing The Body, Mind & Spirit Worldwide Candle Lighting” COVER DESIGN & LAYOUT Cathy Seehuetter Angela P. Hollingsworth - Creative Designer 970-944-0350 18 “Boxes” 40 “A Funeral Director’s Worst Richard B. Gilbert, Ph.D., CT, FAAGC BUSINESS MANAGER Nightmare: A Family’s Sign Chris Waggoner For Your Consideration... from Mom” Nettie E. Springer A Funeral Director’s Perspective Living With Loss™ Magazine Bereavement Publications, Inc. 19 “Some Helpful Thoughts When Poetry & Prose PO Box 101 You Have Lost Your Parents” 6 “Save the Last Dance” Eckert, CO 81418 Marge Swain, CFD Linda Leary 888-604-4673 (HOPE) Fax: (970) 252-1776 Healing The Body, Mind & Spirit 7 “November Evening” Glenda Beall www.livingwithloss.com 20 “Betwixt & Between” Part 1 7 “A Walk on Christmas Day” Living with Loss™ Magazine (ISSN 08979588) is Sr. Marilyn Carpenter, OSB, M.A., M.R.E. Christine Ross published quarterly by Bereavement Publications, Inc., PO Box 101, Eckert, CO 81418, $32 for one year ($49 Healing Families 11 “Holidays and Time” for one year outside the U.S.). Periodical postage paid Deb Kosmer at Eckert, Colorado. POSTMASTER: send address 22 “Divorce and Loss; What’s in it changes to Bereavement Publications, Inc., PO Box 15 “Survival by Default” 101, Eckert, CO 81418. Upon USPS undeliverable for the Child?” Gail Cyccone notification, we have no further obligation unless we Bob Lang M.A., LPC, LAC, MAC, SAP receive a corrected address within three months. First 31 “A Poem in Memory of issue of a new subscription is the next issue to be mailed. Copyright 2009 Bereavement Publications, French Food for Thought Benjamin: Eight Years Ago” Inc. Writers agree to permit later reprints of their Alan D. Busch work without compensation but relinquish no other 24 “Grieving the Loss of the 38 “You Ask Why I’m Not copyrights. Golden Nest Egg” The editorial material, poems and views presented by Beth French Pregnant” Bereavement Publications, Inc. in Living With Loss™ Diana Savage Magazine are not necessarily the opinions of the Understanding Military Loss 38 “November Eleventh” publishers. Rebecca Pinker Cover Photo: © www.dreamstime.com 26 “Arlington National Cemetery: Section 60, A Community of What is heading for this? Healing” Scott Warner www.livingwithloss.com Toll free 888-604-4673 Living With Loss™ Magazine Bereavement Publications, Inc. Winter 2009 3 Submission & Reprint Guidelines BEREAVEMENT PUBLICATIONS, INC. REPRINT POLICY 2009 (Revised) Living With Loss™ Magazine The use of our editorial material from Living With Loss™ Magazine and Bereavement Magazine is strictly intended for support groups and may be reprinted under the following conditions: You may, as a support group leader or facilitator, photocopy directly from this publication the page(s) in which the article appears with a maximum number of 20 copies per article/poem. These copies are intended to be used as handouts. To maintain the integrity of the author’s work, no excerpts, rewrites or exclusions are permitted. The reprint permission reference appears on each page and must be included on the photocopy. No profit may be made from the distribution of the material. If additional photocopies after the gratis 20 quantity are desired, then please request a Copyright Permissions Request Form from us, complete the form and return to Bereavement Publications, Inc. If permission is granted, the photocopies will be made by Bereavement Publications, Inc. and a charge of $.50 per article multiplied by the number of sets granted permission will be charged along with the appropriate shipping and handling fees. Requests for reprints in newsletters must also be submitted for review and consideration to Bereavement Publications, Inc. with a Copyright Permissions Request Form. If permission is granted, a charge of $.50 per article multiplied by the number of newsletters published will be charged to the consumer.